Facing someone. The most difficult thing that can ever exist. Normally this happens just because you screwed up, he/she screwed up or simply because both of you did. Th fact that the nervousness is there in the mouth of your stomach giving you the sensation of wanting puke, my mouth normally becomes dry and the breath hitches at my throat just when I see that person.
Because talking it’s not easy especially when you were the one who screwed it up. Over the years my biggest difficulty it’s been apologizing, apologizing requests admitting that you did something wrong, it requests to know that you did something wrong and very bad at it. My pride has never let me do it.
But apologizing has become so common in my life but it’s still difficult. After Sarah gave me the best hug ever, I pull away from her and look into her now soft eyes and then I say the most difficult two words “I’m sorry” the words left my lips in some kind of whisper, she shakes her head slightly “It’s okay. I just panicked that she was at the hospital and I really couldn’t believe that you did that. By the way, I heard that she was out” she tells me as she walks around the kitchen.
“Brownies?” I ask with a wide grin plastered on my lips for having my best friend back “Brownies” she shares my grin and walks to the shelf to take out the flour, I walk towards the counter to take out the bowls and smile at our tradition. Sarah and I always have had this tradition since we were kids but some people aren’t part of it. When we were kids, we began this tradition about every time we had bad days we would make some brownies.
At the beginning, my mom taught us and told everything we needed to know. Like that, Sarah and I would make brownies, even tho we were becoming fatties that didn’t stop us to eat our bad luck. If it’s bad to you, then eat it.
“What are you thinking about?” she snaps me out of my thoughts as she places the ingredients next to the bowl “Just things” as a response she rolls her eyes and a smile is placed on my lips as I grab the eggs and begin to crack them. I hear Sarah typing something on her phone as I put all the ingredients into the two bowls.
She walks towards me and grabs a whisk and I do the same. Blondie begins to sound through the speakers of her phone “Maria” she sings as she puts the dirty whisk as a microphone “You gotta see her” I end the part of the lyrics and she laughs.
She tears her gaze away like she just had an idea then everything happens so fast, she puts the whisk into her bowl to spread it of the mix then all of the thick and brown mix is all over me making me let out a laugh and doing the same.
That’s how it goes, ten minutes later we are covered by the delicious substance, laughing and singing ‘One way or another’ I walk towards her to give her a hug but she begins to run around the kitchen then she slips, her butt landing flatly on the floor. I look at her then we both begin to laugh till the tears of joyful begin to swim in her eyes.
My stomach begins to turn over, making me become silly and join Sarah on the floor when we finally manage to get up, our laughter has died and the only sound in the background was a song but then I hear the uncomfortable sound of the key getting through the key hole and opening.
I shift knowing who it is “No” I hear her voice coming out like a whisper, then the door is opened slowly and with a head down with a messy suit and loose tie, my dad enters “I am so disappointed Leah Marie” those words are like so knives that go through my heart “Dad, I can-” my breath is caught in my throat as he raises his head and I see his blood-shot eyes.
“The principal called me to say that you had sent someone to the hospital. I thought that it was a lie, I asked if I was the one he needed to talk to, sadly he responded with a flat yes. But that’s not the worst part, the worst part was when he said that the Reeds had pressed charges so the police were after you. I felt so fucking bad, what did I do wrong? I have given you everything.” his words come deep into my heart but what kills me is the look on his eyes. Guilty.
“That wasn’t the worst part” he lets out a sarcastic laugh and I feel Sarah putting her hand on my shoulder, showing support “The worst part was when I went to the station but you had already gone out there and I saw your file, it said ‘Leah Marie, 17 years and reason of arrest: Physical harm and robbery’ it hurt knowing that you just didn’t harm someone but robbed Walmart too” he stops and shakes his head.
Tears start to prick my eyes and I tear my gaze away from him, staring at the simple wood floor, I hear him continue “I have never taught my daughter to steal, neither did your mother. Why did you become like this? This awful person that I see standing in front of me isn’t my daughter. The sweet and the kind girl is long gone, I miss my little girl. I miss Le Marie. I don’t want Leah Anderson, I can’t stand seeing you so rebel, so broken because that’s what you are-” I snap my head up “You are this broken girl who lost her boyfriend one year ago and her mother two weeks ago”
I shake my head refusing to accept the truth “I haven’t changed, dad. I am still your little girl. Your butterfly.” I say with a sad smile and try to reach his hands but he shakes his head.
Taking a step backward he tells me “I thought it was a temporal thing, he had just died but then you became reckless and bad with everyone. Every week I’d have to go to school and this is because you want to. You are grounded and clean this mess, everything you have done, I don’t care how long it will take” he turns around and reaches the door knob “If you were my butterfly. You would still be colorful and happy” with that I throw into Sarah’s arms to cry everything out.
Remeber when I said I wasn’t good at facing someone or apologizing? Well, as you witnessed, I screwed it up facing my dad. It was the worst argument that I have had with my father over the years, my dad always has been a really good person, he is supportive, comprehensive, kind-hearted and the best dad ever but today in the kitchen when I saw the disappointment and guilt in his eyes made my breath caught up in my throat and my body feel numb.
After crying into my best friend’s arms, we began to clean up and ended making the brownies. We ate them peacefully while watching Gossip Girl, after that she offered me to stay over but I responded with a shaking head and an ‘I will be okay’ she offered me and a small smile, kissed my forehead and with that she left me alone.
Right now I am just here watching the ceiling listening to The Neighbourhood. I am officially grounded, I don’t know when it will end but I really screwed it up that I don’t think my father and I will be in terms of talking again. A sigh lets my lips as I think about that’s when I hear it, my window opening “I can’t believe he grounded you” I jump from my bed to look at Nick with his wet brown hair all over his blue eyes and a white T-shirt that his chest perfectly with black jeans.
My arms go flying towards my chest realizing that I am braless “Of course he would” I tell him sarcastically, a smirk grows up on his lips and that’s when I realize that he is holding a white plastic bag “What did you bring?” I ask pointing at the bag with my eyes, he arches an eyebrow then looks at the bag “Food, everything we need to pass a perfect night” I shake my head at him disagreeing at his plan.
“We are not going to spend the night together,” I tell him and he walks away from the window to jump into my white bed “Oh yes, we are. So the first movie, Monsters, Inc. I love that movie” So do I but I can’t let him stay here because, One I am braless and two the thought of Nick being here makes me shiver “Honey, no need to worry. You are grounded, but that doesn’t mean I can bring the fun to you” the devil and arrogant smile is plastered on his lips again.
“Okay but first turn around” he gives me a questioning look but I grab his shoulders and turn him around. I go running towards my wardrobe and grab my white lace bra, taking my shirt off I proceed to put it on then the white shirt of my pajamas. I turn around to see a really horny Nick.
“You saw me, didn’t you?” his Adam apple bobs up and he nods. I flick my gaze down to see the boner in his pants “I think you should go to the bathroom” I tell him scratching the back of my neck, nodding he stands up and closes the door behind him.
I walk towards the bed where the bag is placed, I open it then see the bunch of Kit Kats and the bucket of chocolate ice and the one of strawberry that I guess it’s for him; a smile comes to my lips as I see everything he brought “I thought it’d be okay. Sarah told me everything” I nod as I see him getting out of the bathroom now better.
“Thank you tho,” I tell him grabbing my remote to put Netflix on my Tv “I am here, aren’t I?” he says and I grin when I put Monsters, Inc. We lean back into the head of the bed “Let’s start” I say playing the movie on.
When you are cold all you want is warmth not colder, right? The warmth the goes through your skin isn’t enough because it makes the little hairs go up and the goosebumps appear because of the coolness that it’s in the air.
Right now we are in the coldest time of the year of Tobermory, even the nights are colder but today there is something warm wrap around my skin like some kind of blanket, that warmth is comfortable and familiar, maybe the sun decided to be a good guy today and finally appear but just when I thought that, the warmth mass shifts.
That’s when I snap my eyes open, I see the familiar brown hair and the warmth arm is around my waist, his face seems calm, his eyelids are closed not letting me see those electric eyes, his lashes were touching his soft cheeks. I shift trying to get out of his hold not wanting to wake him up.
Not having a lot of success, he opens his eyelids almost taking all the air from my lungs. I watch in awe how his baby blue eyes show up when his eyelids open like some kind of windows, his eyes spark with some kind of special glow that makes me open my mouth then closed it but then Nick does the thing that I less expect, he smiles.
That son of a bitch just smiled and I am about to have a heart attack, his perfect, white and straight teeth show without shyness making his cheeks go up and his dimples come out “Morning, honey” he says and I smile at him, he pulls me closer making my head dug into his chest, his scent filling my nostrils “Good Morning, Nick. If you don’t mind I have to go and wash my teeth” I tell him pulling away from him not very comfortable about him hugging me.
“Sure” his voice suddenly becomes hard and cold, I get a little confused by it but stand up anyway, I go to the bathroom and take a long cold shower when I get out, I brush my teeth wrapping my towel tighter on my chest. I get out to see the bed empty, a little bit of sadness tugs my chest but then I shrug it off not caring about it anymore.
I grab some clothes getting ready for the meeting that I have later with the principal, Zoe, Zoe’s parents and my dad. I seriously not hoping to go very well after everything that has happened. The most probable thing is that I get suspended for physical harm.
I haven’t seen Zoe and I can’t help but feel my chest tighten at the feeling of guilt that suddenly consumes me as I finish with my clothes and put my blond hair in a bun, grabbing my keys I close the door of my room and go downstairs to find Nick waiting for me on the couch while he plays with the keys of his motorcycle.
“I am very impressed that your dad didn’t notice it outside,” he says amused as I smirk at him “Did you really think he didn’t check up on me in the morning?” his face goes white as those words leave my mouth, the smirk doesn’t leave my face as I see him walking up to me “Isn’t your dad supposed to be mad at you?” he asks me and I easily shrug turning around to leave my keys at the place where I always put them, the fruit bowl.
“I don’t really know, he may be mad but he still loves me so yeah,” I tell him opening my door wide open for him to get out as I look at the watch in my hand “Aren’t you like late?” I ask him with an arched eyebrow “Yes but I don’t mind as soon as have your hands around me I don’t mind” he says taking steps closer towards me making my heart go a thousand miles per hour but then I say “You are gross” I push him backwards and a smirk placed on his lips.
“Nope, I am not and I think you know that,” he tells me, we get out of the house with no words exchanged between us, we drive to school together. When we arrive I get off of his bike and hand him the helmet “Thanks” I mutter the cold hitting me like a truck as a reaction I put my jacket tighter around me not letting the coldness and nervousness mix together.
“Good luck,” he tells me and I smile at him showing off all my white teeth in return he stays in his place with a blank face and I almost see a glint of shock in his eyes but they quickly disappear making me turn around and walk towards the entrance of the school where hell was born and created.
My arms push the not so heavy blue doors and my legs start walking towards the conference room where dark and boring brown doors greet me once again but what takes my breath it’s when I see her face all bruised. Her cheek had a big yellow with dark purple stain resting there or when my eyes move to the white bandage covering her perfect nose but then I see the small cut across her bottom lip with a scab there.
“Good Morning Ms. Anderson” The director’s voice makes me snap out of the trance of Zoe’s hurt face when I put my head up I greet my dad’s gaze making me look down and walk towards the long table where everyone who’s part of the council is here.
“Okay, so we shall begin with the serious problem...” then the words began to leave his lips like some kind of foreign language to me as I focus on Zoe’s face, she seems so hurt that she makes frowns every time she catches me looking at her.
The fact of you never getting used to something it’s weird the presence of it, just bothers you. Her face bothers me, she reminds me of what I did and the big mistakes that I have committed making me feel some kind of heaviness in my chest and my heart pound fast against it when she looks me dead in the eyes. I am not going to get used to the fact that we once were best friends and everything was ruined because of a one-night-stand and a stupid competition, the most pathetic thing I have ever done.
“So, Zoe let’s hear your story” then I see it, the only reason because I don’t regret of everything I did to her, I don’t regret seeing her nose all fractured and her cheekbones decorated with yellow and purple, the guilty of my chest vanishes without warning at the sight of her smirk then she puts her mask on making a tear fall down her face.
“I was all normal walking down the hallway when I saw Leah getting mad over her friend-” I open my mouth to object but my dad shoots me the worst look ever “-Then she yelled at me like some kind of monster, I honestly felt so scared at the moment when she jumped on me and start hitting me” her high and pitched voice is the only one heard around the depressing room.
Everyone who is part of the council takes notes down their pale white paper while I tap my nails on the table “I think this should have a really serious consequence, she just can’t go like that and leave my daughter with bruises” a mad Michelle speaks up and I roll my eyes at her stupid ness “Haven’t you heard of healing?” I ask her sarcastically and Zoe makes a move to stand up but I shoot a fiery glare.
“Leah, where are your manners?” my dad asks me and I shake my head at him “No, dad, you don’t understand that certainly didn’t happen. I don’t hurt someone just because I want to” and it’s true everything in life has to have a reason, even if you don’t know it, your sub conscience does. The fact that she is lying about that makes my blood boil and make the room around me feel hotter because I don’t hurt anyone at least I want to.
“I haven’t allowed you to-” I cut off the directors words just as he is about to finish “I don’t care about that. I am defending my point of view and my thoughts, she just lied about the situation. She is doubting my morals just because of her insecurities. This is unbelievable” I tell them shaking my head at the person who is in front of me.
“She is lying, I swear” Zoe defends and I mutter an ‘It’s okay’ then the words of the main council speak up “Leah, You are suspended for two weeks” I nod and look at my dad with his index and thumb over the edge of his nose.
“Please, Mr. Anderson come up here and sign,” he tells him, my dad obeys him walking up towards the file and grabbing the black pen in his hand, putting his cursive handwriting in there he straightens again. The file is closed and the meeting is over.
“I’m sorry dad” I tell him with honesty and hurt in the tone of my voice “A sorry is not enough, Leah” with that my dad leaves the school, the tears starting to prick up my eyes and I see Zoe standing up behind me, quickly swallowing them “Le, I-” I shake my head and a smile forms into my mouth “Hope you are satisfied, Zoe. Finally you go what you always wanted, my misery” I tell her.
Everything is down, is like life was looking for money and telling me to pay soon but that’d be a lot of money because I feel like I owe life everything and she is taking everything one by one. With sadness I turn around and leave the school walking down the street and hoping some day it will turn good.