Needs some fleshing
There's a good plot here that could be played with a little. I agree with others who have said that there is a whole host of repetition, grammar and punctuation need to be worked on, and that only describing someone as "Mr. Tual" or "The man with the German accent" can make your reader's eyes cross a little.
Read the story now
For grammar, there were misspelled or misplaced words, but the biggest one for me is that every time you write in quotes, you use a comma inside the quotes before identifying the speaker, unless it's a question.
Example. "I was asking how you were," Mandy said.
"How are you?" Mandy asked.
When a quote is followed by he/she/it, they do not need to be capitalized.
Fleshing out your descriptions, working on grammar/punctuation, and learning when and where to reveal your bad guys and/or plot twists will improve this dramatically.
I wish you luck on this and other ventures.
-Author of Hollow's Charge