Kinza

By lovesultan All Rights Reserved ©

Drama / Romance

Chapter 1


Kinza

It was raining, and she kept listening to the children’s cheering, while the view managed ruining the

Rest of her day from the get going! Rain always made her sad, the universe had enough pain to make the sky cry... she was thinking: “but it’s just another day of chuving everything inside and smiling as if everything is exactly the way it looks like”.

A beautiful house and four healthy amazing kids, two well paid jobs for both... they actually own this wide world “If only today it’s not my deadline to bring the papers he requested… I do not trust him really to give him any paper and I am not convinced that I should deep down my heart”… Kinza kept thinking.

Kinza was particularly freaked out that day due to that nightmare she had last night, and the rain made the whole scene overwhelmingly depressing, Thabit was calm that day, he tended to be calm after all the recent confrontations and he has changed his approach with her, now he waves goodbye to the kids, takes her out at night, smiles at her, drives her to nice restaurants, opens a conversation, and then he threatens her!

After all trials to leave him, kinza now knows that she has to obey, she really has too, he wants nothing but her obedience, and those papers today.

She spent the whole day thinking of a smart lie to tell him about the papers; it better be original convincing one, for years now she stopped telling him the truth about anything, every time she says the truth problems starts accumulating, and you get into unnecessary drama! So now she invents the truth depends on the situation, even though sometimes she really did not need to lie and the reality was ok…

“I will say the accountant is on a sick leave… he did not show up today and I do not know when he will. But this might not work; it sounds like a lie and even if he bought it he will ask again later when that guy is supposedly back! Ok. Let me see how it goes and I will figure it out. I am really good at lying now anyhow”…Kinza kept thinking

Kinza never thought that this one night will completely change the rest of her and the kids’ life.

Thabit kept checking her out, she intentionally looked messy that night: she thought if my lie did not come across I want his pity, if neither, most likely he will feel rebelled and not touch me tonight.

_Did you bring the papers?

No, I am sorry. _

Why?

-Thinking about the night he told her that he can cause her to be fired if she kept acting out, and knowing that this is the reason why he needs the contract: kinza replied: “the accountant was absent today”. It sounded true, it applies for the bank account papers he also requested to check her spending, ten thousands for her friend…nothing explains such an outrageous doing!

Thabit then asked her to come with him to the bedroom when she knew that the messy part did not work out. At least now he does not expect her to be in the mood or do anything, she still can act hurt after their comeback, as if she still has feelings for him, any feelings.

While showering…

kinza thought she heard him calling, or as usual; shouting, till this day she does not know what he was saying.

She tried as always to carefully stall him but, it’s getting late and she has to get over with this, if he fall asleep now he will definitely wake up early to do it anyway,

The room was rather dark, there was a dimming light though,

“I am sorry you were saying”….. while sitting on the dresser combing her hair, he was laying on the bed behind her

No reply

She turned around asking again, he was motionless, she thought that he was asleep or he is planning to pretend being funny for a change; so Kinza came closer and shock him saying : “knock it out are you asleep?”

No, nothing

Kinza felt something was odd, normally when he sleeps on his back he snores loudly, when she shock him his body was heavier than she expected.

Then she turned the lights on, and tried listening to his heart beating, nothing… she tried CPR but he turned bluish,

Her Terrified screaming fill in the house, thinking that it’s a heart attack and she needs to ask for help, on her way out of that room she closed doors of the kids’ rooms, no need they freak out at the middle of the night too, by the morning he will be fine, neighbors gathered and they took him to the hospital.

for years Kinza has believed that this man is immortal, his role in her life was very strong that she gave up resistance, she lost all battles with him, everyone did not even respect those battles any way, they were like; what battles, come on. As much as she seemed strong, she was not in fact and this relationship was feeding on her soul over the years.

kinza married him at a very young age and never ever got back from him, first time he hit her she did not see it coming, she was only seeking his attention and he seemed busy with other important things, the fact that she had lack and scarcity sometimes of love and appreciation to herself to begin with reflected on him and everyone else in so many ways.

The core problem of all problems is peoples’ longing for love and acceptance from the outside to the inside and not the other way around!

Her life with him came along long way. She was that naïve young girl who used to spend all her day putting on makeup and trying to draw his attention while being isolated from all others, he is now the center of her universe, and he is the only one who has what she is starving. Love

At first Kinza lived with his family, very simple minded family: they made sure to seize every

opportunity to make him more cold and pre-occupied from her, after all being in love with a woman is too risky, especially Kinza.

Kinza was not a typical girl, she was beautiful, smart, full of life, very romantic, very sensual, she was born hardwired to feed on love, for the sake of love, as a rose that needs watering to nourish and

flourish, Kinza was on a love mission; AKA: she was risky!

Her perception about marriage was the only legitimate relationship form based on her religious upbringing; marriage is this sacred bond that is more like films, wild relationship with non-ending love and passion, in her universe love wins, love steers all your potentials, once you get it and grant it everyone reach the maximum chance in exploring their unvisited territories of their souls and their existence.

When she was engaged to him she thought he is the man of her dreams, young educated raw villager, he will be dazzled with the amount of love she can give him, and gets back obviously and all this will be blessed by all his kind hearted people.

Within three months of their marriage she knew that she made the biggest mistake of her life. No chemistry whatsoever, what she thought is love was a virgin crush steered towards first male presence in her life, they had nothing in common, no communication and could not have one decent open conversation, either she says things that pleases him and gets along or they have massive fights.

Kinza was pregnant with her first child when he hit her, she that day said to herself: “fine, it’s time for divorce now”, she actually thought it’s that easy. And she started thinking she can now go back to school and do everything he is holding her back from doing.in her universe it was that easy.

Throughout the years Kinza changed a lot, her family made it very clear that no way she can get divorced, she was thinking they were cowards, she never thought they were trying to protect her from the ugly truth, divorce is another form of execution for a woman like her, or that what they were thinking really of her at that time.

Her family was encouraging her to have more kids with him, that way she would have more reasons to stay with him.

Time passes and nothing changes really, if you do not change anything how do you expect anyone in your life to?

She finished her education, had kids, worked in the most attractive places in town, moved in an upscale neighborhood, lots of money in his hand, still... Nothing

Kinza with time kept analyzing what’s missing and seemed to have everything she have been told was missing, and still for her what was missing in the beginning stayed missing until the end …until that night…

What’s the point of everything you make in your life if it is not giving you what you were looking for all the way, what you need, if you are not actually feeling and being in love?

The Medics tried their best, his family were there, and his brother started shouting: SHE DID IT, Kinza heard him but was where she used to be at times like these, when it’s tough, run Kinza run…to your own universe. No one here understands, ever since she accepted her life with him she openly stopped fighting anything, his family after her repeated failing trials to leave him assumed that she could have harmed him as it did not seem logical that something is wrong with him and she is standing right there!!

Even Her oldest brother whispered into her ear that night: what did you do to him, you lunatic…still Kinza is not there.

The doctor announced his death and everyone started screaming, Kinza could not believe it. The police officer kept shouting at her: explain what happened, she kept trying to focus; thinking about that pill her neighbor gave her to stop screaming on their way to the hospital:

“So this guy is dead! Just like that and he left, he just left for real…and now, I am all alone, with four kids, and he is gone… forever”…Kinza thought

She watched everyone’s suspicion without words, she could not read their minds, but they were strange with her, she heard them even asking: how did she get rid of him? Especially when his finances turned out to be richer than she has ever expected, his life insurance alone was a fortune. After his postmortem diagnosis, everyone were forced to accept her innocence… on the day they made sure that he passed away of natural causes they started being human with her, while Kinza was thinking how she can start over now, now in their universe she turned into a widow and her kids are orphans.

The one thing Kinza never managed, is putting an emotional act, if she could have acted emotional and hurt at these times, everybody would have been kind to her, it’s amazing how people tolerates you more when you are under their control, when you are free and independent and strong people for some kind of reason hate your guts, when you are a genuine fighter it reminds them of their rascaldom and passiveness.

The one thing that she never managed all her life is to fake her emotions, once she stopped feeling for him it was clear to her that he died inside her, for her that actual death was more like socially physical for everybody else, for her he died years before, her whole family could not believe her crazy proposal for him to marry another woman: So for the kids interest don’t officially leave me but please have another woman in your life, why cannot you understand that I cannot be with you anymore, I cannot give you anything anymore, I am out of this façade, everyone thought she was just saying this and she would never actually accept it, and he did not for sure.

In Kinza’s universe, death is not when you stop breathing, it’s when you stop loving, in respect for this death do not practice mutilations through pretending to still have feelings. In her own universe people should be human all the way through, it’s that simple, your heart is the most sacred part of your existence, if you do not love the one person you are spending your life with. You need to move on, Period. And out of her feeling of guilt she kept trying to make things easier for everyone. Suggesting to make him figure out his life with someone else, till this day when she thinks about it she wishes he did not die and started a new life somewhere else.

Ever since Kinza met tutto, she could not write a word about love, even though he was going to be the love of her life, it was like an indescribable tsunami! She felt the heart beating, the nausea, the daydreaming, everything... But yet for some kind of reason, she wrote nothing.

Without trying really hard, without breaking out his fences, he got her under his spell, it was not what he is doing, it was how he was, the fact that you are a certain way as you are, for Kinza the risk was that when you truly love someone, and you know yourself enslaved by the currency of love, you get scared, you feel that you are losing your power, and losing your power can put you in great danger.

he seemed familiar since day one, that person who you recall meeting before, you do not know where and when, he seemed gathered, young although in his forties, he used to listen to her, Kinza was not used to know someone who enjoys her company without getting anything back from her, she was fascinated by his intellect, he studied abroad and talking to him seemed very smooth and so right, she kept imagining the woman in his life, he was sometimes talking over the phone with her, he sounded very warm, the way he talked to her, Kinza pictured that woman in her mind, what kind of a woman would a man like him have in his life? She must be exceptional she thought. Are not you dumb Kinza as long as you are stuck with your crazy idealistic universe?

Without thinking much, she decided for the first time in years to follow her heart without thinking ahead, this guy is something, there is something different about him, he is real, genuine, it’s very rare to find someone like this, even the closest people in her life were not that honest with her, all people are polluted with the evilness of the society, everyone is wearing masks, everyone demanded her to talk certain way, act certain way, and never appreciated her the way she is, everyone tries to victimize who is weaker and gets even this way from the unjust he or she is experiencing in their lives; accepts for Tutto.

Tutto stood by her side while she struggled with her family, everyone was demanding her to quit her job and go live with her parents in town: you have big responsibility, you cannot handle it alone, one more time, she thought they were being controlling, while they were trying to protect her from the real universe.

She even went back into writing, she left writing a long time ago, since the last blow, she could not keep writing and put her life together at the same time, after all, that blow was all because writing.

Thabit was the greatest enemy of her writings, she would seem oddly strong and independent when she writes, freed in ecstatic attractive way, he was afraid that Kinza would know that she deserves more than him. While she was trying to write to prove to him that she deserves him to love her!! He was afraid if she kept writing she would realize that she is worth lots of love and starts receiving abundance sooner or later from her surroundings as she will start glowing in confidence and dispense, while she thought that she will finally understand herself and figure out this deformed Relationship.

After years of her trying to draw his attention she finally realized that she does not need his attention, as she never felt he loved her, she never knew he actually did but his attitude and his controlling behavior sucked the life out of her fragile feelings towards him, he knew that when Kinza started planning to leave him, he used to think she was playing games to manipulate him into loving her, but the truth cleared out to him when it was too late.

Kinza now can handle everyone, she can face everyone, including her family; she would not feel weak and underprivileged around her brother and his wife anymore, she is worth loving and respecting and she does not feel sorry for her kids, and she believes they are in better place now, the power of love, the power of Tutto covered all powers including logic!

That phenomenal man seemed all what she needed in her life, he is full of life, he is a dreamer, he is supportive and sensitive, the amount of warmth oozing from his presence used to keep her overwhelmed for hours after he leaves, the more she sat with him the more she became into him, she thought that this kind of people do not exist accept in her own universe.

By the time she found this extraordinary man, she kept thinking about her old imaginary friend, filfil was one of the things she gave up on during her first marriage, her imaginary friend kept her balanced throughout her childhood up till her adolescence, tutto reminded her of her imaginary friend all the time, this guy was a real gentleman, thoughtful, very kind and loves life, he thinks out of the box and very ambitious, and a free spirited; once when he told Kinza about his artistic side, she said to herself: “this is my soul mate, a male version of myself in this strange world”.

She told him everything about her x life, he listened without judging, and he gave her strength and patience, and was her rock during the most transformative phase of her life.

One day she finished writing her imaginary friend story… filfil, and was thrilled to submit it to compete as the old times, Kinza wrote her first and last story when she was at college and won second place then, she participated in that competition for money, Thabit took the prize and spent it his way which made her quit writing for years to come, and now with filfil she is back on the writing track!

After Kinza went back to work she started healing from that past, tutto was next to her all the time and she started seeing life differently, now she can live her true self, she can do whatever she wants, and the sky is the limits.

She started thinking of how to handle the money she now have, knowing how crazy spender she is, she wanted to do her own gig, trying different things, when her phenomenal friend suggested them to open a business together: “we have great chemistry, why not”, she was infatuated by him that she thought that he is the only one that gives her the recognition she always needed, he appreciates her brain, her character, her beauty, he gets her… she felt impulse to keep his admiration, besides, what money is for, it is for doing whatever you feel like doing!

When he suggested the partnership she felt that for the first time in her life she gets to use the money in having fun and experiencing new things and exploring new areas of her potentials, Kinza never respected money as it seemed the one thing people faked being hindered by the lack of it, she was that much of a dreamer while the partner was building his own fantasies following his own agenda. They became too involved that she started freaking out, she was drowning for him and he was having a bliss. The more time passes the more she felt involved and this relationship for her started needing labelling.

Kinza used to tell him everything... Anything... Tutto is her friend, and she trusts him, she wants his opinion because he seemed the most honest person in her life. She gets to tell him anything no exceptions.

- I am married, I cannot get married with you,

- So why are you with me??

If this is not going anywhere why are we together, I want commitment, I do not want just love!

He said I am sorry I am married I cannot marry you,

Kinza spent that night shocked. How it could be possible that a man this sophisticated consider his Dysfunctional relationship with his wife marriage? He is the man; he calls the shots! So he actually was planning to stay with that woman like this for the rest of his life, missing around and acting loving with her and that is it!! Someone this phenomenal can actually settle with a woman barely educated, comes from a background where everything is cooked and served for her, takes him for granted and assumes he is equal to her, no purpose no hope, she is from his family, a group of people who think he is very ordinary, and they feel grateful that this woman is tolerating his history of under achieving! Group of kind people who always interpreted his loving behavior with her that he is satisfied with her and feels grateful to her in his turn, and with the kids it’s very logical to feel pulled towards his life with her.

But what about love?

How can a love like what we have not make him see the reality of his life… and what this means about him belonging to my universe, a man with exceptional nature, creative and his heart is sacred, a man who defines himself as a lover! Or maybe deep down he is just another guy accustomed to defeat and his personal life is part of his non countable losses. Is not he the knight I fell for… but between all these questions she was grateful that they talked and agreed that the conversation they had that night was the end.

Among all her fantasies and all scenarios in and out her universe, Kinza never ever expected she would actually have three men in her life!

Around his fifties, scattered as if escaping something inside his head, or trying to dodge an upcoming trouble, very kind and strike you as you can get away with anything when it comes to him. A husband and a father from Jerusalem, Saber is everybody’s friend, his attitude with everyone make them tolerate his laziness sometimes, but let’s face it, the fact that you can convince him of pretty much anything makes it easy to help him all the time, in fact he is easy going and understanding that he would give you more than anyone else, more than he gives himself!

In his youth he experienced lots of things, no limits and no strings attached, his family has been always loving to him, they even stood by his side at all costs, aware of his good nature they always expected him to be manipulated and taken advantage of, they never trusted nor respected his judgment, at his twenties he lived abroad, finished his education and lived by his on terms, the free soul that is in touch with its needs, nothing prohibited really, life is an experience, he lived as a lover, studied art and gained characteristics made him this tolerant understanding man he is.

When Saber returned home. He was already at his thirties, his family was focusing on settling him so that he starts a family and be once and for all, normal, ordinary, typical… we want him to be just like his siblings, just like everybody, fed up with the adventures he had abroad and trying to make everyone pleased and seeking family approval Saber agreed to get married, it’s not important who really, you pick, he exclaimed. The family as usual had the pride ready for him, your beautiful innocent cousin, the wild young man loved the idea that she is already from his mother family which will make his mother happy, Saber loved his mother deeply and also the girl is from abroad and her family is rich, she is by everybody’s opinion quiet a catch!

Although the pride was not as he expected and everybody assured, he kept listening to their explanation: she is so young you have to be patient, be warm and loving and she will be the way you want, being devoted quitter that he is, Saber convinced himself that this must be marriage anyway and I have to accept it, this woman is my match really, she agrees on everything I suggest and I can convince her of anything I want. After all Saber never believed that this union called marriage means love or harmony, it’s for starting family to please the family! For Saber if everyone is happy I will be happy by default, as long as I am just like everybody else, I am ok. Saber could not be satisfied nor ok, he needed a companion, what he really needed is a woman that he can share his heart , his mind , his soul and his body with, but what do you know Saber, family knows better.

He was very realistic, and loves kids, now he has kids, life is good and he had his own so-called adventures without this wife objection, in return of him not claiming anything from her she did not claim anything back, he can have flings and she pretends not knowing , the family considered her patient and Saber considered her simple!

Saber vented through flings, drinking and masturbating, and everybody was content.

First time Kinza met Saber she did not even notice him, he is part of the herd, in a way that he was almost invisible!

Tutto came back, he told Kinza that he wants to marry her, he is madly inlove with her and he cannot live without her, it’s just the timing that made him hesitated, you know that I do not have money and having a second marriage could be challenging; Kinza came to the rescue: do not worry we should not tell anyone, we should keep it a secret, think about it we are doing this for God and people’s knowing is not necessary, Kinza was dwelling in her own universe as usual.

Tutto and Kinza were building their filfil together, a café made in accordance to their taste spontaneously, everyone mocked them saying you are trying to host people in the middle of nowhere, for Kinza, filfil was an act of love that could never go wrong, her eyes were fixated on the way they met and came up with this idea in the first place, and this amount of love pouring into her heart could not be misleading, she kept investing her money in the place and tutto was investing his everything at the same time.at that time Kinza felt that she is the luckiest woman on earth, after all, most of the people come to this life and go without ever falling in real love.

Kinza now at her thirties, a widow and a single mom for four kids and radiating this infectious energy… the power of love that is. tutto is now in a different stage of his life, for the first time in his life he can be financially independent, he can now prove to his family that he is different in a good way, that is he is special, he can excel all his surrounding mates with his mindset, for him this business was beyond an experience with a woman he loves, it’s his guaranteed adventure to be his own boss and this way, this way only he can express himself and live the life he always wanted, where Kinza thought of it as an experience Tutto considered it the baseline of his upcoming life.

Without hesitation they opened together the newest trend in the neighborhood, his family was supportive to the idea as they knew this woman is backing him up throughout the whole process, he kept telling her, it makes a lot of sense for everyone that we get married as we are partners, its expected and paves the road for us to come out at the right time. For Kinza she already has what she needs, she is helping her man to realize his dreams and they are staying happily ever after, when they got married she felt content to the extent of inspiration, she even wrote the intro for a new story telling their experience as employees, Tutto was very excited with this new tale as usual, Kinza was writing the new story for healing out of her decision to quit her job.

Kinza used to be a teacher were she never felt satisfied as she wanted a job that has no limitations and a wide horizon and she knew teaching needs patience and routine, for five years she taught kids and bought a new car and lived a very fancy life with several materialistic details, her spending was monitored by Thabit at that time but her spending was such a quick fix and efficient pain killer. Now no one is monitoring her spending and she does not have any pain to numb by any fix, filfil exploded with life and originality, a cute couple running the place with artistic yet humble look, the place started being addictive to the area, once things started working Tutto left his job, he does not need that stupid job anymore, Kinza was not sure whether she should leave her job, the job she wanted so badly and took it after a lot of hard work, but now all her colleagues are different, they changed after her filfil, and Tutto’s energy was also provoking for them for some unclear reason, but Kinza lost her interest in this job now: tutto is not around and these people are trying to control her now and Tutto and Filfil needs her, she can spend her own time with her own man in her own place, at the closest opportunity when her boss tried to pressure her she started thinking to quit her job.

For Kinza acquiring a job or making money is always in hand and you have always time to figure it out, especially if that job turned out to be typical and bureaucrat, the most important thing in your life that is not always in hand is people you care about, your time with them is more precious than anything in this life, the twist was who are these people for both of them was.

Kinza thought now that Tutto will be interested in spending time with her the most, she knew that their most important asset is each other’s now; especially in this critical stage, he was nice enough to play along whenever she wanted to spend time with him, he put all his attention in filfil and she put all her attention in him. By the time filfil became very successful, the land lord started being greedy and tried to use them and blackmail them, they were not making money as much as they were surviving and hoping for the best yet to come. By instinct Kinza felt that Tutto cares for the place the most, but she could not understand why he is being worried all the time, as long as together in and out, the business will work out naturally, after all their chemistry came up with the idea to begin with!

Kinza never ever thought that Saber is part of the equation, that man knew that there is no way in hell he will get a penny from his own money if filfil did not became a success, and he had a deal with all of them, I am with this woman only for the interest of money.

With the power of love, Kinza always found solutions for any obstacle, that land lord became history when she located another place for a new evolved Filfil, but this time she decided to leave it for tutto, now they are a couple no need for her to officially share the business, it’s exhausting and draining her out and sometimes it caused conflict between them as she tried to keep him tuned in.

she based on this decided to make the new place for him alone, when she sit a meeting with his oldest brother who calls the shots for giving him money, she told his brother about the new location and told him in Tutto presence that she is leaving the partnership, he insisted for her to be a partner without investing money, she thought that he was that in love for her that he wanted to keep her involved legally, the reality was that Saber could not get to convince anyone to pay anything accept for with her in the picture, his mother will be convinced and trust their collaboration as she knew that woman is smart and knows how to make money and she will make money for her son in the process.

Kinza stayed close to tutto throughout all the process, after a while the new place needed more cash, Kinza without hesitation started cashing in until where she sold her car, she told him one night when he was very romantic and she got inspired: I will sell the car and we can buy a cheaper one and my love you will pay all the debt. She kept spending and he stayed the same, working hard and worrying some more. Whenever they got rid of a problem; he started thinking about the next.

After getting her family in the picture, he wanted to add his family to the mix, Kinza thought it was unneeded move, but he told her my family would not be surprised and even my wife knows but tries to pretend not knowing, you know how innocent she is! Kinza knew in her heart that they were thinking he is playing around with her, and they were ok with it including the wife, but part of her wanted to believe Tutto, besides she did not care about her own family opinion how can she care what his family thinks, he is her husband now and God is all what matters.

When Saber told his family about the marriage his mother lost her mind, the first reaction was she needs to sign papers now, Kinza was waiting for Tutto to tell her she is invited to her first gathering in the family as the welcoming party he had at hers, but she listened to Saber explaining the needed paper, you need to sign a paper prepared by the family lawyer that when you two get divorced, you will not take any money!

Kinza was waiting for Tutto; she was thinking:” he will tell everyone now how dare you talk to my woman this way, I would never ever leave her, and even if we decided to end our relationship she is not like this, it’s not about money for her!”

Tutto during this time disappeared, and Saber was very harsh and told Kinza you have to do this and do not discuss, Kinza did not know that Saber was telling his family that Kinza is a temporary and sooner or later she will be divorced and that’s why they wanted her to sign that paper.

One more time Kinza wanted to prove her love and act upon it , she signed the paper after Tutto explained how pointless meaningless paper it was, and then he told her nothing will come between us from now on, we will be happy for ever and ever now.

Kinza was very lonely at the most critical times, during family gatherings and celebrations, her man used to leave her in between her family watching everybody’s unions and pegging for his attention, Tutto used to vanish at times like these, Saber in the other hand was having good times and leaving Kinza in the company of disturbed friend that used to convince her to try being evil

She kept mocking her pure naivity,

So how is love working for you?

It is fine, what do you mean?

It’s up to you but this guy is not what you think, he thinks you can be victimized and all his actions shows that he will leave you at the earliest chance.

Trust me from the life I am leading, men step on weak women, all your behavior shows weakness, it’s time for a change.

Kinza the sweet kind girl is becoming desperate to take her legitimate place in her man’s life, she started listening to a new way of making him wants to be with her: changing…the one thing that kills tutto fast and easy is losing Kinza, Kinza disrespected Saber enough to commit this suicidal act.

Saber is someone Kinza does not care about, he is oppressed in a way that his oppressors do not respect him, he hardly provide for his own kids, he rely on his mom and his mother in law for spending, and lies, he lies first to himself that he is not in love, that he wants this life and he is doing great with this woman, he lies to this woman that he loves her and needs her in his life, he lies to his own kids that he loves their mom but he has always been misled and the poor him needs their support, he lives in continuous fear that his mother in law will take his kids from him as the innocent wife who threatens him to listen to her mom. Saber was weak enough to live with his wife all these years not objecting on anything, it’s her way or the high way, how innocent she was is quiet interesting, she knew how to manipulate him and his mother, how to use their kids to pin him down, she knew how to make him always overwhelmed and busy with their very hard to be managed life, she does not help him in the finances and secretly wants him to stay broke… but she pretends not knowing that he was with someone else for three years now! She is that innocent.

Saber feared all his life for the family money, the family approval on things, if his family objected on his life style it is a fight he is not willing to initiate, he feeds on family’s support as a backup plan in case he gets into trouble anytime! Besides, the family implies him risking their presence in his life both financially and socially if he does not comply to their judgment, including Kinza’s judgment.

The time Kinza used to be oppressed in her past life that she now knows that it’s the worst thing you can do to yourself, when she came out with tutto her kid’s family tried to threaten her to take the kids, she knew that she cannot show fear, if she did that time it would be the first of many times to come of doing things under threatening, she took the risk to fight back and pretended not wanting the kids which made those people to withdraw, once and for all. tutto stood by her side throughout this period which made her strong and solid until they together won that battle.

With Saber and everyone else really you cannot help anyone unless they are convinced that they need help! Imagine if Kinza did not have the guts to face her kids family, no one could of helped her including Tutto.

It’s the holidays now and everybody spends it with the family, Kinza was waiting for Tutto to show up for one week now, but he seemed disoriented and distanced, they had agreement in the café to seal and he decided to stay away until after the holidays.

It was enough for her to talk to her friend about it, the friend that always kept her company and supported her,

So what do you think I should do?-

-Listen, can’t you tell that he respects power and does not mind being held against his will, I mean watch his life, he used to respect you when you had money before because it controlled the business, and his wife, what kind of freaken retarted lives with his grandma as her husband accepts for him? She scares him by her attitude that she can harm him or his kids anytime because she is innocent… I mean simple.

-no, my love is not like this, believe me.

-ok, where is he! Who is this? What is this then?

- so what do you think we should do?

Just do the same, threaten him… tell him if you do not show up in the holidays I will do bad…

And kinza did it, and neither Saber nor Tutto showed up! The more time passes the more lost she acted until she actually told him you are not allowed to open the place or else…

Tutto was shocked, my sweet beloved Kinza is like this? She wants to ruin my dream workplace and she wishes to embarrass me in front of my employee… she was furious on Tutto where have he been all that time and he was heartbroken.

After a long break between them Tutto came back, he wanted his woman back and explained how he did not mean for any of this to happen, Kinza called her friend and told her that you are wrong, Tutto is a great man and I made a huge mistake, her friend responded: I really hope so. For your own sake!

That experience in particular showed Kinza that their relationship is very strong, it is not me only who cannot survive without tutto, he cannot either. She did not know that it was not about the relationship really, but Saber needed to seal that deal in the café and Kinza must be there.

Kinza now has no job, and she spent all her savings and the place is in dept, she was feeling vulnerable when she realized that she is having a new baby, but this is the love of my life’s baby, it’s a blessing in all ways, Kinza tried to think as optimistic as possible at a very tough stage on both of them.

Ever since Saber had this other woman in his life, the innocent wife started asking for more money to make sure he does not spend any on that other woman.

Tutto vanished as usual and Saber was brutal about money and the holidays went by, Kinza spent it with her family when one of the workers called her offering to buy her share in Filfil. Kinza was trying to get out of the place for a while but she wanted filfil to stay with tutto, she told them she needs time to talk to tutto, where she was looking for him for a while, and the idea of her selling her share now seemed not that important during his absence. When it comes to money Saber is the one who always shows up, Saber was thinking about the selling that he said it’s what we need now you get to take your money, Kinza knew that Saber only cares about money, he went to the place and tried to make the selling with the workers and Kinza left him alone.

She was surprised of his rudeness, Kinza told him either you buy my share with the money I put or just let me sell it my way with amount of money I want. She intended to handle Saber the way he is treating her; it’s all business and it’s all about money , Kinza do not care what Saber wants or thinks and he would never earn the treatment she always gives to tutto.

After almost two weeks he talked to her brother and told him it’s time for divorce, which actually was only practicality now; That night Saber called and they agreed to meet with the workers and seal the deal when the workers changed their minds and decided to pay only the actual amount Kinza paid for the share. Saber lost his mind.

Now what will he say to his family, they agreed that he sells the share and takes the money and get rid of this crazy woman, now he is still with her and the deal is off.

Saber and Tutto are now both gone.

Kinza knew all these problems are a result of her separation from Tutto, there is no way she can be herself with Saber when he insists to come between her and Tutto, when Tutto is gone Kinza is gone too ; massive loses occur, and the more time goes by the bigger the loses are.

After a long break Tutto and Kinza are back together, or that what Kinza thought, Kinza found a job and Saber struggled with his family as his innocent wife started going crazy around the lover’s baby delivery, especially that Saber told her that he is divorcing her adversary now. Where kinza tried to keep her job and meet her obligations and keep the baby and herself in good health. she missed tutto a lot, during their trip together, Kinza knew that Saber managed to control Tutto, Tutto is gone now as there is no creativity , no passion, no natural chemistry what so ever.

Imagine having to ask for respect and attention all the time from the love of your life, when you give your all you expect your love to do the same, the only thing that keeps emotions going between two is their understanding to their selves to begin with, Kinza and Tutto built their entire relationship on being close to each other’s all the time, they fed on each other’s presence, Tutto by nature have no stable faith in anything whatsoever and he is easily influenced by anyone, imagine someone like this goes far away from Kinza and surround himself with people he loves and they are against their union, what are the chances he will feel attracted to his relationship with her? Under lots of financial pressure they have been experiencing, the gap between them kept expanding, Kinza kept trying she tried everything to save it but nothing seemed to work. By the time of holidays Tutto kept disappearing. She found herself looking for him most of the time, chasing after his shadows. After a while she became more desperate and needy with all the pain she was going through during her delivery with their first baby, she looked and his traces kept fading away every day. Saber started taking control and kept talking about getting Kinza out of their lives, she surrendered to Saber promising not to look for tutto anymore. Saber wanted to convince everybody that tutto’s absence is for the best interest of all, he is now the man who has two wives and knows how to control the situation.

Saber became the dominant actor, he tries to call for Tutto when he feels pressured to, and Kinza have to accept it or she can kiss them both goodbye for good. Saber kept trying to make a living in order to convince everyone that he is the man, he even managed to force Kinza to help him manage the place problems who felt obligated to stick around hoping that Saber will set Tutto free eventually, but the more she stood next to Saber the more Tutto kept fading away, Saber managed to intimidate Kinza by taking over Tutto’s territory in her life; using excuses of the business and the baby.

Using the weakness of Tutto’s personality and the gap between him and Kinza; Saber managed to persuade everyone including Tutto that he should solely communicate with Kinza now, she could hurt you Tutto and jeopardize the whole family interest with her immaturity, and no one understood the wonders of Tutto even him sometimes.

“If it is not for tutto I am not going to be available” Kinza thought. Kinza decided to confront Saber that night once and for all:

Where is he?-

How dare you ask, you emotional?

-Why do not you stop falsifying facts and manipulating the situation? Please let go of him

In your dreams, I am all what you got now Kinza, Tutto does not love you anymore, but I will tell him how nice you have been lately and he might shows up eventually!

But you do not fit in Saber, you are not entitled, you do not belong, stop trading his presence for yours!

The sky was weeping when Kinza realized that she is enabling Saber by trying so hard to please him, when in fact he is not what she wants in her life, Kinza does not need someone like Saber in her life, she told him that night that she wants to move on and he is not welcomed anymore, knowing in her heart that he might threatens to leave her for good and deprives Kinza of Tutto forever.

Kinza after having this beautiful baby can live the essence of real love to its ultimate precocity, one more gemstone to her magnificent tribe, all her kids marked a line in her evolving unique core, these sensational creatures that keeps rebuilding faith in your wearing out soul repeatedly; every time she felt belittled their outstanding survival managed to kiss the pain away… this baby smiles and establishes non ending promise, promise that the best is yet to come and him the living proof for it.

Kinza now knows how to forbid intruders from disturbing her ideals, her heart is full of love and prosperity out of non-ending resources in her life, it’s when you fell in love with yourself you start gaining your fair share of love in your life.

This sky can keep weeping forever and I will not submit to this overthrow: If it is not for tutto, there is no way Saber can sneak into my universe, he can use his power as much as he like to, he can act majestic and grand and fake the glory, but he cannot enter that universe, it is sealed in front of him just like anyone else, and for Tutto no matter how lost he will be, no matter how defeated he could get, no matter how doubting he could go, he definitely knows his way in there, and it’s his way only .

-


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Cherry: What an excellent masterpiece. I am so proud of being a Filipino. The author is from Philippines. You are amazing. What a grea great job!

Patricia Vreuls: Pls update love it, wondering what is going to happen next now he know's.

Mayra Vidal Nunes: I like the storyline the characters development and specially like how to they denied their feelings for each other. Now they are mated I want to know their continue and what will happen. This book it’s one of my first favourites. I look forward to see what more you will do with this story.

Samantha Templeton: So far so good only just started but worth the read. Give nice happy feelings

Radwaaaaa: I liked the book for its idea. Yet there wasn’t that much drama or any kind of unexpected, jaw dropping plot twists. The writer still Managed to kept me hooked as it is very short and endearing.

Tisa Vincent Besson: I really like this book can't wait to see what will happen next does he love her will he be able to remain true to her he did grow up thinking black people were dirt can all that hatred just go away can't wait.

MariaHalo: This book is amazing I would totally suggest it to other people I cried I screamed I felt happiness and I know I'm late but I love this book and would pay anything for this book to be published in a hard copy and a library.

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