There is a sound. A deep sound and a heavy one; for a moment I reach the thought of my breathing but I just know that it’s not. The heavy sound keeps going making the annoyment begin to grow on my body, my sore body.
Usually, when you just come from a nightmare, you would feel numb, your body would be shaking and your breath would just be there in a cage inside your lungs, the tears would be falling down those pale cheeks and you feel your heart going into a race making the blood pump harder against your veins, but this is not the case.
This time I do feel numb and I feel like I can’t breathe but my body is not shaking but it’s feeling sore and this time my mind tells me this isn’t just nightmare. It’s real and I feel like I am about to die.
My legs are steel, they become motionless and totally sore but the worst thing it’s that I feel that, the seeing-through mask covering my mouth and nose transmitting air for my lungs but they weaken with each breath received.
The darkness makes company to my eyes making me unable to see a thing and even to open. That’s when I hear a deep voice and fingers trailing down my untouchable skin, I try to make out the voices but my deaf ears don’t understand what they say. That’s when a female voice is reachable “Why do you think she was there? Who would even have brought her here?” as I recognize my best friend’s voice, something circles my arm letting the sparks grow and flow up my arms.
“When I got there she was gone” my dad’s voice makes its way through my ears making out the words to make the knot of guilt grom in my stomach “She was grounded. How can this possibly happen?” the stress is more than clear in his voice.
“This has written Marcus all over it” John’s voice is a new tone but after that, the only sound that can be make out, it’s deep and heavy one that was making me company before “Whos is even Marcus?” the sparks from my skin go away by being replaced for pure cold “It’s none of your business” I say with my voice sound rough and raspy.
“Thank God. You are awake” my brother’s voice surrounds me, the corner of my lips go upward as I hear his voice, my father reaches me justs to try and hug me. The bandages cover my body and so do bruises, my body aches from everything that had happened “Don’t scare me like that again” a whisper comes out from his mouth, nodding, I pull away.
Guilty begins to crawl onto me as I see my dad “I am sorry. I was trying to do something that was not selfish” my voice breaks in the final word, my dad’s eyes soften with it but my stomach gets sick, wanting to throw up, I shut my eyes hardly trying to get the feeling away. When I open my eyes, they move on to where Nick is standing, his eyes analyzing the white and pale floor.
“Can you guys leave me alone with him, please?” Sarah offers me a curious gaze, after reading my eyes she nods and gets out along with my dad and brother. Nervousness comes into me, the day I would open up to him seemed so unreal and so far, but fate has brought us here, everything that has happened between us, every act of trust is about to make me do this.
Before a word comes out of my mouth, he speaks “You have something to tell me?” the questions hit me softly; he was expecting this “Yeah. It’s the moment I tell you everything. How this makes me the person I am nowadays” he looks at me with the surprise all over him, making shit on my bed.
He sits down next to me then when I look into those blue eyes “I used a boyfriend, he was sweet, he would never make you feel insecure about yourself when you were around him, he was gentle and supportive. He loved what he did and everything he did was lovely beautiful, everyone loved him, he was just perfect” I take a deep breath to continue with the story.
“I just hate it” I tell him and he snaps his head towards me watching me with curiosity “You never talked to me about your ex-boyfriend” he replies as I hear those words coming out of his mouth, I let out a loose laugh then say “Why would I want to talk about someone who is dead?”
“I didn’t know” he lowers his head not allowing me to see his expression of guilty, my stomach comes into thousand of knots as I get to the difficult part. Inexplicable sadness washes over all my body then I open my mouth to keep speaking “When I came back from Washington as always at the end of summer and we were going into Sophomore year, so that day my best friend, Zoe, asked me to go her house” I pause remembering the fun scene.
I look at Nick and he keeps watching me carefully “I saw her in bed with Jordan, in that moment I couldn’t care less about him because he was just an unknown kid for me, you know?” he nods but then happiness grows into me as I remember sophomore year.
“Then after that, my friendship with her ended, she wanted to be a slut and I just wanted to be her friend” a chuckle escapes his lips, turning my look to him, I grin and let out a deep breath “That was the end of a friendship and the beginning of an endless war” the dramatic quote came out of my lips so easily and slipped out of my tongue beautifully.
“After that, I met Jordan at the library when I was trying to find some new books and that’s when I started reading Percy Jackson. Jordan and I would always meet at the Café just to discuss books, we would pass a really good time. He seemed like a good guy so we started hanging out more each time, that’s when I met the real Jordan, not the one I have found on Zoe’s bed but my friend Jordan” words are spoken by me.
Th happiness make my eyes sparkle and my stomach flutter “We went like that for a year, I had never had a crush in my life but on summer of that year I had gotten my first one, Jordan” Nick rolls his eyes and I hit him playfully on the arm “Things about to go cheesy because if so, I am ready to bring the salt” A chuckle escapes my lips.
“So I began to act weird around him, we wouldn’t hang out more because I didn’t know what was actually happening. One day he asked me what was going so I told him, how I had a girly crush on him. That night I got my first kiss” my happiness dissolves, making the pain come back slightly into my stomach.
“When we came back to school everything was normal. Sarah was happy for me and so was my brother and dad. But then Zoe happened, she just came back to my life to make it a whole mess” I speak as Nick rolls eyes his eyes back.
“Zoe had envy on her heart. She had always liked him, she made this stupid competition over popularity. She was Queen Bee and I was kind to everyone, I helped them through their problems. I was known for that,” I pause and tears begin to grow up in my eyes, suddenly I feel warm and sweet fingers intertwining with mine making thousands of sparks grow.
“Before prom, Jordan said that he had to tell me something. That’s when Marcus -a guy who sells illegal alcohol- comes into my life. I met him at the same party you found me days ago” I stopped then take a deep breath.
“Where is he taking us?” I ask Jordan curiosity filling my nerves and nervousness taking over my body. The guy we had met has silky and messy blonde hair, he was skinny and he had brown but intimidating eyes “Don’t worry love, he is a close friend”.
Nodding I feel the knot on my stomach tightened as we get into the car and some unknown guy with messy brown hair drives his Raybans covering his eyes “Jordan talks a lot about you. We are either talking about business or you” bullshit, his eyes only were lying.
I take out my phone with shaky hands to text Sarah and tell her something is wrong. The message is not sent as I curse under my breath, my breath quickens as we reach an old house “Why are so nervous?” his question on my ear makes the goosebumps appear slightly on my skin and the hairs go up.
“Don’t worry about it,” I tell Jordan as I peck him on the lips. Marcus focuses on eyes us locking lips. I pull apart from Jordan uncomfortably and we keep following Marcus, leaving everything behind. I take out my phone, my shaky hands not helping make it land flatly on the floor.
Bending down, I grab it and see the sharp crack that lands on my screen, a smooth curse escapes my lips. My hand is found by a warm one and a door is opened. Behind it are a bunch of big men waiting for us.
The bad feeling inside grows up slowly inside me. My abdomen tightens, my knuckles become white, as I feel the slight silent consume us “So, we are talking?” Jordan asks with a smile growing up in his face, that moment I feel full.
The moment he smiles, takes everything off me, the tension comes off and so the nervousness. The moment that smile comes into his face, something grows inside my body, I feel numb, my hormones just produce happiness.
In that moment when he smiles.
I loved him.
In that moment when he smiles, a gun is taken out and a shot person is found. My boyfriend, the person I love, the one who makes me happy, my friend. Is laying down dead on the floor.
My brain can’t seize the image in front of me, my hand flies towards my face. Water swim on my eyes and suddenly the beginning of a waterfall slides down my cheek carefully with such a smoothness.
Panic raises inside my body. My knees touch the ground with harshness, the pulse inside me goes crazy, making a scream coming out of me. Marcus stands and with one last smirk, he and everyone else abandon the plain house.
My hands fly towards Jordan’s pockets to look for his phone “Where is it?” my breath is caught in my throat as I call the 911. In that moment, everything passes in a blur, I see the red blood, the red lights, the white uniforms, a hospital. After that, I was in black clothes staring at the coffin of Jordan.
“That’s it” the words come out of my me as a tear wells up inside my eye. Nick’s expression doesn’t change, he doesn’t show pity, he doesn’t show sadness but mostly he doesn’t show anything that can affect me.
The silence crawls into us, no comments or looks are shared between the both of us “Marcus did this to you” smooth words come out and I nod at the statement “His death made you become this” with a sad nod I look at him in the eye and my heart breaks for his expression.
“Zoe and I had a competition as soon as his death came, everything ended. I became the Leah you know nowadays and she is still the same bitch you know” explaining to him that, silence takes over his lips, he lets go of my hands and it finds its way towards my cheek.
My breath quickens as he leans closer “Nick,” the name leaves my lips and the way our lips are inches apart makes my breath get caught in my system.
“I just can’t do this” pulling away he tells me, I nod understanding whichever his decisions were, my chest feels heavy for a moment, a ton of weight is put on it then the room’s door is opened showing Jake’s friendly face.
“I got you flowers future sister-in-law-” the white orchids are shown and a small smile is drawn on my face carefully “Thanks” he hands me the flowers and as soon as he does it, my best friend enters the room.
Jake stands up straight and Sarah proceeds to hug him from behind and smile. Happiness is born inside me for my best friend’s happiness, then Nick and I exchange glances “We lost track of something or?” the friend beside me asks.
“Nothing” Sarah sure of herself says which lets a smooth laugh come out of my lips.
My best friend has always been someone who isn’t for hookups, I have learned to know her and she is a long-term-relationship kind of girl. Her mother has never been that way.
When my mom and Sarah’s mom knew each other at the high school they couldn’t be in greatest terms, when we were born it was the same. Unfortunately, when Sarah’s dad passed out her mother was a total mess.
My mom would let Sarah spend weeks at our house while her mother was hooking up, doing drugs or walking around the city drunk. There were nights which we would out and look for her for hours.
I smile at her feeling proud of the way she has changed how her strength would be her fort. Turning away from glancing at my feet. My eyes focus on my dad stepping into the room “You are being discharged tomorrow, Le” the nickname hits me like a truck.
Not having my dad mad makes me instantly nervous, the worst feeling crawls into me, but mostly it begins to eat me from inside making me feel homesick. The guilt makes its way to me, seconds later I throw up into the red bucket next to my bed.
Everyone stares at me with worried eyes, making the silence take over the room “I brought frappuccinos” my smiling brother comes in but his smile is drawn away when he connects the dots.
My eyes feel heavy, my body feels warm but my legs are still stone. My mind takes me the only place I want to go and softly my eyelids close, my numb body chooses to sleep.
A smooth melody makes company to my ears, the melody brings me lots of memories. The melody has made my company since I was born. My parents have told me that the day I was born the sound accompany me.
The soft melody was sung by a beautiful voice before I went to sleep when I used to be a little girl. My mother used to sing me “Lemon Tree” each night.
The soft melody keeps going on then my eyes fly open, the hospital room is no longer with people inside, instead a blonde familiar hair is found, a monster is standing with his back facing me.
“You like that song, don’t you?” his voice haunts me and takes me out of peace “What are you doing here?” I ask him with the curiosity filling my body.
“You said you wanted to talk” dizziness is what I feel the moment the words come out. My breath is taken away from my lungs and then questions from me fly away from my brain, then it goes completely white.
“So? The accident got your tongue too?” he chuckles glancing at my legs.
The word hate is a strong word is a word that you wouldn’t usually speak aloud. The word hate produces only anger inside you, that knot that borns inside you, is a knot full of annoyment.
The word has a powerful meaning yet, we use it as something as simple as ‘I hate periods’ or that you hate certain action coming from anyone.
In that moment I felt everything inside me burn. My anger raised inside me, the annoyment intertwined hands with my veins, my blood pumped against. I am livid.
“I hate you” the words come out easily, my mouth doesn’t hesitate on letting those words get out and dug into the air tension “I don’t doubt that” his sarcastic tone talks.
“Why did you threaten that guy?” his head goes to a side with an arched eyebrow curiosity slowly growing on his face “You have to be more specific” after those words, I roll my eyes, feeling somehow guilty.
“Dave. Tall, blonde, kind of looks like a gangster” his face lights up at the mention of the man “You found him at the jail, didn’t you?” a smirk is painted on his face.
“That doesn’t matter. What matter is that you need to stop threatening people just because you are going down. You menace a little girl. You are going too far. If you want to kill then do it, but don’t destroy a family that fasts” my words hit him like a truck, for a moment I see consideration in his eyes.
“I told you. He did business with me, he pays the consequences” I shake my head and when I am about to speaks his arms go flying towards my throat pinning my head to the pillow.
“You never doubt my business, you never tell me what to do. I worked hard for this, not you, not anyone will make me go away. Stay away Anderson or you will end like him” his words cut everything inside me, the air on my lungs get caught when I see the sharp object with liquid inside.
The needle is put inside and the liquid is applied. The moment he lets go of me, sleep takes over me.