Michael

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Needs work

Sorry I didn't make it past the first chapter. It's riddled with so many typos I found it way too distracting. On top of that there are weird technical errors, such as the beginning in which she compares her previous life in Europe (specifically: Canada) to her new life in "Africa."

There is also a fair amount of info-dumping going on and little attention to sensory detail. Seems like there COULD be a great story in there, but she skips past so many opportunities to bring the audience into the moment. That and the incessant typos make reading this too difficult for me.

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Couldn't get far

Pervasive typos, emotional disconnect, expository, and thematic cliché

I couldn't will myself beyond chapter 1

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Sorry

I made it through two chapters and i was done. I can't think of anything more cliché at this point but a pretty girl who's shy and the Alpha falls for her instantly.
There's a huge emotional disconnect between what's supposedly going on and what's actually being said about what's going on. For example, she thinks she's going to be killed and yet her attitude is more like 'and in other news'

There's far too much info dumping going on, the dialog feels forced, and to top it off there are lots and lots of typos.
I'd hang this up as a rough draft that needs some refinement.
At least it's titled well

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Haha I do great work

Wow I'm really impressed with how well I wrote this. I must say, reading my own work I can totally see what i was thinking when in wrote it

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