Terry A

Pinellas County, Florida

I was born in England. Liking warm weather, I now live on the Gulf of Mexico. I have been writing all my life, preferring my imagined reality to what was otherwise going on around me.

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Excellent, but too similar to volume I

“Fantastic Tales II” is a very good book. It is similar to Volume I in that it has interesting characters in intriguing settings. Yet most of all it is very well written. Morgan Tonkin is a very good writer. She draws us into the story, makes us interested in the characters, wanting to know what happens to them. That is a great skill. Unfortunately, the book is too similar to Volume I. Someone is unhappy. Something or someone comes along and makes the person happy, or makes them realise they did not have it so bad after all. Some of the stories are just rewrites of a story in Volume I with a different character in a different setting, but the same story. The first stories in both books are essentially the same. A man meets a magical female creature, falls in love, loses her, and then decides to join her. Just a different creature in a different setting, but essentially the same story. Other stories could be matched similarly between the volumes. On its own, Volume II is worth five stars. As a follow up to Volume I it is worth five stars. However, if this were to be a series, then the similarity of the stories would quickly pale. Also, the sex scenes need to be changed. They are very graphic, nothing left out, yet without any finesse and little variation. I would suggest setting up a sex scene, then leaving the details to the imagination of the reader. Much more interesting. Yet Morgan Tonkin is an excellent writer, and this book was a joy to read. I would strongly recommend it. Even so, I was happy to read that she is now working on a novel. I think that is the right idea. Morgan, try to hone your skillful craft by working on a story that requires more characters, complex personalities that are revealed slowly, involved situations, repeated twists and turns that keep the reader guessing. Try to get away from the all too similar stories that you have written so far. Keep at it, Morgan. You are a very talented writer. Practise, and you will be outstanding. I look forward to reading more of your work.

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Well written engaging stories with interesting believable characters

Each character in the ten fascinating stories in this collection is an individual personality, all different, yet all believable, and all earning our support. A frequent theme is that someone, usually female but not always, is not appreciated. A rescuer arrives, and happiness seems possible. This formula does not describe every story, and even where it does the stories are unique, the characters different personalities, and the rescuers very varied. The only commonality among all the stories is that each is engrossing, spell binding, well written. Each story contains a graphic description of sex. If this would offend you, do not read these stories. Yet each sex act is exactly where it should be in the story, enhancing the plot. There is nothing gratuitous. Everything meshes perfectly. I thoroughly enjoyed reading each and every one of these stories. This book should be published. It is far better than some of the books that are actually published. I unreservedly recommend “Fantastic Tales, Vol 1", and I look forward to the completion of Volume 2.

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Imaginative, well written, exciting, unpredictable story

Supernatural creatures exist, and have become a danger to humans. Hunters call them The Wicked, and try to kill them. The best hunter becomes a dictator, and then a king. All able-boded males are required to kill a Wicked, or die. Of course, the Wicked fight back, with their powers. The book is ingenious. The plot is complicated, with many twists and turns, and yet logical enough to follow easily. The characters are very well drawn, totally believable, and change as the story unfolds. People roll their eyes far too frequently, but otherwise the book is very well written. This story was a true delight to read. An excellent book. I recommend it without reservation.

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Good First Draft. Needs Work.

“New Earth” is an exciting adventure book about refugees from Earth, who have traveled to an unknown planet to set up a colony. Most of the passengers have been placed in suspended animation, to be woken when the planet is reached. The book begins with one of the sleepers awaking, and she then narrates most of the story. The initial part of the book, where she describes the catastrophes on Earth that caused the refugees to flee, is excellent. The story has many twists and turns, interesting creations. I was always kept wondering what would happen next. I certainly never guessed the ending. I would recommend it as a read to those who like fantasy-adventure stories, but it needs work before it can be published. We post our stories on this web site so we can get reviews of them, that tell us what we have done right, and what needs to be improved. (I would love to get an honest review of my book.) Thus I hope Shianne Jeffers takes my comments as wanting to help her improve. The book is written in the first person. This can add excitement. When something happens to the narrator, we can feel the adrenalin pulsing. Yet we can only learn what she feels, and what she is told. She overhears two traitors plotting to enslave all the passengers. She is spotted, and runs off. Since she is the narrator, we can not learn what are the feelings of the traitors after they realize they have been overheard. What are their reactions, how does this affect their plans? After the excellent initial opening, the narrator describes her suspension and awakening. This is good. She sees herself in a metal wash basin in the recovery room. Thus we get a description of her looks, but that is about all. We learn her name is Scarlet, and her father’s name is Henry Smith. So is her name Scarlet Smith? We never learn her age. From the bubbliness of the narration, I gather she is in her late teens. Yet she is accepted as an equal by the officers of the ship. The age could easily have been given as she is waking up. “I wondered what my age was now. I had been 18 when I boarded. Since I had been suspended, was I still 18, or had I matured into a 20-year old? Suddenly I laughed. I had just remembered that this planet took 10 Earth years to revolve around the sun. Here, I was only 2 years old. My whole trip here had been but a season on my new home.” Her father is on board because he was in the US Army. There must have been a million people who had been in the Army. Why was he selected, what was his special expertise? After the opening, action takes over and the writing deteriorates. Sentences are short, simple, with limited vocabulary. The story jerks from one thread to another. While Scarlet and her father are discussing traitors, an alarm sounds saying they are going to crash. They rush to the safety area. We have the crash landing and the aftermath, and then the search for the traitors continues. When the alarm was raised, I wondered if it were real or if the traitors were trying to get the people together where it would be easier to capture them. I thought Scarlet and her father might ignore the warning, and race up the corridors trying to find those who were sabotaging the ship. No such idea enters their heads. The story threads can overlap, making the writing much more fluid. We also lose descriptions, which set the scene, and explanations, which make the story believable. When the traitors are found, they say that they have reached an agreement with some of the creatures living on the planet? How? At that time, the officers have not made contact with anyone. It would have been an interesting story to explain how these people managed not only to contact these unknown creatures, but even to negotiate a deal with them. This story is an excellent first draft, mapping out the storyline, and contains some very good writing, principally at the beginning. However it needs work. I wish Shianne Jeffers every success.

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Good story, interesting picture of a different society. Needs tighter writing.

“Rin” gives a very interesting picture of life and culture in 16th century Japan. 1) Lesser people, such as servants and women, have to kneel down with their foreheads touching the ground when with their “betters”. 2) A man’s duty is to stay with his lord, rather than with his dying wife. The descriptions of the society add spice to this story. The story itself is good, but has a few problems. There are inconsistencies. When going to meet her betrothed, Rin is told not to speak unless spoken to. Yet she speaks first, and leads the conversation. There are also scenes which seem irrelevant. A man rants about how the people dislike Rin’s father because of his high taxes. I expected this to lead to her trying to help the poorer people, but the rant ends and is never mentioned again. While there is a good plot that carries through the book, it moves straightforwardly with few deviations. There are no sub-plots. While there are complications, these are all dealt with before continuing on to anything else. The book appears to be more a collection of incidents than a woven whole. A very good book I thoroughly enjoyed, but it would benefit from tighter writing and a more complex story line.

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Entertaining story. Promising book, but flawed.

“Rising Star” is a good entertaining lightweight book, worth reading, but it could be much better. It has a general overall plot -- a group goes on a quest -- but it has no depth. We do not know what they want to achieve by the quest, nor why others oppose them so passionately. The three main characters are given individual personalities, and their backgrounds described. They are likeable. We get interested in them, and want to know what happens to them. Yet little is explained. We do not know why the Black Holes act the way they do, and whether they are a team, working towards a common goal, or individuals. We do not know what is the purpose of finding the Rising Star, or what will it achieve. There are inconsistencies in Joshua’s abilities. None of this is explained. The book is more a collection of incidents than a coherent whole. It is also slow. I stopped reading half way through Chapter 1. I skimmed the rest of the chapter, checking to see if anything interesting happened. Indeed it did! Suddenly I was hooked, and read to the end of the book. IMHO Miriam’s first attack should be at the beginning, not at the end of Chapter 1. The book should start with her screams, wounds on her body, blood flowing, but no one touching her. That would grab a reader far better than a description of a house and a formal dinner. Then it takes forever for the girls to meet. (Chapter 15 out of 21.) After that the romance progresses smoothly to the endings readers will have already guessed. I would suggest make their romances less easy and not so obvious. Have them argue, separate, wonder if they really want each other, if they will ever meet again. Put some obstacles in the path of the romance. Then give a reason why all this takes place. Why do they suffer so much trouble and pain to find the Rising Star if the last paragraph is all that happens? Majaine, you have a talent for writing. You can create characters and develop a plot. Keep writing.

But next time, may I suggest you plan out details of the plot and descriptions of the characters more before you start writing? I recommend this book, but more developed characters and a more complex plot would have made it so much better.

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Excellent story. Could not put it down.

Exciting fast paced story about two humans, a man and a woman, accidentally abducted by a space ship, finding themselves in the middle of a war with the Imperium. Twists and turns in the story, believable likeable characters, keep it interesting. The two humans, the others on the ship, an android, and even the AI core of the ship itself, are all so well defined that I kept reading, wanting to know what happened to them. Good ending, wrapping up this story, although obviously intending to have a sequel. What’s not to like? I look forward to other books in the series. Highly recommended.

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Interesting, well written book. Recommended.

“Mocking dog” is a new version of a sinner returned from Hell to atone for their sins. Marty, a serial killer, is teamed with Weedgie, a talking dog. Together they have to save people instead of killing them. Their personalities are very well written. Marty can not harm anyone, and Weedgie can not swear. Nonetheless, Weedgie is quite capable of letting Marty know just what he thinks of him. They have to learn to work together, and with the people they meet. Red herrings and false leads are scattered throughout the book, keeping us wondering what will happen. Some of what happens is obvious, yet the new ideas make this a fresh and interesting story. Thoroughly recommended. Clearly sequels are planned. I will gladly read them when they are available.

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Not complete. Ends with everyone in danger.

Eden was advertised as complete, in 12 chapters. It is not. It stops, with everyone facing danger, and possible death. Unless you want to wonder for ever what happens, do not read this book. This is a shame, since it is an excellent book. The story is engrossing, the characters all individuals with their own personalities, and the situations imaginative. Yet it leads nowhere. We are left hanging with three or four story lines in mid air. I never read a “work in progress” story. I was tricked into reading this because it was said to be complete. The only way this story is complete is if the author has given up on it. If it is ever completed I will read it. If all of it is as good as the start, it would be worth five stars. As it is, it is only a taste, not a story.

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Interesting, engrossing, recommended, but flawed

A rich 16-year old girl, living alone, adopts ten strangely colored dogs, 9 male and one female. They are really anime characters, somewhat human, under a curse. The story is imaginative, intriguing, and entertaining. There is a delightful scene of the dogs’ reactions when the girl gets out of bed, takes off her night clothes, and looks for her underwear. Unfortunately several things spoil the story. It is difficult to accept the basic premise. A rich 16-year old girl would have to have a guardian. Yet the point of the story is that she has access to a huge house and immense amounts of money with no one else controlling her. Then a Japanese dog trainer comes to the house, and accidentally turns the dogs back into vicious killers. Once this is under control, the trainer then says she has to leave, but will be back in a few days. With vicious killers around, who can easily turn back into human form again? No way! Nor, even though the story is listed as “complete”, does it seem to have a real ending. It just stops. There are also far too many writing errors. Throughout the book, Knockoutgirl consistently says “so post” instead of “supposed”, and “corporate” instead of “cooperate”. There are also many typos, and sentences that go nowhere. This, plus much greater familiarity with anime and manga than anyone else I know, makes me wonder, is Knockoutgirl Japanese? If so, she has an excellent command of English, but is missing the finer points. Anyway, the story is intriguing, engrossing, and mostly well written. I thoroughly recommend it. With some editing, it would be worth five stars.

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Interesting book, unusual heroes and enemies.

A race of evil creatures, the Altros, are trying to take over all other races. The Crimson Nobles, and especially the five members of the Crimson Fang, are their main adversaries. The Crimson Nobles can be killed, but otherwise can live for millennia. The powers of both sides are unusual. The Fang, for instance, absorb their weapons into their bodies. Thus they appear unarmed, but can produce their weapons whenever needed. The Altros can be a mountain of earth, a seducer, or one who can produce vines to entrap and strangle. The fight scenes are imaginative and interesting. Yet possibilities are overlooked. A man and two women go to another plane of existence, where there are no other people. They spend thousands of years there, training, yet there is no mention of any romantic attachment between them. This limits the story to just the fighting. The Fang travel around, hunting down the High Lords of the Altros, and killing them. Thus the story is more a collection of incidents than a coherent whole. Then, two-thirds of the way through the book, we get a complete surprise, and find things are not as we thought. What is this surprise, and what happens because of it? Read the book to the last chapter to find out.

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Innovative story, needs editing

“Demon’s Child” has an interesting premise. A woman runs an assassination firm so the souls of those killed can provide food for the demon that possesses her. A varied collection of characters, including the brother of a man she has murdered, fall in love with her, sometimes killing each other to eliminate rivals. She, meanwhile, is trying to find how to eliminate the demon that controls her. The plot has unusual twists to it as the characters join forces, or fight against each other.
The story is confusing. It is told in the first person. However, it is not the same first person throughout the story. The story jumps around. The character who starts the story, telling it in the first person, disappears for half the book. Someone else takes over in the first person, while we get a flashback about a character we have already been told was murdered. Then the first character suddenly reappears and takes over saying “I” again. We get flashbacks to the childhood of some of the characters. Since they used different names then, connecting the children to the adults adds to the confusion. There has to be a better way of arranging the story.
There are far too many typos. Not only does it look as if it was never proof read, but there are more typos than should even be in a first draft. Given how confusing the story already is, having typos that make the meaning even less clear does not help. Sometimes though the typos add a touch of levity. For instance, Chapter 13 begins: “Her eyes shot open and quickly sat up.” An interesting image.
I recommend the book, but it could have been better organized, and it requires serious proof reading.

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Imaginative and engrossing

“The Wolf Queen” grabbed my interest on its first page, and held it until the end of the book. It is well written, fast moving, with interesting and unusual characters. The King of Laneyth has two children, both daughters. The elder, Princess Channin, is the heir to the throne. Wanting to see what her prospective kingdom is like, she travels round the districts. She finds her father is ruling by terror. Trying to stop the murder of those too poor to pay taxes, she is declared ‘an enemy of the king.’ This forces her to fight or flight. While love interest is fairly clearly defined at the beginning, the book has many twists and turns, the unexpected constantly happening. Especially when we find that few of the characters are human.

There are some problems with the writing. Taylor does not use the scene dividers Inkitt offers. Thus one paragraph to the next can change place, time, and charcters. This can be confusing until the new scene is understood. Point of view is mainly Princess Channin and General Starker, written in the third person. However, part way through a new character appears. Whenever he is in a scene, the story is told by him in the first person. This is also confusing. I would not change the first chapter, it is so perfect an introduction and attention getter that it should be left as it is. Nonetheless I would add at the beginning of the second chapter a word from the narrator saying that this is what happened, and he will describe what he saw in person when we reach his part. That would alleviate the surprise when he suddenly starts telling the story. There are also typos which can make it hard to understand who is doing what. Thus I have given only four stars for writing. Yet these are minor. I heard a literary agent say she can help authors with technique, but can not help lack of craft. Taylor has the craft. An engrossing, imaginative book with compelling characters. It was a delight to read, and I recommend it unreservedly.

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Cute, but lightweight

“Race of the Diligent” is about conflict between people with magical abilities, who are being killed by those without magic because of fear of what they will do. This story line has been done before. Katherine Kurtz’s Deryni books are an obvious example. One even closer to this story is “Wonderland” by lauradunca, unpublished but available on Inkitt. So the question is not how original is the story, because it is not, but how well done is it. Following the example of the “Game of Thrones” books, each chapter is headed by the name of the person narrating it. The style is conversational, with the narrators talking to each other. “Have you told them about this incident? No? Well I will have to.” Unfortunately the whole book is as loosely collected. The plot is that the magical people want to stay alive. There is no in-depth character development. The book is a collection of incidents. There is no coherent story going through the book, nothing linking the chapters together except the fear of being killed, and a desire to stay alive. Things happen, characters appear and disappear. One magical person saves another, then imprisons her, after that betrays a third magical one for the reward, and then walks out of the story. In the middle of a contest to be President, we get a chapter giving us a tour of a WWII museum. People will be talking and suddenly go, “blah, blah, blah.” Being unable to think of a way of finishing what someone is saying is a sign of needing to improve craft. The inability to think of a coherent plot is another such sign. The book is cute, but lightweight. If the author wants to see how to write a story with this plot, Wannabee needs to read “Wonderland”. That will show how it is done properly.

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Excellent well-written book with intriguing characters and plot. Should be published.

I read “Wonderland” by lauradinca and thought it excellent. I have tried to persuade Inkitt to promote “Wonderland” instead of some of the other books that are actually published. The response I have got is that romance is what sells, no matter how badly written. I have been told that well-written books with developed plots and interesting characters are not what the public wants now. Well, that is what I want, and “Down the Rabbit Hole” is one of the best books I have read in a while. When I finished “Wonderland”, I wondered what happened to the characters. Since I enjoyed that book so much, I decided to read another book by laura. I was surprised and pleased to find that “Down the Rabbit Hole” was a sequel to “Wonderland”. May I suggest that this be made clear, either by a reference at the end of “Wonderland”, or else in the teaser for “Rabbit”?

This book is every bit as good as “Wonderland”. The characters are believable, with very definite personalities. The plot is ingenious with totally unexpected changes of direction that keep the reader guessing, yet wanting more. The action is fast paced. We move along with the characters, thinking we know what is coming, but never seeing what is just around the corner. Romance slowly builds, forbidden love, impossibly unrequited love. It makes us hope each and every one of the characters has what they want, but knowing that is impossible. An excellent book.

There are some problems. There are a very large number of typos – several per chapter. Many of these can be read through, such as “quite” for “quiet”, but some impact comprehension. Mixing up “him” and “her” for example, or spelling mistakes that leave no clue as to what was actually meant. The book really needs editing. Also, many of the characters, both male and female, have names beginning with the letter A. This leads to confusion as to which each one of them is. Further, I had forgotten that Kira and Annabelle were the same person, adding to more confusion. Still, these are minor issues. The book is delightful, very well written.

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Constant twists in the plot kept me reading

Alli is supposed to die in a car accident. However, she sees Jadin, whose job is to “mark” her to define her job after death, and from that all the complications flow. I became so involved with the plot that I could not put the book down. I would plan to read three chapters, and instead read eight or ten. All the twists and turns meant that I had to keep reading if I wanted to know what happened next, and I always did. The book is well written, the pace lively, the story gripping and entertaining. Most of the characters are very well defined. I felt I knew them all. Some of the male characters were shallow. I still knew them, but wished I did not. The book is listed as a “romance”. To some extent it is, but it also a coming of age, an excellent description of how both Alli and Jadin change. Facing difficulties neither of them expected, they have to learn how to cope. Do they become unfeeling so that they never feel pain, or do they accept empathy in spite of the ordeals that loss will bring? I thoroughly recommend “These Lovely Forms”. I look forward to reading more from LeKat.

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Powerful. We are there with the protagonists.

This is a very powerful story. Short, but compelling. Excellent. By the end of the short story we feel we know the two characters, their lives, and their miseries. This should get a far wider audience. LeKat, If you have gone through this experience, I am glad you are still with us, writing such fascinating stories. If you have not, then you have a vivid imagination that can capture the feelings and reactions of others. Empathetic. Very glad I read it. Good luck with your other stories.

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Well developed characters, unexpected plot

This is the third book in the “Golden Curse” series. As before, the characters are very intriguing, well developed. None are entirely good or bad, although some are clearly more one than the other. Like all humans, they are a mixture of emotions, desires, and feelings. Getting the genealogy straight can be difficult. I felt I needed to take notes when there were so many variations of the Demon King story. The story continues with its twists and turns. The only thing we can expect is that the unexpected will occur. I enjoyed reading all three books. Together they make a story that I could not put down. The editing in this book is far better than in the first two, although there are still errors. The main problem I have with this book is the sex scenes. These have no finesse, are brutal, way too much detail, all the same, and far too many. Instead of making the book interesting, they made it tiresome. More subtlety, more variation, and much less detail so that we can use our own imaginations would be a great improvement. Otherwise I thoroughly enjoyed the book, and would recommend it.

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Wonderful story, spoilt by lack of editing.

This is the second in a series of three books telling the story of The Bear King. Like the first book, this one is excellent. The story does not flag, but keeps moving ahead with unexpected revelations, and deeper understanding of the characters and their emotions. The characters are superb. Lord Phillip and Miss Lamb are self-centred people who care nothing for others, and get the exquisite karma that they deserve. Gilda and Freyr, Freya and Elias, are the usual lovers, each unable to say what they really think of the other, believing that they are the one who is driving them apart. It is interesting reading a woman’s opinion of what unrestrained animalistic sex would look like from a man’s point of view. The Queen of the Nerds is to be complemented on writing such a fine novel. So far it deserves five stars. What stops me from giving it a fifth star is the editing. There are misspellings of words. There are uses of the wrong word. The author is talking about bears so much, she uses that spelling when mentioning bare trees. There are extra words, some looking as if the author changed her mind about what to write, and forgot to remove the first intention. Words are missing. Nor are words all that is missing. There is no Chapter 5. It does not seem that anything is missing from the story, just that the chapter numbers jump from 4 to 6. All these things affect comprehension, and break the continuity of the story. The author has shown tremendous ability in crafting the story, but she desperately needs someone to review and edit the books before they are posted. I can not give five stars to a book as badly edited as this one. This is a shame, as the book in itself deserves better.

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Started as good science fiction. Then became soap opera.

Okay, this is my fourth review of this book. I write reviews for a living, and have never got the reaction I have from this one. So I will try again. The book starts off as science fiction. At first it is very good. The writing is engrossing, the story unusual, the characters interesting. I quickly got involved, and wanted to know what happened. Had the book continued at that level, it would have earned at least four stars. Then the science fiction faded out and was replaced by romance. IMHO the author is nowhere near as good at writing romance as he is at writing science fiction. Hence my disappointment, and my low rating.

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