Finding Reason

By SashaSecret All Rights Reserved ©

Fantasy / Romance

Chapter 38

The pain in his chest and the suffocating agony of betrayal and sadness engulfed his heart.

He waited for him to choose him, until his very last breath, yet that still was not enough.

Upon opening his eyes, he was once again greeted with the sight of his ethereal space.

Yet no matter how ethereal the sight, it could not ease the burning pain in his chest.

Zero’s expression was unreadable, as his head lowered, and he cradled himself on his bed.

His mind swirled with painful thoughts, was he not good enough? Was he really that worthless that the man who had promised to love him forever and always would end up choosing concubines over him? That even though he tried so hard, he never once told him if he ever loved him?

He was unable to stop the humorless laugh that escaped his lips. His endless tears betraying his smile.

The space echoed with the tragic melody of his broken voice, his tears endless, as he cried and cried until he fell asleep.

Ace, who had been watching on the sidelines, for the very first time felt pain.

Although he was a system, seeing the state of the person who he looked up to and treated as his master reduced to such a state sparked an intense hatred, that slowly fueled with each moment he saw his master in pain, as he wept and wept and questioned his own worth.

He was engulfed with hatred for how his master had been treated. The endless ridicule he had suffered, simply to be by that person’s side, as he used the mission as a pretense.

Ace’s steel round body floated towards his broken master, and he gently nuzzled himself against his head, even though he knew, that no matter what he did now, his master was already broken.


[Yes master?]

“Why... why... was I not enough?” Sobs escaped his lips as he clutched his chest, his tears streamed down his face. “Was it something I did? Was it the way I acted? The way I am?” His voice hoarse, cracking as he choked the sentence out.

[No, master, you did nothing wrong, it was not your fault. You are perfect the way you are]

Zero lowered his head, as he retreated once more into himself, clutching him chest to bear with the pain.

The amount of time that had passed as Zero woke, cried himself to sleep and repeated was unreadable.

Every time he fell asleep, he dreamed of how he hoped in his last moments the man he loved would have embraced him, loved him, chosen him. Yet when he woke up, he was brought back to the tragic reality. The man he loved chose concubines over him.

He was willing to put his past behind him and forgive that the man had slept with countless concubines as he had no memories, as long as he chose him in the end. But even that wish, he could not fulfil.

Over time, the tears began to dry, and instead formed a deep scar in his heart, a festering deep wound, full of hate, anger, betrayal and insanity.

He slowly forgot the feeling of love, the feeling of warmth, as the painful thoughts repeated over and over like broken record.

His small, lonely figure cradled in his own arms, as if trying to protect his very being.

After a long time, Zero spoke

“Ace.” His voice croaky, hoarse and weak.

[Y-Yes, Master] Ace was shocked that his master had finally spoken

“The pain... is there a way I can stop it and put an end to my feelings. I just want to be unable to feel emotions. I promise I will complete whatever missions you give me. Just please, end my suffering.”

He raised his head to look at the system he considered his only friend. His eyes, red and empty, his lips lifted into an empty and shallow smile that did not reach his eyes, as a tear slid down his cheek.

[Master... there is a pill that will numb all of your emotions...but your emotions are what make you human... not like...]Me.

“Please.” His voice broken, cracking, as he begged.

[Alright, Master, if that is what you wish.]

How much Ace wished he could stop him, but he did not wish for his master to be in pain anymore, he did not wish to see the sight of the person he had been reduced to, as he wept and questioned his worth every moment.

“Thank you” Zero smiled, his eyes still empty.

He took out the pill and cradled it in his palms. He looked down at it, and his lips quirked up humorlessly, who would have thought things would end this way, Austin.

He did not blame the man he loved. He knew that although the emperor’s soul may have belonged to him, his personality was different, he was in a different world, with a different past and most importantly, he had forgotten him.

Who would have thought that this would be the way I would remove my humanity?

His tears dripped off his cheek as he closed his eyes and savored the almost nonexistent and distant warmth that he treasured from the person he loved. Before he finally decided it was time.

He placed the pill in his mouth and swallowed.

The pain in his chest immediately ceased to exist, as if it was suppressed, and he felt reborn, yet he could not escape the feeling of being undeniably empty, like a void that once contained something valuable.

Zero’s raised his head, his eyes narrowed, emanating a cold, distant chill before his lips pulled into a satisfied, empty smirk. Perfect, as long as his emotions did not come back, he felt he would be alright.

[Master...]Ace called out cautiously.

He was worried his master would drastically change after becoming emotionless. However, instead, he was greeted with the sight of those cold, indifferent eyes and the emotionless smirk he had seen when he first met him and couldn’t deny the feeling of loss and sadness that engulfed his steel heart.

He was jolted out of his thoughts

“Well? Let me know what our next world is.” His voice stern, monotone and unfeeling.

[U-Understood, Master]

[The world is one simply based on the gods, goddesses, angels and demons. The world is set in an ancient and less civilized time on the planet earth.

In the upper realm, were many gods and goddesses in both the kingdom of light and darkness who were extremely powerful and immortal.

They lived thousands of years in luxury, slowly becoming arrogant and uncaring. They had no care for mere humans who would only last a moment in their lives. So, they took their conflict and started it on lower realm, earth.

Wars raged between the gods and goddesses of light and darkness on the planet, wreaking havoc and destroying lands. The humans suffered greatly from this but were unable to do anything.

Both the gods and goddesses of light and darkness were responsible for a large number of deaths that occurred due to their feud. The demons and angels were unable to go against them, so they simply obeyed, and carried out the gods and goddesses’ orders. Their wars waged on human land, for thousands of years, eventually destroying it and burying human civilization.

When the war was over, the gods and goddesses of light and darkness both sealed their kingdom gates shut. Thus, the angels and demons left in the human realm from the war were unable to return home.

They both adapted to earth throughout their years and got used to it.

They thought all was lost, until they heard of an artifact that was left behind on earth from the war. The artifact was said to be able to unseal the kingdoms gates. However, only someone with enough power could use it.

For the angels, their hope had increased when they had learned that an extremely strong individual that had enough power to unseal the kingdom gates, had been born.

Thus, the angel was revered by all. This was the male lead, Valor Ren. He was blessed since birth, kneeled down to and worshipped as the person who would finally allow them to return home.

Throughout his childhood, he was always bullied by the second male lead, Idris Nox. Valor was timid, spoiled and sheltered, compared to the second male lead who had to fight people just to be able to get a single meal. He was very weak compared to Idris when he was young.

The second male lead was a half breed. A cross between an angel and demon. He was seen as an abomination and outcast, abandoned at birth.

He hated how the male lead had everyone’s love, thus, he bullied him, and made sure he took anything that the male lead came to care about.

Even the woman, whom the male lead had started to become interested in, he killed during one of the small feuds that occurred between the angels and demons. Thousands of years past and Valor had finally unlocked his true potential. Idris was eventually defeated by the male lead and killed during the battle. Then, when Valor had finally unsealed the gates, he and the female lead, Lana Keele fell in love and went and lived happily ever after in the Upper realm kingdom.]

Zero sat on his bed, casually leaning against the headboard, as he rested his chin in his hand, ghosting his thumb over his lips in deep contemplation. His eyes unreadable, cold and empty.

A minute passed, before he languidly stretched, and his lips lifted into a demonic smile behind his lush black raven hair.

“Hmm, I see, that’s enough for now, let’s get going” he lazily yawned, voice empty.

[Yes, Master]

Zero opened his eyes, only to be met with the sight of a dark, bloody ground. The smell of death wafted through his nose, as he took in his surroundings.

The dark sky, bodies of angels and demons scattered on the ground, and his bloodied, battered body oozing blood.

Laying on the bloodied ground he took a minute to analyze his surroundings, waiting for at least some of the intense pain in his body to subside before he raised his head and got up.

Just as he was looking around, struggling to focus his weight on his feet a low voice sounded.

“Eh? thought you killed him man, are you getting rusty? This was finally your chance to get revenge and get rid of the psychopathic bastard and you forgot to finish him off?” The voice spoke lazily with a hint of humor.

Zero immediately snapped his head towards the voice, and his cold empty eyes narrowed in thought and flashed with an unfathomable emotion.

There stood 5 males, all flawless, god like physiques, their aura powerful, their silver and golden angelic armor stained with blood. Their large white majestic and intimidating wings on display, as they gazed at him with an unusual emotion.

Zero’s eyes narrowed even further, as they focused on the most intimidating man in the group.

His long golden hair flew in the wind, otherworldly and elegant.

His jade-like flawless skin and mouthwatering physique noticeable through his silver, golden armor. But most of all, his eyes, royal dark blue surrounded by long lashes, piercing and lethal. As if one look could either free you or make you surrender. His appearance, perfect, as if made by the gods. Only enhanced even more, by the silver headpiece, its bells blew in the wind, leaving a small and soothing sound.

The aura around him was pure, untainted and untouchable.

His stature tall and straight, silent but dominating. With one glance it was obvious that although he may seem quiet and not concerned about worldly matters, if provoked, he would retaliate full force.

Zero’s empty eyes flashed with an unusual light.

He knew he had to get away from this person. This man was the last person he wished to see, yet as soon as he had come here he met him within seconds.

Zero’s lips lifted up into a demonic empty smile and his cold eyes flashed. He laughed, a humorous empty laugh as he felt those captivating eyes focus on his form, ghosting over him like a warm caress.

“What why does your childhood enemy give off a different type of aura... and those cold empty eyes. Damn I feel pressured and intimidated for some reason even though he’s practically half dead.”

The silent man paid no mind to his loud chattering friend and stared down the battered figure before him. His sword like brows furrowed slightly, as he elegantly brought his hand up and gently placed it on his chest, wandering why he suddenly felt such agonizing happiness and need to embrace the man who took and ruined everything he ever cared for.

The feeling of regaining something that was lost confused him.

Valor had dreams ever since he was just a child, of a battered body being carried in his embrace under the moonlight, but no matter how much he tried to understand, he could not fathom the unusual dreams of the ethereal garden in the night, as someone he found exceptionally beautiful with their penetrating silver eyes played a tragic melody with their flute.

The wind blew, carrying the scent of death with it.

After a few minutes of silence, staring at the man who he had despised with a vengeance, his deep and husky monotone voice sounded with a hint of curiosity.

His narrowed royal dark blue eyes bore into Zero’s

“Who are you?”

Zero’s lips lifted into an empty smile.

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