They say you shouldn't have sex until after marriage, that your body is your temple and you don't let anyone invade that temple until you're ready for forever with that person. But lets face the reality of the world for a second. It's the 21st century and people as young as fourteen or fifteen are having sex.
"You'll go to hell if you have sex with anyone before marriage."
"You're body is your temple."
"If you have sex and try to lie to us, we can get a test to see if you are telling the truth."
"No boy will ever be good enough for my little girl, that's why you are to find a man."
All my life, since I could start talking I heard the same thing. Almost all of my fifteen years of living.
And now? I get to try and teach my child the same thing, only try harder so it doesn't make the same mistake I made at such a young age.
I walked into the side door and headed straight for the bathroom before my mother or father could try and talk to me. As soon as I shut the door I locked the top and bottom lock of the door and turned on the bath water to limit the noise. I tossed my purse in the sink as I fell to the toilet and puked my life away.
As I finished projectile vomiting, I wiped my mouth and reached for my purse and grabbed the brown bag. I ripped it open and started reading the back of the purple box.
I emptied the box and sat myself down on the toilet as I positioned the stick in the right position. With the water still running it helped my nerves calm down as I held my future in my hands.
I set a silent timer on my phone and as I waited I kept playing tons of different scenarios in my head. I could hear my heart pounding like as if I were playing the drums at a high school concert, my head was turning, and stomach was getting ready for another round of projectile vomiting.
As I watched the timer hit zero I reached for the stick and looked down at the results.
My heart sunk to the floor, my mind went blank, and I couldn't hear anything anymore, not even the faucet running in the bath tub.
Two pink fucking lines.
I'm fifteen and pregnant. I feel as if I am nothing but a failure.
All the lectures I've gone through. All the times sex was mentioned as a sin in the bible. I still made the mistake of having unprotected sex, with someone who I wasn't married to.
What bothers me the most?
How can something feel so good but so bad at the same time? Why would something that feels so good be a sin and lead you to hell?
I don't even know if I can legally be a mom at the age of fifteen, let alone push a baby out of my five foot skin and bones body.
I can't raise a baby at fifteen.
"Kiera, honey are you in there?"
I jumped out of my thoughts but I couldn't speak.
"Hello?" My mother knocked one the door a bit louder than last time, "Are you okay? I didn't even hear you come in."
"I-I'm fine, mom. I'm just getting ready to take a bath. I had a long day." I said the first thing that came to my mind.
"Okay, are you feeling okay?"
"Just feeling a little nauseous from the bus ride home, mom. I'm fine."
"Okay, what do you want for dinner? It's just your father and us tonight. Allen will be out with Roxy tonight."
As much as I hate that I'm talking to her now, of all times, I would be lying if I said I didn't crave my dads famous cheeseburger's on the grill with sauteed zucchini and squash.
"Can dad make cheeseburgers on the grill?"
"I'll go find him and ask." I heard her heels hitting the hardwood floor and as they got quieter and quieter I shoved everything I had taken out into my purse and quickly jolted upstairs to my bedroom, shutting and locking my door behind me.
I pulled my phone out of my purse and found my best friends, Maria, contact and texted her.
A minute later my phone vibrated.
"I'm on my way, I'll be there in five."
I've known Maria since I was eight years old. We met at the old high school sledding hill while both of our parents were inside the coffee shop that was at the end of the hill while Allen and I went up and down the hill on our sleds. As I was walking up the hill with my sled in my hands Maria had lost control of her sled and ended up hitting a snow ramp and landed directly on me.
Okay, at first I was mad. Who wouldn't be? But as soon as she got up from the ground she helped me get up and grabbed my sled for me as I brushed the snow off of my face.
"Are you okay? I'm so sorry!" She grabbed ahold of my hand.
"I'm okay. My daddy says I'm immune to getting hurt and I'm a super hero." I giggled.
"No way! My daddy says the same thing!" She started giggling with me too.
"Do you play with bratz dolls?"
"Yeah." We started walking up the hill.
"Which one is your favorite?"
"Sasha, everyone says I look like her and her attitude is bad."
"Mine is Chloe, she's the coolest."
"Do you have any dolls at home?"
"Yeah. Do you want to come over and play dolls?"
"Yeah! Come with me to ask my parents!" I grabbed ahold her hand and let go of our sleds as we ran towards the diner down the hill.
Ever since that day, we pretty much live at each others houses. Best friends, forever.
I walked over to my dresser and put on a pair of my Champion sweatpants with the matching sweater. I felt like complete shit and I have no energy to change out of my shirt. Having morning sickness for four days straight has really taken a toll on my energy and my capability to stay awake.
I laid there and stared at my ceiling as I waited for Maria to show up.
That's when the first thing I need to worry about came to mind.
What do I tell the father?
I don't even know anything about him. What if I want to get rid of it and he wants to keep it? What if I want to keep it and he wants me to get rid of it? A few bad drinks led to me sleeping with the most popular guy in our class, Matteo Santiago.
Star football player of the varsity team, known for best hair in the school, and every girl wants him.
I just so happened to be the lucky girl who caught his eye and ended up with this.
I lost my train of thought when someone knocked at my bedroom door, "Yeah?"
"Hey sweetie, I'm about to start the burgers now. Dinner will be done in twenty." My dad said through the door.
"Okay. Maria is joining, make enough for her."
"Yup, she's walking up the stairs right now!" Dads voice became fainter by the second as he walked down the stairs.
I threw myself up from my bed and unlocked my door and swung it open just in time for Maria to make it to my bedroom door.
"Hey gi-" I grabbed ahold of her wrists and slammed the door as I locked it. "Dang, what's so urgent that has you acting this way?"
I let go of her wrist without saying a word to her and ran over to grab my purse that had the pregnancy test inside of it and I sat it on the bed. "Sit."
I grabbed my stereo remote and grabbed my phone to connect to Bluetooth so my parents won't be able to hear our conversation that is about to happen. I turned the volume up loud enough so my parents won't be able to hear a single word we say and all they will hear is the music playing.
"Open the bag." I sat in the chair across from her and tangled my fingers together.
She looked at me confused and opened the bag slowly and as soon as she got a good look at what was in the purse her eyes grew as wide as a peach and her jaw dropped to the floor. The same reaction I had. "Is this?"
I nodded. I felt the tears filling in my eyes. I haven't cried yet, I don't want to cry yet. Because once I start I don't think I'll be able to stop. But this time, I don't think I'll be able to hold the tears in.
"O M G Kiera!" She stood up with the test held in her hands.
"Shhh! Keep it down!" I whisper shouted.
"How? Who? When?"
"Well, uh, I think sex?"
"What do you mean you think sex?"
"I don't know if it was actually sex. I just know one thing lead to another and now I have a positive pregnancy test that say's I'm pregnant!" I stood up and sat at the head of my bed and wrapped my arms around my knees. This dang morning sickness isn't just in the morning.
"Matteo Santiago..." I muttered as I rested my head on my knees.
"I'm sorry, it almost sounded like you said Matteo Santiago." She started giggling.
I nodded my head and the tears began falling down my face.
"No way!" Her jaw dropped, "How was it?"
"I don't know! Now is not the time to think about that."
"How could this have happened? You had a plan!"
"I don't know how this happened." I wiped the tears from my face.
She stood up and grabbed ahold of my hands and pulled me off the bed and wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close to her chest. "It'll be okay. We will figure this out."
"There's nothing to figure out. I can't have a baby at fifteen and my parents will disown me when they find out." I started crying again.
"What are you going to do?" She paused for a few seconds, "Are you going to get a you know what?"
"No, I would never get an abortion or kill a baby. Mistake or not."
"We'll get through this." She pulled me away from her chest and we both sat down on the bed. Maria had the habit of rambling, and I actually don't mind it at all right now. She is keeping my mind off of things and I've finally managed to stop crying and thinking about the you know what.
Someone knocked at my door and I turned the music down while as I made my way to unlock my door.
"Dinner is ready, sweetie." Mom screamed through the door.
"We'll be down in a second."
I walked over to my bed and stuffed the test back into my purse and shoved my purse under my bed.
Mariah and I headed downstairs trying to act as normal as we could. The last thing I need right now is my parents finding out I'm having a baby before I even tell the father.
They'll ring my neck dry for sure.
"Go ahead and set the table girls, we will start bringing the food in."
"Okay." Maria and I quickly set the table and grabbed the sodas from the fridge and set them out on the table.
"Foods inside. Come make your plate." Mom said as she set down the plate of burgers.
"Thanks guys." I forced a smile on my face and handed Maria a bun for her burger.
"So Maria, how is school going?" Dad asked as we all started eating our food.
"It's going great, Mr. Johnson. I actually just joined the photography club and yearbook club." She held her smile proud, she is probably going to be president one day, she's so smart.
"That's great, I wish Kiera would get into something like that rather than cheerleading or track." Mom laughed and looked at me.
"Mom..." I muttered to her to stop.
"Kiera is actually one of the best flyers on the team and in the top three best runners on the track team. I wish I could be like her."
I lightly kicked Maria in the foot to get her to stop talking and she whispered a dramatic ow underneath her breath.
"As much as we hate the sports, we are proud of her that's for sure. What about you sweetie? How is school going for you?" Dad wiped his face of ketchup.
"Uh, I-it's fine. I'm learning a lot of new things." I quickly blurted out.
"What's wrong with you today? You seem off and jumpy?" Mom placed her hand on my shoulder and looked at me.
"N-nothing, I'm just tired and hungry." I shoved my burger in my mouth in hopes she would stop noticing me.
With the small talk going back and fourth I quickly shoved my cheeseburger down my throat and finished off my vegetables. "I'm all done, can I be excused?"
"Don't you want to wait for Maria to finish eating?" Dad questioned me.
"I actually have to start heading home. Can't drive after nine," she pushed her plate to the side of her.
"I'll grab your plate and walk you out." Before anyone could say anything I stacked Maria's plate on top of mine and quickly jolted to the kitchen with Maria following me.
"Way to act suspicious!" Maria whispered to me.
"I'm sure they don't suspect anything," I took a deep breath, "let's just not talk about it for the rest of the night."
"Okay, I'm going to head home. If you need anything call or text me." She pulled me in for a hug.
"Thank you for listening to me." I hugged her back.
"You're my best friend for a reason, til the end."
"Til the end." I whispered as I tried holding back my tears.
“If you need anything, just give me a call babe.”