It was nothing like it was supposed to be, and Gemma couldn’t figure out why.
She’d just arrived home the day before,
h a p p y
to finally be able to take care of her baby again.
But already her progress seemed to be regressing.
Somehow she was weaker and clumsier
than when she was in the hospital;
and taking care of Forest,
even with Caleb still taking time off of work,
was exceedingly difficult.
She was up all night trying to feed Forest
with an arm that was unable to support him,
that was seizing from fatigue,
causing him to be uncomfortable and fuss throughout every feeding.
Forest had gone down for his afternoon nap when she found herself
sinking to the dark place again.
She told herself the terrible things when Caleb found her crying on their bedroom floor.
“Are you alright?”
He leaned down to her,
placing a loving hand on her shoulder.
“I’m really scared.
It feels like I’m getting worse...
in so many ways. I just don’t understand...”
She looked at him through a liquid wall and her took her into his arms.
“You are a warrior.”
He whispered in her ear, ”
You have proven your strength
over and over and then some.
You leave me in awe every night
and every morning.
You can do anything Gemma.
You’ve already proven that.”
She tried to follow the sweet sound of his voice out of the water and into the fresh air,
but she was too deep.
She said to him,
before crying into his shoulder while he held her there, until the baby woke up.