Two weeks ago, when Damon and Alice came to help clean up the house, they were furious. Someone must have had a personal vendetta against Alec or me, or they wouldn’t have done that and I was paranoid about it.
I will take it all away. Just like before.
Those words stayed in my mind ever since that night. Alice and Damon suggested that I distract myself for a while with positive things. It helped keep me from being paranoid if I was constantly busy. If I wasn’t at Logan’s grave or with Damon and Alice, then I was reading a book. I spent a lot of time alone in my room and that would explain how I read seven big novels in just two weeks.
I adjusted the light to the lamp on my nightstand so I could read better. All I had to do was wait until Alec got back home so I could help deal with his drunken state. For the past two weeks, he has been at bars in the human town getting drunk. It got worse and worse after each night, to the point where Damon and Rem would have to get him and bring him back to the pack. Then I would help him get up to the couch in my room because he would be staggering drunk, which was odd for a werewolf. The case isn’t that Alec is incapable of handling his alcohol, he would be fine if he didn’t drink twenty times of what a human could.
I heard the sound of the door opening followed by heavy footsteps. I placed my book down and walked out of the room. While staying at the top of the stairs I watched as Damon and Rem brought him in. They all walked up the stairs, this time without helping him from falling.
“Woah, who’s that?” Alec slurred his words and pointed at me. I wasn’t surprised.
“Dude, that’s your mate.” Damon disapprovingly said.
“Damn she hot as fuck.” Alec slurred. Rem snickered.
“Yeah, we know.” Damon pushed him forward and Alec almost fell. It’s funny because that would be the only time he would successfully be able to push him around.
Alec suddenly turned to Damon, “What did you say about my mate?” For a second I held my breath.
“I didn’t say anything.”
“You didn’t? Okay.” I’m guessing Alec was too drunk to realize that he actually said something. Alec pushed the door open to my room and fell into the couch.
“Are you good from here?” Rem asked.
“Yeah, I can handle him,” I told them.
“Okay, goodnight hun.” Rem said and gave me a hug which was followed by Damon. Rem left but Damon stayed behind.
“I’ll be running outside, close by if you need me,” Damon said. I nodded my head and he left.
I walked back into my room to see Alec was stripping into his boxers. I turned away trying my best to give him some privacy, but soon I felt heat radiating against my body. He pulled my chin to face him. Then he softly kissed me. I didn’t kiss him back because I couldn’t. I knew that this actually wasn’t him. He was just drunk, and that made me sad. I never liked him drinking ever since he threw a vodka bottle at me before.
“Why don’t you kiss me back.” He was starting to regain his ability to speak without slurring his words.
“You’re drunk Alec,” I stated.
“Yes, Alec I’m not arguing with you.”
“All I had was the XH pill.” He shrugged his shoulders. That explains a lot.
I sighed and rubbed my forehead, “Why would you take that pill? I thought you were better than that.” The XH pill was a substance created by werewolves to extend the effects of being drunk or high. Many teenagers used it and it’s very common, but if a human used it then they could possibly die. “How long ago did you take it?”
“I don’t know,” He shrugged his shoulders again, “Earlier today.”
I wanted to yell at him for acting like this but I didn’t. “I’ll get you some water,” I said in hopes of snapping him out of this.
Naturally, I had to wait for his body to get rid of the pills. If he took them earlier in the day then it should be gone quickly because his body heat should have burned it out of his system now. I went downstairs and filled up a cup of water.
Alec was laying on the couch when I arrived. I crouched down on the floor, “Here.”
“No problem. I’d do anything for you.”
“Sadly.” He muttered while taking a sip.
“What’s that suppose to mean?” I asked.
He ignored my question. “I missed you.”
“Then you should be home more often,” I told him. “I missed you too. It’s been very boring without you. It’s scary in the house by myself when you’re not here.” I confess.
“You actually still want me?” He asked baffled
“Of course. You’re still my mate. Why do you say stupid things like that?”
“Because it’s clear that the threats were for me. What if something bad happens to you,” He gently brushes his hand across my cheek. “I can’t lose you again. Not ever.”
“You’re not. Whoever this person is- I’m positive you can easily kill them. I’ve seen you kill many people without your eyesight.” I encouraged him.
He shook his head, “Not this time lovely. Despite what people think and what the elder council decided to put in the history books- I’m not the strongest, and I have a bad feeling that I know who this is.” A brief emotion of worry passed through his eyes, “but don’t worry I will protect you.” He slumped in the couch and I petted his head till he fell asleep.
I will admit, if something worried him, then that terrified me. I couldn’t dwell on this too much or getting any sleep would be unsuccessful, and I was tired of not getting any sleep.
When Alec fell asleep I got up and turned off the lamp. This time I would try to sleep without tossing and turning.
I woke up at six in the morning to hear hyperventilating. I got up and sat by the couch. I really felt bad for him when he was like this. At nights he could barely sleep, then in the day he would drink it away.
“Alec. Alec, just breathe okay. Everything is fine.” I soothed him.
“This is only temporarily,” I whispered to him.
In a way, he was opening up to me by letting me see his weakness. If he didn’t want me to see him in a vulnerable state then he wouldn’t have wanted to sleep in my room.
I whispered sweet nothings into his ear and assured him that everything was going to be alright. Soon he stopped hyperventilating and was breathing normally.
A couple of minutes later, when he was calm, he slowly turned to face me.
“Are you alright?” I asked.
He nodded his head.
“I’ll be back soon,” I said. He nodded his head again.
I was planning to visit Logan’s grave early this morning. Talking to him made me feel better. I knew there was a spell in my grimoire book to make Logan’s spirit linger on earth with me, but to perform the spell for my own selfish reasons for missing him would be wrong. After all, he is in a much better place than on earth.
Not caring how I looked, I went downstairs to find my shoes. When I went downstairs freshly made food was sitting on the counters. I eyed the food suspiciously.
“Is he alright?”
I gasped and jumped around to meet Alice. “Jesus Christ, don’t do that!”
Her eyes narrowed. “You should have known I was here,” she tapped her nose, “Werewolf senses.”
“Still, a phone call would have been nice.” I scolded.
“No need.” She brushed it off with her hand. “I prefer windows. Which by the way, you need to lock them. You guys are being threatened.”
“Right,” I confirmed. As a group decision, we decided not to let the pack know about the threatening message that was meant for their Alpha and Luna. We didn’t want to worry them, but we did increase security.
“Is he alright? I heard...” She asked. The look in her eyes showed great care and concern toward her brother.
“He is fine,” I said
“I’m sorry for eavesdropping. It’s just that I’m worried about him. I always knew he had trouble sleeping, but it got worse since you died and now with the threat. It doesn’t help.” Alice stammered.
“It is fine. I understand. He is your brother and regardless of his rank you have the right to be worried.” I replied.
Alice left soon after our talk and I grabbed my coat and shoes. Then I began the walk to Logan’s grave, I decided that I would just eat later.
It was nice to get some space to breathe because being cooped up in the house was torturous, especially when I haven’t even used any magic what so ever. The cold air filled my lungs and I actually enjoyed it. The stinging pain reminded me that I was still alive. Being alive was better than being dead. Even after everything that happened, I had to keep pushing no matter what. I had lost a lot, but at least I was finally able to gain some affection from Alec, even if it was small amounts. Slowly, we were getting somewhere.
Rem, Grace, Damon, Alice, and Alec helped me bury Logan in the forest. They also helped me decorate his grave. Grace and Rem even bought a tombstone for him.
When I arrived I kneeled down beside his grave and read his epitaph.
If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I’d walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.
I know I didn’t have Logan for a long period of time but I know we would have had great memories together.
“I’m going to miss you,” I said while wiping off the cold dust on his tombstone. A gust of wind made me hold my coat tighter to myself. I looked up and Charlie was on the other side of Logan’s grave.
“I’m going to miss him too. Other than you he was the only one that could see me.” Charlie sadly said.
I stayed for a couple of minutes. A couple of stray tears flowed down my cheek. He was the first dog I ever had and I always wanted one.
I wondered how stupid I looked. Grieving over a dog that I had only known for a couple of months but he was so much more than a dog to me. I remembered the time when we first got him and he peed on Alec’s car. I laughed as more tears came. “This isn’t fair. It was not supposed to be you. I am sorry Logan.” I was starting to think that if I never got him then he would still be alive, but I knew I gave him everything I had. He was happy when he was with me.
“What in the fuck are you doing out here?” A harsh demanding voice asked. Alec had no shirt on and his chest was on full display.
I got up so quickly that I almost tripped again. “I was just seeing him.”
“Do not ever go out without me ever again.” Alec was visibly shaking with anger. Fear started to creep its way into my body. Why was he acting like this? I have been alone before without him.
“But I-” He wouldn’t let me finish speaking.
“No buts! Listen to what I say or there will be consequences.” He was now inches away from me.
He eyes were a bright golden brown and I knew better than to argue when Lucian was in control. He harshly grabbed my arm and drug me back to the house. I felt like he was going to tear my shoulder out of its socket.
He started to calm down halfway back to the house. I wondered what caused his short burst of anger. “Why did you get so mad? I’ve been away from you before when you were at bars or whatever.”
“But I’ve always made sure to get someone to look after you when I’m away. I don’t want you out in the forest without me or a guard. It’s too dangerous.” Alec said. So this was over my safety.
For the rest of the way, Alec and I walked back to the house in silence. When we got back to the kitchen I ate just a little bit then I put the food away. While cleaning up I heard cabinets and dishes clinking together. I turned around and saw Alec pouring himself a shot of expensive vodka.
I looked down at the sink. “Don’t you think it’s a bit too early to start drinking?” It wasn’t even nine o’clock.
“No.” He picked up the shot glass and bottle of alcohol then walked over to the living room. “But do you want to watch a movie.”
“Yes actually.” I was at least happy to spend some quality time with Alec alone.
I waited on the couch for Alec to return. After the movie, Alec left immediately and said he would be back within an hour. Nine hours have gone by and he is still not here. Even Damon, Grace and Rem payed me a visit. Then after they left Charlie talked to me for a while.
Besides that, all I’ve been doing is playing games on my phone and worrying about him. I had a sickening feeling that he would return home drunk again. That would not surprise me.
I even looked out the window to see if anyone was there. The only people that where there were guards that were patrolling outside the house. It surprised me because I didn’t notice them before.
The door finally flung open and made a loud banging noise. I got up. “Alec.” I frustratingly mumbled. “Don’t you think this is getting old,” I complained.
“I think you need to mind your damn business.” He snapped. He wasn’t too drunk but he was buzzed, and it was still enough to hinder his abilities.
“You are my business when you act like this. You can’t keep doing this to yourself. There are different ways to handle things like this.” I raised my voice to be stern.
“Like fucking what Leah.” He yelled. “You want me to talk to you. To open up and tell you shit. Get the fuck over yourself.”
“Maybe if you did then you wouldn’t act like this.” I yelled pointing at the bottle.
His eyes filled with rage. The next thing I know is the bottle is hurtling straight at me. I immediately fell to the ground and successfully avoided the object. Luckily, it wasn’t thrown at great speed. I stood to my feet.
“Maybe, if you drank a little then you wouldn’t act like such a bitch. You’re not my mother. She is dead.” Alec raged and threw something else. Then he grabbed a picture and split it in half. My eyes widened at his aggressive behavior. It has been a while since it fully surfaced.
“I’m trying to be your mate! I’m trying to help you! All you need to do is fully open up to me. I will never judge you.” At this time I couldn’t help but let the tears flow. It wasn’t that I was too weak to handle the physical pain, but emotionally, I was hurting. With everything that happened recently, it was just too much. I hated crying because, to me, it showed weakness. I just couldn’t keep it in because flashbacks of all the bad things that he has ever done to me surfaced when he threw the bottle at me. The ones that I tried so hard to bury deep in my mind.
I wanted to be alone because I was full on crying and I hated people watching me. Alec’s full attention was on me and I couldn’t stand it any longer. I ran up to my room bawling.
I heard Alec chasing me but I already locked my door. My back slid down my door, trapping me inside my room with my lonely tears. The door jiggled but Alec couldn’t enter because it was locked.
I tried to justify his actions because that’s always what I do with everyone. I try to see the good in people and refuse to see the bad, but it clouds my judgment. At least he didn’t hit me. With those thoughts running through my mind I wanted to forgive him but it can’t be that easy.
I heard a noise, and I assumed Alec sat down with his back against the door like me. “Leah.” Alec started but stopped. “I’m sorry.”
I didn’t say anything as I wiped my face and continued to cry.
“I know I say that a lot but I mean it every time. Things... have been crazy. I never meant to act out or hurt you... again.” He apologized.
“You need to let me in...” My voice was weak and pleading.
“I know.” He sighed, “Alright. If you open the door, I’ll tell you anything you want to know. I’ll tell you about the war. I’ll tell you about my childhood and my family. Hell, I’ll tell you about my teddy bear that I had when I was really young.” He said.
My eyes widened. He was planning to open to up me completely. Only there was one part missing and it made me look like a hypocrite.
“Alec, I need to tell you something important too...” I trailed off.
“Anything. Just open the door. Baby please.”
I let out a long breath and stood up the straight my clothes. I looked in the mirror to wipe off all the tears.
Then I opened the door.