Have you ever had your heart snatched out of your chest and stomped on right in front of you? No I don’t think you have, or you wouldn’t be alive to read this. This is how I feel. I feel alone, worthless like nothing in this world would brighten my day again. The sunset will never be breath taking again. A football game will never be fun again.
Nothing matters but her.
I was so torn inside I couldn’t muster the courage to say her name or my world would crash completely to my feet and there would be no coming back. She left, rejected me. For the life of me I never would have guess it would hurt this bad. Now I understand why a man would become a rouge wolf. I knew now why they are so bitter and angry because this is the worst punishment a man or woman could ever go through.
My life was never meant to be this way. I was supposed to find her, we fall madly in love and watch her grow with my pups. Sit in the back yard together and watch our pups play while we laugh with joy. We were supposed to grow old together.
No this, I was never meant to find her then lose her in less than a month. I couldn’t get her look of horror out of my head, it haunted me in my sleep and throughout my days. I definitely couldn’t shake the sound of her blood curdling scream from bouncing around in my head constancy sending shivers of agony though my body. Why, why did this happen to us.
I thought if I showed her the real me she would be accepting, a little freak out of course, I could have handled that but she ran from me. A grunt of pain left my lips as a shot of fire pierced through my heart. I collapsed against the wall outside sliding down, my legs refused to hold my weight anymore. I clutched at my chest, a grimace on my face as I waited for it to pass. This has been happening more often, I think it was her letting me go further and further from her heart and life. It was tearing me apart the more she pushed me away. I ruggedly breathed through the pain for a few minutes till it faded but always lay dormant for the next time she let herself forget a piece of me go.
Tears built in my eyes, I didn’t want her to forget me, I wanted her to love me. I brought my knees up to my chest and lay my head down on them. This wasn’t fair. I would forever have a hole in my heart. I know that I asked Liam to help me but I was just being selfish, he had his own mate to deal with; he doesn’t need my mate problems on his shoulders too. I began choking on my sobs.
She was so lucky, she could forget me because she was human, she would be forever in my mind and heart even if it’s incomplete and always will be.
“Dominic?” The Alpha’s voice had me shooting my head up out of surprise. Shit! I scrambled up to my feet. I couldn’t have him see me so weak when I was going to be the next beta out of some miracle.
“Alpha.” I inclined my head down standing at attention, showing him respect with my eyes cast down. He had Wyatt our beta next to him and he was giving me a sympathetic look. I cringed.
“What are you doing?” Alpha asked me.
“Nothing sir.” I nodded looking over to Wyatt my Beta.
“Come take a walk with us.” He said giving me a gentle smile. This was our Alpha, he was one of the best a pack could have. Refine, charming, generous, caring along with strict and stern all the quality’s an Alpha need to be a great leader. He passed all those traits down to his son and I knew this pack was in good hands
I nodded and quietly followed them as they went over the estate looking for thing to fix and change. They were talking amongst themselves and I was starting to get annoyed as to why the hell they wanted me to walk with them if they were just going to ignore me. I could be wallowing in self-pity right now. I sighed as I watched the two men, I was envious of them of one thing though. They had women who loved them unconditionally; they never knew the feeling of what a rejection could do to you.
It made you physically weak, depressed and hurt all over to where dying would be the best antidote. To bad I wasn’t suicidal, it would made thing a whole lot easier though.
“So Dominic, you’ve improved in your training drastically. I would have to say your one of the top in the group along with Liam.” Alpha Moore said.
“I am?” I was astonished, I hadn’t noticed. I guess I have been working my ass off, more so to keep my mind busy.
“Yes, you’re working your way up there. You’re almost Enforcer material, you could be defending our lines in but a short amount of time. Wyatt and your father Reed have kept close tabs on your progress and with a little separate training you could stand beside your father.” I gaped at them as we came to a stop at the of the house.
“Seriously?” he laughed as Wyatt had just a small smile on his face.
“Wyatt would be willing to teach you, if you’re up for it along with your father of course.”
“Y-yes, yes it would be an honor to be an Enforcer.” I told them. And it was true I have always wanted to be a defender of our pack, be the one they can look up to along with their Alpha and here was my opportunity.
“Good, we’ll have you start tomorrow.” He said. I nodded eagerly.
“But Dom, there’s one condition.” He was suddenly very seriously. I turned warily.
“That you don’t let this consume you. You’re young, have fun, hang out with your friends.” My enthusiasm died quickly. I scoffed bitterly.
“No disrespect to you Alpha but I honestly don’t care about that. About hanging with friends or anyone for that matter sir.” I told him truthfully. He sighed his face dropping a bit in disappointment. Then I realized that something was wrong, the way they were acting was off.
“You know, don’t you?” I asked suspiciously. Their eyes widened before reluctantly nodding in unision.
“Right.” I hissed angry that they were pitying me. “Did you give the position to me to make me feel better?” I asked a little harsh than necessary.
“No, that was all you.” I nodded, suddenly wanting to be somewhere else.
“Can I be excused?” I asked looking anywhere but there direction. I heard a sigh.
“Dom you have to let us help you, others don’t have people to help them through this.” Wyatt said.
“No offence Beta but even if they had people, there is nothing you can say or do that will make this easier. So can I leave now.” I growled staring at the ground.
“Liam asked me to help and you are a member of my pack, I will not give up on you Dominic no matter what you say, I am here to help those who need it.” Alpha said.
I shook my head and walked away not even waiting to be excused.
“Dude, she was all over me at Tyler’s party. Screaming my name all night man.” Shane said getting a high five from the guys at our table. He was gossiping about getting laid to the guys as we sat for lunch. Alpha Moore forced me to go to school today even though I refused, you can’t ignore orders. Sighing I moved my food around my plate keeping my eyes down so they wouldn’t wonder across the room where ‘she’ was. I could smell her and it made my wolf whine in agony. He was torn that she didn’t except us and I could feel him weakening every day.
We were dying and there was nothing I could do to stop it. The further she got, the dimmer our life got. There was one thing that could help and that was going rouge letting my wolf take over completely and cutting all ties to my humanity but I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to lose myself even though it hurt.
“Hey, Dom you good man?” Seth one of the guy’s my pack asked me. He had blonde hair and honest green eyes. He was one of my good friends besides Liam. I nodded my head.
“Yeah.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Just a headache.” I lied. He looked concerned at me I don’t think he believed me but he didn’t press. Thank The Spirits.
“Oh, Dom I’m having a party tonight, you coming?” Shane asked. I shook my head.
“I don’t think so.” I told him. He pouted.
“Come on, you my got to be my wingman. We’re going to tear some fem tail up.” He wiggled his eye brows suggestively.
“I’m good.” I narrowed my eyes at him.
I knew he wanted me to get over her, no one knew she was my mate they all thought she was some girl I was into. That was a good thing, I didn’t need their pity. He shrugged and went back to talking.
Soon enough the bell rung and we all got up. Seth was beside me as we made it to our class, about one step in the door I forgot to get my math book so I told him to tell the teacher. Nodding he went to sit in his seat while I race back down the hall reaching my locker. The corridors were empty so I quickly grabbed my book and slammed my locker shut, right when I turned I noticed a figure walking my way down the hall and knew instantly it was her. The smell of her jasmine scent made me want to whine and the glow of her caramel color skin looked so soft I wanted to touch her so badly. She tried and kept her eyes away from me by using her long curly hair as a veil but we were alone and this was a chance I could have to get her back.
“Jeanine.” I said my voice weak but she heard me and she flinched walking faster. “Jeanine” I called out louder, following her now.
“Talk to me.” I begged, she refused to acknowledge me like all the other times I‘ve done to get her to hear me out. I sighed grabbing her arm gently but she still let out a squeak of fright. Her beautiful brown eyes were tainted with the look of terror. I snatched my hand back like she had burned me.
She was scared. She was afraid of me. My heart died a little more as my wolf howled.
“I’m sorry.” I whispered.
“Just leave me alone.” Her chin was quivering and her eyes were filling up with tears.
“Jeanine I would never hurt you. I love-”
“Stop!” She cut me off. “Don’t Dom.” She spun on her heels and ran.
“JEANINE!” I screamed after her.
Again the fire shot through my heart again and I crumbled to my knees holding my chest and gritting my teeth from crying out.
She ran away from me again… out of my life.