The goosebumps inside me born on my skin, they crawl into me making me shiver slightly. A bad feeling runs through my nerves, the bad feeling grows up then my eyes are wide open.
Confusion. A word that can describe every feeling, confusion is that moment when you open your exam is completely different from the review, confusion is that moment when you thought your period would come the next week not exactly on the trip you were enjoying.
Confusion makes everything blurry, your brain would try to connect dots or tie everything together for it to make sense. Confusion makes you feel simply lost.
The moment my eyes open, confusion washes all over my body, my dad is sitting right next to me, the pain in my legs has gone away “What? What happened?” the question comes out dress up as a whisper escaping my throat.
My dad gives me a honey kiss on my forehead, his touch makes all the little hairs go up. The softness hits me like a crazy truck, he grabs my hand like I am somehow made of China “You were drugged with Benzodiazepines and sedative-hypnotics which is a drug commonly used for anxiety” the worry on his eyes is clear as soon as his expression softens.
Memories come back to me, suddenly I picture Marcus standing in front of me with a smirk drawn on his lips and the unknown liquid on his right hand, I gulp hard until I taste blood “I want to get out of here” my mouth speaks itself, my stomach turns into wild waves making me want to throw up.
Panic grows up inside me when my dad opens his mouth, the words aren’t told because the click of the door sounds, after that showing the old man in a white dressing gown “We have made some tests and your legs have gotten way better. We were afraid they wouldn’t move for a long time since the biggest impact was released on your legs. Luckily your breathing is steady and everything is okay; besides the bruises on your body, yet we are going to give you some medication for every kind of pain” his words are the ones who make everything go off my shoulders.
Relief manages to dive into me, anxiety flies away like a butterfly and a weird feeling fill my body. The fact that I would be seeing other things rather than four plain white walls makes my stomach flutter with happiness; since little hospitals have always terrified me, fear would always invade me when I enter one, a hospital is never a good sign except if it involves a newborn, hospitals would always send chills down my spine.
The old man slowly walks out of the room leaving my dad and I alone filled with empty silence and awkwardness flying between the both of us “Dad, I am sorry for what I have done, the things I have gotten you into and the trouble I have caused” The words have slipped out of me with such a smoothness, a sigh escaped from his breath.
“When you apologize, you are not supposed to make the same mistakes” his words hang in my ears and the words try to sink in to my mind but I stay frozen unable to understand everything that I have done-, everything that I once promised not to do, yet I am laid down on a bed betraying him, betraying my mom but most importantly; betraying myself.
I finally swallow every letter from my dad with that he stands up and goes straight towards the door before finally giving me a sad look, my head involuntary goes down guilt filling my brain.
Complexity. A word the in a dictionary would describe as the state or condition of being complex, but complexity is something more than that, goes further than just a simple definition. Through the past week, all have been complex, it has been fulled of an awkward silence and doctor appointments and endless hate.
Today, I am coming back to school from the last experience as a punishment I have to be in the club of decorations for Halloween party -which is in a week-, that means boring afternoons painting and laughing at every hypocrite girl.
On my house, my dad just has talked to me only about medications things and my brother has helped me every night with insomnia, every since the drug that Marcus has given me, the doctors realized that I know suffered from insomnia, a mind-sickness that clearly doesn’t let you sleep.
Abbie and Sarah have been sure to make me company every day at my house after their day at school. School? well, the school doesn’t stop being the hell it is every time I step on those grounds, Zoe has made some weird surgery to her nose for the little damage and the bruises have gone away.
My life consists of complexity and endless drama. When my feet touch the cold ground at 7:00 in the morning, everything crawls up my body and a weird feeling rest on my shoulders, I shrug off and let myself go towards my bathroom, my eyes find myself at the mirror and see the black things placed under my eyes.
My hands become cold as they reach my face, I quickly lean down and wash my face when I am done my shirt comes off and warm water waiting for me then sliding down and all the way over my naked body and the soap running washing the dirt out of it.
Dressing up in some dark skinny jeans and a Kiss t.shirt and jacket over it, I finally make a ponytail and go downstairs to find a mountain of pancakes with whipped cream, slices of strawberries washed with chocolate all over them, my eyes go up and find my best friend’s face.
A big smile draws all over my face, my stomach makes dances inside me and happiness runs into me, the song of Happy Birthday is sung by Sarah in front of me, a smile drawn on her lips when she finally ends singing, she places the plate with food on the counter and I go ruching towards her just to give her a big hug.
The love for a best friend is not understandable, it goes further than friendship, it even goes fruther brotherhood, because she is not that, there has to be a word for someone who makes you happy every day just by talking or fooling around, there has to be a word for someone who would give everything just to see you in the best conditions, a word for someone who helps you through hardest moments, that one who helps you not screw. A word for someone who cares this much but a word for someone I love the most.
“Happy birthday. I can’t belive you are finally eighteen years old” a laugh escapes my lips and sparks on fire of happiness touch my fingertips going towards my toes and finally filling all my body slowly with hormones.
“Thanks so much for this” a smirk born on her lips and my smile can’t draw off mine, I walk over the counter and start cutting off a piece of a fluffly yet soft pancake with a knife and a fork; as soon as the food enter my mouth, the glands inside my mouth make its work and an explosion of tastes fills my mouth like fireworks, not hurting them, making my tongue feel grateful for everything.
I moaned at the taste on my mouth, finally makes its own way into my stomach and helping my system to find glucose, cuting another piece with rush and purring into my mouth a groan comes from a throat and wrods are spoken by me “This tastes so fucking good” my mouth is full and a weird expression comes from my best friend’s face.
When I am finally done, I get up from the counter and drive myself towardsthe dish washer to leave an empty plate “That was heveanly made and my mouth is grateful for that” I tell her and she grabs her backpack and a groan follow its lead “We have to?” she nods happily and the smile doesn’t take off her face and neither does mine.
“When did you get here?” I ask her from upstairs as I brush my teeth and grab everything I need for today “I got here really early as you can tell. I had to get everything done but when I arrived your father was rushing ou the house” the happiness that was before running through my veins stops its tracks , suddeldy they turn the other way and that happiness is washed with disappointement.
“Sorry, I didn’t want to spoil your mood. Maybe he is just preparing a surprise” the words don’t comfort me in any way “It’s okay, I wouldn’t be happy with myself either” I see the clock resting on my wall and I grab my phone and rush downstairs “We gotta go it’s getting really late” her eyes widen, then when she is about to speak I open the door, grab my car keys.
Fastly I get into my car and Sarah walks closer to the passenger door “You forgot your brother” with a monotone tone she tells me and I mentally slap myself across the face for forgetting him “I bet he’s not even here. Let’s go” I tell her with nervousness digging into my skin.