Ellie

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Good Book

I loved your new version, but I have some suggestions for you to make it even better:

1. Please correct your grammar. Only use one exclamation mark, and put quotation marks in the right place. For example, instead of writing, '"GIVE ME THE CAMERA!!!!", said a hoarse voice,' you should write '"Give me the camera!" said a hoarse voice.'
2. I recommend you to tell the readers that the character in the prologue was Maddie sooner, or else they will think it is Grace. Also, you do not need to write the label of the camera. The readers will figure it out.
3. Why is Maddie's camera so important to her? Why didn't they call the police?
4. I didn't like your first chapter as much as your prologue. It was boring, I recommend you just skip to the part where Grace was cutting the cake. Also, describe her cake more.
5. With all the events in your second chapter, you could make it longer by adding more details. For example, when you wrote that they played capture the flag, dodgeball, and hide and seek, you can make that into multiple paragraphs.
6. I'm going to say it twice: please correct your grammar!

I really liked your blurb, it drew me in, and the prologue was interesting. However, near the end of the prologue and the beginning of your first chapter, it started to get boring. But otherwise, this is a good book!

-Ellie

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A Great Read

This book has potential and has kept me on the edge of my seat. However, I have identified a few things that the author, Nikki Lee Taylor, can improve on. Personally, I thought the pacing was too slow in the first chapter. The other chapters were fine. I don't think you should describe everything as much, especially in the part where Gabriel was working up his courage to enter the house. Add a bit of excitement in the first few chapters; this keeps the reader hooked. However, don't rush through it too much. The trick is to find the right pacing. Another thing you could do is to make a short prologue in the beginning, maybe when Gabriel turned into a strigoi. Make it brief and mysterious. For inspiration, check the first chapter in the Harry Potter series. The prologue will give the reader more information about Gabriel, as well as making your book more interesting. Another thing I thought you could improve on is where Gabriel fought the wolf in the first chapter. In my (limited) experience in writing fight scenes, I found that keeping it short and simple does the trick. This means that you should not focus on the tiny little details in the fight, but the big overall picture. Also, I would recommend you extend the fight scene too. Personally, I thought that the fight was too short and wasn't as dramatic as I would've liked it. I also found a few grammar and punctuation mistakes. Since I write in American English and you write in British English, don't take this part very seriously. There are a few past and present tense mistakes and I also found that you have a habit of writing three periods instead of a dash. From my knowledge, you use three periods when the character trails off naturally while a dash is for when the character unexpectedly stops talking.

For example:

"What do you think's going to happen?" George asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "There are so many possibilities. We could die, win, lose, survive..."

OR

"What do you think's going to happen?" George asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "There are so many possibilities. We could die, win, lose, survive-"
A loud crash echoed throughout the house. They jumped up, ready to defend themselves.

Again, don't take my advice on punctuation and grammar. Actually, don't take any of my feedback personally. Just do whatever you think is best. This is my opinion, and there are many people who will disagree with me. I can definitely say that one day, this book will be sitting on a bookshelf. Keep writing!

-Ellie

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Amazing

I can definitely say that I am hooked. I love mythology and one day, your book will definitely end up in a bookstore. However, I do have a few suggestions. For one thing, your book reminds me of Percy Jackson, so be careful. You don't want to get copyrighted. I also thought that your pacing was too fast. I don't blame you; I know what it feels like to want to get to the most exciting part of the story. I recommend you add more detail and descriptions. There are also a few punctuation and grammar mistakes, mostly with commas. Try using Grammarly; it helps me a lot.

Thank you,
Ellie

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Great book

I really enjoyed reading this book and following all of your characters through their life. I do recommend, however, to clarify a few points. For example, in the first chapter, you said that her house was located at the bottom. Please explain that it is at the bottom of a hill. This part confused me, so it would improve your story greatly be adding that point. Also, for the cover, I recommend you add something more creative (you can change the font of your words). I found that many of the best covers lie at the bottom of the list of pictures, so you can keep scrolling down until you reach the bottom. Otherwise, this was a great book and is recommended for anyone!

-Ellie

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Great Book

I really liked your plot, however, there are a few spots where you can improve on.

Improve grammar and punctuation and this book will be perfect (there's also a few mistakes in the blurb). You can add Grammarly to your browser in order to help you fix that. For example:

"Hello" he said. This is wrong.

"Hello," he said. This is correct. You must add a comma, question mark, or exclamation mark at the end of dialogues. This is the main problem I found in your book.

I found a few run-on sentences. Try making the sentences shorter.

Also, in the title, you must capitalize the word "Hatred."

If you improve on these, your book will be perfect!

-Ellie

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Great book

S.du Plessis weaved an incredible adventure out of all of her characters. However, there are a few things where the book can improve.

1. Please split it into paragraphs. Paragraphs are like cues for the reader. When you stop reading a book, it is more likely to be at the end of a paragraph, not in the middle of one. It can help the reader ease in and out of the book.
2. I have found a few grammar and punctuation mistakes. I recommend you add Grammarly to your browser, it helps me a lot.
3. Besides in the book, I also found a few mistakes in the blurb. Please fix these.

Otherwise, S.du Plessis has a great start to her book and I would recommend it to everyone!

-Ellie

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Good Book

I really enjoyed this book, with its sense of mystery and adventure. What I would recommend the author to do, however, is to make the book longer. With this plot, you can write a longer book, which means the chances of being published is higher. I love this book and would recommend it to everyone!

-Ellie

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Great!

I have to say, I greatly enjoyed my book. I loved how you described everything, and I can learn a lot from you! Your book is amazing, and keep up the good work! Looking forward to seeing this in a bookstore someday!

-Ellie

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Great Book

I have to say, I really enjoyed this book! Romance usually isn't my thing, but I loved how you mixed in the romance with fantasy. Like your other book, this one also has a few punctuation and grammar mistakes. With just one quick skim through the book, you can fix everything. Otherwise, I have truly enjoyed this book and keep up the good work!

-Ellie

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Great Book!

I love this book, with its mythology. I have not found any flaws in this book, and the only suggestion I have is to probably find a better cover. I do love your current cover, but try to find something unique, to draw in the reader. Although everyone says not to judge a book by its cover, we all do. Find something that is unique and stands out from the other books. Otherwise, this is a great book!

-Ellie

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Great Book!

This book is amazing, and I loved it! The only suggestions I have is to make more dialogue, and to write more about Xia, and about her personality, family, and history. Otherwise, this book is fabulous and I would recommend it to everyone!

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Good Book

I prefer your new version of your book, but again, there are a few mistakes. You should add a few commas here and there, and maybe make the pace a bit slower. I recommend you slowly add in the romance in the second or third chapter, and give a bit more detail about how they met.

-Ellie

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Good Book

I'm going to say the same thing about this book as your other one: I enjoyed this story, but I highly recommend you work on your punctuation and grammar. Remember, the punctuation goes before the quotation mark.

For example: "Hello," he said.

Keep up the good work, and good luck!

-Ellie

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Good Story

You have a wonderful book, and I would recommend it to many people. The only thing that could make your book better is improving your punctuation and grammar. I recommend you to reread your book to find all mistakes and to correct them. Otherwise, this is an amazing book!

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Good Book

This is a good book, however, there seems to be many grammar mistakes. For example, in chapter two (Winter Vandelann) you wrote: "'Sorry, I'm in the way." He uttered and stood aside with his eyes aimed at the ground.'" Instead, you should write: "'Sorry, I'm in the way," he uttered and stood aside with his eyes aimed at the ground.'" I recommend you reread your book carefully to correct all of these mistakes. Otherwise, this is a good book.

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A Great Book!

This is a great book, but you could improve it in a few ways. I think that the pacing was a bit too fast, I would like to hear more about Marie and Lucy, and about Kevin. Otherwise, it is a great book!

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Great book

This book is amazing, and I would recommend it to anyone. I suggest you maybe write a bit more about the characters, and their background. There is also a few writing mistakes in the book, but otherwise, the book is great!

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A Wonderful Start

Cursed with Oblivion has a wonderful start and is a delightful read for anyone who longs for romance. The author spun a thrilling tale of a girl cursed with oblivion, a boy blessed with attention, and a story of love. The only reason I took a star away is because I'm not a fan of romance. However, if I were a fan, than I would've given this book five stars. Keep writing!

-Ellie

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Great Book

Fragment of Destiny is a truly amazing work of art for sci-fi and fantasy lovers. There are a few punctuation mistakes here and there, but nothing too major. Also, I noticed that although this book takes place in the future, it says that it is the year is "1560." Another thing I noticed was the time. In the first chapter, you wrote that the time was "06:45," while in the others you wrote "1150 hours." Otherwise, there are no mistakes. Keep writing!

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Great Potential

Throughout my life, I have read many books. Believe me when I say that this is one of the best books that I have ever read. I did find a few punctuation and grammar mistakes, although they are scarce and are nothing major. Try letting the book sit for a few weeks before you go back and edit it; it works wonders for me. Another thing I thought that you could improve on is fine-tuning the character's emotions. Personally, I didn't feel much sympathy for the characters, especially when they experience life-changing events, like when Josh gets herded into the snowy tundra or when Luna shows Josh her tattoos. Change these, and there is nothing to criticize about your book. I've been on Inkitt for a few months, and this is the best review I have given anyone. I am expecting to see this book in a bookstore someday. Keep writing!

-Ellie

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Good Book

I have to say, I rather enjoyed this book. A few recommendations: You should start a new paragraph every time a different person speaks. Also, in the beginning, I would recommend to shorten the song a little. Although I loved the song and the lyrics, it would be boring to read about it for so long. I really enjoyed this book, and anyone who loves a great romance book would be dying for the chance to read this!

-Ellie

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Good Book

Just like one of the other books I have reviewed, this book seems like it is written for children. Again, children would probably not understand romance, but you can easily change it so that its main audience is adults. Otherwise, this is a wonderful book that anyone would love to read!

-Ellie

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Good book

In this book, it seems like the target audience is children. However, I don't think romance would be a good genre for children. This is because children wouldn't understand the concept of romance. Otherwise, I would recommend this book to everyone!

-Ellie

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Good book

I really like your book, any child would love this book! Keep on writing and good luck with getting your book published!

-Ellie

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Good Book

I have really enjoyed this book, it kept me on the edge of my seat. However, there are a few things you could improve on. For example, I found a few punctuation and grammar mistakes. I don't know whether you are writing in American English or British English, but if you are writing in the latter, then ignore this. Also, I would like it if you would keep the pacing a bit slower. I admit, my pacing is a bit fast, too. It would be better if you slow the pacing, maybe describe everything a bit more. Otherwise, this is a good book and is recommended for anyone who likes romance!

-Ellie

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Good Book

I have to say, this book is excellent. If you enjoy reading romance and fantasy, this book is definitely for you! I loved this book and would recommend it to everyone.

-Ellie

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Good Book

I really enjoyed your book, but you would've gotten a higher rating if you would work on your grammar and punctuation a bit more. I have found many mistakes, and there are many parts where you could improve on. For example, you could add more detail, and split the long paragraphs into smaller ones. Reread the book and fix all the mistakes. Otherwise, I loved your plot and keep up the good work!

-Ellie

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Amazing!

I can say that this is one of the best books I've ever read. Unlike me, your pacing is in the perfect tempo; not too fast or too slow. I don't think that it is possible to criticize this book in any way, and I would recommend this to everyone!

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Amazing

I have greatly enjoyed this book, I do not regret reading it! What I could recommend is to skim through your book and correct some of your punctuation and grammar mistakes. If not for that small problem, it would be five stars for everything!

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Great Book!

I have enjoyed reading this book; it is amazing! This book reminds me of the Hunger Games, you may want to be careful so that you're not copying them. I recommend you not to write that they were "forced to survive," because that's when I really made the connection with the Hunger Games. Plus, you could change the "Games," to another name, something completely different from the Hunger Games. Also, in the part where one of your characters were reading Harry Potter, I recommend you delete the part where you mention that Sirius dies. I'm also a huge Harry Potter fan and have read the entire series multiple times, however, some other people may have only gotten to book four and would not want you to spoil that for them. Otherwise, your book is great and I would recommend it to everyone!

-Ellie

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Great Book!

I have rarely read a book that draws me in more. You have a fabulous start and I love your plot. It may be just me, but I would prefer it if your book has a bit more dialogue. It would make your book more interesting. Otherwise, your book is amazing and it is written very well! Well done!

-Ellie

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Great Book!

Who knew? You can write a review for your own book!

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Amazing

I can say that this is an amazing book. There are a few missing commas here and there, and sometimes it's hard to figure out who is saying what, but otherwise, this book is great! I recommend you let the book sit for a while before rereading it and fixing all the mistakes. Otherwise, I loved this book!

-Ellie

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Great Book

This is my second time reviewing this book, and I have to say that it improved greatly! I have really enjoyed the book, and I would recommend it to everyone. The one part you could improve on is the punctuation. Again, as I said in my last review, please remember to put a punctuation point at the end of dialogues. Otherwise, this book is amazing and keep up the good work!

-Ellie

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Great Book

This book has an amazing start. In the beginning, I got a bit confused about the fact that they were babies, so you might want to make it a bit clearer. Otherwise, I love your plot and would recommend it to everyone.

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Amazing

You have an amazing book, I love it! The plot is amazing, however, there seems to be a few grammar mistakes throughout the book. I also think you could give a bit more detail about the Beastlings. Overall, this is a great book and I hope you continue writing this!

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An Adventure Like No Other

In her book, "Dreamy Reality," Hadley sweeps her reader away on an adventure like no other. I can imagine the characters down to every strand of their hair, and I would recommend this book to anyone who loves a thrilling, exciting, book. This is my second time reviewing this book, and I have to say that it improved greatly over the last few months. This book has had me hooked and we all want to know where this adventure takes us. Keep writing, Hadley!

-Ellie

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Great book

While I love your plot, there are a few spots you can improve on. For example, I think that the pacing is a bit fast. I would like to know more about Emma and her personality. Maybe start the book off at the end of her school day, and receiving the letter later in the day. Also, when she received the letter, why did she accept the fact that her father was alive so quickly? Put yourself in her shoes. You have believed your father was dead your whole life, and suddenly, you receive a letter from him. At first, you would doubt the letter. And then, you would slowly realize that it is your father because you recognize his handwriting and signature. Now not sure whether he is alive or not, you would go to the prison and visit him. You couldn't believe your eyes. You would question him, ask whether he is an imposter. Ask him questions only he would know before you truly accepted that fact that your father was alive and well. Otherwise, I love your plot, and with a bit of improvement, you could even get this book published!

-Ellie

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