Helena_Bloom

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Personal writing style

I really loved this story. The main character tells her story to us in such a way that I really felt she was talking to me directly, and I couldn’t stop reading at all. There is so much real emotion in this novel, and so many feelings that I’m sure all readers can identify with; this makes it great. I also think the pace of the story is very good and the sentences are well constructed. The only thing I noticed is that there are still quite some punctuation issues to be sorted out. But I think this is a very good story and I recommend it to others!

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Colorful

A sci-fi with great writing style – this captivated me! I liked the writing style of this author, it is thoughtful and runs smoothly. There are beautiful descriptions waiting in the corners of each paragraph that definitely help set the scene well. Also I enjoyed the fact that the author goes slowly and doesn’t give away everything. The story builds up, tentatively, and therefore once the reader is a few chapters in there is a solid base of character and environment knowledge that make everything more enjoyable and realistic. I applaud the author for writing such a colorful sci-fi!

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Beautiful poems

Hi Kara, I read the first couple of chapters of your story ☺ It’s very creative that you mix poetry with prose! This definitely makes your story unique and interesting.
Your sentence structures are varied and grounded: a strong element of your novel so far, I believe. I also think that you have a wonderful way of combining the thoughts of Lilly (by using the first person) and descriptions of the surroundings.
However, my only point of critique is this: I do think that your main plot – quiet high school girl meets beautiful boy – is a bit cliché. I wonder if maybe you can think of secondary storylines to give more depth to your novel? You do this well, of course, by making Lilly a writer, and by describing the relationships in her family structure. But maybe there could be more characters walking around at school that Lilly interacts with, you could introduce a neighbor, maybe a strange mystery… I look forward to seeing how you develop this story!

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Touching

This is a touching story about an Asian girl trying to make her way in England at school. I found it actually quite sad, but that’s a great feat of the author, to put so much emotion into this story. I just have some issues with the punctuation and layout. The punctuation is really quite bad, in such a way that it made it hard to read for me sometimes. And by layout I mean the long paragraphs, the fact that it is sometimes unclear whether something is a title or part of a sentence, etc. I also believe that there is too much conversation in this story and too little description. Besides these two points I think the story is great, especially the plot and the emotion! Keep it up.

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Ballet

I think the setting of this story really has potential: a boy that does ballet. It’s a pity that the author hasn’t posted more on Inkitt yet, as it is hard to judge the plot of the story when there is so little yet revealed. However, one thing I would already advice the author is to be a bit subtler with information. Simply providing a list with all the names of the people in the ballet class is boring a bit too “easy”. Perhaps it’s better to introduce them all one by one, and to do this slowly. But I do like the idea of the story so far and hope the author continues writing!

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Experimental writing

Wow, this is such an experimental piece of writing. At first I really didn’t know what to make of it or how to interpret it. It’s definitely not for everybody and requires quite some focus and energy to really understand and appreciate. But personally I’m always a fan of creativity in writing styles and therefore I acknowledge this piece of work! However, I want to ask the author if this is the end of the story? It seems for me too sudden to end… Also, I wonder if some kind of plot (however simple or subtle) will be added to the book? Anyway, I like what’s already there and I hope for more!

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Mysterious

I liked this story. There is a sense of mystery going on here, and I also appreciated the fact that the characters are so well worked out. One thing I would advice the author is to sort this story into paragraphs and to structure the story a bit more in general. I now found it quite hard to follow as it all blurred into one big thing; there was no space to breathe, I felt. The author writes at the beginning a warning that the work is still in progress. There are still quite some spelling and punctuation mistakes to sort out, but that’s always secondary of course, and this can still be done later!

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Unique writing style

The writing style of this author is very unique. I really liked reading this story as it puzzled me at first, making me wonder who this character was, how the author was going to structure the rest of the story and what was actually going on! It is mostly like a stream of consciousness, which means that the reader will get very close to the main character that writes from their personal thought perspective. It reads much like a dream. This means that it also takes quite some energy to go through it and keep good focus. This might not be so easy for everyone. But all in all I find this unique and interesting!

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Personal tone

What I like about this story is the personal tone of it. It made me feel like I was really experiencing all the events described myself. That’s quite a great feat of the author, I believe. However, I do have to say that the constant addressing of “you” got a bit tiresome. I would advice the author to change this in some parts and to be a bit more creative with the writing style. But what I liked, of course, is the fact that the author lets the reader choose what chapter to go to next! I didn’t understand this at first, but then it made sense to me and I have to say it’s so creative! Like this the reader can kind of write her own story… Well done on this creative feature.

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Great build-up

The build-up of this story is just so good. Slowly but surely the author reveals to us the main character, the setting, the situation. This is done with a deliberate calm that made me really want to continue reading. It’s just too bad that it already ended after two chapters! I really wondered what was going to happen to Nora and the next steps she would take now that she met this mysterious man on a ranch all by herself… Does the author already have the plot in mind and is she working on it at the moment? I hope so, it would be great to read more!

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Secret manuscript

This is not just another fantasy story. The author uses a very unique writing style, one that is almost archaic and made me feel like I was reading an old, secret manuscript! This is definitely the strongest point of the story. Besides this I also loved the descriptions. The sentences are simply built very well, and the author made sure to put a lot of variety into word choice and grammar. So far only the first three chapters are on here, which definitely made me wish I could read more. Therefore I hope the author is planning to reveal more to us?! In any case, I recommend this story, also to people who normally tend to stay away from fantasy!

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Two poems

The author shares two poems with us and definitely leaves us wishing there were more! I think there is a strong use of repetition here that really spoke to me. The poems are furthermore quite descriptive, without resorting to over-used adjectives or clichés. One thing that I could propose to the author to think about is to use more metaphors or comparisons – of course not in these poems, which are already great as they are, but perhaps in future ones. In any case, I hope the author keeps writing poetry and continues to share it with us!

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So beautiful

The author of this story wrote another piece, “Ashes to Ashes”, that I also read and because I loved that so much, I decided to read this specific story too. It didn’t disappoint! Here there is a bit more of a plot, which is revealed to us through the same beautiful and unique writing style as the other story I read. I like the fact that the writer uses brackets; this makes it poetic and creates a personal atmosphere. Besides this there is the use of both short and long sentences; the contrast between these is great. Yeah I guess I’m just really in love with this author’s writing and more people should read it! ☺

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Splendid

I loved this story. The author is a real storyteller; it really felt to me as though they were telling it straight to me around a campfire. The history of Kate is one that’s not easy to forget. There is a lot of emotion, raw and simple, in this text. It makes me wonder whether the author is writing from experience? For some reason it feels quite personal to me. I like that the chapters are not too long, this makes the story compact and adds to the narrative idea explored here. I wouldn’t really know what to criticize, except that I was sad it ended so suddenly! I hope the writer puts more on Inkitt for us to read.

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Precious

There is something precious and light about this author’s writing style. It’s very powerful to make the chapters so short. It reads almost like a fairy tale. First it seems all quite bizarre, but the further I kept reading, the more I got into it and started to see the beauty in this story. I think this is a unique piece of work and really love what the author did here. But one thing I’m wondering – is this the end of the story? It seems quite open still. I think it would be great if the author could either continue writing or otherwise make the ending a bit more conclusive!

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Great format

The format of this book is very interesting and unique: by presenting us with different memories and thoughts from different period’s of a person’s life, we get a full picture of who he is and also why he is how he is. That’s very strong of the author, and it is obvious that a lot of work has gone into this. One thing I would advice is to make the paragraphs a bit shorter – now many of them are quite long and therefore hard to get through. Furthermore, I would recommend reading over everything again and wondering whether you can make the fragments a bit shorter. I feel that now there is an overload of information in all of them, which distracted and sometimes bored me. However, I really like the setup of this story and hope the author can take my points of critique as encouragement!

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Please write this book!:)

I think the blurb of this book holds so much potential! It’s a very brave topic, especially as the author is writing autobiographically… I honestly hope that this book becomes a reality and that the readers of Inkitt will have the pleasure of being able to read it. Does the author already have some ideas on the format and style of the book? Will it be chronological? In the third person or perhaps first? Diary style? I’m really curious about this book! It’s hard to give a rating, because there’s only the idea so far, but I think it would be great for the author to continue working on this.

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Would love to read more

This was a beautiful read so far. I loved the descriptions of the environment of “The Huntress”, these were rich and really spoke to the imagination. The amount of suspense that was built by the references to Annie is also very good. This made me want to continue reading, so it’s a pity the author hasn’t posted more on Inkitt yet! One thing I would advice the author is to rethink the writing style a bit. Almost all sentences start with a noun/personal pronoun, and the word “She” is too often at the beginning of the sentence. This makes the writing repetitious and a bit boring to read. That said, I think this story has much potential and I urge the writer to keep at it!

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Engaging

I really liked how from the very first moment the whole family is introduced and the reader is familiar with all the characters. The language was very easy to read, this was nice as it really carried the story along. One thing I would advice the author is to add more descriptions to this story. It sounds like Leon and Maria are in a fascinating place, but the reader can’t be so sure, because there are no details… What is there to see, to hear, to smell? I think this would give more color to the novel! But I really enjoyed reading this and I recommend it to others!

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Great

I really loved the interplay between thoughts and description going on in this story! It really made me feel like I was in the head of the character and read it through until the end. It’s also interesting how this is a short story – I think the author has managed to make it so dense and compact that it really works. There is a lot of emotion in this story, especially the passages about the author reflecting on his daughter. Nonetheless I also found the language slightly confusing sometimes, I think it might be hard to follow for some, but that doesn’t take away the beauty of the story. Well done.

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Great short stories!

Yes, these stories are definitely depressing! But really well done by the author to make me feel that way, for sure. These stories are really grabbing and they are all very different. Some have a lot of conversation, some are very short, some are just descriptive… I really enjoyed this variety and the obvious skills of the author that is portrayed. One of the things I would advice the author is to try and put a bit more plot into these stories. They are mostly the setting of a scene, but it would also be interesting if there were something that kept the reader guessing or wondering. But I really liked the writing style and the feelings these stories evoked!

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Brave monologue

Hey Elisa, very brave of you to address this issue and speak up! I assume you live in the United States; since I’m not from there, this is an issue I’m not so familiar with and it was eye opening for me. It sounds like you really needed to get this off your chest and I think you did well. Do you plan to share this monologue also with the people in your environment? I think it might help you to deal with this better if the people around you know that it’s something you struggle with. Then they can perhaps support you. Anyway, I think you use language very well here, it really grabbed me. Keep writing!

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Intricate

When I read the blurb I wasn’t too convinced, thinking that it was going to be just another complicated, over-the-top sci-fi story… but it turned out to be better than that! This is novel with a plot that is, like the title ☺, tangled and intricate! I appreciated very much that I kept guessing what was going to happen and how the characters were related to each other. This is definitely a great feat of the author. One thing that’s sad, of course, is that it ends already so quickly.. I hope the author manages to put more material on this website. One last note also on the characters – I found some of the actions and conversation to be a bit sexist. Maybe the author also wants to consider this observation? In any case, interesting so far, keep it up!

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Historical novel

Very tough theme and environment – slavery just before the American Civil War ends – and therefore all the more admirable as a story. I really found myself sympathizing with the main characters of this novel. The strength definitely also lies in the historical background that’s given. The author has obviously done a lot of research on the topic and has explored in this novel a niche that at least I was rather unfamiliar with – secret missions of colored abolitionists during the Civil War. Very interesting, to say the least! That it’s all done with such colorful language just makes it even better. I would definitely recommend this story to others!

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Artsy

This is a seriously ambitious piece of work that I really loved. It’s not easy to read through, because the author uses three very distinct styles to set up these three different stories, but I found it very rewarding. I really like that the three stories have the same characters and are of course linked, but that they exist separately from each other too. I wonder how the author got the inspiration for this project? And does he have plans to also shoot the soap/perform the play? That would be really awesome! Very artsy work that I would recommend to all art-lovers!

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Groovy

This is a pretty groovy story of a woman who deals at once with her own past and the future of someone she loves. I think the story managed very well to combine mystery/detective with a story of personal development. What I particularly enjoyed was the fact that this is a female gangster, there are too little stories with female characters like this! The conversations were grabbing and also the writing style flowed very naturally. A VERY big compliment for building up the story slowly while not making me feel bored: only at the end of the chapter is the murder, and therefore the centerpiece of the story, revealed. All in all a great story, I hope others will take the time to read it too!

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Fortie

There is a subtle humor going on in this story that makes it very pleasant to read! The author has obviously put a lot of time into it already; it is polished and therefore shining. Once thing I have to advice the author is to make the speech texts a bit shorter. I think the conversations are too drawn-out and therefore get boring: this is the weak part of the story. What I did enjoy were the lively characters, the plot (!!) and the unique atmosphere created by switching between long and short sentences. Good job for this, I hope the author can tune it into perfection!

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Beautiful web

This is a beautifully worked out story, that takes it time but is rewarding when the reader takes the energy to really go through it. There is a lot of time and ground covered here (as the title very clearly suggests!) and it makes for an intricate web of places and people, as well as emotions and dreams. However, the story ends after the first (long) chapter so the reader never manages to find out how things actually unfold… That’s a pity, as this fragment has so much potential! I hope the author writes more and shares it with us.

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Strong first person voice

The first person voice in this story is so strong, I really felt spoken to! The character has a unique character and draws you in from the very start. That’s very powerful. Also, I liked the environment in which the story took place and surrounded itself around: the grocery store. This is such a “mundane” place but therefore every reader can identify with it and I like that the writer chose for something non-dramatic, more realistic. The conversations, too, are great – I like the short but pointy sentences used. I almost felt like I was present. Maybe the author could think a bit more about creating more suspense – I did feel that, by the third chapter, I started wondering if things were going to happen and it might put off some readers who get bored. Nonetheless, a great story, keep it up!

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The Earth speeds up...

The beginning of this story is just so curious and unique. The Earth starts speeding up. That’s what we learn. Great way to grab the reader, even a non-sci-fi lover like myself. I think the author uses mature language the flows rather naturally. I am curious about the continuation of this story. What will the plot be like? Can the author reveal any more details on this? My advice would be to not take too many things of “our” world and turn them into strange things to Greia in the Lush Planet world. That is repetitive and something I would consider an “easy trick” for sci-fi. Can you find other ways to explain to the reader just how different Greia’s world, and therefore in a way also ours, has become? That would definitely lift the story up. Anyway, keep going, and we’ll hopefully be able to read more soon!

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Simply inspiring

Some beautiful, beautiful language going on here. Truly an inspired writer! I read it as though it was a dream, or a book of wisdom. It made me wonder all the time whether the author is writing this from actual personal experience or whether this is all creative – and I think therein lies the strength of the novel. It cannot really be said to be a story and I think this might make it less accessible to the general public. There is not an obvious plot, there is not much moving forward. It’s mostly about thoughts and ideas, but then again, that’s exactly what I love about it. There’s still quite some work to be done on punctuation and spelling, but as always, this is secondary to the actual story. Another thing that could be edited is the structure – I think the ideas and thoughts might shine in their full glory when divided a bit more into themes, or to have some kind of red line running through it all. But well done my friend, I hope others read your work and are as inspired as I am!

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Colorful sci-fi

So much going on in this story! Definitely keeps the reader interested and amazed. I especially liked the vivid descriptions of the surroundings and the appearance of various characters… This made for very colorful reading. One thing I would have liked to see more of is an obvious development of the characters. I think this would make the story even better! Perhaps the author can think of the personal changes and struggles that Shyara, Allie, Anna, etc. go through. That would enrich it further. But I do believe the writing style is smooth, and like I said, the extravagance of the book makes it already worth reading.

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Unique structure

Very interesting writing structure! The author uses different points in time (quite far apart from each other) to link a web of memories and stories. It is then up to the reader to make of it what she/he can, maybe not always easy, but for the engaged reader (like myself ☺) really great! There is quite some tragedy and loss in this story, but I believe the author manages to convey this without becoming overly dramatic. The only point I would criticize is the writing style – it’s definitely not bad, but I believe it is a bit monotonous at some points. The author could go through the story again and see if he can make the sentences and words a bit more graceful. The plot and structure are great though, so keep it up!

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Fast pace

This novel has a fast pace that keeps the reader very engaged. It can be hard to follow in the beginning, but things become more clear once you get through a couple of chapters. Personally I really like the fact that the author doesn’t give away all already in the beginning. However, the author had a quite objectifying portrayal of women in his story (describing women purely from how they look/over-sexualizing them). For me this is a problem, because I think this is simply not a good image to give and it is not enjoyable for many people (including myself) to read. I think it could be interesting to give Anna more depth, for example by adding more of her background. The author could reveal this carefully, by sometimes letting her link things around her to past events or feelings. Anyway, I do really enjoy the fast pace and I hope my critical points can help the author develop further!

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Honest...

Such an honest account of a girl that has it all, except that she faces serious abuse… It was sad to read but I do believe that such stories are necessary in our society, to understand better what people go through, to raise awareness for this issue. With regard to the writing style, I would suggest the author to go a bit “slower”, to use a writing style that is perhaps more suggestive and uses language a bit more creatively to describe the abuse and the situation. Besides this I think the topic is a brave one, and I think it would be great if the author would continue writing and posting it here on Inkitt!

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So touching

Oh, I found this story so touching. Here is a writer who can really write, in a mature and beautiful way. It’s too bad that there is not more on here already, but I will keep an eye out for the following chapters and I believe so should other readers. The author manages to give affectionate details of her past, her feelings, without it being too “obvious”. She sets a scene, a tragic one, an honest one. I didn’t get tired of reading it at all. Only point would be that there are some grammar/spelling mistakes (to/too/two) that need to be sorted out. Besides this I believe this is a story with so much potential and I urge the author to keep writing and posting it on here.

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Political theme, woohoo

A topic after my own heart! Great to read something political on this website. It’s a very nice change from all the romance and thriller stories… ☺ One thing that struck me from the very beginning is that the author gives away a lot very quickly. Already in the third paragraph I, the reader, know that he’s a time-traveler. In the next paragraphs the character makes sure to comment on each thing that is different form his time to ours and already reveals that “World War Three” will start. I think this is the thing that makes this novel less interesting than it could be. Perhaps it would be a good idea to start off a chapter with keeping suspense, making it unclear to the reader who is the main character, what they are doing, why they are there. But I have to say I am happy to read a politically tinged novel on here, keep it up!

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Nazi trouble

The plot of this story is for me slightly problematic, as I don’t think it’s very ethical, even in a fictional story, to assign the historical deaths of millions of people in the Nazi/Soviet times to a fictional undead species (Respawners). This story builds heavily on those loaded historical moments and people and in my opinion stereotypes quite a bit too much. However, I have to say that the pace of the novel is good, interchanging between quick action and slower scenes. There are many worked-out characters in this novel, too. So I would say that although the plot has some issues that I don’t agree with, the writing style itself is quite good. It would be great if others could read this novel too, and give a second opinion on it!

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Dramatic writing

This story is written in a dramatic, sweeping way, which will definitely take a reader along on the ride for a few chapters. However, after a couple of chapters it became rather predictable for me and I became tired of the long scenes that were (to me) rather obvious. Typical high school scenes that drag on… I think this is unnecessary and I’m sure the author could change this by shortening the scenes a bit, and also by not writing purely chronologically. I also believe the character could be given a bit more depth, by making her emotions and thoughts more complex. However, I do believe the dramatic writing style has potential and it would be interesting to see how the author improves this story.

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Stream-of-consciousness

If you like to read stream-of-consciousness novels, this could be interesting for you. The main character speaks directly to us, the readers, and gives us detailed accounts, in the present tense, of the strange things that happen to her/him…
There are two sides to this. The first is positive: we are dragged into the story, we feel like we are actually present.
The other side is negative: I personally felt like it was sometimes too “forced” and too descriptive. There are no thoughts from the main character, no feelings, no emotions. Just description.
I think a way in which this could be improved is to add some of those emotions, and also to speed up the plot a bit. When the reader gets to chapter three, she/he still has no idea what the novel is going to focus on. This makes the stream-of-consciousness harder to read.
It is anyway a very unique style of writing, and I hope others can give more feedback so the story can reach its full potential!

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Great character

This is a completely worked out story! In the beginning I didn’t like the main character, I thought he was an asshole… but then, slowly but surely, I started to sympathize with him. This is of course exactly what the author hopes to show: how behind the tough façade of a young man lies a broken, sad soul. Very well done I would say! Is this story based on personal experience? It seems so, and in that case I feel very happy the author found an outlet for all these feelings.

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Porn

So this is a rather explicit story. Really it’s a pornographic piece of work. Personally I’m a fan of those, and I know many women who prefer words over video when it comes to pornography. I have to be honest here though and say that I found it not too interesting. Once again the idea is created that a woman’s pleasure comes just from a men entering a part of his body (yes, also his fingers) into her “holes”. This is such a false belief going around in the world, based totally on men’s fantasies. I would rewrite the story in such a way that the woman’s clitoris is also involved! Then it would make me more excited ;-)

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Philosophical

To be honest, I don’t really know where I’m at on this book. It is a collection of thoughts and ideas, about the Big Themes such as life, truth and reality. This is not a story with a plot, nor is it a non-fiction book. Instead it is just a collection of ideas. I suppose it could fall within the “philosophy” category. There were parts I found elucidating but there were also parts I found pretentious. The author definitely has a beautiful way of writing and has some really interesting things to share. At the same time I also find it problematic that they write things like “people don’t know that…”, as I consider this condescending. My advice to the author is therefore: stick to your ideas and writing style, but make it a bit more inclusive instead of putting yourself on a philosophical pedestal. Then it will be a great book!

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Liked it!

This was a really sweet story, somehow. The bickering and bantering between Julie and Patrick was very real and made me smile often. I also enjoyed the descriptions of the landscapes and animals of Africa. I wonder, has the author been there, or have they simply done a lot of research? It is great! One thing I would criticize is the fact that the plot doesn’t really get going until a few chapters in. I would advice the author to already create some suspense earlier on; this will make the reader more engaged. But very well done and good luck!

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Great humour

“The post-apocalypse fucking sucks” – This is a great sentence to put in the beginning of a story! I loved the humorous writing style of this author, which is not only apparent in sentences such as those, but also in the entire story. The glorification of cake is not something I can take too seriously but I got the impression this is exactly the point. Quite some absurdity going on and this is what makes the story great in my opinion. Only thing is, of course, that the story already ended after this first chapter. It made me realize that the plot is not too apparent in this first part. Therefore I would advice the author to already reveal some more “mystery” in this first part, so that the reader gets a glimpse into what’s going to happen. Perhaps the author can use some prospective techniques, like letting the main character make links between things in the present and the future… Anyway, I like the writing style a lot, so I hope more is revealed!

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Well-developed

It’s great how well-developed this story already is. The author has obviously put a lot of work into it and takes the story very seriously! That pays off. I liked the descriptions of the world that Alisa lives in; it really gave me a good impression of what there is to see and hear and made me able to relate to Alisa better. One thing I would advice the author is to revise the writing style a little bit. Many sentence constructions are the same: they start with a noun, and often a pronoun (“she”). This got a bit boring for me. It would make the story much more colorful if this was mixed up a bit! Nonetheless I think the story is great and I hope the author continues writing.

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Justice

I think the plot of this story definitely has potential. It’s great to read something written about justice, and about people standing up for what’s right. However, I do think that right now the author still has some work to do. Not only because there’s only four paragraphs on here so far, but also because the writing style is not very smooth yet. I feel like at the moment the author wrote straight from their thoughts. However, when writing a story, it’s important to think of well-constructed, beautiful sentences that go smoothly from one to the next. The punctuation is also really not great; there are many commas at random places and spaces between words or sentences missing. But I want to emphasize again that I like the idea of the story, so I hope the author takes my points as encouragement!

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In between poem and story...

The writing style and format of this story is like nothing you’ve seen before. It was beautiful and haunting, I really loved it. It is almost like a poem, but then again, it’s too long, so I would say it’s somewhere in between a poem and a story. I liked how certain words and themes (“hero” and “hope” for example) keep coming back. I also think it’s great how the story has a circular frame – it ends where it started, with the same words. The emotion is raw and the reader can really place herself in the shoes of this orphan child. What else can I say? This is great and I hope more people read it!

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Mature writing

The prologue is amazing – it’s eery and beautiful all at once. This is what kept me reading and made me interested in what was to come. And it’s good I did, because this writer definitely doesn’t disappoint! The writing style is just so mature; it makes me wonder if this author has already written much before. It definitely seems to me like they are extremely skilled and have a lot of literary weapons in their arsenal. One thing I personally found a bit tiresome is the constant use of the word “you” in this text. In itself it is good, but I would advice the author to limit it a bit. Besides this, I think the style is great, the plot too, and I am happy I read this!

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True emotion

If this story doesn’t make you cry, then I don’t know what will… This is true emotion, and beautifully so. The author really manages to capture the sorrow, the pain and the sadness that the main character goes through after losing her love. At the same time this is contrasted by very lovely descriptions of being in love. I’m sure it reminds most people of their own lightest and darkest emotions and moments in life. What I also really liked were the switches between "before" and "after", this kept the story lively. Honestly I don’t have anything to criticize here, I just hope others also read it! Highly recommended.

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Interesting plot

This is a very cool story! It takes classic biblical characters – Rebecca, Ruth, etc. – and turns them into flesh-and-blood characters with thoughts and troubles that are accessible to readers today. But then – the reader realizes that perhaps these biblical characters are alive today! This is such an interesting way of creating a story, it inspired me and kept me reading. Just one thing I would advice the author: make the chapters a bit shorter. At some point I started having a hard time getting through them, not because the story didn’t interest me, but because I wanted the story to move forward a bit faster! That being said, I definitely enjoyed reading and would recommend it to others.

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Very cool setting

I found the setting of this story so cool! It takes biblical characters in biblical times and makes them come alive. For someone who knows a bit of Christian background and doctrine, this is really interesting. I especially liked the parts where Jeremiah is in the center of the attention. There, the conversations are lively and witty and the thoughts and descriptions definitely help the reader connect to the character. One thing I would advice the author is to create a bit more of an obvious plot. I found myself struggling with not finding a red line to follow. That said, I appreciate the creativity and hope to see more!

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Fast pace

This is a fast-paced story with a lot of drama and mystery. I think the author has done a good job on creating suspense and really diving into the story from the first moment. However, I do think that at least for me the story was a bit too incredible and over-dramatic. I found myself struggling to keep up with all the surreal aspects and wondering how I was supposed to relate to the strange events. I advice the author to take things a bit more slowly, to add more descriptions and to not give away everything at once. That way the reader will likely be more engaged and understanding of the plot. Nonetheless I think that a good base has been laid and I encourage the author to keep writing!

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Strong theme

Here’s an important theme discussed… At first it seems like this kid has a calm like, but then blood flows. I thought it was a very engaging read, definitely kept me going until the end. Too bad that it’s not finished yet/completely on Inkitt yet, but I hope that changes soon! One thing I would advice the author is to add a little bit more structure here. The part that’s already online can easily be divided into two, perhaps three chapters. That would make everything a bit more readable. Also, think about how much you want to reveal when. This way you create a bit more drama and mystery, which I think would only make the story better. Nonetheless, I like the theme a lot, as well as the writing style, so I would recommend this to others!

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Vices

It was the title that hooked me, I like it! It’s a story with a well-worked out plot with mystery and vices (sex and drugs) at its heart. One thing I would advice the author to change is the conversations. They are, in my opinion, too dense. The reader doesn’t get a chance to breathe. It is conventional for writers to use small descriptions (“He smiled at her comment”) or thoughts (“This was not the response he had expected”) to make the conversations more lively. Of course it can be possible to leave this out, but then the conversations need to be very to the point and dramatic. In this story they are used practically, so that’s why I give this advice. But there’s been an obvious investment of work into this story and I encourage the writer to continue!

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Sci-fi, drama, mystery - all in one!

Generally I’m a bit opposed to them, but here’s a sci-fi that’s not over the top for me! This is a drama, a painting of characters, about love and loss and the longing for home. The sci-fi comes second, but makes for a wonderfully unique backdrop for sure. A war around the glow of Saturn – that conjured up great images in my head. At the same time, though, it’s also a mystery. A detective in search of the truth. It is honestly one of the best stories I have read on Inkitt! It kept me hooked for a long time. Seriously impressed. I applaud the author and hope he keeps writing!

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Emotional read

This is a story about a very difficult, but very important topic – mental illness amongst high school students. When I started reading it I felt skeptical; I was wondering where the author would lead me. But the further I read, the more emotional I became. This is such a brave thing to write about, and the author does it so well. Both girls and boys have their place in this drama, and stereotypes of masculinity (“having to be strong”) are smashed. I hope that the peer support group that Cadence organizes in this novel is an inspiration for people reading this novel! It would have definitely helped me personally when I was a teenager.

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Packed with only good

From the moment you start reading this novel, you know that it’s going to be a seriously packed story. The plot is unique, set in historical Eastern Germany, and the characters have great body. I loved that the reader gets a true insight into the thoughts and feelings of Shaun and Magda. This kept me reading and wanting to know more. I also enjoyed the switch between different writing styles and perspectives. There are also many wisdoms and great quotes hidden in this story, that I’m sure all readers can appreciate and take something from. All in all very creative. I recommend this novel!

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Creative writing style

I read another story by this author, “Tamir”, and I have to say this one is even better! I absolutely love the writing style, with short, almost poetic sentences. That’s the thing I personally look for the most and I found it in this story. It is highly suspenseful, in fact it kept me reading for a long time. One thing I believe could be improved is the depth of the characters. At the moment the reader has no idea about their background, their personalities, their feelings. This would be interesting to add, I believe. But besides this I think this story is already well on its way and I recommend it!

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Mermaids!

This is a rich fantasy story. I enjoyed the creative ideas on mermaids and the unique world of water that the author created. Good job on building up mystery and suspense in the introduction. However, I do think that the chapters that come after that are a bit less interesting in comparison. Maybe it could be an idea to make the conversation a bit shorter, and to introduce some elements of the plot already there. I also think it would make the novel richer if the author would be a bit more descriptive about the environment the story takes place. It’s a completely new world, after all, and the reader (at least I was!) would like to know the sounds, the sights, the smells… but all in all I enjoyed the mermaid characters, the way that humans are portrayed here as “strange” and the writing style!

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Fantastic chaos

The fact that this story completely lacks grammatical and punctuation structure makes it incredibly difficult to read. The story line does not make any sense to me and the conversations lack spirit and credibility. However, I do believe that the author has a creative mind and therefore I would say: your fantastic mind is your secret weapon! I would suggest that the author sits down first to calmly construct the plot, the characters and the environment. Make lists, use bullet points. Then organize your story into chapters, what happens in each? After this, organize your chapters into paragraphs, which should be like small stories in itself, with a clear opening sentence and closing sentence. This was for me a confusing read, but I do believe that there in the fantasy lies potential and I hope the author can live up to it! :)

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Original family!

Ohhh, a story about sextuplets! This definitely got me hooked from the very beginning. I think there is a real giggly girly vibe going on in this story. Just one thing that slightly put me off were the gender stereotypes that came so much to the front… but I suppose that’s differs per reader. One thing I would definitely suggest is to give a bit more shape to the different characters. What separates them from each other? It would be great, I think, if by the end of the third chapter or so we would have a rough idea about all the children in this family. That way the reader can sympathize more with the characters. Anyway, I did really like the originality of the sextuplets and the gossip-meets-novel writing style!

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Great gangster story

I enjoyed reading this story a lot! It’s written in a very pleasant, smooth way, with sentence structures that simply feel very natural. The plot is dramatic, but not overly so. Personally I don’t enjoy so much exaggerated characters or plots, so I took to this story very much. I like it very much that each chapter introduces new characters and environments, this keeps up the suspense. The conversations were also gripping and written in true British gangster (or should I say: serious people?) slang ☺

One point of criticism I would give is that the references to popular culture are, in my opinion, a bit too much. Michelle Pfeiffer, Elvis, Dire Straits – these all appear in the first two chapters alone. I think this makes the writing a bit more “tacky” than it really has to be.
Another thing that could make the story more colorful is to be more detailed about the surroundings your characters are operating inside. You write (almost?) nothing about how things look, how they smell, how they sound. I think a bit of this would add depth for sure.
In any case, I enjoyed reading this and I hope others do too!

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Mature characters

Hi Alli, I read the first couple of chapters of your story ☺ I like the way that you manage to describe people and surroundings without using too many adjectives. This is a unique accomplishment!
Your conversations are engaging to read. I think one way you could give more spark to your story is by allowing us a glimpse into the thoughts of Eliana. You write it from the first-person perspective, so this should not be too difficult.
Also a small word on your sentence structure: you have some very long sentences in your story and you are using words like “and,” “but,” and “though” a lot. Perhaps you can restructure your words in such a way that this can be limited, as it is quite tiring for the reader to read.
Nonetheless you already have a strong writing style with some mature characters. I hope my points can help you improve!

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suspenseful story

Hi Aiden, I read the first couple of chapters of your story ☺ First of all I want to say good job on creating suspense, I read through it all in one go!

I do think, however, that maybe you go a bit too fast with your story. You start your novel with a very dramatic, chaotic scene. After a few paragraphs the reader finds out that bodies are lying everywhere… what happened? What sounds did we hear? What screams, what smells? Was there smoke? Or was there perhaps a deadly, scary silence? Throughout your novel you can use such small descriptions to add more depth to the story.
You alternate between the voices of Jay and Jakki. This makes it definitely more interesting to read, but one thing I am missing is distinctions in the language that you use for these characters. These are two different people, so try writing in two slightly different styles. That will make the characters more credible.
I think you’ve got quite a strong plot here, so I hope my points can help you improve what you’ve already got!

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courageous topic

Hi Vaughn, I just read your story :) The theme you address, bullying, is definitely not a light and easy one, so first of all I want to say well done on addressing it. I also think it’s quite courageous to have your character openly admit to “weaknesses” in his masculinity.

The first part of your story is written as one long paragraph. Did something go wrong while uploading it onto the website or do you mean it to be that way? I think it would make for much more pleasant reading if you would split this up into smaller paragraphs!

I also think that you can add more color to your story by setting the scene a bit more. Obviously your main focus is conversation, which is fine, but I do believe that you can engage the reader better if you also write something about the surroundings of your characters.

A last idea: I like the insight we get into Henry's thoughts at the end of this chapter. I think it would make your story even more interesting if you would add some more of his thoughts throughout the story. That way the reader can establish a more "personal" relationship with the character.

Anyway, I hope you keep writing and that my points can help you improve what you’ve already got!

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Unique werewolves

Loved this story. I’ve read my share of werewolf stories on this website, but this is a unique one! The characters are so colorful and real. The scenes in the fourth chapter, the ones in which the wolves are feeding and hunting, are sensational and really well written from a descriptive point of view. From there on I was hooked on the story. Sure, there are some punctuation and grammar issues to sort out, but this is secondary. Overall the novel is simply a colorful and suspenseful piece of work and I recommend it for sure.

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