Chapter 23: Forgive Me
Quinton Fleming. Tristan’s father was also Allison’s father. How in God’s name did this happen? How did my best friend and my girlfriend end up being siblings without realizing it this entire time?
Now I had to be the one to tell them about it because Joanne was set on keeping as much of Allison’s real father a secret from her as possible. But I didn’t want to be in this position. It was my place to do any of this, it should me Allison’s mom or Tristan’s dad.
Fuck! How do all of this shit keep happening in my life?
I knew I couldn’t keep this from Tristan, he had already lost a sister before and I was the one who was there during his meltdowns. I was the one who watched him refusing to break at the funeral even though he was clearly in pain and the only way he would show it was by drowning his heartache in alcohol.
If I didn’t say anything and this information came out in a few years, they would both hate me for keeping this from them. Then I would lose my best friend and the woman I love.
Then there was the big question of who do I tell first? Should I tell them together? Will this ruin the weird kind of friendship they have happening?
“You seem like you have a load on your mind,” My brother’s voice interrupted my thoughts as his hand rested on my shoulder.
I shook my head, “You have no idea.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“I can’t,” I responded honestly. And I couldn’t, I had no idea what to say or who to say it to. Right now it was a secret that I was attempting to burying in the back of my mind but I knew it wouldn’t stay there long.
Luckily Will seemed to let it go, taking a sip of his soda, “How’s Allison?”
“As good as anyone would be if they found out that the person they grew up thinking was their father actually wasn’t even related to them and wants nothing to do with her,” I clenched my jaw tightly in anger with the situation. She didn’t deserve this.
“Is there anything I can do?” He offered.
I glanced around the patio, everyone was still standing around and I knew exactly what I needed will to do. “Can you get everyone to go home, please? Allison wants to be alone and asked that I get everyone to leave.”
Will nodded his head, “Yeah, of course.”
As he walked to our parents and began talking to them, I noticed Tristan look over at me and motion for me to come over.
I rubbed my forehead as I walked over to where Tristan stood, leaning against the deck. He looked irritated as I approached him and I nodded my head when I reached him, “Hey, so Allison wants everyone to leave. She just wants space and--”
“What kind of fucking bastard would be heartless enough to treat her like she’s a piece of garbage?” Tristan snapped suddenly, causing me to stop talking. He rolled his eyes and looked away, “Her father or whoever the fuck he is, he’s nothing but --”
“Tristan, calm down. I know, okay? I’m pissed off, too!” I flailed my arms slightly, “But you need to be quiet because her mom is a ticking time bomb. For some damn reason she’s on Patrick’s side and I don’t want a fight happening. Allison’s dealing with enough right now.”
Tristan raised his arms in a slight state of confusion, “Who the fuck is Patrick?”
“Allison’s dad... Well, her...” I reached up and scratched the back of my head, “I don’t know what the hell he is to her, okay? But you know what I mean.”
“Where is the guy, anyway?” Tristan asked and I was glad that Patrick had left suddenly after exposing Joanne’s secret. If he hadn’t I was sure that Tristan would have approached him.
I shook my head, “He left, I suppose. Look, Tristan. I need to talk to you about something.”
I wasn’t even sure if now was the time or the place to tell him, but the secret was eating my up inside and I couldn’t tell Allison right away. She needed time to absorb a little information at a time, not too much at once. Though I’m not even sure Tristan would be able to understand that his father was also Allison’s father.
“Jesus Christ. Now what?” Tristan muttered under his breath, “There’s always something going on with you and your family.”
I opened my mouth to object, but he wasn’t exactly wrong. My family brought a lot of drama, but this wasn’t about my family this time. It was about him.
I chuckled softly and shook my head in response to him, “It isn’t me. It’s about you...”
“Me? What about me?”
This was much harder than I expected. I had assumed it would be difficult, but I wasn’t prepared for however Tristan reacted. He needed to know, thought. Just like Allison did.
“Mom!” A loud, pitchy scream caused both Tristan and I to turn our heads and look in the direction where Amelia was standing with a mortified expression on her face.
Our mother ran to her concerned, “Sweetie, what’s going on?”
“I... think my water broke,” She began to stutter and my eyes widened.
I heard Ian begin to panic next to her, “It’s too early, sweetheart.”
“I fucking know, Ian!” Amelia yelled at him before looking in my direction.
Looking over at Tristan, I has completely pushed everything aside and rested my hand on Tristan’s shoulder, “Stay here with Allison, please? I need to go with my sister.”
Amelia and I fought, but she was my sister and the baby she was carrying was my nephew. I was going to be there for her now matter what.
All of us were.
I continued to check my phone in case Matt texted or called from the hospital. He and everyone else had left about six hours ago, taking Thomas along with them. He called me once to give me and update, letting me know that Amelia was indeed in Labor but I hadn’t heard from him since.
My brother left an hour after everyone else, leaving just Tristan and I which was more comfortable than I would have expected it to be eight months ago when I was just beginning to know Tristan. He and become one of my closest friends in the past few months.
Tristan had asked me a few times if I wanted to talk about what happened today but each time I shook my head, not wanting to reminisce about the terrible day I had.
It was one of the worst days of my life to date. It was humiliating for my entire life to fall apart right in front of Matt’s family. They always seen me to be no good and I’m sure they would assume even worst now that my mom had kept such a large part of my life from me. That she, too, had an affair.
“It runs in the family, huh?” I said aloud without thinking.
Tristan turned his head to look at me, moving his gaze away from the television screen, “Huh?”
“I just...” I was pathetic for still whining about this, but it just hurt so badly, “I was just thinking about how my mom cheated on my da-- Patrick. Then look at me, I grew up and became a mistress and ruined a family.”
“Allison,” Tristan’s voice softened as he set the remote aside and turned his body completely on the couch to face me, “You need to stop calling yourself that. You’re more than a mistress to Matt, okay? He loves you. You’re not just a plaything and fuck toy to him.”
“You don’t understand, Tristan. I’m just like my mom, but in a different situation...” I paused and looked away, setting my gaze on a random vase across the room, “My mom to Patrick what Matt did to Alexandra. I’m the result of an affair and...”
I closed my eyes tightly, bringing my legs up against my chest and burying my face against my knees. The burning sensation of hot tears rolling down my cheeks startled me and it wasn’t until then that I realized I was crying.
“M-My mom said that Patrick was always a wonderful, kind man. My brother, Ryan - Patrick was an amazing father to him and the cheating ruined him,” I hiccuped from the constant tears but managed to continue, “I’m disgusted. Tristan, I’m so disgusted.”
Tristan seemed stunned, he reacted by taking my face in his hands and making me look at him, “Shhh, calm down. It’s okay to be disgusted with her, it--”
“Not her.” I stated clearly as I looked at Tristan’s softened eyes, feeling sick to my stomach, “I’m disgusted with myself.”
I nodded my head. I’m just like her. I did exactly what she did to Patrick. I hurt a perfectly good person and tore their life apart. Someone who did nothing bad to me.
Alexandra could end up being like Patrick. She could end up being angry at the world and I wouldn’t blame her, but I would be the one to blame.
“I did the same thing to Alexandra and I hate myself for it.” I admitted, thinking about how my child with Matt in this situation happened in the exact same way that I did and my childhood was filled with horrible memories of neglect.
He stared at me for a moment before pulling me against him and holding me in a tight embrace. Tristan’s warmth comforted me on a different level, something different than when Matt comforted me. Matt did it because he was my boyfriend but Tristan wasn’t obligated, he was doing this because he wanted to. He cared.
“Don’t beat yourself up about this. Matt had just as much of a part in this as you and he isn’t fretting,” Tristan mumbled as he rested his cheek against the top of my head, “And if you and Matt didn’t do what you did, you wouldn’t be pregnant. I’m going to sound cheesy as fuck but, this kid is going to be worth everything. You can’t regret any of it now.”
I lifted my head from Tristan’s shoulders and shook my head in response, “I don’t regret being with Matt, I just... regret how we started this. I regret that I didn’t consider Alexandra more and Thomas.”
Tristan chuckled lightly.
My brows knitted together in confusion, “Why are you laughing? It isn’t funny, I’m struggling here.”
“I just think it’s funny. Not that you’re struggling but that you decide to have this crisis nearly a year into your relationship with Matt,” He rubbed his temple with a slight grin on his lips, “It’s a little late, that’s all.”
My mouth gaped slightly at how insensitive he had suddenly become. He went from sweet to unsympathetic in less than three seconds.
I shoved his shoulders gently but it was a serious shove. I wasn’t playing games or anything, “Screw you, Tristan.”
“Oh, lighten up. Come on, little one. Don’t be so sour.”
“You asked me various times to talk about it and I told you how I feel. You’re terrible at pep talks,” I folded my arms over my chest and leaned my back against the couch, looking straight ahead and away from Tristan.
Tristan sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose gently, “I’m not good at discussing feelings, but I’m trying. It’s foreign for me.”
The anger and frustration I had felt towards him had slightly eased at his words and I found myself cracking a little smile. I couldn’t exactly be upset with him because what he said was true. Up until recently I knew next to nothing about Tristan because he never expressed himself at all, but knowing that he was attempting to help me through my problems was nice. Even if he wasn’t doing all that good of a job.
“I appreciate you being here. When Matt went to the hospital with his family, you didn’t have to stay,” I pointed out.
Tristan shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, “Well, Matt asked me to.”
“You could just take a compliment, you know.” I laughed softly, feeling much better after having a playful conversation with Tristan.
I wasn’t sure when the pain my mother caused me would ever go away but I could handle it one day at a time. That’s the only option I had.
Somewhere out there in this crazy, messed up world I had another father - one that apparently didn’t know I existed. I had siblings according to my mom. My entire life I had only had an older brother but now I know I have more siblings.
A part of me wanted to know about them, but an even larger part of me wanted to know nothing.
“I have siblings... More siblings, I mean.” I said to Tristan suddenly, keeping my eyes on the television but not actually watching it. “My mom said that my real dad has kids and it’s weird knowing that I have other siblings out there, not just Ryan.”
He stayed quiet for a moment, trying to relate to my situation though I wasn’t sure anyone had as much of a screwed up life as I did. How could Tristan possible relate to this?
“That can’t be so bad, can it? Siblings are a good thing,” He finally said to me.
I shrugged my shoulders slightly, “I don’t know. It isn’t like I grew up with these people like I did with Ryan. I kind of want things to stay the way they are.”
Tristan nodded his head in an understanding manner, “I get it. But no one is going to replace your brother.”
“As far as I know I may never meet my biological father’s side of the family anyway.”
My body fell down against the soft mattress and I squirmed momentarily before my eyes began to open. It was dark and I was in mine and Matt’s bedroom. I turned my head to see Matt pulling his shirt over his head then working at the button on his jeans.
I couldn’t help but smirk as Matt’s pants fell to the floor before her turned to face me, wearing nothing but his white boxer briefs.
“Hey, baby.” His voice sounded tired when he spoke, making his way over to the bed, “Did I wake you when I laid you down?”
He carried me all the way upstairs? I could feel my heart turning into puddy as I bit my lip gently, “It’s fine. I didn’t know you were gone... How was everything?”
As Matt crawled into the bed, laying next to me and pulling me against his chest, “I just got home and you were asleep so when Tristan left I carried you up here.” He pressed a gentle kiss on my head, “It went good... Amelia has her baby, healthy baby boy with no weight concerns at all surprisingly.”
Matt chuckled lightly and I smiled tiredly, “That’s great, Matt.”
Matt nodded his head in agreement, “It is... How are you feeling, sweetheart?”
“I’m okay. I missed you a lot,” I moved my hand up his chest and placed it on the nape of his neck, “I just wanted to be with you all day.”
Matt grinned at me, moving his hands from my waist and gripping onto my butt, “I wish I could have been here. I’m sorry.”
“Hey, don’t apologize. Your little sister just had a baby. You needed to be there,” I reassured him.
I felt Matt’s hand move to my stomach, rubbing it gently. It was crazy to know there was a baby growing in there, my stomach still seemed flat as ever like nothing even changed. But soon enough I would be blown up and getting ready to welcome a child with Matt.
“How’s our little one doing?” He asked me softly, his eyes having an unfamiliar glint in them.
“I can’t even say. It doesn’t feel any different, honestly.” I told him, “I don’t feel pregnant or anything like that.”
Matt leaned his head down and kissed my stomach gently. I felt his warm breath, causing me to shiver slightly. He whispered softly against my skin, “I’m happy, Allison. I want this baby with you, I’m happy about this... I promise you.” As Matt lifted his head to look at me, his eyes had a pleading look, “I was taken by surprise and reacted so badly, but there’s nothing that I want more than a family with you.”
Because, Allison. I don’t believe you.
The words from Matt’s reaction finding out I was pregnant rang in my mind. It hurt so bad knowing that he really thought that I had lied to him about something so important.
Unless you haven’t been taking them this entire fucking time!
“I love you...” I said quietly, “And I want to believe that you want this but a part of me can’t help but think that you’re forcing yourself to be okay with this because you have no other choice.”
“Allison,” Matt’s voice cracked, he looked torn apart at my words but I had to be honest with him and let him know how I felt. The only way to get through a relationship was to be honest.
“Please just listen to me, okay?” I moved my fingers through his dark hair and took a deep breath, “You have a tendency of saying things, hurtful things, without thinking and I’ve taken a lot of crap for the past few months but I’m done with that. From now on I refuse to get walked over and yelled at if something goes wrong.”
To my surprise, after keeping quiet for a little longer than I would have liked, Matt nodded his head in agreement, “I know. I’ve taken advantage of your kindness and you deserve to be treated so much better than that, Allison. I shouldn’t have acted the way I did but I swear to you, it won’t happen again, baby.”
Baby. His voice was husky sounding from the exhaustion of the day kicking in but it only made him sound all the more sexier.
“Forgive me.” He said, it was more of a statement than a question.
He had to be crazy if he thought I would really give up on us now of all times. He reacted badly, yes, but we’ve been through worse.
“Matt,” I answered quietly.
Without warning, he crawled on top of me beneath the blankets, his arms holding his weight above me as he leaned down and pressed soft kisses down my neck, “Forgive me...”
My eyes fluttered shut and I tilted my head the the side to give him better access to my neck, a soft moan escaping my lips, “I forgive you.”
His fingers reached at the bottom of my shirt, pulling it over my head as I arched my back to help him. I noticed the devious smirk playing on his lips as he responded, “What was that? I didn’t hear you.”
I watched him attentively as his index finger slowly glided across my collar bone and in between my breasts. He looked up from my cleavage and as our eyes locked I repeated my words, I said I forgive you.”
“Yeah?” His tongue slid across his lower lip, sliding his arm around my back and quickly unclasping my bra so easily. “Maybe I should make it up to you?”
My heart pounded in my chest with anticipation, my breathing rapidly accelerating as Matt pulled my bra from my body and exposing my bare breasts to him. I nodded my head quickly, “You have a lot of making up to do.”
“I know, baby...” His fingertips slid across my right breast slowly, a smirk playing on his lips, “You know, the more pregnant you get, the bigger these are going to get.”
A soft giggle escaped my lips at his knowledge. I playfully slapped his arm, “Shut up... I’ll also be huge and unattractive.”
Matt shook his head in objection, “That’s where you’re wrong. You will never be unattractive to me. No day will come where I look at you and don’t see you as the most beautiful woman in the world.”
I stared at the incredible man before me, my heart racing faster than I knew was even possible. Someone who loved me, thought I was beautiful and wanted to build a life with me.
I was head over heels in love with this amazing man and there would never be a day that I didn’t love him. I couldn’t imagine my life without him now, Matt was the man who made me feel like I had some kind of worth when most people made me feel worthless.
As I leaned up to kiss him, pressing our lips together hard but with passion. A hunger moved throughout my body and I thrived to feel Matt, to show each other just how in love we are.
Our bodies moved against one another’s perfect, his lower area grinding against my crotch. I could feel his length hard against me and I quickly pulled our lips apart, breathing heavily, “Make love to me.”