William Elliott Kern

San Jose

Retired Engineer, writing full time in genres, Sci-fi, fantasy, romance, mystery........9 books published.

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Reincarnated Love-A Vampire Romance

A 23 year old young girl, Katherine,, was taken on a 2 day Trip to the Castle of Prince Thorin; She didn't know the reason for her parents taking her to the Castle, until one of the maids, Bee as Kate called her, explained the was to be married to the Prince.....A True Blood Vampire. 6pm that evening a party for the Princes birthday and ensuing marriage to come with Katherine was being honored by all Vampires, Excluding Kate and her mom and dad..........Kate was determined to escape, memorizing the layout of the Castle exits, hallways and doors.
Two stories going at the same time, one involving Archie and Charlie delivering tanks of blood fo the party and the other as described above................good writing, work a bit on proof reading and grammar, but overall story and olot really great..........Good writing Catherine Edward...........I enjoyed the read......thank you. William

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"The Time Catalyst"

Joseth, If this makes you feel any better, I have done 135 Reviews of Books to date, and my review for you is 5 stars......Your story is well developed and beyond interesting. Great imagination. The Main Characters are simple to follow along with your story and the plot is well defined, with some twists and turns.. The facts are that a great, secret project is developed by Patrick, with Thomas, his leading scientist and leader in the project. A project that will better the world when development is finished, to bring power to the world at a price affordable to all. The Twist occurs when anomalies occur during testing. Then the twist, brilliantly written by you, enters three new so called hired men to work for Miracles Corp, from the future, later in the story, to steal the receiver of the equipment that was being constructed, the SCR. Then comes another Time Traveler, with threats to Patrick that he destroy the SCR or this Traveler is instructed to kill Patrick.......basically, the story continues, a fight ensures, the cops are called, the Receiver is taken by the 3 bad guys, and because the SCR is not able to function, the time travelers cannot return to their time, but can only transport locally in Seattle Washington where this story takes place.......really complicated story, well written, so forgive me if I haven't done justice to you and your excellent ability as a Story teller and Author...........Great work, wow the world my friend.............

william elliott kern..........https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550 Dead or Alive...please review my book.

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The Vampire Prince

Hey Lauren, enjoyed reading your book. Your story content and plot blend beautifully, with a few exceptions. think about describing your Characters, their surroundings, the location surroundings and such. But don't fret.........your work is really great and a few changes are normal. Keep writing, I want more of Laurens work, mindset and creativity...........good job

william elliott kern

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Runaway

the story line catches you immediately, fast pace, excellent plot. The Author takes you on a ride that is filled with hick-ups and twists..........well done.

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"The Time Catalyst"

This Review is in conjunction with the first presentation given by the Author, and with some final changes, I have found the Story, plot and character Development, and final ending to enhance the story and give this book a finality to its ending, or If this Author so wishes, a continuation as most readers of this remarkable Book would so wish. Well Done Joseth. Add this Review to the other given if you will.............good writing my friend...................william elliott

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"Vengeance In 3D"

Good Story, lots of suspense, the characters are working together to understand what or who and why the bust of the Dead Father was copied twice on the 3 D printer, and two more dead on the floor of the working stations..........The mystery has been defined, the witness's all present, except the one daughter who was sent home to do some research for her mother..............keep writing, good story...and i am curious as to your final outcome.................great job...........

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"SAMPLE:"Visitors"Arrival:Book 3 of the LUNAR SERIES.''"

a fast read through chapter one, hoping for more to come. You have set the stage for the impossible to happen on Station 6, the disappearance of all the persons working on the Station, with no evidence of what happened, or why. As always, you set the story, a stage, with your players ready to perform for the readers as well as set the story in motion...........well done........

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"One of Our Clowns is Missing"

Hello James. I enjoyed your story, how you pieced the independent character actions together and the vision people have, even today about Clowns. The School if you will, Clown School or Training program, and the moments that ensured within the Training inhouse and outside with the public was great. Character interactions were also fantastic, their private feelings, what they thought they should be doing as Clowns and what they should be as regular persons,

Comedy, bringing happiness to onlookers seemed to be the object, or plot of this story...........even with all the feelings and frustrations that ensued. I hope you continue your Writing,

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"FANNY ON THE HILL 2"

i hesitate to write a review for you at this time, to help you first with some direction........The Grammar, and The Language needs some major editing, and then let's proceed with your story and make it fantastic......you may wish to have a friend, well experienced in the English language to help you............I would like you to contact me for a final review when you are ready, as I believe in you and your story and want your work to be awarded with other readers thoughts and praises..........if you wish you can contact me at; https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550.......william elliott kern

my best wishes for your success.

DISREGARD THE AVERAGE RATING SECTION........IT HAS TO BE GRADED AS PER THIS PROGRAM.......BUT IT IS NOT ACCURATE AS YOU WILL, I HOPE, RESUBMIT AFTER EDITING................

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"Spero"

Hope, such a lonely thought for those who do not have it, even if an abyss awaits the final decision to accept or reject hope...............interesting, short, to the point. C.S Lewis wrote his chronicles of Narnia on the basis of Hope that 4 children brought to a place where hope was a Lion, Aslan, rather than an abyss. Your point is well taken that choices belong to all of us, and the ones we choose will be final, perhaps, ending all that we know............I would enjoy reading more of your work, and sharing my books as well............The grammar is easily fixed and will enhance your writing style immensely.

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"HOWL FOR ROSEMARY KENNEDY"

Farrell, an amazing walk through life of the Kennedy's. What pain, anguish was placed on the shoulders of Rosemary. Such tears will never be seen from one so gifted, with love and caring..........you are an amazing Author, and have captured Rosemary and the Kennedys, to a point, of their failings and pride, which seems to be worthless and trite................I have given you 5 stars for being open, excellent writing style, poet and storyteller.................you might wish to edit your work a bit, nothing drastic, but for the polish on this platinum person called Rosemary Kennedy...........Give us more of your work...........the World will be enlightened, rightfully so...........

willilam elliott at https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550

please review my book..Dead or Alive

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"Blue Butterfly of Death"

Shinigami, you are a very creative writer, original in concept and presentation.........the mixed languages, which I understand why you used English and Japanese, was still a bit confusing.......however, your end result was evident, well described, bringing a good story to a close...........I suggest you work on the writing skills,ie; punctuation and Grammar. As a story writer, you are doing just fine. Continue and give the world your best works.......as I know you will..............

william elliott at https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550

please review my Book, Dead or Alive which is an abstract written approach to death, life and the reality of Both............thank you......

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The Red Shoes""

Fiona, I liked your story. Your characters are well described, Anja, Thomas and Joseph and the Policeman taking your statement. Fast read, good plot and good character development........One suggestion is to work a bit on your language skills, and sentence structure.........otherwise, really fine writing, you should be proud of. Seems Thomas was right about Kastar/Joseph, The Demon from hell..

When something looks too good, then it probably isn't good. keep up the good work............

william elliott at https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550 please review my book Fiona; Dead or Alive. Thank you

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"The Wrongdoer"

Interesting story, flows fast and well written. The Chapters read laid out the foundation quite well, and the story and plot moved together forming opinions on the main character Mike, his bully adversary Bradley and the Girl both boys in the story liked........excellent start. There is some confusion of 1st person and 3rd person in the story changing back and forth at times. Otherwise, fine work and a story a lot of people can relate too..

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"Memories of Gaia:Seeking Shadows in the Storm"

Hi Brandy. Congrats on your submission with inkitt.com..........your Book flows fast, Eldon and Nyles are aware of the land is being engulfed by the oceans. The Rains continue and the quest is for the Element that Elden, Sheila and Nyles are searching for.........Shiela is turned to stone, while being attacked and the two young ones, Elden and Nyles are fighting to survive the monsters attack. A Stone creatures sword is taken from it, as it lays on the ground, and is used to cut off the head of the other monster, biting into the leg of Elden. This story is fast, easy to read, and easy to understand...........there are a few grammar issues, but all in all, well done.............I hope i have captured a bit of the story correctly for you. You are a good writer with unlimited imagination.......keep up your Author skills and continue writing your stories..........enjoyable...........

william elliott kern, Dead or Alive https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550

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"Lucky Break"

K.J., I enjoyed the innocents of emerging young love,, at least the introduction of a boy meets a girl, story........Your writing skills are smooth and direct, inclusive with your characters regarding their interactions with one another, that carried your story to the end of chapter one..........with a young, successful man running back to work, late, but feeling lucky. Until they meet again...........good writing style and writing skills as well...."Thanks for the Memories"

william elliott kern, Dead or Alive; https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550

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"Tea, Cakes and Bones"

Baby Rodent, good story, plot is well achieved and your creativity is amazingly bright and spellbinding....the only comment now, would be editing for punctuation, and grammar. other than that, a fine story........keep writing, with your imagination, you will be very successful.......................william elliott kern

Please review my book; https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550 Dead or Alive............when reading, question if the main character is dreaming, real, or if its the last 3mill a seconds left in the brain, before death comes, and darkness falls...........

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"Red Moon"

JJ, I haven't done a lot of reviews of poetry. so bare with me...........seems you were talking about a lost love, leaving you broken and lost, then she returns and fulfills you with her love..........I hope I got this right, if not please forgive me...........I like it, alot......and have always wanted to make the time to read more than books, poetry as well.............please write more, the world is open always for sorrow turning into love...............well done.......

william elliott kern......

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"Who Nose?"

Hello Deetee2, congrats on your submission with Inkitt........your story is interesting, has a heavy interest in sex, pole dancing, leather and lust while finding a mate then consuming it.....Alpha or Beta. The plot is the story in this case, of shifters, mates, mundanes and more, how they all interact with each other...........perhaps you might want to proof, or edit a bit more closely, for sentence completion and spelling.............but all in all, interesting with a few curves,, like wow................good job Deetee2

william elliott kern

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"Solitary Hide and Seek"

Good start, laying the basis for the Story's foundation...........now, get on it and complete this story, with your two basic characters and the Game as to where it all goes.......good work;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

william elliott

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"Amorta"

Alena.....First, let me congratulate you on your submission of your Book Amorta.........Your story line and also the Plot of finding the killers of your parents, along with the personal touch of your friends, boyfriend and sister.........was well developed and easily understood..........in other words, fine work as a writer and Author. You might want to take some time to edit your spelling and grammar and sentences.....otherwise, I really thank you for the opportunity of sharing your Work, your new Book, Amorta...................

william elliott

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"Anger Issues"

Hey Sheyanne, contrats on submitting your book for review.......you are on your way, to a world of unlimited creativity.

Your story points to the sorrow that young people feel when they aren't secure in their lives. Divorces, friends dying, other friends ignoring one another........sad as we all suffer these moments that throw us off balance..........I am excited for you, this day, becoming an Author of Literature, Stories, and personal experiences. Continue to press forward. you might want to decide on which language you wish to write in, and focus on the grammar of that language to enhance your work...........
ending these two chapters, with memories of the ice cream parlor, your friends, and how many things changed for the Worst, left your character with a new/old friend who returned in her life, helpful, sincere and caring. Her chance to regain sanity, less anger, could be the answer to a new and better life....with her Mother............Continue writing, you have much to share, much to give the world, not that you are an Author......... Gracias A dios Sheyanne, Mi Dios Ayuda Usted y protector Usted por siempre............william elliott

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"A Boy And His Dog"

I can relate to the bonds that grow between a Dog and his Boy.........reversing the context works for me.......william

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"Purple Island Skies"

peaceful, beautiful, restful..........thank you

William

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"In Her Wedding Dress"

Beautiful Laraine...........thank you

william

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"Come To Paris, France"

Enjoyable, keep writing...........thanks for your thoughts................william

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"ICan See Your Heart"

What can I say......you are a fine Poet and I am looking forward to sharing more of your soulful works..........keep writing please...............Laraine.

william elliott

would you like to review my book too? go to; https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550 Title is Dead or Alive........a story dreams come true.................thanks.

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"Life Changes: Sometimes Almost Always"

First, congratulations on your Book Submission.......This seems to be a modified family history, of which George and Naomi Sue, after their education, marriage, became Missionary's Spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ...The Story tells of their struggles, to raise money for their mission in Columbia, which would be a 3 year term, then back to the states for 2 years to raise more money for the missionary work to continue abroad........
Their son John had managed to gleen the attention of his mother, Naomi Sue, by slipping in a shower, falling from a tree, and again, cracking his head taking 7 stitches. The Author, interestingly, mentions that the Father, George was not there to help his wife take John to the hospital for care and stitches...all three times.Why? okay....editing more carefully would help the readers flow in finishing your work........Spelling, incomplete words, basically technical skills could use some loving care..........Your writing style is smooth, informative and well done..........
I am thankful for the opportunity to read your story and wish you the best. Continue working, writing and spreading Gods Word, and works..........william elliott kern

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"Hope.(A Harry Styles Fanfiction)"

Whew.........caught me off guard.........good writing and well expressed beautifully with content and characters.....you might want to take a moment to read out loud as an edit device to help you with punctuation and Grammar..........otherwise well done, and continue writing.

William Elliott Kern

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"LightQuest:Volume 1: Ailsa's Story"

the Story is of two youngsters of different Genre, spending a short time together, then apart, and once again, together on Ben's Planet. The were brought together as Ailsa was adept with the Pull, and Ben with the skye. Their first kiss in a tree, was accepting by both Ben and Ailsa, now reaching Puberty. They continued training in combat styles, and life forces as well......The Plot is slowly drawing near, as the two, Ailsa and Ben become experts, masters.
The story was interesting, flowed well, and the characters were many, but Ben and Ailsa were the main characters now and to follow.......
Jabberwocky, some work on grammar would help, punctuation as well, but your technical skill is really good. I will be happy to refer your work to my friends to read and buy.............good job......

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The Soldier

this is a fast moving story, well developed and interesting to read. The plot thickens when logan is arrested for stealing a computer chip for defense protection to England, and now thinking that the USA could possibly be the ones who stole the chip to learn how to disarm the defense system of England. Logan and his computer friend willy are arranging documents of travel to leave England and enter the southern border of the wall protected USA.

well written, plot of the Story is to find who stole the security defense chip and clear Logan's name and reputation, being set up by an unfriendly adversary.

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The War of the Lawyers

WHY? WHEN DOES IT STOP? RADICALIZED MINDS CAN ONLY DO WHAT THEY ARE TOLD TO DO. CAN ONLY DO WHAT THEY ARE TOLD TO BELIEVE. PAIN IN WORDS AND ACTIONS ARE THAT OF THE RADICALIZERS...............THEY ARE KNOWN BY THIS NAME..............DEMONICO'S..........lAWS, WHETHER GOOD OR BAD OR UGLY, ARE STILL WRITTEN BY THE HAND OF MAN, NO LONGER THE HAND OF GOD.........SO WHO BELIEVES IN THE WORDS OF DEMONICO'S? THOSE THAT HAVE BEEN R.A.D.I.C.A.L.I.Z.E.D WITH THE TRUTH OF HATRED................SPEWED FROM THE TONGUES OF SERPENTS, FRIENDS, CHURCH GOERS, LAWYERS, POLITICIANS, AND ON AND ON AND ON....

GOOD WRITING DONALD..........WOW............

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To Betray a Master

Marilyn, super story, detailed, maybe a bit more of the characters looks, etc. you have the story moving fast, battle after battle, rapes against Aurianna, by many, and Matthias wanting Aurianna as well, but the the two coming together after he rapes her, to form a bond.........really detailed, and lots of depth in your story......excellent writing Marilyn...........please continue with the excellence you posses this day, this story.
Work a bit on Grammar............

william elliott kern

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Forgotten Minds

Whew. one telling his story, in the Bar, to his friend, who questions some circumstances that need clarity, The Confusion comes from a man, carrying his dead friend Chappies, while conversing with himself, and Chappies, and his alter ego......a broken mind, not yet forgotten..........
The Author was diligent in describing his friends death, odor of death, which is real if the reader has ever experienced what happens when the body is dying, then dies. His discussion in the field, with himself, his broken knee, and the loss of his friend, now has only a thread of sanity to carry him to safety, hide from the torches in the distance coming for him, with dogs smelling the flesh of death, to follow and find his hiding place.

The language should be corrected, the story line is long, as would be memoirs. Plot? Where is the Plot, perhaps in later chapters that unfortunately, I could not attend too. This is a story of one who has experienced death, and shadows coming for him.
Back to the Bar, Return to the field, Back to the Bar..............does work well.................

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Rooster

Well. I haven't had this much fun reading a story for years......Andy...what a delight..........I am really out of words or suggestions, so let's just say your humor, your approach to subdue the reader from all that is normal, is genius............really enjoyed a nonsensical, moment of laughter, and repose. The parody was delightful........good luck and keep Fred on the street where he can control crime and evil where it lives.........great work...............william elliott kern

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Memoir of a War Resister

Historical, detailed, moments that shaped this heroine and her life thru college, marriage and motherhood. The plot was labeled in the prologue, at least part of it, with multiple plots existing throughout the 58 chapters.

Memoirs tells it all.............Writing style is very good, and because of that, the story moved along rapidly.......Writing Skills are specific, organized and professionally executed. Interesting life lived and continuing through the Author................

william elliott kern

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Gas Death Town

Ted1995. Your descriptions of war are gory and explicit.......Your Characters dream, brought him back to the war he fought in and lived through you.. Need to work on punctuation, grammar and writing skills before you submit this and future chapters. a bit confusing when the english is not correct.........however, it is a good thing that you are involved with a story on a time that actually existed and the losses were very graffick.

This review is to help you and give you guidance in your life as a writer. Keep up the good writing...
william elliott kern

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The Demon Slayer Chronicles"Salvation

Hey Lewis, good story, great opening with death waiting in his small boat on the river to retrieve Grafton. Then chasing a thief tying to get money from a loan shark, through the streets of New York City, he see's his little sister being confronted by her drug dealer, stops chasing the thief, and focus's on the Drug Dealer in the Red coat. His sister worried that Grafton, or Billy, will screw things up for her, she tries crossing the street to be killed by an oncoming bus. The funeral is follows, Grafton goes to the Church as asked by his Priest, and finds another strange occurence happening. A dirty looking bum, sitting in the church is looking at Grafton. The Priest asked Grafton if he is okey? Grafton turns around to see the bum, who is no longer there. All of this leading up to the final day of William Graftons Demise and who has been waiting for his arrival, his suicide death. Good plot, good story, good writing lEWIS, and a bit of work needed on the grammar and punctuation..........overall, I enjoyed it and recommend your book for all to read...........william elliott kern

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Soulful

CE, what can I say, except praise God for you and your words of enlightenment for all to cherish. Beautiful and an honor that you were willing to share with me and all of God's children...................william elliott kern

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The Fire of winter

Sorry, my computer crashed.............no back up...........this book is amazing, fast reading, plot well in place with a story that races to a finish.........I will recommend this book to everyone to read and to buy............great work, great story, great plot and just a bit short with the grammar....otherwise, prefect.............

william elliott kern

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The Shadow of Perfection

Sandy, your character development, story line and plot are well intertwined. Fast moving, and just a bit long. But Your characters are your Cake and Ice Creme, and they get involved in a killer on the loose and wow......great job Sandy...............keep up the writing and best of luck always in your endeavors..........

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The Shadow in the Flame

Andrew, I felt the terror of the hospital fire, the loss of lives, the hospital closed for some 30 plus years, and now, a girl is seen in the upper floors, which opens the religious aspect to your story, faith in what? overall i enjoyed the story, the progression and character development and the plot emerging. i would recommend your book to everyone...........good work Andrew..........

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Demon Dusted

CE Turner..........interesting story and developing plot between two powerful creatures with powers and Attractions. The Grammar needs a bit work, punctuation as well, but you have blended your story and cl eared up questions as to who the Blonde is, what she is and why she was looking for you. It was your smell that attracted her, as she continued reading your mind...........your past 40 or so years was good development and helps the reader understand who you became and how...........Dusted............keep up your writing, good imagination, good read.................

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Freeing Joshua

Interesting write. The focus in chapter one, keeps the reader in suspense regarding the crime that Joshua committed, The plot and story line grows, slowly, with this long time girl friend and her brother searching for the truth............good read, perhaps with the opening chapter, a bit more info and direction....I enjoyed the Read and would recommend to others to read as well...............good writing AC.

William

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Dragonbound-Redemption

Hey AM...........really enjoyed your book, your characters concerns with accepting others in her blood bath pathway, to help her change. Tough decisions, good Story, good plot, and a really good author.....you..........keep up the writing......I enjoyed reading your book..............william elliott kern.

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A half Orphan

The overall story is common in today's way of life.........well placed in this story, allowing the readers to know what was or will come from the interrence of Parents, and others.. This author shows, describes and details how true love will defeat the wishes of parents, others and friends who think they know better. Well done. Fine involvement in writing the story, blending the plot into the mix of emotions and ending with the result all who wish true love, shall find. I enjoyed the read, and wait for more to come..............good luck........

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"Charlatan Series""

SarahJayne13" You have written a fine love story, modestly constructied Between a Doctor who had lost his love, HANA, moved from the area to start his own clinic and take care of patience properly and his way. A twelve year old Girl knocks on his clinic door, looking for work, and highly recommended by a friend of both persons, Raelin. Six years pass and both realize that the working friendship has indeed, morphed into a secret bond of Love. Second love for the Doctor and first love of the young apprentice. nicely presented and very thoughtful of your characters emotions and interactions with one another...........a few punctuation and grammar issues otherwise a five star performance.

william elliott

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"the Unfortunate Tale of Talid Farrowheart"

Justice finally catching up with Talid, for the crime of rape of the princess, his arm is cut off, his penis cut off, and he awaits, in a jail cell , for the Justice's to come and take him to the gallows. Talid memories of loosing his wife and daughter, killing them both, was misguided payment for his future actions. Story well written, characters positions in the story excellent. The justices never gave up searching and then finding Talid, and then, the end, his final punishment. Excellent imagination, story telling and final plot realized.

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"Battlesworn"

Interesting story, many characters, a plot realized at the 12000 year fight was won, again, even by the youngest of the fighters. My only comment is with the load of characters, it is difficult at times to follow who is who, descriptions help and all in all, well done. I would like to see and read more of your work if available, Keep up the fine writing.............

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"Petrichor"

Many well written stories, and honestly to many to review......some 50 stories.......so lets do it this way......thanks for your thought to include a collection of Authors and writing to please the readers and enjoy a variety of thought and plots to be shared for all..............thanks you...........

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"Ketchup on the Camera Lens"

SpaceCat97, Still waiting for the reason there was Ketchup on the lens. A bit more development might help your story catch the interests of readers representing many Genres. Developing the Characters, describing the environment surrounding the story, building the ending, or plot being exposed, some mystery in your fantasy to excite your readers and keep them interested in your work.........
..I realize this is a thumbnail sketch and for that reason, compliments are due for your submission to the world, of your short story. Now that you are getting known as a writer, give the world your best shot, and thrill the rest of the readers to learn who you are, and when your next book will be published and in the stores to buy.............continue your work........good stuff.

william elliott kern

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"The Plight of the Arshion"

Interesting story of Sky pilots being attacked by sky pirates. Many things happening on the boat/ship between the crews, the Captain and the Bosan and more as damage to the ship is critical...........
The Mother, Captain , knows that the end of the ship is immediate and wants to save her son by making him ride the Pegasus on the ship,to leave the ship, and be free from the destruction of the ship within minutes to follow.. Another Crewmate, stabbed the mother with a deadly cut to the stomach "as she was protecting her son", While trying to keep the son from escaping on his Pegasus.
You might consider the position your characters are taking in the story. The Main Characters and the ancillary Characters rolls in the story, It is a bit confusing as the Characters seem to be important, but with only a small mentions, The supporting characters, Except the Buson, The mother, the Son and the Seaman who stabbed the mother to death, are your lead actors making your story come to life........
Well done, well written and look forward to your completed rendition to follow..............best

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"Momma, can you hear me? Its Maggie, your Daughter"

Hello, TheQuiet Gem. Your story is full of circumstances that multitudes of persons experience, and suffer through. The introduction of Danny, with his loss of his sister 6 months prior, and the illness of MS with Maggie's Mother brought together two souls, suffering but now sharing and supporting one another through these difficult times. You have captivated the emotional, physical and personal aspects of those who suffer illness and those who watch over and suffer along with their loved ones............

.well done..........if that is a proper response, to your writing style, character development , and story itself. Great to hear that the children of those that suffer are on the front line of support and loving care to the end, or to the healing, as it arrives, and when it arrives, as addressed in your story..........I can only imagine you are a special person, with deep and caring feelings...............blessings.

william elliott

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"Ira"

A pregnant 16 year old, Calla, in love with Elijah. The Father, never knew Calla was 2 months pregnant, and was killed during a robbery at a convenience store, the Baby, months later, was ready to enter the world of soft flowers and beautiful skies. Calla knew her baby would be a girl, and so named her IRA MAE..........this is a sad story due to uncertain circumstances called Fate. Yet the loss of one great love, Elijah's love for Calla and IRA MAE, will last forever, until another enters Calla's heart, Elijah was with Calla, in a dream state, in the ambulance to the hospital with their new love.....A story that depicts life, good or ugly, ups or downs, but always real and true...........one love filled the emptiness felt, at the loss of the father, but that love still existing in the soul of CAllA and now, IRA MAE.

A tough story to be told someday when Calla is ready to share with IRA, who are now and shall evermore be joined together in the Triangle of love between them.
I loved your Story and felt your ultimate peace when you finished your work and read your story to yourself, in peace.......with tears, peace and a smile for all who will read and share your work.........good job Melanie.

william elliott

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"The Caregiver"

Good beginning, but leaving me curious as to what would happen to the Daughter and her Husband, and of course, what about Tate. Lots of options, and will be waiting to see how this story progresses. Good Story, Good writing, now work on finish product........................william elliott

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"Grimoire and the Apprentice"

I enjoyed your story, found that Grim the faithful, would protect the Master at all costs, even if the Apprentice was out to kill the Master. Circumstances led to the banishment of the Apprentice, Grim saving The Master Wizard and all is back to normal, working on a cure for the sickness that looms about. Faithful Grim was his Master's Guardian. Well written, interesting turn of affairs with the Apprentice, the Assassin, Grim the Faithful the removal of the Evil Apprentice with Grim's approval of a loud purr.

This is a good story I will refer to everyone on my Facebook list.........keep up your writing.........well done..

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"#TimeLordProblems"

Interesting and abstractly written. Well done........confused a bit on the plot you were trying to achieve, but the Story was interestingly presented, leaving the questions of who, when, what, where, with the why exposed..........I would like to see more of your work, with your amazing skills of flash interactions of thoughts and circumstances occurring in your writing. Your Character is moving through the flash's, as the Abstract circumstances reveal themselves..........all this happening while passing through one moment to another, leaving confusion as a cornerstone, memorializing where the Character is at any one time, hopefully.

Now I am confused.............great job........very creative....I will refer your work to all that I know.............thanks, and continue on to greatness.
You might want to take a look at my Book with inkitt at; https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550

Another abstract presentation, with a different twist than yours.......might be fun to compare differences.....

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"Changing Colours and Growing Wings"

Martyn, Wouldn't it be great if all love stories could have the happy ending that your's has? There are two sides when there are two people, and you have captured this fact with poise and perfection. Love really can bring out the best of us, the strength in us, the courage we all desire to prove we are in love with every fibre of our being......and stand against the darkness of doubt and destruction...Your story flowed smoothly, with the ending leaving behind the things that can and will destroy a relationship of love, if it is allowed to control the relationship. Well Done. I will make it a point to forward your story to everyone in my facebook groups.....keep up with your fresh, and fulfilling writings..........

.

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"Isis and the Valley of Song"

It seems this story would qualify as a real Fairy Tale and of course, a short story on its own standing. Isis captures the heart and soul of the Queen, her Family and all who are blessed by her presence. It seems that Songs have a magical power of keeping the families safe from the evil goblins, and will bring life to the magic of the souls who proclaim the blessings of the words sung for the benefit of all.........The Queen, in her softness and kind heart proclaimed her Royal caring for her people and Isis, the kindness of her soul for Isis and all who she rules over........the goodness of this story is refreshing, and the ending is really the beginning of Isis's story, even though the book of the Princess does not disclose the name of the Centaur in the story. Isis just smiles, and the story continues..............a few grammar changes but all in all,,,,great story for all to know. Thank you........and continue doing what you do best..........Authoring new and wonderful books/stories for all to enjoy.................

william elliott

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"The Stampede"

A well written Story of two girl friends and one man, Brody. The STory was a trip through time of the two friends, and the goal they set for themselves, to See Bus 147, a bus when found, showed the girls and Brody a different picture of the man they idolized, McCandless, a loner, escaping reality and finding a place of solitude, where he lived for 2 years and died in his bunk, inside the bus, alone. The Girls were just the opposite of McCandless, achievers, survivors , girls living the life and time given them to exist, use and nurture for their desires. Well done, the plot was achieved, the story flowed fast and the characters were interesting and actively building the story as needed. This is a Story for all to enjoy and relate too.............

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"The Relentless Arrow of Time"

I have finished two chapters, feeling that the marriage is in disarray, using their son, Jimmy against one another, as well as their own bias's against one another and finding no peace in this story at best,, even at 2am in the morning.........I feel for this story with negative results, finding it hard to give you an unbiased review at this time. I need to come back to the story and continue reading all the chapters and then address the review in a more objective basis........see you soon.

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"ASCENSION; Invocation"

This story has great potential, different in context and creative at best. It is, however, slow to the point, with the character development and discussions, making it a bit difficult with the changes of persons, from each chapter as follows. The real story is the Ascension, the followers of Lucifer, and the reason they have come to this planet, as it was predestined, and how the story and the plot continued to the end. But, hats off with your creative mind, and I have voted for your book to win............good luck and continue with your work of the future greatness you should be experiencing......

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"Something About Summer"

This story is interesting involving a three week waiting period before the kids , all close friends, will be alone while their parents are off on vacation. The story involves a game the kids are playing to see who wins, boys or girls by logging in the winners under certain conditions.........Most of the story is about the kids, four couples . The conversations among the kids is the story and exposes their feelings towards one another and also interaction with others as well..I

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Dusk"

Your Story was paced for the reader to continue to the end and experience the end result. The use of magic was a new twist to this Werewolf genre, bringing a new bright light from you, the Author.......well done and another twist to the use of magic making hiding the actual condition of the Women, the Smell, and the touch of blood to throw the reader off balance and bring forth the plot ending the story with yet a continuation to follow up stairs in an empty room, needing furniture for the woman to be contented with........Good Writing, creative and controlled to the finish keeping me wanting to see how the finish would happen.

This is a story to be assured, will be referred to everyone I know............

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"Waking Up Dead"

Lisara,I enjoyed your story, Your main Characters Snow and Cadence. and the creativeness you have expressed in your book. Very Unique placing the Dead to police the Dead and at times the Living. You might want to edit your grammar and spelling, but as a whole your writing pros reminds me of J.K Rowling, The Harry Potter series...............you have a fine style that compliments your imagination perfectly..........I would assume seeing your name in lights as the time passes and you continue writing as you are doing now..........good luck and i will definitely refer your book to everyone I know.

You might like to read Dead or Alive, another Abstract story for you to ponder....at https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550

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"A Memory Lost In The River Of Tears"

This is an interesting story that will appeal to many Readers. You have captured the metaphors leading readers to follow the abstract meanings of the Boatman, or woman, and your main character, waiting for time to return with answers. You might wish to research other Authors like yourself to prepare you for greatness........Good work, and I would be happy to refer your story to others personally and on Facebook. Well done........

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"Coffin Trees"

I like your style of writing, the perspective of Coffins in the Trees, except the one that is unoccupied, on the ground, waiting for the one special person to step inside and become one with the others, high above the ground in the safety of the trees. Actually this is the kind of thinking and writing I enjoy to create, like you. Well done, and continue with your abstract work of art............

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"The Color of Happiness"

Interesting story, that when one travels to new adventures, sometimes there is a price to pay. James is finishing his adventure in a small town on the verge of world destruction......or "The End of the World." His final stance is with a family, a BBQ, delicious food, and a question. What kind of hamburger and Steak meat is this? The family Dog. This reminds me of the Stephen King style of writing.........You might wish to read some of Kings work, and gleen the expertise of his skill, to compliment your own skills........which are very good indeed...............enjoyable and different and I WILL promote your work to all my readers. I have published 9 books, not many, and have written about 145 reviews, but this one is too cool and must be passed on to others.............

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"The Scythe"

mmfcf; suspenseful, thrilling, a mystery that flowed and ebbed its way into its final conclusion, Death to all three participants and the killer, Mr Tuttle......Most of the Story was focused on Jessie, and very little on the other two deaths, Your ending would give R.L. Stine nightmares...........and a run for his money..........work a bit on the grammar, spelling and sentence structures........otherwise, great story and a super future for you........keep writing and win the gold.........

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"Scarecrow, Scarecrow."

Wesley, you are an excellent storyteller. Scarecrow moves fast, easy to read and feel the fear in each of the Characters except Greta, who died without fear. Your ending was a surprise, and maybe a solution too soon to disclose. You had captivated me, the reader, with your dialogue, then the end came, with Greta joining the three other victims, but ending the story with no disclosure as to who, what, where, when and why this Demon Scarecrow came to be, at this place, at this time, for what reason, Death was the result, not the answer to this demons existence. The Demon now finished with this family, was headed, across country to continue its killing spree.....,But why?
The grammar needs some sprucing up, and the spelling and punctuation as well.........however these are simple things easily corrected before submission. Hats off to an excellent writer, storyteller and Author........keep up your Genre and wow the world with your writing.

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"Eraser"

Interesting format mixing a first person and a third person conversation, with interjections from a flew others in between. A bit confusing but Understanding the object of returning items back the the holder, but as a "Ninja" as a description of the boy friend..............The plot and story continue smoothly, the grammar is in need of some tender loving care.......and the writing style may better served either in the 1st person context or the 3rd person context, but not both without subscript being provided to the reader as the story march"s forward.
Your story is cool, with the returning of things that belonged to the girl friend with a pink ribbon, in the locker. Has a love affair twist, with presents...........well done...........keep writing and expressing your soul..........you are a fine writer, with a lot to offer the world of stories.

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"the Flight"

An interesting story taking place in a limited space, on the plane , by and between two individuals. One Movie Star, Jack Stone, just turned 24, and a Los Angeles girl, Francis, 20 years old. Both were on their way to England, sitting next to one another in the first class seating section.....lots of playing with emotions, touching of hands, eating and sharing food, and then ending with a movie by Clint Eastwood about boxing, with a lot of blood, which Jack Stone protected Francis from, by warning her when the movie showed the bloody parts.........Francis falls asleep on Jacks shoulder and the story ends..........The plot hasn't been achieved other than Francis having one new experience she was hoping to have on this trip to Europe. THE EXPERIENCE. There are many grammar issues and can easily be corrected with a solid review before submitting your work. The Story was cute, innocent attraction between the two travelers, and that was it..The ending left me clueless as to the real plot, the adventure through Europe, to come.....Francis and Jack's relationship to follow. .The writing style is good, detailed and easy to follow......the story is good, but limited to just one experience.

Francis left her family, friend or friends, to venture to England and meet her friend who will set her up in his apartment when she arrives.......this part of the story is still unknown........You are a good writer, and completing the goals or outcomes of your story will provide the readers with meat to digest, so to speak..........keep up the good work, one day you will fill the world with your thoughts as an amazing writer. Author..............

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"Wiping Out Guilt"

Good writing, starting a bit slow, with four chapters of past details and current working conditions, then the Death, or Murder of Kina's Sisters Lover. The plot now thickens, the police are all over Kina, due to her past incarceration and the same way Kina killed Billy, with a knife. Now the mystery begins, the Murder has presented itself in the following chapters and how the personal investigation will ensure..........
The writing style is well done, descriptions of characters a bit lacking in detail, but a small distraction well overcome with the two sisters now in tune to save Kina from going back to prison and her sister to stay out of prison............A comment on editing, grammar and spelling easily corrected by reviewing before submission. not to worry....your work, your story, your creativity is excellent and hopefully, you will continue writing more for your followers.

william elliott kern https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/ Dead or Alive........please review for me.......thanks.

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"Dead or Alive"

Amazing story of untold secrets of the Dream World. These secrets were the Key to unlock reality with Dreams that cannot come true, but sometimes do. Abstract thinking, believing in a new life is the dream all who age, wish to carry into the world of reality. Being Dead, or Alive is the question of Jon, and those that carried his body to the Coroners operating table . This is the point where life and Death become reversed, and the abstract moment of Death becomes life.

Within three milliseconds after Death, the Brain continues functioning, then dies, along with the body. This story is that of the last seconds left in the brain, and what is seen, what is told, what is or is not, Abstract. It is now up to the reader to interpret the meaning of this story, and what is real, the schizoid friends, the Undertaker, his Shadows and of course, the Crypt at the end.............A story for all to read and some to experience the reality of the World of Dreams......and more.................

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"Bigby Super Clown"

This review is on one short chapter, and if Zack wishes, i hope he does, continue to have more laughter in your story like the Dancing at the Wedding..........very good. The story is in progress, I presume and look forward to reading it once you have it in the final stages of completion..........best of luck and continue writing. You will someday bring laughter to the world which is much needed in this day and age............good work..

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"There is no Prince Charming"

C.M Ortega, congrats on your publishing deal. I enjoyed this book immensely, until I reached chapter 6 with no continuation of the story, rather a promotion for Amazon to download your book. So on a serious note, your writing skills are superb, your creativity superb, the plot still not quite known, as I can imagine some twists coming in future chapters. I understand why your published., and hope for more writings from your desk......excellent all the way through.................

william elliott kern at https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550 Please review my Book...Dead or Alive.

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"Seeking Hope: A Fairytale"

Good Story line with the Plot following in line. Your Character development and surrounding incedenial surroundings well described. Being only 3 Chapters at this time completed, this review should be revisited when your book/story is completed, for your benefit..........but to the point, mixing different languages with some translations and some not, ie; censored, will slow the story down and make it more cumbersome to follow. I understand your point, for further expression, however, your story will suffer as the readers tries to assimilate the digression from the main theme, while continuing with the story. Grammar is a bit rough in part and perhaps taking the time to edit your work will eliminate this minor issue..........but it needs to be done before submittal..........now.......you are a fine writer with good instincts, writing skills and creativity. continue to wow the world with your thinking, stories and plots achieved with vigor.............very good work "almostawkward"

william elliott at https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550 please review my Book

Dead or Alive

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"Behind Blue Eyes"

Magemaymachine: enjoyed your work, and good to see Sam, Dean and Bobby, Elena back in vogue.........From all of us SuperNatural fan's.......kudo's..........one small thing......some more description of the monsters after Elena and the boys, the cabin and surroundings......and Cam now back, and not dead..........also you might want to edit your grammar and punctuation and sentence structure at times......perhaps reading before submitting.............if you are like me, I faster than I should, Check it out.........So...I actually enjoyed your writing style and how you pulled all the ingredients in the story perfectly blended and easily understood.
5 stars well earned. please continue, I can hardly wait for your next book...............

william elliott at https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550 please review my book Dead or Alive......

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"Time and Space"

Lash_larue, fine writing skills, good story and plot, easily understood with character differentiations, The Grammar and Punctuation, excellent. You might want to give some time to describing your characters a bit more, also some info on the the transporting witch, who is now the best cook in the Galaxy. The details can come a bit later, as your story progress's rapidly and is well constructed............enjooyed your work and look forward to reading more from your library of thoughts................excellent

william elliott at https://www.inkitt.com/strories/fantasy/185550

Dead or Alive

review me please

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"Naruto and the secret Rings."

Interesting take off of the Arabian Nights...........If I may, perhaps describing Naruto and the Genie, the location Naruto is currently occupying, Describe the Genie and her World, which will breath life into the story, as the plot is being constructed.

Naruto enters the book, and begins to travel to the World of Genie. The Ring being described would also bring some reality to your book, as most readers would be interested in what might be inscribed on this magic Genie ring, the color, is it gold or ? You have a good story, with a little massaging, you will make it a great story..... I have read some of your other work, so make this one as amazing as your other stories.............as I believe you will.

william elliott at https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550

Dead or Alive

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"Avoiding Fate"

Honey Emily 98............you are on your way of creating a good, story. May I make a few suggestions. Setting the location, the stage where this sewer confrontation is about to take place, the reason it's about to take place, the characters, who are the players in this game, names, descriptions, who the players are and why they are in the sewer waiting for you.

Writing is like a movie........reasons for everything and descriptions to enhance the reasons, or outcomes..........in other words, there should be a plot for your story to achieve, the ending or what have you............you are the creator, of this story........continue on, it has great potential and I believe in your ability to make it great....................prepare the World for your Work...........it will be GOLD.......

william elliott at https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550

Dead or Alive

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"Rise of the Paladin"

Alan, I realize your story is forming. May I make some suggestions. Set the stage your characters are existing within..........The location, the terrain, name of the people occupying the land where this story is taking place........describe your characters, who they are, Royalty or commoners, etc. Describe weapons, animals, etc. set your stage and build upon the foundation of the stage............you have a good sense for writing your story, take the time also to edit it, before submission for any grammar or punctuation errors if any. Remember, this is your work, treat it like GOLD. precious at best..............keep writing. You have a lot to share to the world.......continue and paint your story with beautiful words and circumstances..................smile, you are on your way as a new Author...........congrats...........

william elliott at https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550 Dead or Alive...............

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"Identify Series Book 3: I am Rebecca"

You have laid out the Start of good Story, Being that there is little Character descriptions other than the husband being out of work and a abusive Drunk, Rebecca finds out her husband is also a liar........Erik lives. Now working in a hospital, in long island, New York, the journey of the Mother living alone is about to bring your story to a starting point for a good plot. Remember to take the time to describe your surroundings, your characters, the plot and direction of your story..........good start, keep writing....I would like to continue reading your book when completed..........................congrats....

william elliott at https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550 Review my book please............Dead or Alive

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"One Condition"

Kei, this is actually a conversation more than a story. There is not plot and the end result is two women friends, or lovers, are making plans for Dinner, of a sort, if you will................I would like to see a more complete story line, character development, a defined plot or at least some direction as to where this conversation/story will be headed. I have published 9 books, and can only give you my perspective on how to set up your story to be heard, understood and followed through out its inception...... Also, editing your work before you submit will help eliminate any errors for your readers to dismiss...........Stay positive Kei, and continue your writing. I believe in you and know you will work out the kinks and become famous one day......My Best.

william elliott at https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550 Dead or Alive

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"The Core 2|"

Interesting story, a bit confusing though. If I understand, Mike killed several kids to make the robots, who have been sleeping for quite some time........now, they are awakening, killed Mike for what he did to them and luna needs to be careful and watchful................The interesting part of the story, is putting the pieces of the pizzeria with Mike, the time line since the 2nd world war and the latter part of the 60's, then here we are, today............the return of a power that will bring fear to all.

just a thought. Review your work before submission, for grammar, puchtuation and sentence structure.............it will help your story flow better and make your points that are important for the reader to comprehend.
I Compliment you on your creativity with past and futuristic beings about to be awakened on planet Earth?
You have a creative nitch, that will serve you well, so continue with your writing skills and wow the world.....

william elliott https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550 Dead or Alive............review my book....thanks

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"For Life and Death"

You are a good Story teller. I enjoyed the inner action of the students soon to pass their test to become ninja's. The Story was a bit confusing at times, but the ending summed up the moments of confusion. I suggest you edit your writing before submitting for grammar and punctuation. Also, mixing languages can cause confusion, to the reader, who does not understand Japanese or vice versa, English.. Be that as it may, this is your story, and you have a good start on finishing it............eat some ramin before you begin........just kidding...........good work, this story should be a winner.............

william elliott at https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550

Dead or Alive..............please Review.........

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"Shaking Up"

Maxine 101, interesting and original. The Story and plot were a bit muddled but not to worry.........you managed your story and brought the characters, there abilities with martial Arts, as support to boosting the story line with power. Interesting use of writing skills in the bar scene, at the opening of your story, to give the flavor that the two characters were blitzed..........well done................I enjoyed your creativity and fine writing....

william elliott https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550 Dead or Alive.....please review my book. It is written in the abstract, so have fun................

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"Peter Pan Among the Shadows"

Who cannot love the story of Peter Pan and his escapades? Well written, fun, adventurous and creative perspective of the original story. This rendition is excellent and a compliment to this Author..........Writing skills are excellent, grammar and punctuation perfect, even with the Pirate inflections, the plot and Story very well executed...........fine work......

william elliott go to; https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550 Dead or Alive......Abstract writing of the presence of Dead and life..................please review .......thank you.

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"The Story of My Life"

Ana, very original story, emotional and loving as Mattie cuddles her phone, where she visits, school or home or where ever, I should imagine, and when she prepares to take the dog for a walk, she charges the main character in this story, her phone, and leaves the house......her little brother, being a bit of a pain, takes the phone, hides it in his toy box, the last place that Mattie looked for her phone. Finding her companion, the phone, she cries in relief and joy for the inanimate object with deep love and compassion........The Phone does the same.............Very interesting Story, well written, perfect writing skills, and very ORIGINAL. Well done Ana. Keep up the excellent original works, please.................

william elliott https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550 Dead or Alive........please review my book.....it is on the Abstract side of reality...............thanks

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"A Dark Night"

Ana, I suggest you continue your writing. Your creativity is real good, you begin and end with unanswered situations, leaving the reader wanting more............please continue with your work as an Author.........well done. The grammar, punctuation, writing skills were excellent Ana. Good work, hopefully with more to follow....
Originality is a rare but highly desired commodity.

william elliott, https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550 Dead or Alive..........please review me........thanks.

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"MUSHROOM Mind"

Steph..........., interesting and well written. cudo's.........one suggestion if I may. Work a bit on the sentence structure and Grammar...........your writing style flows well, and the format you have created helps the reader stay with the story, and the poetry.

william elliott at https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550 Dead or Alive.........please review.. abstract point of view regarding life and death...........................thanks

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"Looking for Nothing"

Silvia, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, experiences and soul with the world. I wish you the best on your continued journey in self expression, reaching your journeys goals and finding the answers that all life is searching for and then, through life itself, the end is now, just the beginning.............well done Silvia....KEEP writing and kEEP sharing.

Sometimes a flower blooms when a person least expects.......you are blooming....

One thought if i may..........you might want to edit your writing a bit more, for errors, sentence structure and Grammar............ which will allow your work to flow more smoothly............This also can help on the style of writing to enhance your points of view for the reader to fall in love with your works.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, memories, pain and joy...............love to hear more from you..........

william elliott https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550 Dead or Alive.............Review my book. Take care

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"Popcorn"

Three main Characters, Matthew, Alfred and Ivan. The story is controlled in one room basically, the living room, with the three friends deciding which movie they wanted to watch. As they were deciding on movies, it was time for a popcorn contest of throwing a kernal in the air, by the sender, to the receiver to catch...the ending is Ivans comment to Matthew about his mouth size...........I suggest you work on your editing, spelling and use of the proper word you want (part of editing), before you submit your stories.............keep up the good work, stay positive with your new skills as an Author. Well done.................

william elliott at

https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550 Review my book if you want. Dead or Alive..............

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"A Gift With A Gift"

Valerie, liked your story immensely. Your Characters could use a bit more description, but their interaction was likable and normal for kids in high school..........Always a jealous bully, With Angelica being the target. Friends stand by friends. The confusion with the different name of Angelica was a nice twist, confusing her boyfriend, girl friend and Father.........just to start...........well done Valerie. You have opened a normal teen life change into a mystery and a plot change...............your are a gifted writer, Author...................

william elliott kern Dead or Alive https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550 Do a review for me too.please

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"Swimming in Dangerous Waters"

Interesting first chapter. The Character development was lacking, and the plot given, basically to sell drugs to a wealthy buyer, needs more development if this is the final plot in the future.. The Hawaiian circumstance needed more description,and the role of the police officers and more about their stopping drugs and who they were after, to be more detailed..............
This can be an excellent story, as it progress's in further chapters, and I look forward to having the opportunity to read it and share with the Author.
Continue and good job.......

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"Morphimus: A Tale of inter-Dimensional Proportions"

Usagi, congrats on having your book featured with Inkitt..com..........The Story and Plot were a bit muddled for me, as there were many directions to follow, even up to the birthday, and Cake for Mom, in the end, but absolutely creative and amazingly featuring your characters in different circumstances and conditions.. No worries Usagi, you are a very creative writer.............one thought........perhaps take a moment to fully edit your work to change anything you feel are needed to make your points, support the story and especially your plot.................good job.........

William elliott kern, Dead or Alive...https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550

give me a review please.

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"Slash and Burn Society"

Hey Shannon, quite an imagination and with credit due, a fast thriller, difficult to put down. Story and plot were well positioned and the ending brought everything together..........well done, extremely Graphic........
Do you have other books available for reading? let me know.............good story and well

..william elliott kern, Dead or Alive......https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550
Give me a review, please.

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"Underfoot"

Timerie, well done..........fast moving story, the plot well defined with the story closely following the direction of such...........Grammar and punctuation and sentence structure very good. The character development well explained as the blending of numerous new characters appeared as the son and mother fled the enforcers, reaching the topside. Mother caught and the Son hiding in the bathroom or closet cubby hole left him helpless and never to see his Mother again.........excellent work...........continue..................

william elliott kern Dead or Alive; https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550

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"Finding Home"

MK, great start with your story, Time to continue and finish your work...........really good.......just a short comment,,,,,you might want to proof or edit a bit more, and some sentence structure.........over all MK, the Story is cool, moves really fast and I hope to read the rest when you submit.........please;

william elliott kern Dead or Alive https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550

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"The Mating Ball"

I enjoyed your book, characters and the immediate building of your plot........the Ball. Spenser, new dress, will be needed, she is ready to find her mate, hopefully, as the time is here, just three days before her 16th birthday. If her birthday is after her 16th birthday, she would have to wait a year to find her mate..........Supernatural mixed with humans, created a vast mix or combination of life forms, carried to the far off planet Amarya where mates, royals and Kings and Queens realize their destiny.............good job Kittie, and continue writing and filling the world with your imagination, a fine imagination it is.............may all cheetah's be remembered.

william elliott kern Dead or Alive https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550

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"Zion"

Amythest, I like your story. Sybil is not having a good day, living like an urchin on the Street , looses her job, is rejected by her potential mate, and is walking on the street when a robber grabs her purse and runs away. She catches him, after the robber is knocked unconscious by a stranger, After kicking the thief the new alpha returns her purse and they leave, heading to the Castle, as new mates.............
Everything is good, but a bit of work on the grammar and punctuation...........otherwise, good story and fast pacing with the plot now in full swing................

william elliott kern

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"Last Chance"

Foenix, Congrats on your submission to Inkitt..............your story line is excellent. After Kaden awakens in the hospital, he remembers he has a son, who was returned to him by the Cara, a Nurse. Kaden had not yet named his son, after his wife's death, and decided to call him Ratchet. The Story is very strong about a family broken, many killed, kaden's son found and given to the Nurse who pledges to watch over his son, and take care of him.

The Kaden leaves as his pursuer was after him and will destroy anyone in his way, as he tries to kill Kaden.........the love a father has for his son, who needed to be protected at the first moment......above all other thinks, even the possible death of Kaden..........

There are a few small issues in the grammar and punctuation.........the rest of the story, plot and writing is great..............
william elliott kern

note; see your comments below..............

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"Hatter"

Colleen, congrats on your submission with Inkitt. I enjoyed reading your rendicion of The Mad Hatter in the Alice in Wonderland story...........sad, that when a royal love so dear, is lost because of some others fear..........The Princess found the one for told, from 1 to 99, and then the final Hatter, sent to save Wonder's Reality. He presented the platter, with the head so dear, the Queen was next, to die by her own words, "Off with her Head". The ending came for the Hatter, a hello and good bye to Alice, as he leapt from the cliffs so high to the rocky ocean below,, the Tears of the 100th Hatter, stepping into the brilliant sky, all were dead, with no one left to cry...................

excellent writing Colleen, If you will, please review my Book; Dead or Alive at; https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550

Thanks, really enjoyed your work..........beautifully done................william

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"Dark Angel"

Hi Niki, congrats on your submission to Inkitt.........your story of a princess, or goddess, Lyra, sad at best, wanting to become a human, takes her life with a knife in the heart, and is reborn to face her evil sister Vega. Good story, fast moving, blending well with the Plot...........just a few grammar and editing issues easily correctable......good work Niki.

william elliott kern

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"Loving Unfortunately"

Congrats Alison on your submission to Inkitt.com..........overall good, just a comment if you will regarding Punctuation and Grammar........a suggestion that may help in the editing process........read your book to yourself, out loud. Sometimes it helps catch the little things in editing that slow the story down and detract from the plot...........otherwise, a fair story that runs freely,,also the highlighted areas in your chapters slow down the story, but I understand why you are doing this. Keep up your writing and wow the world with your great imagination and writing skills...............william elliott kern

Go to; https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550 if you wish to comment on my review. Thanks.......

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"The Night of the Mannequin"

cthanold123 congrats on your submission to Inkitt.com..............your story and plot are weaved perfectly..........fine imagination, excellent writing. Wish it was a longer Story, but it does suffice to fill my plate for your works............The punctuation and Grammar were okay, but your story and plot were super fine...........Excellent work..............keep writing cthanold123

you are on your way to greatness as an Author.

please Review and Vote for my book;; Dead or Alive by william elliott kern........at; https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/185550 ........Tell me your opinion if my main character Jon is Alive or Dead through out this book............it is an abstract view of mortality............thanks......william

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"A Short Time Travelling Tale of CERN"

FABAKER, congrats on your submission to Inkitt.com..................your story is well placed, with an awareness of the main Characters name filtering through the mass of scientific genre, inclusive of......Professor Moriarty himself, and Holmes in the flesh..................you are a captivating writer, excellent co-ordination of circumstances and characters...........one thing...........you need to write more, the world will demand it.........great work.....great Author.....william elliott kern..............

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"The dreamy teacher and the realistic pupil"

Sii_Kei..........congrats on your submission to Inkitt.com. your synopsis of the Teacher and the Student was Brilliantly displayed..........nicely done, and intelligently executed by you.........wow.........keep writing, the world needs you........................william

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"The Piggy Bank"

Zoe, Congrats on your submission to Inkitt.com..........The Piggy Bank is a refreshing story of two criminals who have a conscience and morals...........they disagreed on taking the money from the Piggy, which belonged to a little child, and testing their morals, decided to give up the crime wave that night and run our the door, waiting perhaps for another day...............well done, Zoe.........a story like yours, with morals and principals, is the best.....you will be loved by all Authors who read your work.............please continue...........william elliott kern

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"Cocoa The Feline:Double Trouble"

Hey Temp, congrats on your submission to Inkitt.com.............your story is complete, the plot is direct, writing skills super.....all in all, well done. That Cat runs the Story, and evidently its master......of none............great work. Enjoyed totally.................continue writing and filling the need for more Great Authors, like yourself.........

William elliott kern

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"Strange World-Book 1-Grimoire"

Jake, congrats to your submission to Inkitt.........Your story, plot, writing style, grammar was and is all wrapped into one ball, your presentation perfectly constructed......... Well Done............please continue with your work and, Jake, You have a gift..........exploit it...............please...............william elliott kern

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"Nachos are Evil"

Hey Erin, congrats on your submission to Inkitt. Your story is cool, has some remorse to it, like never eating nachos again in front of the one you like and in a skirt.......but well done............thank you..........hats off to a good Author..................

william elliott kern

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"Is There Something Missing?"

Greg, Congrats on your submission to Inkitt.....An Author you are..........

Wow, now that's what I call Karma, missing a kidney, and not knowing it..........and dying. Interesting story Greg and I hope you will continue writing and submitting your work...........well done.................

william elliott kern

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Jehini Dale's Shorts"

Congrats on your submission to Inkitt. Comedy is great medicine for the hamburger lover on a skateboard....sometimes it helps to read your work out loud to yourself and enhance your thoughts and work the story and plot in the direction you are heading for..........keep up the writing, you are an Author and the world awaits more of your work, and soon....................william elliott kern

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"Serving Love"

Adelina, congrats on your submission to Inkitt.........you are now an Author.......
The young attorney Olivia, has been given her first murder case. She attends a hearing in Court to set the plea and date for trial. The Defendant in this new case see's Olivia in Court, He has feelings for her. Upon Leaving Court, Olivia Finds that she has parked her car next to the Defendants MotorBike, She is pinned against her car by the man, The Defendant, in her upcoming case, which she will fight in Court to put Him in Jail for Murder.

In the mind of this Man, he wants her to believe he is innocent.......yet follow..........

The STory is a bit slow pace, mixed with the use of 1st person discussion and 3rd person discussion, and intermixed at times too.........you might try an old trick by taking your story and reading it out loud to yourself and then catching any errors or confusing sentences that might be confusing.. Kind of an editing process that could help your in your story line and plot Punctuation and Grammar are always an issue for all of us, you are not alone............

keep up your writing and be the one of the first to become a best seller.............cudos...........

william elliott kern

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"Little Folk"

Gabriel, first, congrats on your submission to inkitt with this story........It's a delightful, bed time story, that is safe and filled with wonder. Most kids would like the story characters to become real. In this case, your story gives the Father a wake up call............the Fairy is real..............well written, carefully expressed in a family setting, with an ending where future conversations between Clary and her Father will surely exist..........thanks, I enjoyed your Story...............give us readers more when you can;............

william elliott kern

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"The Murklor"

David, first congrats on your submission to inkitt...........I enjoyed your writing skills, story telling and getting to the end, where the Doctor and the Ranger were special guests of the Murklor. Only thing needed now were the timbers to make the cross's for the Doctor and 'Ranger, like the other two friends who your main character introduced to the Murklor..........and of course, the axe.............You might consider writing a novel someday soon, as your mind is well organized, and your writing is totally understood and flows well.....Great job David..............continue on.............

william elliott kern

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"The Basement"

Short and sweet...........so Brad seems to be in sync with the basement boiler room. It sounds like the boiler may be more hungry than the young students realized.........good story, nice ending, leaving open minds to be consumed with the unexplained outcome to follow.............You are an Author now, congrats.......

william elliott kern

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"The ghost of 666 Akara St."

Hey Jinx, congrats on your submission to Inkitt...........you are now an Author...........good start on this story, however was the individual who cut off the woman's head a ghost or a killer? It is a twist I hope you will solve for us, your readers as this good story marches on. Congrats again.............

william elliott

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"When They Come Alone"

Brenden, nicely done....keeps readers attention..mine......even though fast and to the point, I hope you will expand your story to a full blown novel..........good writing...keep producing your stories...and let the world hear from you more often.........

william elliott

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"In Love and War"

John, first congratulations on submitting one of the best written and most creative stories of the civil war period...........This story takes place in the 1860's with an abusive Father against his new horse, later a rough patch with his Daughter Elizabeth. The war of words between the Father and Daughter had finally, after years of abuse, left both at odds, with the Father hitting his daughter and knocking her to the floor.....Andrew, a slave, came to protect Liz, punching the Father and knocking him down........A gun, by Liz, was hidden in the boiler so the Father could not use it to kill the slave that protected his daughter..........A decision was made by Liz to kill her father, when he would be returning from a poker game with Henderson and friends, by shooting him on the outskirts of the property...........several witness's were hidden, witness's to the killing. Another Slave, who was told to watch the horses, Samuel, had secretly followed Liz to the murder site of her father, also hidden, without anyone seeing him. He removed the body from the marsh and told his folks back at the mansion what had happened and they took care of the body......the other party who watched the killing, were hired by liz's brother, charles to kill the father as well........and lied to charles that they had done the killing to get paid..........the story continues but now, let me tell you, John, my results to your Book, "In Love and War".

Excellent story..Excellent plot development all the way to the end of your book........lots of sub plots, twists and turns to an excellent written and conceived book.......your writing style and Technical skills are superb.

One of the Best Stories by one of the Best Authors I have read in years............John, I read the whole book, and honesty am hoping to see more of your work. You are an inspiration to all Writers that perfection can be made...........

william elliott

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"The Hero from the Mountain"

Hello CynderBaby, Congratulations on your submission in the world or Authors, where you belong now.....Just a few guiding points if you will allow me............first; the Story needs to be finished. Good start
Second; The Plot needs a little polishing..........but you can do that........Third; You writing, now that you are an Author, needs a bit of attention.........suggest you read your story to yourself and edit where needed, both in your writing and your grammar, spelling and punctuation...........If you're like alot of us, we think faster than we can write, which can cause some minor errors in writing your story.................overall, I like your story and where your have taken it..........keep being a writer, as you will become great one day................promise.........

william Elliott

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"This is Not a Test"

Hi Liv, I'm william. I just reviewed your book and was impressed with your story and plot connection. Beth and Amy Lose their Mother due to suicide, overdose of pills......Fathers on a ladder when Beth called him to tell him the marmee died.........Connor, Beth's boy friend raced to the house to support Beth, and the Aunt, a twin with marmee, came to the home to deliver the news........Amy is on her knees, 12 years old, in the back yard , ripping grass from the ground and crying loudly.........
Liv, the whole scenario was well put together, inclusive of the school activity leading up to the two week vacation...........You might want to proof a bit more, check your grammar...otherwise Liv, a very well constructed story showing your ability as a writer and Author.

william elliott

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"1772"

jgrande85, you have put much effort into your new book, with fine descriptions of the circumstances surrounding your characters, and the environment..Being aboard your ship, with hopefully wishers someday arriving in Canada is a story within the story...........well done, only suggestion is the editing, grammar and punctuation issues..........you might wish to read your story outloud to yourself, an old writing trick, to find the places in your story that may need smoozing...........otherwise..........congratulations on your submission and a new future awaiting you as an Author........................william Elliott.

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"Ironwood"

Interesting Story, with Jacob, the second Son of Baron Ironwood to learn his duties, provide his numbers and prepare for marriage to Anna......Along the way, the wise Monk, Francis came to Ironwood, filled the ears of Jacob with hope and positive direction, a gift for Jacob well needed. The Story flows beautifully, the engagements among the characters strong and direct. The future yet to unfold, but planned for, gave Jacob hope. Anna was young at 16, yet bright, charming and impulsive. A Dance to come as the two lives meld into one.........both unsure of the results to follow..
Sean, you are a excellent writer, Author, and story teller..........your story line, plot writing skills are terrific......Some grammar issues, small, could be a bit improved when editing.........really enjoyed your work and hope to see alot more from you in the future..............well done Sean.....................william elliott kern

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"He Is My Angel"

Laraine, beautiful in the sight of God...............keep writing............william

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"The Blades of Chronos(Part 1)"

Hey Jimmy, fast read, well organized, and careful character development throughout your chapters...I am excited for you to finish your work, and let's get you in the winners circle........
The Story, the Plot, writing Style are are very good and brings a bonding of characters and circumstances in your book..........
I saw some confusion in the technical writing, punctuation, grammar and spelling....Editing a bit more would polish your story, and smooth out the area's of confusion.............great job Jimmy.........I will refer your work, when totally completed, to everyone ..........william elliott kern

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Cost of Revenge

Hi Gracie, your book is a fast read, lots of action, fire, swords and fighting atop horses and on the ground. Your Story and Plot are developing in unison, bad dreams that haunt your main character, opens the story to another twist and development continuing..........
one suggestion: You might think about the editing process a bit more, I always try to read my books out loud so I can hear my mistakes.......and it really helps.......sometimes our minds work faster than we can write.
Good Story, try to work on the Punctuation and Grammar, spelling etc........otherwise Gracie, a big hit for you......

william elliott kern

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"His Name is Jake"

Hi Luluj47, just a few considerations. First, Congratulations on submitting your book "The Name is Jake". You gave a complete synopsis of the Characters Family tree. Good Job. The Story leads to problems of infidelity and causes great pain for those affected.........

.I am a bit funky in that I like to read my work outloud to find my errors or complete my editing. It's a trick, or a tool you might wish to explore. I know writing is a tough business, and I compliment you for your efforts and now your entering the world of Authors. Again congrats. I am always here for support if you wish. We all work together to help one another, so keep writing, editing, self reads out loud to help you hear what others read............my best and good luck. Good start Luluj47...

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"The Girl in the Red Cloak"

Nicole, Why are you making me wait for more of your book to be presented..........ha ha..........seriously, great story, the two orphans, Lucy and Belle, living in the Catholic Orphanage. Both Girls were close, friends and Belle raised the question to Lucy if she wished to run away to the Big City. Lucy agreed, and the two girls packed their bags and left at night. Lucy was locked inside a wooden shed, Belle releasing her. Belle had both bags packed for the trip and off the two friends went..... being confronted by the Principal of the Local School, searching for the girls in the snow covered woods, was attacked by a wolf and hurt badly while searching for the girls. The girls refused to return to the Orphanage and continued their journey through the woods meeting a stray Dog, feeding it with bread and water, then continuing to the river for water and spotting a carriage on the other side of the river.. The Royal Carriage was occupied by two adults and two kids, a girl and a boy............whew.....now............the story Nicole is captivating, The plot is underway and well expressed, your style of writing is excellent and easy to follow, as I have tried to express in your story above. Wonderful writing and worthy of 5 star or more rating...............you are an excellent writer, oops..Author as well.

William

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"The Soldier and the Stripper"

Rachel.........fine job in getting your book exposed with a really fine story. Only a small suggestion is to maybe read your book out loud to do your editing. Seems most of us writers, like yourself are really good with the story line, plot, and writing expressions in reaching the readers.. Technical skills, punctuations, and grammar will be gold for your stories if carefully reviewed during your edit process...........anyhow,, keep up the fine work, and continue writing for all to enjoy for years to come.................

william elliott kern

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"Breath of Fresh Air"

good story, reliving the years of high school, relationships good, bad or indifferent. Ashford, or Ash, meets Brook, then leaves the town, meets with some bad dudes, winds up in jail, posts bail and knows he has to leave town before the bad dudes find him. Ash is concerned about his mother, as he returns to the city of his high school friends, Brook and his past girl friend Alisha. The Story flows beautifully, and the plot thickens.
A few suggestions if I may.

You might think of proof reading your story, by reading it outloud to yourself, which I do too, to catch the spelling errors, grammar issues and punctuation. You are a good writer, easy to read your work as it flows smoothly. a little work on the technical stuff will get you into the "Perfect genre of Writers."

Good story, well plotted..............

william elliott kern....

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"Cristian"

Long story, the plot uncovered midway through the story. From beginning, the story was fast moving. Then dragged on for quite some time. The Author was good in describing her characters, their clothing, etc. but a lot of that disclosure distracted from the story moving fast.
Not withstanding, the Author has written a very good piece of work, well described, as well as defining Cassidy and her persona, and later in the story, her new lover... Over all, I suggest the Author read out loud the his book, as an editing treatment, working also on technical skills, punctuation and grammar.

Good story, Time for phase 2 of" Cristian"
Horatio,

Good work and I will recommend to all my friends and more.

william elliott kern

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"Alchemist's Gift"

The Story was mixed on several levels all of which were interesting and well described and written. The Writing style takes the reader to different levels, even to the witch confessions and potential burnings, halted shortly by heavy rain and ice.........Work a bit on the grammar, and spelling.........punctuation as well. A Bundle of different characters from Chapter one following to another time and place to following chapters, the apple tree with healing power, so to speak, to a lightning strike splitting it down the middle, eventually cut it down, and used as fire wood for the burning of 6 witches, One died before burning, with 5 left to burn.

It was interesting how the author blended the political aspect into the burning of the witches and how that would help his ascension to a high level in the church...............

Mark, I really enjoyed your work, and will more than happy to promote your work to all.

william elliott kern

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"The Fetus of Malice"

Really not enough to sink one's teeth into..........time to continue the nightmares, or just normal dreams, the mother and her reasons, real reasons for locking her door, and when mother is aggressively, in the nightmare, to hurt the child......The Book has the potential to express a personal story continued with much growth to come...........keep writing...............tech skills good, writing style good, story good, plot undefined at this time............

william elliott kern

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"Andrew (The Doms and Dommes of New york: Book 1)"

fast moving story, the writer's style progressive and to the point. I am not sure, without reading the whole book, where the plot will take this story, however with the writers gift of clarity and description in his genre, it will surface, smashing into the walls and dungeons his character lives within............well written...........

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Winds of Aerathiea

T.E. really enjoyed the story line , your character inner action with one another. This is a new Genre for me, so I hope I am doing you some good. The story is enjoyable, fast moving, I would recommend your book to all ages over 12 years of age..............I only am reviewing 6 chapters as of time constraints, so I you wish me to continue, it will be next week...But I get the beginning chapters and I am a happy reader........thank you..........

william elliott kern

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All Things Begin

A young boy," later found on the highway by General Jarda", was murdered by Barbarians, came back to life as he was an Anmah, age 6 when the loss of his family had occured.........General Jarda, took the boy, gave him a new name, and introduced him to another Anham and the King, This Story is well written, detalled , emotional, with ups and downs to please ones heart. The Story and Plot emerge together as the story encompasses the General, the other Anham who advises the King and is training the younger Anham for service in the Army of the King..........work a bit, not much , on grammar........all in all........wonderfully written

william elliott kern

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Secrets of the Walls.

Well written story of a two sisters, a grandmother and grandfather a house keeper, all living in a huge mansion.....The Mother and Father of the two sisters, one 13, the other 10 had died, and the sisters went to live with their Grandmother. The Grandfather had succumbed to a coma, from a stroke or a medical problem, and was existing in a wheel chair daily, being cared for by his wife and the house servants. One of the Girls, playing the Piano, watched as the older sister asked permission from Mrs. Plumlee, to go to her Grandmothers room and bring her down to hear the younger sister play the piano. The Grandmother was found gone, pasted on in death, causing Mrs. Plumlee to call the police to investigate. The two sisters also decided to investigate, searching for clues, which took them to the wine cellar, more hallways and stairs to walk down to,, and open doors to a room of paintings where, when touched by the girls, they were absorbed inside the paintings.................great story, plot thickens, character development between sophie and suzette, The Grandmother, Mrs. Plumlee, the policeman Wonderful, and now, an adventure of mystical happenings in two paintings separating the girls from one another into landscapes that they liked so much,

A must read for all to enjoy.........love the authors mindset and devotion to her writing skills..

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The Price to Pay

Amity, 2000 kms east of Australia and 1000 kms north of New Zealand. Nathan Jellico has been the President for the past 9 years, of Amity.. 100 students, including the son of Jellico, are at the House of the Government for an awards ceremony for their written opinions of government A blast destroys the capital house, kills the leaders, including the President and the VC is now in command, MARSHALL. He has the right now, to impose martial law.............
.this Story is captivating, moves fast in parallel with the plot, feeding the reader with facts and circumstances as they arise. The Story and Plot come together rapidly, and moves the story on to its destination, its fate.
Well done..............

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Ionshaker Desperate, The Manhunt

Good detective story, involving the FBI taking over the case from the LAPD. A women Shot in the heart, a husband missing, now a person of interest, driving north in his vehicle, away from the Crime scene of his now murdered wife. The wife had visited a shrink, who had become friends with the Deceased, and informed the FBI that the husband , according to the Wife, might be having an affair with the husbands past girl friend. When the FBI left the Doctors office, the Doctor immediately placed a call to an undisclosed person that the plan was regarding the Death of the Wife, was on track.........a nice twist to the story...........the plot thickens and the FBI are pursuing all clues, including the seman found in the body of the deceased..........good writing.....

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Hell on Earth

Oreo's it is............great story, creative and works well........The Plot thickens, as Evan, his two new boy buddies, who later get killed by Gabriel, in Church.. experienced the AntiChrist on earth,

The whole story is remarkable and well written.....loved it. I have only read 5 chapters , reflecting James taking Evan and Mary away from the Church to safety. I will finish he book and give you some more feed back..........Your writing skills are really perfected, serious, funny. Grammar punctuation perfectly executed.............great book, great job, great author. Evan makes a deal with his Dad, for one week, to hold off destruction of a life on earth, if Evan can find one soul who is 85% pure. If not, the world is gone, all life destroyed, and Lucifer is now in control of the all things, the Universe as well..........

William Elliott Kern

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Summer in Crisis

Hello Book, interesting Story about Summer, her Friend Vivian, Micha, Rio, Mason and her two younger brothers, Mother and Father. First part: leaving College early, going to Canada. Summer wants to break up with her boyfriend, but he beats her to it........Summer and her family plan a trip to Canada to see her Grandmother who is lonesome and sad, but Summer wants Vivian to come with her........The two girls leave College, go to Bahamas, Summers home, and then off to Canada.........This is a story of friendships, feelings and love. Summer says she would rather be alone, but her relationships keep her occupied..........The Story is the plot if you will..........the language barrier is difficult but understandable with effort, the writing style is innocent and that of young friends, a common way of life for those in their college days and working to pay the bills.......like Vivian.........Summers family evidently has no problem with money...........Actually enjoyed the story...........

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jericon warfare

hookedupondrama: fast and furious, story immediately evolves into a mission with some warriors having an ego problem, but still on board and ready to fight. fast moving, plot is exposed and direction of the story unfolds properly and well done.........good work, keep writing and I will be more than happy to share your story as a referral to all interested...........william elliott kern

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The Queen of The May

I was trying to identify the plot early on, with some difficulty. The Story was about the life of a 3 year old Girl Eleanor, who lost her mother and now her father due to War. Then a span of 10 years passes, bringing Eleanor into woman hood, if you will, with feelings for Prince Constantine, whose father dies, and his Brother becomes KIng.

While being raise by a Count, who has treated her as his ward, she has been educated, trimmed and found able and highly intelligent,

Yet, I am still a bit confused. Is her education and maturing, the plot, or is your book a story of a little girl growing up and standing on her own two feet and then some, a success story to unfold in the future.............nice story, but usually a plot is discovered in the first few chapters, so the reader can follow where the story will be going........You have given light to your characters, and life....you have discussed history of the realms, rising and fallen. This is a good read and deserves compliments, with a little work....Speaking of work, keep writing, you have a story to tell, and all should be blessed to hear it............william elliott.
.

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Blood of the Gods

Marva,I finished reading following chapters, I felt it necessary to revise my review. You have detailed current day with Egyptian eons past, Your characters gift of immortality was given, by doing the Queens bidding in the Queens plot, in which internal life was your reward, after you helped the Queens plan of murder. Then back again to today's time...........Blending the past, present and the future to follow, internal life..........is well done...............started slow, but caught wind and began to race through the story...........excellent work........perhaps reviewing your grammar is warranted, with some questionable sentences that were not finished.. all in all,,,,,,,,,,I have revised your review to 5 stars Marva......................Good luck

william elliott kern,

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We Wanderers

Tomcatt, if I may call you so? Your book, knowledge of the body, more specifically, the Blood, has created a new genre for a special interest group that would relish in the transference from the completed body, called a person to that of the quiet soul living inside the body, that struggles to win battles over its enemies, life over Death, ie: Red cells, vs. white cells, warriors inside the front lines of war.. You have given names to your champions and agressours, bringing their existence to the forefront of your Book, your story, your new born baby..........
This is not a harsh review, rather one of adoration to your pros. I have enjoyed getting to know you, through your story, and your love for what lays inside a shell, an organ, the largest of which is called, skin., Among friends and enemies inside the shell, are a few of us who have ever taken the time to meet our protectors, mindfully, and physcically through a microscope or laden on an operating table.

Tomcatt, "We Wanderers" is hopefully your first attempt in expession, and more hopefully, not your last. You are an amazing mind, awesome writer and someday we shall meet............in honor. 5 stars my friend......,

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Poisoned trees and yellow grass

Hey Karen, tough story of disaster, abuse with onyx mother and other daughter, and a world effected by atomic bombs. your story is fast reading, personal, and caring with your characters and the plot unfolds chapter to chapter............good job Karen, you are on your way.......................william elliott kern

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Drawn to Death

Marva, excellent story line, plot thickens, heading to marriage. A fast read, captivating and well written.....5 stars Marva............Your writing Style is smooth, detailed and easy to follow...........fine work of art..........

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The Angel of San Diego

Hey Paul, excellent work..........you have a knack of painting pictures of your surrounds, your office, the homes or locations of those your character are talking too on the phone..........Well written, good story, execellent plot. Time to tell the world that Paul David Graham has arrived. Exellent writing........continue my friend...........

William Elliott Kern

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The Realm

Great Job Natalie. I have read the first chapter and enjoyed your writing style. I will continue reading the whole book in the next two days and update my review......so far, really enjoyed the start, the character development is well underway, and the story already has some turns and twists...........looking forward to digging deeper into the story as the plot thickens.............UPDATE; JANUARY 21, 2018

I finally had a chance to read your book, complete..........First.....you have allowed the focus on your characters to remain between Amy, Izzy, M and S..........your Aliens, and not get muddled in multiple plots, multiple stories, and other distractions throughout the Story and Plot.. excellent writing.......the progression of boarding the ship with the two boys, becoming Princes and Izzy becoming the Queen and M becoming the King was brilliant and perfectly placed in the plot.........Amy and S also made the move of involvement and love.........I enjoyed every page..........now its time for book two................to be published...............sorry it took so long, but what a great Author you are.............wonderful story..........I want more.................and you left the door open re: the Bitch................

william kern.

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"The Killer"

A Serial Killer named Mathew Mills, who is told to kill children by Teddy..........which is a Teddy Bear, taking the persona as John Doe the killer, , has recently lost a son as his pregnant wife Janet miscarried. Mathews wife is distraught, depressed and has given up to the bed, in a bedroom draped in black curtains, darkness as her emotions. Mathew, is seeking Gods support, guidance, direction for his life and family, however the power of Teddy has caused John Doe to kill his baby Daughter, he loves so dearly, like the other children he has killed by suffocating them with plastic bags.......
The Story is lost in the soul of Mathew. When he is Mathew, not John Doe, he is loving and kind, but is still damaged from his fathers mistreatment when he was a child, thus shooting his father in the back with two bullets from his gun.......The killings began............the writing style has slowed the story by separating the two personas, Mathew/John Doe. Perhaps a blending of the characters would solve that problem, along with editing the story before submission for errors in grammar and some punctuation errors.. minor issues. It was difficult to. identify the plot. The Story was of the killer, past and now present.........the plot, the ending..........

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"The Joker"

I am sorry,,,,,,,,,no comment..........best of luck and welcome to the genre of Authorship..................I wish you the best............continue on, doing your thing..............

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"Hyperia"

Interesting outlook, or in-look, on a persons personal private log of things that have transpired on a marked day. other than having some issues on writing skills, punctuation and grammar, I recommend this Author edits the works, this story or daily minutes if you will., by reading it out loud to himself, to catch any possible errors, changes needed before submitting for publication........Treating this as a Story, with a plot is difficult, as The Author has submitted personal moments in this log..............
First; congrats on your submission.........
second; Continue writing and giving your readers your story.
Third; I wish you, as an Author now, to continue writing, and wow the world with your imagination.......my best to you in the future.......................william

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