Timothy Kenny

Philadelphia, PA

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I'm intrigued!

You only have one chapter here so far, and it's a short one at that, but you definitely left me wanting to read more! I like your casual writing style. It's authentic and makes me feel like the narrator is speaking to me. If I have one criticism, it's proofread. There are a few typos I noticed reading through this. Other than that, keep up the good work. I hope to see more soon!

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Well Done

Romance and fantasy are not my strong suits, but still a very interesting story with interesting characters. I think you're at your best when your characters are speaking. Your dialogue is punchy and keeps the story moving along.
If I have one constructive criticism, it's that the descriptive passages at times tend to run on and/or sound clunky. If you go back and read aloud some of these paragraphs, I think you'll find places where sentences can be shorter or punchier. This doesn't happen too often, but in a couple places I found myself re-reading the sentence to make sure I read it right. In hindsight, I wish I documented those passages...
Overall, great job. Keep up the good work!

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Very interesting!

This was a very interesting, well-written story, I love the dark humor throughout. There were a lot of characters (love all their names, by the way) but they were well-defined and described, so it easy to follow the storyline.

If I have one piece of constructive criticism: Unless I missed it, you don't mention that this takes place in the 1930s until about halfway through, and even then only in passing. It's not until you mention King George and Prince Edward that the setting comes into focus.
Again, great story, and I look forward to seeing more from you!

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