LesleyC

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Good Start

First, I want to say that I did find the characters more than mildly engaging. I particularly enjoyed the relationships between Stasha and Relka and Stasha and Lithe. They seemed realistic and engaging. I liked the "Pride and Prejudice" vibe from Stasha and Derek as well.

In addition, the attempts at world-building were solid. I'm actually interested in learning more about Nox, its mysterious ways, the Hunters' hierarchy, and all of that.

Now, with that being said, there are a few things I would change. The narration randomly switches from first-person to third-person to first-person again. Keeping this consistent would have made reading the story much easier. In addition, the grammar and spelling are rather shaky. There also is the simple fact that someone very easily could have noticed something odd and exposed the vampires. After all, someone would have noticed the glowing flowers outside of Derek's house; for instance, if a teenage fan posts a selfie on social media.

All in all, I feel that this is a solid start to a novel and might become something with a little work.

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