Kishyie

Pearl of the Orient

An artist, apprentice and writer who loves Horror, Fantasy and Thriller, all of which with a touch of Romance.

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Visually Perceptive

To start, the constant tone and the build up of words made this something worthy of being noticed. I liked the subtle sweetness between the couple, how they felt for each and how the protagonist's feelings has a way to reach out to the reader as the words draw the audience in.

I just noticed the interchange of tenses from present and future, and I know that those things are tricky most of the times, sometimes when we write, we don't really notice them anymore. Aside from that, I am not much of a fan for too much descriptions of everything, maybe because I have a wild sense of imagination and no longer need the extra details. Of course, this is just me. Saying just the right amount of words is fine, and would make the editing easy too.

The addition of past culture is also a refreshing thing to see, I don't know if it's because you, as the writer, came from Mongolia, but these traditions are nice because it reflects how they've dealt and what they did with their lives. It also gives an immediate background and setting on the viewer's mind without fidgeting much on how the background looks like.

Overall, the narration was great and I like the gloomy and romantic atmosphere you've built around the novel, they blend well together.

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Beautiful

I love how fluid everything sounds.
I feels like I was also drawn into the soul the words portrayed.
Even if there's no definite flow to the 'plot,' the poetry itself in every chapter has filled me with a few sentimentality works.

Nicely done!

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Overall Rating
Plot
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Chilly

I like the mystery it dealt on me when I read the few chapters. I was wondering what is in this world and why were things sort of like an 'otherwordly' kind of way.

The pace was slow but I was waiting when it'll start to give out the thrill.

Anyway, that being said, there were a few punctuation/spacing flaws, but with a few proofreading, it'll be fixed in no time. And we usually do this whenever we've finished our work and let people point out what's wrong with our writing, but never let it dictate the story. Cheers!

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