I paid the driver before dashing into my apartment and closing the door shut. I could tell my eyes were red and puffed up from crying the whole ride home. I couldn’t help but feel betrayed and heartbroken. How could Logan ever do this to me? While I’ve trusted Logan, all he did was to work behind my back the entire time. I plopped down on the couch as more tears began flowing down my cheeks. I brought my knees to my chest and cried like a little girl. Urgh….I’m such a mess!
I thought Logan had feelings for me but instead he was just pretending to do it just to get me to fall into my enemy’s trap. This was why he was acting very secretive earlier today. He didn’t want me to come with him as he knew I would find out about his true intentions with me. That he would soon hand me over to them. To those who killed my parents mercilessly and those who want me.
My head hurt thinking about how long he would’ve planned on not telling me about all of this. That everything that happened between us was nothing but a part of some sick deal. I began weeping more as I the memories of that dreadful day filled my mind. My body started to shake at the thought of being caught and abused engulfed me. I clenched my hair tight till my scalp started to hurt. I took the glass jar filled with water from the nearby coffee table to quench my thirst. I tried not to spill the water as my hands were shaking vigorously from fear. Before I could take a gulp, I dropped it down as I heard someone knocking on the door. The glass shattered into pieces.
I wiped my tears roughly and slowly walked to the door, grabbing the doorknob with my shaky hands. My body was completely numb and wouldn’t twist the knob. I somehow gathered the strength and opened the door to see Logan standing before me with a furious face. My heart shrunk a little seeing his tense expression, but soon it whelmed with hatred as the realisation hit me. I tried smacking the door at his face, but he easily stopped it. He forcefully opened the door before entering in.
“Why did you leave without me? I was worried. You could’ve at least informed that you were coming home, you know.” He said in a worried tone. I looked down at the floor to hide my pooling eyes from him.
“Lia?” He called but all he got was silence. I need to stay strong in front of this traitor. I can’t show him that I’m weak.
“Lia, what’s the matter? Look at me” He said sternly. I took a deep breath and blinked away the tears before looking at him.
“I feel disgusted to even look at you,” I said with so much hatred evident in my voice. I could tell that he was taken aback by my words. There was a painful silence for a while. I felt him near me and I took a few steps back until my back hit the table. He raised his hand to touch me to which I flinch back immediately. He retrieved his hand back, before shoving them into his jeans pocket.
“What’s wrong Lia?” He asked in a hushed tone.
“I fear your presence right now. I’m afraid of you.” I said in a trembling voice.
“W-What are talking about? What happened? Did you get scared of seeing something?” he came to grab me by my arms. I thrashed away immediately and pointed a finger at his face.
“Don’t touch me….No, you don’t get to touch me anymore, you cheat. How could you do this to me? Get out of here, I don’t even want to look at your face.” I shouted trying to put all the hatred I feel in my voice.
“Can you please tell me what this is all about? I’m trying to help you here.” He raised his voice sounding like all of this was my fault.
“Is it me? If it is about me then tell me, we can talk about it civilly.” He said.
“There is nothing to talk anymore, Logan. I saw everything….you are a cheat, a traitor. How could you do this to me? You knew everything about me, about my parents, I told you every fucking thing. Then how could you work for them??” I asked feeling weak and betrayed. My eyes widened when I thought of another possibility.
“Or worse, are they…are they working for you? Are you the one behind all of these?” My heart thumping wildly thinking of that. I could feel my body heating up…not in a good way.
“Wait, hold on. Whom are you talking about? Who are these ‘they’?” He asked me acting clueless.
“Don’t act as if you have no idea, Logan. I saw you ta-talking with h-him after the fight. Talking with the one person I’m trying to hide from the beginning. The one person who destroyed my life.”
“What? You mean Oliver? That’s not poss……How do you know it’s him?” He asked narrowing his eyes at me.
“How can I forget the one who killed my parents mercilessly in front of my eyes?” I asked with venom.
“No, it can’t be. That’s impossible. Lia, I’ve known Oliver for my entire life. He wouldn’t do such a thing.“He said with disbelief evident in his voice.
“You think I’m lying to you, that I’m just pointing at some random guy to blame my parents’ death on huh? For god’s sake, we are talking about the one person who’s been haunting me in my dreams for the past ten months.” I yell out at this point. The pool of tears that I’ve been trying to hold this entire time breaks free.
“And we are talking about the same person whom I’ve seen and known for half of my life. I’m pretty sure that he isn’t involved in any of this.” He tried to reason. I looked at Logan to find him clenching his hands.
“You d-don’t believe me,” I said in a small voice, surprised. He snapped his head to me in a questioning way.
“You don’t believe me, don’t you?” I asked with more force. His silence gave away everything.
“Lia, I don’t understand how Oli-” he started
“Get out,” I said it with everything I had. His eyes started to turn darker and he gritted his teeth.
“I said GET OUT. Now. I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t even trust me.” I hissed.
“We will talk through this. Lia, you have…..”
I couldn’t hear anything he said. The only thing I wanted right now was to be alone. I wanted him to leave me alone, to let me sink in my own misery. So I did the only thing that came into my mind. I walked over to where the glass jar was shattered. I picked up the sharpest piece I found among the broken pieces.
“What are you doing?” Logan shouted. He was about to come forward to reach me when I positioned the glass piece right where I wanted. On my wrist.
“Leave, or else I’m cutting myself. You know that I wouldn’t be afraid to do this.” I was silently praying that deep down he still cared about me, about my health. So that I could get him to leave. But that would also prove something else... That he still care for me.
“F-Fine, I’ll leave. For now. But remember one thing Lia, I never lied to you.”
He looked at me reluctantly before walking towards the door and leaving me all alone to dwell about my situation. I locked the door and collapsed on the ground, crying my eyes out until everything in my body hurt. After crying and weeping for hours, the tiredness of the day took its toll on my body and I fell asleep on the ground hugging myself like a fetus.
Its been six days since that dreadful night. I woke up the next day to a bunch of missed calls and texts from Logan and Scarlet. 33 from Logan and 18 from Scarlet. Because of all the shit that happened, my body couldn’t fathom everything like my mind which led me to feel sick for the next two days. I told everything that happened to Scarlet and she was shocked and angry to hear it. Logan showed up a couple of times at my apartment door, but Scarlet being Scarlet, literally showed the door at his face.
I’m currently at the veterinary shop, the only place that offers some peace to me for the past two days. Being with animals and taking care of them literally relaxes your mind, but only when you’re an animal lover. Even though, at times, seeing the animals’ careless life makes me jealous. They don’t have to worry about anything in this world unless they don’t have a great owner. They don’t have to hide from anything or anyone.
“Karolia, there is someone at the reception, waiting for you.” Ellie, another girl working for Maria, our vet, said. I went to the main room to just get stunned at the sight of him. It still hurts to replay everything that happened within a week’s time. I put on a straight face and go behind the reception desk.
“How can I help you, sir?” I asked without making eye contact.
“Lia, I’m here to talk to you.” He said in a soft voice but I was able to hear the pleading in it.
“Sir, If you’re here for an appointment, then the vet is not here at the moment. If you can wait for a couple…”
“Lia, please…. I need to talk to you. I’m here to say that I’m sorry, like truly sorry. I fou…..”
“If you’re here for something personal, then you can leave right now because I’m not ready to waste my time on someone who doesn’t really trust me.” I cut him off before he could say anything further. He let out a frustrated sigh.
“Okay, then tell me when I can talk to you. I found something. I want to explain myself to you.” He asked hopefully. I smiled sadly.
“You lost that privilege the moment you couldn’t decide whether to trust me or not.. Now, please. You may go. You’re wasting my time.” I said in a free tone although I was hurting inside.
Silence followed and the entire time I can feel him staring at me intently. I decided to play busy arranging the files and records on the desk. After what felt like a minute I heard him retreat and leave without a word. I stopped whatever I was doing to wipe the fresh tears that fell down. God! Why does it have to hurt this much to let someone go? ….that too when that someone doesn’t seem to trust you wholeheartedly.