“I’m leaving you.”
She was shaking when she grabbed the baby,
but did her best to calm herself for the sake of their son.
How did they even get here?
She couldn’t remember the last ten minutes.
She grabbed the phone and made her way upstairs while Caleb followed her angrily behind.
“So that’s the kind of mother
you’re gonna be huh?
The kind that teaches her son to run away.”
The tears came.
Any attack on motherhood would cut the deepest.
How could he not know,
after everything she’s done,
after all of the battles she’s fought,
that she did everything for the sake of their son?
“Leave me alone.”
“I won’t, I don’t trust you with him.”
“Are you serious?”
She looked at him directly now.
She couldn’t believe that he would try and hurt her this way.
“You know that it is impossible
for me to hurt him. Ever.”
She tried to leave the room but he blocked her with his body.
She tried to swerve but when he followed, she then attempted to push passed him.
“Let me pass,
it’s not fair for you to physically stop me.”
“Then give me our son.”
He took him from her arms
and she finally broke passed him,
flailing her arms open.
“I am free. I am so happy
I am going to be rid of you and be free.
This is the best day of my life.”
“Stop it Gemma.”
“Why? Is this not fun for you anymore?
Because you’re not the one doing the hurting?”
“I’m the one who does the hurting?
All you’ve been doing is emotionally terrorizing me!
Telling me you’re leaving me!
Stop acting like we’re two separate people Gemma.
When you hurt, I hurt.”
She knew in her heart that he wasn’t being fair
and neither was she.
But the darkness had control now,
Caleb had gone back downstairs and Gemma went to lay in her bed to practice
b r e a t h i n g .
She soon became numb, the way she usually was after the darkness had fed, and decided after enough time had passed for the paralysis to spread fully-
to return downstairs; where Caleb had an article ready to read on the television screen.
She only read the first part of the title before her surge of
o v e r w h e l m i n g
emotions came rushing back with a vengeance.
Type 2 Bi-polar disorder
“Are you serious Caleb?
How dare you?
How dare you do what everyone else
has done to me. Call me crazy
instead of taking responsibility for your own actions.”
Caleb’s eyes were full with hurt and regret when he looked at her,
“I’m so sorry I said those things Gemma.
I know that was wrong
and from the bottom of my heart
I didn’t mean any of it-
and this probably isn’t the best time or way to go about it-“
“No. How dare you!”
She was spiralling again.
P a n i c
spread into her psyche as she came to tell herself that she was truly alone now.
That not even Caleb cared for her anymore.
The fog made it difficult for her to see, that for the first time in her life,
someone was taking the time to understand her.