A Song for A Love Story
I'm loving this story!
Read the story now
A fairly straightforward love story/erotica plot based vampire novel, and it's everything I wanted. Lots of good smut and plenty of "mate based" tension.
Punching up, I think you could expand the antagnist angle. We don't get any resolution of why her apartment is being targeted by the Zs or BAs, or why they get chased by the dudes in the SUV..other than just "they're the bad guys, I guess" I would love to see a development of that subplot, and maybe WHY they're going to attack that specific pack of vamps (or any other info you're interested in sharing about them) and about why there are new females, that one vamp that has found *his* mate, etc etc. You've got GREAT subplots humming along, just no development.
If this is going to be part of a series, where we DO develop these things, I would find a way to add that into this current story.
Overall, it's a great love story. A good editor will fix any idom and silly grammar rules, just like any good writer I would focus on telling your super story and let someone else deal with that nonsense.
You have a unique third person present narration style, which is very interesting to read. You have a great voice, and I encourage you to keep refining and give us more from this world!