Bryan

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An Entertaining Read

I enjoyed the story but it was skeletal in detail. The author needs to pack more detail and atmospherics into the story structure. I rarely got the sense of the settings in which the story took place. A reader should be able to determine a setting by its description rather than being told this is such and such a place. The writing style was fast-paced such that scenes went by in a blur. I liked the surprise ending although it could have been better executed. Lastly, the author needs to work on his grammar and punctuation. Overall, a good effort for a first time writer.

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An Interesting Read

This story began with a bang but this sensation wasn't sustained in subsequent chapters. The dialogue lacked tension and conflict. Too many coincidences were employed to drive the plot forward. There was too much telling and not enough showing. The dialogue exchanges between Emma, Harvey and Briggs were boring and predictable. Nothing happens between them. The dialogue tags lacked originality.

I was disappointed the author didn't weave more Japanese Samurai history in his story as he did in the prologue.

The author has potential but he'll need to read some books on the craft of writing to improve his game.

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Underwhelmed

Based on reviews of this story I was expecting something extraordinary. Unfortunately, this story never rose above the ordinary. I struggled through it. The choppy prose did not flow and it rarely transcended the conventional. (As an aside, Microsoft Word has a text-to-speech feature which I use. It helps eliminate speed bumps in one's prose.) Prose should sing. It should have rhythm and melody and percussion. The author, however, does capture the anxieties of teenage girls. I found the overuse of descriptive language distracting rather than illuminating. The scene in the kitchen where the wife reveals her infidelity lacked dramatic punch. There should have been a build-up of more tension before releasing it with her admission of being a no-good tramp. Overall, I feel underwhelmed. :^(

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Darkly Funny!

Mashing the detached sardonic humor of Catcher in the Rye with the dark horror of Carrie, this first-person story races along at a fast clip barely giving a reader a chance to catch his breath. His characters channel the argot of upper-class California high school teens a couple of whom are anything but normal. The writing is darkly original and full of surprises such that one can pass over the grammar and spelling errors without pausing. Overall, a fun and evocative read.

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Keep Your Promises

A budding writer with great potential. Sabitha needs to work on her grammar, use of vocabulary and punctuation. This version feels like a first draft. There's lots of repetition that could be removed to make the story flow faster. That aside, she had an interesting story to tell and she executed it with emotive power. Her characters seemed true-to-life and her story had a surprising plot twist that I wasn't expecting. Keep at it, Sabitha. There's no overnight success in the writing world.

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The Illuminati Hunter

Ethan's writing style is fast-paced and fluid. He's definitely gifted. His world-building his authentic and the story's characters are true-to-life. The plot is believable and makes you go hmmm. A worthwhile read and investment in time.

Peace,

Bryan
Author of "The Package" a mystery/thriller

https://www.inkitt.com/stories/mystery/123887/chapters/8?ref=a_7d4eed70-fae7-4aa0-a7aa-61615f6479c2

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Amusing

I wasn't expecting a lesson in feel-good psychology; nevertheless, the author covered familiar territory but with uncommon language. I couldn't give this story or its plot high marks because a theme does make a story nor a plot. I don't know if the author is attempting to invent a new genre of writing but kudos to his inventiveness.

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