Review Chapter 1-5
Read the story now
“partner (no comma) enjoying the view
Probably a second world (!) one exclamation point
you say “we were searching for” but at that point, we don’t know who “we” is
I don’t suggest having the first few paragraphs a lot of telling and not showing. Just a bunch of imagery is not always gripping, especially when the first few paragraphs are long and bulky
(“) Where is my daughter?” the quotations are facing the wrong way
There’s a lot of information here and it’s hard to remember all of it…I hope that this stuff comes back up later in a more fluid way, so that I can remember it.
I like the idea of different gods and I love the name Intelina
I think it’s a personal style, but its a little too much to have THAT many capitals. It doesn’t make your point any more intense, it’s more off putting. A simple exclamation point can make your point more professionally. Just an opinion of course,
Aw her family :(
Why would she ask “how would this happen” and then say “come and take my life tooooooooooo?” just seems like an unnatural thought process? just my opinion
was standing (no comma) with his face half covered
Was King Whalros introduced earlier? I don’t remember hearing that name through the information you gave us, but it’s not a big enough cliff hanger…maybe introduce him earlier if you haven’t already?
“someone(,)” her father,
okay i’m going to slow it down on such detailed comments and just enjoy the story now
The time skips are very dramatic
“Oh God!!!! you’re missing a closing quotation somewhere
This had much more fluid conversations :)
I hope these characters start to intertwine with each other
Okay back in time
Back to Intelina
I like the paragraph of her at the beach
dum dum dum Whalros is there
Interesting. I love when books explain the title later in the book. 5 colored ropes. I’m guessing that’s the title meaning
This chapter really does a good job developing all the characters and their feelings toward teach other
blindly(,)” said her
“But(,) I think…..that(,)” said her heart…not sure what said her heart means
magazines(,)” (s)he lied
OO romance! My favorite.
Ahhh not as romantic as I’d hope it’d be…was that your intention?
Ahhhh why was he arrested?! How did Lara not know??
That's all the time I have for today. I hope this helped!