I didn’t need anybody’s help, I’m fine. I only did it out of desperation; a moment of weakness, it wasn’t going to happen again. I know for sure that I didn’t want to go there again. I hates pity and I surly didn’t need it from a guy who hates me anyway. There was a knock at my door before my dad came in.
“Hey.” He said walking in my room, I could see the sad sorrowful look on his face. “You okay?” I guess he heard.
“How did you hear?’ I asked keeping my gaze on the floor. He sat next to me on the bed.
“Eric told me when I came to pick you up.” Oh god I totally forgot about Eric. Know he knows and he’s probably disgusted with me just like the rest of the school. This is all Brent’s fault!!
“Oh.” Was all I said. Dad pulled me in a tight hug surprising me. I tensed for a second before hugging him back.
“I’m here for you okay.” He said palming the back of my hair; burring my face in his shoulder. The smell that could only belong to my dad engulfed my senses and made me relax a little. I could only nod since I had a knot in my throat and knew if I said anything I would have started balling. He would kill me if I told him about today’s events. He cleared his throat as he pulled back.
“Alright so if you want to take a couple days off from school you can.” He told me his brown eyes were clouded with worry as he looked at me.
“Thank you.” I whispered to him. He nodded before standing, he glanced at me a tight smile on his lips. He closed the door behind him as I stared at the door before my gaze move towards my closet. Brent can’t stay here, he’s already made me take those stupid pills, so who know how long it will take me before I completely relapse.
“Why would you do that?!” I yelled at Brent later. I had ambushed him in his room demanding an explanation. He hurt me all those years ago and I find him still trying to ruin my life.
So here I was glaring at him, refusing to let my tears fall.
“What are you talking about?” He asked nonchalantly. He was leaning against his pillows on the bed with the remote in his hands, his gaze on the TV. I looked at it to see he was watching Jersey Shore; God how I hate that show. My anger got the best of me and I stood in the way of it glaring at him.
“Move” he sneered. I shook my head, I know this was going to have consequences but screw it.
“No” I told him boldly standing my ground with a straight back. His eyes narrowed as he shut the TV off and threw the remote on the bed; I watched as he walked up to me in three threatening strides. I bit the inside of my cheek refusing to back down.
“What did you say?” He was now in my face. Gulping I answered,
“I said no.” My voice quivered but still solid. His eyes darkened,
“Oh, so your gunna act tough now? Is that how this is gunna go?” He gestured with his hand between us.
“I just want to know why you would tell the whole school my business like that! What have I ever done to deserve your hatred?” I asked glaring up at him. He leant down so close, our noses were almost touching.
“Choosing to be gay is what you did to deserve it.” Shocked I stared up at him.
“You think it was a choice?” I asked astonished he would even say that.
“No one chooses to be gay it just is. It’s not like you wake up and say ’Hey you know what I want to be a homo from now on. No, you’re born that way!” I exclaimed.
“Bull” he said stubbornly. “It’s against nature, you’re against nature you belong in hell.” He said scowling at me.
“Oh is that what mommy says?” I mocked. He punched me in the jaw suddenly, knocking me down on the ground. My breath was shaky as I propped myself up with my elbow and wiped the blood from my mouth in shock.
“Don’t. You. Ever. Speak about my mother!” He warned his voice dropping an octave. I looked up at him with rage filled eyes.
“You’re not doing this to me again” I growled, my voice was low but I knew he heard it and the nefarious edge it held. He was frowning at me.
“You think you’re tough?’ he said sending his foot into my stomach. Grunting I curled into a ball after the fourth kick to my stomach, covering my face with my arms blocking most of his attacks while he called me a fag over and over again. My arms were burning by the end of the beating, I whimpered as he lifted me up by my now completely battered arms causing them to scream out in pain even more. Then he threw me to the floor again but in front of the door.
“Now get the Fuck out.” He pointed to the door before going to sit on his bed. Struggling to my feet slowly; using the door handle for leverage I finally stood but my stomach hurt too much to fully stand straight.
“I fucking hate you.” I wheezed leaving the room and slamming the door behind me.
“Same here.” he yelled back.
I struggled to my room lucky no one was in the room to see me holding my stomach in pain. I threw my closet door open and grabbed my box and grabbed the baggy of pills I had stashed. I reached for two and was about to put them in my mouth when a knock at my door halting my actions. In a panic I stuffed the box back in the closet. I was heading for the door when I noticed the two pills in my hands. Shit.
“Aiden?” It was my mother. Frantic I threw them in my pocket. But then moment I went to reach for the door knob I saw all the bruises on my arms. Franticly I searched the floor for a long sleeve shirt and threw it on.
“Aiden?” my mom’s voice sound a bit concerned now.
“Yeah” I answered opening the door to fast causing me to wince in pain as my arms and stomach screamed because of it.
“Hey baby.” She said looking at me in sympathy, her blonde hair was up in a bun and there was flour on her apron she wore. “Dinners ready do you wants some” I shook my head.
“Honey you have to eat so sit your butt down at the table and start stuffing your cute little face with all the delicious food I made you.” She demanded with a sweet smile. Sighing I nodded.
“Fine.” I said keeping a blank expression. She stared at me for a bit before crushing me in bone crushing hug.
“Ah!” I yelled in pain but she didn’t notice because she was too busy cooing me and saying she was sorry for what happened today. I nodded saying yeah, yeah.
“Let… go… please!” I gasped.
“Sorry.” she let go stepping back and nodding her head. “Okay I’ll make your plate.”
I watched her leave as I stood in my door, I didn’t want to go down there. After what Brent did today the humiliation I suffered because of him the pain he inflicted on me, the helplessness he made me remember and forced me to go back to the old me. And here I am with drugs in my pocket, tempting me to take them. My hand moved against my pocket feeling the two small bumps there just made my body crave to have them. I could feel them burning against my thigh. I needed them more than ever. Taking a deep breath I walked down stairs leaving them in my pocket and headed in to the kitchen taking my normal seat. My plate was ready and hot full of chicken, mashed potatoes and asparagus. Usually I would be demolishing this in under a minute flat but I had no appetite.
We all sat in silence like last night, this time Nash and Connie weren’t here. Looking over to my dad I asked,
“Where’s Nash and Connie?” He looked up from his plate.
“Nash is at Daniels and Connie is spending the night with Jennifer” he said. I nodded looking back down at my food. I could feel Brent’s eyes on me but refused to look at him. If I did I might just throw my fork at him.
“So Brent how was your first day at Aiden’s school” mom said trying to fill the silence. He cleared his throat.
“It was great Aunt Nancy, I made friends with a whole bunch of people today” he said excited. My mother nodded enthusiastically.
“Oh good, that’s fabulous.” she said with a huge smile. I rolled my eyes, ‘yeah he’s friends with the whole school that wants to pound me for being gay.’ Wooo.
My eyes wandered over to my dad who was staring at me with concern. I frowned at him as his lips thinned in a flat line. I took a few bites of my food before getting up and throwing it in the back in the pots they belonged to.
“Aiden” I heard my dad call me as I was about to leave. Turning around I saw him give me a stern look.
“What” I asked him.
“You can’t just take two bites of your food and put it back, you’re going to get sick if you do that.” He lectured. I nodded,
“I know but I’m not hungry today”
“Just like yesterday? No, you’re going to eat something”
“Dad I don’t want anything okay.” I said irritated.
“I really don’t care Aiden, at least have some ice cream, its mint chocolate chip, your favorite.” he was bribing me. I shook my head,
“I don’t want it” I just want to get out if this damn room away from Brent. I watched as my dad got out of his chair, walked behind me grabbing my shoulders and guided me back to my seat forcing me to sit. I groaned in frustration.
I just want to leave!
I heard him rummaging behind me but I kept my gaze on the table. Soon there was a bowl set in front of me full of green minty goodness but I couldn’t eat it. He placed the spoon next to it.
“Eat” he said and took his seat again and watched me as I stared at the bowl of ice cream in front of me. I felt like a five year old, refusing to eat and having their parents force it on your mouth. Looking up I saw my mom’s worried expression and Brent’s smug one. Angrily I grabbed the damn spoon and dug it into the damn ice cream and crammed it in my mouth. I glared over to my dad and lifted the spoon at him in a sarcastic gesture. He kept his face blank but continued to watch me eat.
Soon it was only me and my dad in the room with an empty bowl, I stood up and went to rise my bowl out.
“Aiden I understand that you’re angry and hurt but you can’t starve yourself?” He said out of the blue. I looked over to him confused,
He sent me the ‘You can’t fool me’ expression before getting from his chair and leaning against the table. I leant back against the sink staring at the stove. I lifted my gaze to him and forced a believable smile on my face.
“Dad seriously I’m fine I just haven’t had an appetite lately. Today was messed up but that has nothing to do with me not eating, I’m just not hungry.” I told him walking in front of him. He had a frown on his face not looking convinced.
“Don’t lie to me Aiden, I know when something is bugging you. Is this about Brent staying with us then?” He asked and I controlled my face from sneering at the mention of his name, so I just shook my head.
His browed furrowed at me then his face softened.
“What about that boy, you still think that he hate you?” He asked me. After the earlier events I had to think about that. I mean what kind of person hates someone but tries to help them. So maybe I was wrong, maybe he didn’t hate me but I didn’t want him getting into my business like he did. I don’t need help!
“No dad, I don’t think he hates me anymore.”