Those Darned Zombies

By Jumbo_Jimbo All Rights Reserved ©

Horror / Humor


Paul isn't perturbed by the zombies coming up from their graves to carry on with his weekend plans of drinking all weekend.

Chapter 1 - The Zombie Uprising and The Hangover

So there I was, minding my own business when the zombies started their 'uprising'. So much for my weekend plans.

I was hoping for a massive bender over the weekend from Friday night to Sunday but the zombies had put a massive dent into those plans when I first encountered them on Saturday lunchtime. Definitely something you don't want to be forced to deal with when you have a bad hangover, two monstrosities I had to deal with over the weekend.

I had heard of some viral infection or something was occurring around the place but I didn't pay much attention to it as I figured that it was something that most likely wouldn't affect me like ebola or swine flu or bird flu or whatever so it wasn't something that was on the forefront of my mind at all.

I had regained consciousness from Friday night's shenanigans at around ten a.m. with a mouth that felt like it had been tarmacked with sand and gravel, a headache that muted most brain activity and mental ability and my stomach was doing a fast spin but I did what I usually did and induced vomiting down the porcelain throne, drank some water and had a heavy late breakfast of eggs and bacon with a couple of slices of toast and soon after I was feeling much better but the hangover was still lingering somewhat, I'm not as young as I used to be.

To kill time until lunchtime so I could resume the mighty weekend binge extravaganza I turned on the TV to watch whatever passes as TV on a Saturday morning these days.

The news came on when I turned on the TV. Typical. I really wasn't in the mood for whatever doom and gloom was being reported so I changed the channel. The news again. I changed the channel again. The news again. I left the TV on as I went into the kitchen for a glass of water and a couple of aspirin.

I returned to the living room and slumped back onto the sofa and swallowed the aspirin along with the water. As my senses began to return I soon became aware of what the newsreader was going on about. Something about some 'national emergency' and something that was 'on a global scale' and words like 'epidemic' and 'pandemic' were said. I immediately became engrossed with the news for the first time.

As I sat watching the news being broadcast an urgent knock came from my front door, which gave me a right start. I was going to give whoever was exacerbating my hangover headache was going to get an earful.

I opened the door and saw that it was my mate Dave and my anger quickly diminished. "Alright, Dave?" I said as cheerfully as I could under the circumstances.

"Bugger me, Paul" Dave replied in an urgent and nervous way.

"What the hell is wrong with you this morning?" I asked.

"Have you seen what's going on?" he then frantically asked as he was looking around himself as if being in some sort of danger or something.

"I've just caught the news" I replied, "Something about some disease or something that's going around".

"This ain't just some 'disease', Paul, it's the dead......they're up and about like in that movie" he said.

"Is this a wind-up or something?" I asked.

"I ain't joking, mate" Dave said urgently, "This 'disease' or whatever they're calling is a bloody zombie uprising or apocalypse or whatever the word is" he went on to explain.

"Piss off, you piss taker. Zombie uprising? How drunk to you think I am?"

"Whatever, mate, just get to safety" Dave said before making a quick exit.

"OK, then.....I'll see you later" I said as Dave rushed off. Before I forgot I called out to him: "You down the pub later?" but he didn't answer.

I closed the door and thought about taking a quick nap before the Lamb and Sword opened to regain whatever energy I could.

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