Chapter 8- Jealousy
Sebastian’s gaze left a path of goosebumps down my neck as I left the training field. His gaze alone left me wanting more of him even if he was angry at the moment. The bond between us was confusing, to say the least, a push and pull to it.
Jealousy wasn’t a feeling I wanted messing with my mind or contributing to my actions. It was a strong emotion and it was playing havoc with my heart. Sebastian had stayed with his harem of she-wolves. They laid hands on my mate and my beast half wanted out. The need to claim what was mine was nearly overwhelming. I wanted to rip their hands off of what wasn’t theirs to touch. Although, a part of me didn’t blame them. It blamed him for allowing them free reign over his torso. I held back the growl that had begun to rumble in my chest.
I walked away, head held high. That conversation would come to head later and he’d regret ever letting them touch him. He’d pay for his pettiness.
I found Caspian in the common room of the wing Sebastian had housed my old wolf pack. Beta Alexander briefly raised his head from the stacks of papers piled on the marble table in front of him. I raised a brow in his direction unsure if he’d say hello.
He didn’t. Figures. He still didn’t like me even if I wasn’t with his son.
Four of the older unmated wolves lounged lazily around the room reading or watching tv quietly in a corner of the large room. The younger wolves must be out taking part in the other activities that were supposed to foster peace between the gathered packs.
It wasn’t unheard of for packs to merge or make alliances during the week. It was how my pack had come to be thirty years ago. Alpha Hugo and Luna Magda had met at the first gathering. They left their packs and started one of their own. They’d each brought members from their old pack to start their new one. There were rules and tons of legalities that needed to be addressed but it was nothing to the determined wolf.
I put the ramblings of my mind on the back burner and turned my attention towards Caspian. His sandy blonde hair was unkempt and he was still wearing yesterday’s clothes. He was reclined in an armchair staring off into the distance. A light stubble had begun to grow giving him an older look. The dark shadows under his eyes another indication he hadn’t gone to bed.
The pack had said nothing to him, instead allowing him to wallow in his pain and anxiety over his missing mate. Well, he’d had enough wallowing for the time being.
“Caspian, get your stinky self out of that chair and into the shower or so help me Goddess I will beat your ass. Waiting around for answers isn’t going to help you find your mate.”
His light brown eyes met mine. We may not be together anymore but I wasn’t completely abandoning him either. We were friends and I wasn’t about to leave him to deal with it alone.
A small smile lit up his face, igniting a spark of hope in his eyes. “You’re right, Lyla. Thanks.”
I returned his smile. “Go shower, stinky.”
He chuckled and stood to leave. I cleared my throat. “Actually, do you mind if I join you?”
He raised a brow.
Heat flooded my cheeks. “That’s not what I meant, dummy.”
Several members of the pack snickered while Caspian cracked a smile.
At least my embarrassment was worth it, he’d smiled.
We left the common room in silence. I followed Caspian down the stairs, passing wolves from other packs that were also staying in the house. Nearly all the wolves from Sebastian’s pack lowered their head in submission. It was awkward and unwanted. I’d done nothing to gain their respect or submission. It all felt so false. I wanted it but I wanted to earn it.
Caspian raised a brow. “Has this been happening a lot?”
I was about to respond when I noticed where we were. He had opened the front door.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Well, you said you wanted to come with me?”
“I meant to walk with you to your room so we could talk for a bit.”
“Aren’t you staying in the wing with the rest of the pack?”
Both of his eyebrows raised this time and he struggled to hold his grin. Sometimes I forgot how good looking Caspian was with his boyish looks and warm brown eyes.
A slow smirk spread across his mouth. “He honestly hasn’t told you?
“Told me what?”
“He’s not allowing me to stay here with the pack.”
My mouth fell open.
“Where are you staying? Are you at the pack house they lent us for the week?”
He scratched the back of his head before he answered. “I’m actually staying in the room you and Teresa rented for the week.”
“My anger was quick to rise and my blood roared to life. My animal side was aching to be let out. Jealousy would get us nowhere. I didn’t blame Sebastian for the emotion since I was no stranger to it, but that didn’t mean he could just ban Caspian from the place. He didn’t even let him stay on pack land.
My body began to shake with the need to shift but I held back. The pain that came with the refusal was instantaneous. I cried out in agony. I could hear the whispers and murmuring of those who watched. At that moment I didn’t care who was saw it.
The mate bond swirled to life, urging me to remain calm but that only angered me more. He was the reason I’d lost control. It seemed he was the only one to be able to push me over the edge. I hadn’t lost control like this in years. Actually, since the first year I shifted.
Caspian’s voice broke through the flames that roared in my mind. He helped tame the fire brewing. His hand touched my shoulder, bringing me back from crossing the threshold to shift. I didn’t want to lose it in front of everybody. As it was, this would probably be gossiped about. I didn’t need to give them more to talk about.
Caspian rubbed circles on my back, muttering soothing words under his breath so only I could hear. I inhaled and exhaled painstakingly slow as I tried to calm myself. A nagging thought in the back of my mind told me to concentrate on the fact that Caspian was able to help keep me from shifting but I determinedly ignored it.
I turned to face Caspian. “You shouldn’t have to live somewhere else. You should be with your pack if you wanted. You can shower here. Come on,” I said as I grabbed his hand, pulling him towards my room.
I ignored the faces staring at us and led Caspian back up the stairs. I’d find Matthew to help me get him some clothes he could use until he moved his stuff into the house.
“Lyla,” Caspian whispered, but I ignored him and continued to lead him to my room. I knew what he was going to say but I didn’t care if anyone told Sebastian. I wasn’t in the wrong here. It wasn’t like I was inviting him up to my room to have my way with him.
I barked out at a wolf I recognized from the kitchen this morning and asked her to send Matthew to my room. Her startled expression made me regret my tone but there was nothing I could do about it now.
I opened my door, pulling Caspian in behind me before slamming the door shut.
“Lyla, you know Sebastian wouldn’t like me being up here with you alone,” he said calmly.
I sighed as I sat down on a small corner of the gigantic bed. “I know.”
Caspian moved to stand in front of me. “Then why bring me here, Lala?”
I wrinkled my nose. “Well, you do actually stink.”
He chuckled. “Okay, and now the real answer.”
“He shouldn’t have banned you from staying in the house or on pack land. He overstepped.”
“Not really, Lyla. He is the Alpha and it is within his rights as such to do so. You know this.”
“That’s not what I meant and you know it. He did it because of who you were to me, Casp.”
I stared up into his honey tinted eyes. He tilted his head to the side and stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans.
“We’ll always be friends, L. Our relationship may look different now but I won’t be disappearing from your life, no matter who your mate is.”
A tear fell down my face. Caspian’s hand was quick to wipe it away. I wasn’t prepared to feel this way about losing Caspian. I figured having a mate was supposed to make you stop having feelings for someone other than your mate but I was quickly realizing it wasn’t the case. What a naive idiot I’d been.
I’d been so overwhelmed and awestruck with having a mate that my feelings for Caspian had been muted. It was a funny thing though. I remembered what it felt like to be physically attracted to him and to want him, but that was now completely overshadowed by my attraction towards Sebastian.
I’d say the moon was cruel for not taking both away, but I bet others would say it was a punishment for being with someone other than my mate.
A knock at the door broke our gaze. I went to open the door to find Matthew patiently waiting. I was surprised to see him. I didn’t think the wolf I’d asked would actually do it.
“How may I be of assistance?” he asked.
He wore a gray fitted suit with a black shirt underneath. He didn’t even blink an eye when I asked him for some clothes for Caspian.
“As you wish, Luna.”
“You don’t have to call me that. Lyla will do. Thanks, Matthew.”
He smiled and left quickly.
I turned back to face Caspian, expecting to find him still standing, but he was laid flat on his back with his hands beneath his head on my bed.
“Getting comfortable much?” I smirked.
“You never had a problem with it before,” he retorted.
I sighed. “Yeah, that was before.”
“Yeah, I know,” he responded sadly, letting me know he still harbored feelings for me too.
“Hey, once you see your mate then it will get easier for you. Maybe you won’t feel anything for me anymore,” I replied hopefully.
“Is that how it was for you?” he asked, although, I was sure he already knew.
Caspian always knew how to read me, even before we’d become a couple.
“You should get in the shower. I’ll hand you the clothes once Matthew returns.”
He looked at me for a second longer before he stood up and went to the bathroom.
I exhaled deeply before tossing myself face down onto the bed and buried my face in my pillow.
Another knock at the door split the silence.
A woman held a bundle of clothes out to me. I took them and she quickly rushed off before I could thank her.
Just as I was about to knock on the bathroom door a sharp pain ripped through me. A loud growl roared through the house. I gripped the door frame and my chest, trying to ride out the emotions flowing through the bond.
He was coming.
Before I could give Caspian a heads up, my door flew open. Most would notice that Sebastien’s blue eyes were burning with rage but what I noticed was how they held an unimaginable amount of pain.
What did he think was going on here?
“Sebastian,” I breathed.
“Where is he?” he growled.
“It’s not what you think,” I hurried to answer.
I shuffled towards him, carefully reaching out to touch his arm. I needed him to know nothing was going on. I was stupid in bringing Caspian up here. I knew what it would do to Sebastian if he heard. I knew what he’d think.
The bathroom door opened.
Caspian walked out with a towel tied low around his hips. “Lyla, where...”
He didn’t get to finish asking that question.
Sebastian exploded. I was tossed hard into the bed frame. The post crashed hard into my back.
I stared in shock at the giant black wolf in front of me.
What had I done?