Make magic happen
Not a bad effort. Story telling requires a feeling of flow. Characters and situations unraveling to tell a dramatic story. I noticed that much of your story is moved forward by dialogue. One needs to know about the character and situation by the actions of the main players. I found it hard to know who these people are, the language and names never connected me to them.
Read the story now
You need to put yourself into each scene, make it vivid, sometimes with descriptions other times with the characters actions and reactions. Too many "He said" and "She said" draw attention to the words, but not what is happening. I guess you can say that when you forget you are reading, and let the actions play like a movie in your head, you have succeeded in painting a scene and event.
I never felt at home in the world you painted. Keep writing,, analyze the drama in each scene and play it out for the reader. You have a basic understanding of building anticipation. We all knew the Mother was a fork-red. long before you spelled it out. Your big "reveals" should be like explanation points for the reader. Do not over do it.
Time, place and background are as important as characters. Think back about stories you read and liked, Dive deeper and see how the author did it.