Another night spent alone, cuddled to the only thing that ever gives me comfort anymore, my pillows. My husband laid fast asleep with his loud snoring, echoing through the empty halls as I lay desperate for any kind of connection from him.
Sleeping next to a stranger that you call your husband does things to your confidence, it twists your mind, your thoughts radiate self-loathing and frustration and your heart becomes devoid of real feeling because it’s safer to not feel some things than deal with rejection night after night as you lie alone.
Loneliness your new mate, a clear gap left in-between ‘your husband’ and yourself, big enough to play host to a football game and you wrap your arms around yourself desperately wishing your life had turned out differently.
The sudden movement of his body pulls you from your thoughts and with hope rising in your chest, just wrap me in your arms, but alas, all you get is cold air while he warms himself with the blanket, he ripped off you.
This is my life, empty, cold, rejected, unwanted and made to feel ugly. This is not, what I signed up for when I fell in love, where did it go wrong? How am I meant to fix it, when the only time we talk is to fight?
Alone, broken and meaningless until…
Hands bound to the bed above my head, ankles tied to each bedpost as my legs were spread wide.
“You’re going to do what I say.” His husky voice booms across the silent room causing my core to ache in need.
“Yes Alpha,” I whisper with desire.
“I’m going to release your hands and I want you to rub your pussy while I watch. Do you understand?” Biting my lower lip, my legs attempting to close but cannot, as heat burns from between them.
“Yes Alpha,” I nod my head slowly, still unable to see anything while my eyes are covered.
I feel movement on the bed and a wet, hot tongue tip circles my areola, then flicked the end causing my back to arch off the bed and a moan to escapes from my lips.
Blood rushes to my fingertips as I feel my wrists released from their restraints.
“You may begin,”
Slowly, I slide my hand down my body and begin to circle my core, Left hand following suit, only heading straight for my pleasure hole in-between my folds, slipping two fingers in, I begin to work.
“Does that feel good?” his voice vibrates through my body.
“Yes, Alpha,” My only reply for this past hour.
“How good?” My jaw clenching as I chase my own ecstasy, fingers sliding in and out while circling my clit with my right hand.
“Are you close?” His husky tone dropped an octave lower into deep and lustful.
“Yes… Alpha,” my head moving from side to side as the need to fall over this orgasmic edge draws closer.
Bending down over my ear, his scent fills my senses as he whispers, “Remove your fingers while I slide in my cock.”
Back arched ready for entry,
BEEP, BEEP, BEEP
Mother …….. My damn alarm clock goes off right before release!
I look to my right, surprise, surprise, the bed is empty. Another week has passed, with still no contact from my husband and left completely unsatisfied.
Flinging back the covers, I jump out of bed throwing my soaking wet knickers into the wash basket and head straight for the shower.
Work was its usual mundane, uneventful self. I got to push papers and get coffee for my boss, all while after three years of working for The Mathews Corporation, he still continued to call me 'Sandra' when in actual fact, my name has always been Arabella.
Just like my relationship, I had been invisible and just like always, I sat alone at lunch in the company garden, that no one went too.
“Sandra?” Mr Roger Mathews, a grey-haired 65-year-old, white man, with a round middle and bad breath, came knocking on my desk at the front of his office.
“Yes, Mr Mathews,” I looked up from my typing to greet his steal black gaze.
“I have associates coming in for a meeting tomorrow, please order in a buffet and I need you to continuously refill the coffee, tea and cool drinks.” Jesus, it’s not like I haven’t done it a million times, now I need instruction?
“I will get that ready to go.”
“Thank you, Sandra.” I roll my eyes, wishing that I was on some tropical island, surrounded by fat juicy cocks all ripe and ready to enter me.
Returning home, I am once again greeted by silence and emptiness. This was my routine and I guess I had become so complacent with my situation, I had resigned myself to a life without human contact.
Sitting down to my ‘light n easy’ microwave dinner in front of my book, I began to drift, fantastically away to another world, where I was the Alpha wolf’s mate and Luna to the pack of delicious werewolves. After a few hours of fantasy, I throw my packages in the bin and headed for bed.
After lying awake, thinking about all the stuff needed for tomorrows conference, I hear the front door close. Looking at my alarm clock, 11 pm, my husband goes to the toilet, removes his clothes, missing the wash basket and comes to bed without bothering to pick them up.
Annoyed and ignored yet again, I look at his back before closing my eyes.