Chapter 19: How It Started
Matt’s voice was different. It wasn’t soft or even confused. A part of me was even wondering if it was a question or a statement. He spoke low and his eyes showed more emotion than I have ever seen from Matt, emotion that I’m not sure I ever wanted to see. He seemed taken off guard, but if he cracked a smile I would genuinely be surprised.
I nodded my head slowly, “Yeah... I am.”
He paused, tilting his head slightly as he stated at the words Big Brother again as though they were somehow going to change if he stared at them long enough, then one simple word caused my nerves to rise, “How did this happen?”
How? Was he really asking how?
“I think you know how it happened, Matt.” I pointed out sarcastically.
“You know what I mean, Allison.” He snapped, tossing the shirt on the bed, “I thought you were on birth control?”
“I am!” I quickly defended as Matt stood up from the bed to turn to me, “They aren’t one hundred percent guarantee that I wouldn’t get pregnant, and--”
Matt was shaking his head while I spoke so I stopped. What was he doing? He didn’t believe me, I could tell. He was upset.
“What are you doing?” I asked him, frowning at his actions, “Why are you shaking your head? It’s rude.”
He stared at me directly in the eyes as he spoke, “Because, Allison. I don’t believe you. Where are your birth control pills?”
Matt’s words stunned me, causing me to clench my jaw tightly in anger. He doesn’t believe me? He was frustrating me more than anything now, “Excuse me?”
“Show me the box of pills that you have supposedly been using,” He insisted, moving closer to me, “Unless you haven’t been taking any this entire fucking time!”
I flinched slightly as he raised his voice at me, muttering under my breath, “Asshole.”
“What was that?” He asked as I walked to our bathroom.
I answered with a simple, “Nothing.”
“I thought I could trust you, Allison. Jesus Christ. You’re just like Alexandra,” Matt started to go off, rambling about Alexandra as I opened the drawer in the bathroom and pulled out my box of birth control pills that was already three quarters of the way empty.
Matt already had me so angry that I threw the box at him, causing it to hit the side of his forehead.
“What the fuck, Allison?!” He cussed, lifting his hand to his head quickly.
“Is this what you do every time you get someone pregnant?” I asked him, raising my voice slightly, “Blame them for trapping you when you and your dick had just as much of a part in this?!”
Matt didn’t say anything as he leaned down to pick up the box of birth control pills on the floor, he pulled them out of the box to see that they have been taken regularly. I heard a deep sigh escape his lips, “Allison...”
“Don’t even try to talk to me right now,” I walked to the closet and grabbed a duffle bag, putting a few choices of outfits in hearing Matt question me from the bedroom but I continued to ignore him. As I walked out, I looked at him reluctantly, “I’m going to go for the night.”
“Allison, come on... I’m sorry. Can we just talk about this?” He sighed heavily and reached for my hand but I quickly jerked it away from him.
“You reacted really horribly and I don’t want to be around you right now, okay?” I explained blatantly to him before turning away and walking out of our room.
I knew that running away from my problems wouldn’t solve anything but I would willingly face them tomorrow. I knew very well that if I stayed with Matt tonight I could easily slap him a million times or glare at him until his head exploded, so I needed to go.
I had tried my best to prepare myself for any possibly reaction but I wanted at all prepared for the reaction that I received from Matt. I excepted slight frustration or even confusion, but he was downright angry and mean. This was just as much his responsibility as it was mine, he took part in our baby’s conception but he didn’t acknowledge that at all when he was accusing me of not taking birth control.
Having thought I knew Matt better than that, this had definitely stung. Now I would always have the memory of announcing my pregnancy to Matt as this night and his terribly reaction.
It wasn’t a memory that I wanted.
“I’m going to be an Auntie!” Amber squealed as I sat down on the edge of her bed, kicking my duffle bag to the corner of the room.
She was now in a better mood than me and seemed to ignore everything else I had told her about Matt’s horrible reaction. Amber only seemed to be concerned about the words "I’m pregnant,” which was the more exciting part of the conversation anyway.
“We have to baby shop!” She insisted, “Do you want a boy or girl? Oh... How do you think Thomas is going to react?”
I shrugged my shoulders slightly, “I don’t know, Amber. That’s probably what Matt is concerned about too, but he could have handled it better. He basically accused me of not taking my birth control pills to purposely get pregnant.”
That was by far the most offensive thing I have ever been accused of, and coming from Matt it hurt even more. I would never set him up like that especially during a time like this - when he was going through a divorce and fighting for his son.
“You know, maybe he’s scared.” Amber suggested which caused her to receive a strange look from me. She proceeded to explain, “You’re new to the relationship thing, for you it’s supposed to be perfect, but Matt has been through this and it didn’t go well the last time around. Just look at things from his point of view for a second... He’s not going to admit it, but maybe he’s guarded. He’s worried that he’s going to get heart broken again.”
I frowned at her words, she could be right. Matt had briefly explained to me the moment he heard Alexandra’s talking to her dad about how having Matt’s name boosted her career majorly. He’s seemed devastated, I can’t be one to speak for their relationship but they seemed fine until then. At least that’s how Matt made it seem.
“I never want him to feel that way about me, he should know me better.” I ran my fingers through my hair and thought about Matt saying I was like Alexandra. He told me how upset he was when she purposely got pregnant, but that isn’t what I did.
“Sleep on it, okay? Think about it all in the morning...” Amber suggested and I gave her a little nod.
Maybe that’s what I needed, a decent night of sleep and then I could focus on Matt and his temper tantrum tomorrow.
After leaving dozens of texts messages for Allison, I tried calling her which she ignored various times along with my voicemails. I had obviously been a jerk to her, something I’ve been very good at lately, but I wasn’t ready to have a baby with Allison. I love her, there isn’t a doubt in my mind that I love her, but Thomas was having a hard enough time with everything as it was - a baby would just confused him even more.
Having just received joint custody of Thomas what I needed most right now was for him to want to be around me. I wanted him to feel comfortable and slowly get eased into the situation, throwing him into the idea of having a little sibling on the way and Allison isn’t his favorite person right now. This was all too much for my little boy to handle so I lashed out in a completely irrational way.
Who was I to know if Allison had actually been taking her birth control? I didn’t feel like asking her to prove it was completely out of line, I had been tricked once so a second time around wouldn’t have been a surprise. Though, I could see how she would take offense to my accusation.
I just needed her to answer my calls or texts so we can talk about this. We had other priorities to worry about now. We had other people besides ourselves, like the baby we had on the way.
As I attempted to call Allison’s cellphone once more, it instantly went to her voicemail and I groaned in response, deciding not to leave another pitiful plea for her to call me back. The only choice I had was to wait until more and try to contact her again.
By the time morning came around I wasted no time to dial Allison’s phone number. It rang continuously before going to voicemail so I hung up and sighed softly. She had to be at work by now, the only option I had was to go straight to Tristan’s company and force her to discuss this with me in person.
When I showed up to T. Fleming Ads I asked for Tristan and the receptionist who recognized me picked up her phone to notify him of my presence.
“Mr. Fleming, you have a visitor.” I heard her pause, “It’s Mr. Reid... Yes, sir.” As she hung up the phone she looked at me and smiled, “He said you can go on in.”
“Thank you,” I nodded my head, “And Matt is fine.”
As I headed towards Tristan’s office, I imagined how I could approach Allison with this. She obviously didn’t want to talk to me considering she was clearly ignoring me, understandably so. But I already had so much going on, the last thing I expected was for my girlfriend to drop the pregnancy bomb on me.
So truthfully I had no idea what I planned on saying to Allison once I seen her, apologizing would be a great start because I do know that I was out of line but my shocked reaction is understandable. Even now I’m unsure if this is what I want. If I’m ready for another baby.
Who am I kidding? I’m not ready for another baby.
The sound of a door opening distracted me from my thoughts and I looked to Tristan’s office door to see his raising an eyebrow at me, “Are you planning on standing out there and admiring the walls, or do you have intentions on coming inside?”
I chuckled softly and shook my head as I walked past him and into his office, “Sorry, I was distracted.”
“Uh huh,” He seemed curious but didn’t push me for answers just yet, thankfully.
I looked around the room then back at my friend, “Where’s Allison? I need to talk to her.”
“Oh, she took a personal day. She’s not here,” He explained before seeming to catch on to my distant mood and Allison’s personal day. They were obviously connected, “So you’re in a fight?”
“No,” I lied. It isn’t a fight. I’m just an asshole who doesn’t consider her feelings.
Tristan pointed towards my head casually, “What happened to your head?”
I reached up to allowed my fingers to touch the slight scratch on the side of my forehead, groaning at the memory of Allison throwing her contraceptives at me, “Birth control pills...”
Tristan opened his mouth to respond but then her closed it, seeming at loss for words. How could anyone respond to the fact that my girlfriend threw birth control pills at me and it caused a clearly visible scratch on my head?
“Allison’s pregnant,” I admitted softly. Saying it aloud made it feel more real and my heart hammered slightly in my chest, “I got mad at her and accused her of doing what Alexandra did and...”
“Damn...” He shook his head slightly, “You really are an idiot, aren’t you?”
I scowled at him, narrowing my eyes at his lack of ability to be a decent friend at this time. I was already beating myself up enough and I had no idea where Allison was.
“I’m aware, Tristan. For fuck sakes, I know that I’m an idiot and that’s why I need to talk to her,” I groaned and walked to the large window across the room, “She was so upset after I insisted that she prove that she’ve been taking her birth control pills that she threw that box at me.”
“Can’t blame her there.” Tristan commented.
I disregarded his comment because I was more that used to my best friend giving me the hard truth about things, that’s exactly why he was my best friend. We were honest with each other no matter how much it hurt the person who was receiving the criticism.
“Why did you go for Allison?” He suddenly asked me.
I turned away from the window and I turned to face him, “What?”
“I know you say that you and Alexandra were never happy after you found out how everything began, but you met plenty of women after that and never cheated, it never crossed your mind until Allison,” Tristan’s words were obscure, he always had some kind of meaning behind them and half the time I felt like I was hanging out with the FBI and not a friend.
But he was right. With work, business meetings, taking Thomas to the park and going to general stores, there was woman everywhere that I encountered. It wasn’t until I met Allison that I thought “I want her” about someone else other than my wife.
“I... don’t know,” I answered him, and I honestly didn’t but now he really had me thinking about it.
Why Allison? I wanted her before I even spoke to her.
“I know why,” Tristan said confidently and my brows furrowed together in confusion. How the hell could he know why I wanted Allison?
“I swear if you say it’s love at first sight, I’ll kick your ass,” I laughed hesitantly, unsure what to expect from him.
“You know I don’t believe in that crap,” He chuckled before becoming serious again, “It’s because you’ve always had a thing for blondes. I said it at your wedding and I’ll say it again, blonde lure you in.”
He couldn’t be serious.
“You can’t think that I haven’t seen another blonde woman before Allison, because I’ve seen plenty. But she is special,” I smiled at the thought of Allison, “Sassy, sexy, and sweet all in one.”
“Damn, the three S’s.”
I rolled my eyes at Tristan’s sarcasm, “Did I ever tell you about the night I ran into her at a club? She had snuck in, obviously. Got loaded and threw up all over the back of the cab.”
Tristan made a face of disgust, “That’s fucking disgusting. You find that appealing?”
“I find her appealing. I love her, man. She was embarrassed and you know it felt so damn good to be around her that night. She was happy and free spirited.” I remembered seeing Allison sitting on the barstool and sipping her soda. When I had noticed her she tried to seem surprised to see me, but I knew she already noticed that I was at the club too. “We talked and had gotten to know each other outside of her being my son’s nanny. I bought her drinks which was instantly crossing a line but for some reason I didn’t care.”
“So a girl drinks a soda and suddenly you’re interested?” Tristan asks.
I shook my head, still lost in the memory of Allison in his short dress and large smile, “No, it was...” I let out a deep breath, “I saw her dancing, I watched her sway to the beat of the music. Then when we spoke, everything else around us was blocked out and I could only hear the sound of her drunken laughter.”
Tristan nodded his head slowly, “How... romantic?”
“You know, I kept staring at her body... It was wrong. I knew it was, so after the cab dropped her off I told myself that I had to never look at her that way again,” I stared off into a distance and sighed heavily, thinking about Allison that night was reminding me of how much have happened. The thoughts that had went through your head that night were completely unlike me and it had changed who I was completely because I had wanted her, “And then I woke up at 3:30 in the fucking morning with a hard on, and it wasn’t because of my wife who was sleeping next to me.”
Tristan was quiet this time. Not stupid or sarcasm comments, if he had any he kept them to himself. When he finally spoke he was surprisingly nice about it, “And that’s how it started?”
I nodded my head slowly in agreement, “That’s how it started.”