Tiredly, Harry was stumbling through the scary woods, wondering how he lost his sense of direction. The way the naked branches clawed at the blackened sky, casting glittering shimmers of light, seemed to strip away remnants of his soul...
Being young and invincible has led him unto a destructive path, one that confused him beyond his wildest dreams.
It would take something traumatic to bring him back down to earth to face reality. Take his head out of the ostriches’ ass and humble himself to the depths of depression and possible suicide.
This wasn’t The Hunger Games nor was it some apocalyptic televised event via publication. This was real life, his life, and the sinister way karma has forced him to face the arch angels of disaster was unheard of.
There were dire consequences for partaking in the essence of weakened flesh and loose morals.
No matter how fast he ran through the wicked Redwoods, absent of light, tripping over loose branches, he followed the sound of beeps in the distance.
There he was marrying Jonathan, forcing him into a forbidden institution by consoling his sexual desires to that of co-dependency…
He has played games with his faith for far too long. He didn’t know if he was a believer in Christ or an atheist. He has put Jonathan before everything and everyone in his life. He was blinded by his perception of what love was, loving Jonathan to the point of losing himself.
His heart reminded him that he loved Jonathan, but his gut chinned in and showed him as the fraud he was, being alone in love was the type of emotional suicide he wasn’t prepared for. He didn’t love Jonathan the way Jonathan was in love with him because Harry never loved himself.
He would like to think that he was a God fearing man, but he was a slave to the weakness of his flesh, calling on the Lord’s name only during orgasm with his husband.
In fact, Jonathan was the last man he saw every night, falling asleep in his eyes and the first man he saw when he awakened in his eyes.
It was his addiction.
And now his addiction haunted him.
The woods were retrospection.
After eating the bread and drinking the wine during communion in church over the years, he dedicated his life to God a few days before his seventeenth birthday, forced by his mother, Lady, after she retained custody of him from the man that took him away from her years before.
A man that was in prison for the rest of his life for murdering Lou, Harry’s first love, at his championship football game a few months before this very moment…
She never accepted his lifestyle, but she pretended she was supportive because she didn’t want to lose him again.
Any relationship with him was better than a life without him in it.
The thought of losing him again turned her stomach.
Racing against time, trying to locate the beeping sounds in the air, coming and going in sections of the forest, blurs became ghosts, with images of his mother taking him by the upper arm and pulling him, reluctantly, to the front of the church the day, years ago.
She pissed on his manhood.
She took away Harry’s free will to worship the Lord on his own accord by exposing him before the body of the congregation with his same sex fleshy desires.
Lady faced her nervous son. “If you’re going to be a punk you’re damn sure going to get baptized, son. I don’t approve of this. I know your father basically raised you, but you don’t have to punish me for that. He took you from me, moved away and built a life with you without a mother’s love.”
It took a moment for Harry to offer a rebuttal. He was embarrassed, but he refused to tuck his tail and run away from who he was.
Clearing his throat, he ignored looks of hatred and said, “Mother, I respect you. Truly, I do, but I’m not punishing you for that. You give yourself too much credit. It didn’t take me very long to get over you.”
“What do you mean by it didn’t take you long to get over me? There’s nothing like a mother’s love. Mama’s baby, daddy’s maybe.”
“There’s something more precious than that overplayed and outdated mother’s love bull. Love of self, self-preservation trumps that mother’s love.”
“You’re delusional. You only get one mother.”
“I only get one life, but you don’t see me writing your womb Scarlett letters because I didn’t ask to be here, now do you, Mama? Yes, dad raised me without you. Yes, I cried for a while. But as the months went by, I stopped missing you. I can’t explain it, Ma. I learned that people are in your life for a reason or a season. That also pertains to family.”
Lady said, “This is a place where you can throw all of your burdens on the Lord, son. Pray for forgiveness. Admit and acknowledge that you have a sickness and we need to pray before my friends, peers and Pastor Dray, so you can be free of that homosexual spirit.”
Gossip sounded through the audience and Harry heard a few harsh whispers.
He was on guard, balling up his fists.
Unexpectedly, Sister Graceland took her husband’s hand possessively and a few of the undercover male ushers started indirectly checking him out, fresh meat in the church.
Frustrated from the strong looks of disgust, Harry said, “What or who I am isn’t your concern. Neither is it my father’s. I don’t care about either of you. Both of you played a part in how I turned out.
“You were bedding more than just my daddy back then and when he took me and raised me over two thousand miles away from you I hated him for it. And I loathed you for not trying hard enough to find me. So my attraction to men led me astray.
“I’m not punishing you. I’m punishing him. Every time I let a man love me in bed he walks away with a piece of my selfish ass daddy. The creep that murdered my lover in cold blood. I will never forgive him, or you for that matter.”
She smacked him, taken aback. “The only person you’re hurting is yourself. And you’re going to get saved, today, give your life, your sins, to Christ! You’ve really grown into a whack job. You need counseling. And you’re in the right place, again, to get all the help you need.”
Walking past his mother, Harry paused in front of Pastor Dray.
“Look, man. I don’t do drama, really and if my crazy mama wants me to get saved, so be it. Let’s get this over with. I don’t appreciate how she told y’all my business. I don’t even like y’all like that, for real.”
Pastor Dray hesitantly told Harry to repeat scripture, confessing with his mouth that he accepted Christ as his Lord and Savior, and prepared him in white linen for baptism in back of the church, in a waiting room, a few minutes later.
Harry felt rushed.
Half of the members of the church walked out, but a large number of gossip mongers remained.
Inside a life-sized Jacuzzi tub, Pastor Dray prayed over Harry, dipping his backward into cold water, quickly bringing him up.
Once it was over, Harry pushed past Pastor Dray and angrily walked up to his mother, dripping water soaked into the cheap carpet.
There was no life in his eyes. “There you go. I’m saved. And I’m still gay. I don’t have no freaking demon inside of me. And I’m out of here. All of you can kiss my ass! I don’t owe any of you no damn explanation! Listen and listen closely, mother.
“I will force myself to forget you, to forget you ever existed. Now I can see why Dime took me away from you. If I’m a whack job then you and Dime did a whack job of creating me. Piss off.”
Snatching up a towel, he grabbed his shoes from behind the podium and stomped towards the exit, vowing to cut his mother off.
Lady shot her cuffs. “Where are you going to live, Harry?”
Pausing, she had him by the balls. Tight. He couldn’t and wouldn’t survive those streets without her guidance and he knew it.
“You can’t live with your father, not after he learned you were a sissy. He disowned you. Plus he’s in state prison. All you have is me, your mother. And if you’re going to continue living under my roof you won’t be banging no sissies in my house. You better get you a girlfriend and break out of this phase you’re going through. I’ll even forget it ever happened.”
Harry looked at his mother. “Maybe I need to call the man, let them know how you’re selling your body to make ends meet.”
Lady turned her back on him, check mate. “If you do that, then you’ll definitely be kicked out of my house. Try me, Harry.”
“Blow me, mother, fake ass.”
“What’s it gonna be?” Lady asked.
Harry answered every other night, when he had sex with random one night stands, making sure his mother heard his indiscretions through his bedroom wall.
But after a few weeks of traumatizing her, he moved out with one of his new boyfriends and never called his mother again.
Years and years had gone by and he hadn’t ever thought of her or his father ever again.
And now he was running through darkened woods, lost.