Crisis of Conscious?
Notes that were taken by Zephyr were clear, concise and systematic. It was clearly done by someone who knew what they were doing. The notes began on the 18th of Yul, approximately 2 years ago. It logged different things.
Proximity of the star of Deneb
Trajectory of the other moons
Location of the planet Golordia Prime at the time
I was impressed that a non-synthetic person could come up with such precise logs. The logs stated that Zephyr first located what he classified as
“A massive ship on the outer rim of the star of Deneb”
Zephyr used very precise mathematics to decipher the following.
Size of ship: 870,404 meters at least.
That was massive it was bigger than even Golordia Rho. This was however improbable; such a massive ship would have been able to be seen. Or so I thought. The claim that Zephyr had was that this was kept in the brightest part of the star to hide it from any form of observation.
Zephyr then he logged that the ship seemed to be draining power from the star. Then there was a massive calculation that Zephyr made. Eventually he concluded that 10 years ago the star was brighter than it currently was and calculated that 100 years ago it was ten times brighter. I concluded almost immediately that something was draining the power of Deneb.
The question was why?
Suddenly this began to clash with my subroutines, and I was left confused as to what to do. I quickly disposed some corrupt files in my subroutines however I had to figure out what to do.
I changed my targets that my father had given me. I decided after learning as much as I did that the rebels had a right to live. The question was, I actually did not know what I should do. I debated this as I looked out at the camp. Where did this leave me?
It was the first time I was beginning to contemplate betraying my own creator. An overriding function that my father had given to me was that my own freewill and ability to determine my own choices were senior to any orders or programming that was given to me even from my father. My father explained that this was a safety precaution in case someone ever coerced him to do something against the empire.
Then again I felt like earlier when I had talked to Rae and had that interaction with her, that might have been the first primary point that it had started. Rae might have had a lot to do with that, I thought.
I had a though that perhaps what had occurred, someone had coerced my father to do what he was doing. However, after analyzing the data gathered, I concluded that there was no such coercion and my father was operating on his own determinism. I had trouble understanding why my father was willfully participating in such atrocities as so mentioned by the logs that I have seen.
Zephyr had described my father:
“Cold, manipulating and calculating.”
My father was a scientist, and this did indeed define his nature. I did not understand however when and how did he become corrupt. Was it perhaps when Persephone died?
I was not even sure when Persephone died, all this time for many years since my father had created me I thought that Persephone was alive and well. Perhaps my father had created a holographic representation of Persephone and this projection was what I was interacting with all this while.
I had concluded that the last time I saw my father, he must have put this programming that he had made for the holographic Persephone into my own subroutines. So, I had become Persephone, in every way. Even the way I was currently dressed, with a nice skirt, knee high boots and a leather jacket, was exactly what Persephone would wear per the program.
I weighed my options heavily in my mind. Either I was going to remain true to the order to execute Zephyr and the rebels, or I was going to confront my father and learn why he had created me and find out why he had been lying to me all this time.
“Percy,” Rae said getting me out of my reverie after she shook me.
“Rae,” I said realizing she was standing next to me.
“You looked totally spaced out, are you okay?” Rae asked.
“I’m functioning within appropriate set perimeters,” I said.
This is true I ran a self-diagnostic test, and nothing was weird about my subroutines or any of my other functions. Yet here I was “spacing-out” like Rae called it. I noted that Rae again was dressed quite nicely, her hair made neatly in what was categorized in my logs as a pony-tail. This time she wore a mauve colored dress under her dress armor. There was this gold embroidery on her sleeves and she again smelled like a forest of lilies. I liked that.
“You don’t look like you are operating between appropriate set perimeters,” Rae said smirking. “You looked like your attention was on Golordia Omicron, but your body was here.”
“My attention is a bit dispersed,” I admitted.
“Care to share why?” Rae asked
“It’s hard to explain,” I said.
“Well why don’t you start at the beginning?” Rae asked.
“Well, everything that I had been led to believe seems to be nothing but lies,” I said. This was true, everything was lies. Persephone had been dead for several years my father was a corrupt member of the FREE and there was something draining the power of Deneb and nobody seemed to care about that besides the rebels.
“Why do you say that?” Rae asked.
“It has just turned out that way I suppose,” I said.
“Percy you have to stop acting so mysterious like that,” Rae said. “Not everything in life can be understood in such a black and white manner, things can get grey too.”
“That’s an interesting way to put it,” I said.
Talking to Rae lifted my spirits and decided to categorize Rae as “a friend that can be talked to when feeling depressed.” My subroutines suddenly labeled her as “girlfriend.” That was what the primate had called her earlier, I realized. I pondered about that categorization, though upon recalling what a girlfriend was I agreed Rae did fit this category.
“Do things get grey to you?” I asked.
“Sometimes they do,” Rae said she moved some of her blonde hair over the back of her left ear when she said this. There was a similar programing in Persephone’s mannerisms that I had found myself doing as well. “So, what has you entering the grey zone?”
“Lots of things,” I said honestly.
“Oh, come on Percy be a bit more open than that!” Rae asked
“Well, what if I told you I was lead to believe one way all my life….” I started. “But then just like that all of the sudden I am starting to think a totally different way.”
“I’ve been down that road,” Rae said laughing.
“You have?” I asked.
“I think we all have Percy, its part of life I think,” Rae said.
“Is it also part of life to be confused about where to go from here?” I asked. I really did not understand that, none of my subroutines were programmed to extrapolate when I make a different decision than what I was originally programmed to. Though my overriding law of deciding my own path was the ultimate reason why I had done that. I really didn’t know where to go from here, however.
“Yes, that is perfectly normal Percy,” Rae laughed.
“And what do people do?” I asked.
“Well I think most people rely on people they care about for emotional support and those people in turn help them get through those though times.” Rae said.
“What if the people I care about are not who I thought they were?” I asked Rae looked confused about that, however she simply reaffirmed herself.
“That’s when you find people that you know you can rely on.” Rae said simply. I digested this for what seemed like forever. Really the only thing I knew now was the Rebels. Everything that I knew from before from my father seemed all but a distant memory. “You still look spaced out, Percy, what is going on? Just to let you know, you can rely on me.”
Rae suddenly reached out to where I had rested my hand on a nearby railing and put her hand on mine. My subroutine categorized the gesture as a “means of showing comforting support.” It further categorized it as, “to show emotional support to someone and one is there for that individual.” I realized that I liked having this sort of support from Rae.
“I’m here for you now,” Rae added though I felt that was unnecessary.
“My name isn’t Persephone,” I said, and Rae looked surprised at first but then she nodded to continue. “My name is Esmerlda Isabel Gloria Hernandez-Teal.”
“Did you realize that that spells Eight,” Rae said, and I nodded. “Why didn’t you tell us your real name at first?”
“I was worried someone would think it strange my name was Eight,” I said, and Rae laughed. “What?” I asked regarding her laughter.
“Nobody would think it’s weird! My name ‘Rae’ is actually also an acronym.” Rae said, and I looked at her surprised. “Roxanne Alexandria Emily Shell Mauve is my name. But I’ve been called Rae since I was a little girl.”
I suddenly felt this sensation of being relieved when Rae said this. I did not think that people could have names that were acronyms for something else. I always thought that my name was unique like this and perhaps represented my father’s eighth attempt at creating such an android like myself.
“So, Eight, what other things trouble you?” Rae asked.
Feeling more comfortable with Rae I told her as much as I could without revealing that I came to kill Zephyr and that I was an Android. Though I felt like I could tell her the truth that I was an Android later. There was something about her that my subroutines categorized her as “someone who would not judge me for being different.”
“You see my predicament?” I asked.
“Well I am glad that you came and found out the information yourself instead of getting the information from your adopted father.” Rae said. “What are you going to do now?”
“I am wondering about that,” I said.
“Well I am glad you told me, Eight” Rae said she quite suddenly reached out and kissed my cheek. But then stopped in front of my face again, there was that strange silence again. She closed her eyes and for the second time her lips met mine.
None of my subroutines were able to categorize this. Yet I understood it, I knew I had began to feel emotions, it was an emotion people called Love. This was an emotion that supposedly I could not quite understand. Though, I knew that it was in connection with Rae. The emotional connection ran deep that moment and everything again seemed to remain still.
“I think you should go confront your father.” Rae said when she pulled away from me. She held my hand gently, and looked at me with immense support.
I realized that that I could only categorize the feeling that I was feeling suddenly as excitement. But an android excited about this? It didn’t make sense perhaps I have more self-determinism than I thought.