16/04/2016

It almost felt as though she were weighted to the bottom of the ocean.

Where it’s cold and dark.

Where the pressure on her chest is heavy.

Where

w i c k e d

things lurk about in the blackened waters.

She had sunk so deep, that she could not even make out where the surface of the water

lay above.

There were no cracks of

s u n l i g h t

dancing between the waves here.

Here was only darkness.

Not panic.

Not anxiety.

Simply acceptance of this shadow life in the dark and somehow that was worse.

How could Caleb love her even here where nothing feels right?

It was so hard to see here.

She fought for most of her life to beat the shadows,

to ignore this part of her that hurt.

She was starting to realize that maybe she would never overpower the dark,

but maybe she could accept it and transform it…

Would it be less harrowing if she came to embrace every part of herself?

The l i g h t and the dark...

The way Caleb had.

It would be difficult.

The detrimental voices the darkness brought forth made it too difficult to see herself as

someone deserving of love.

But she had a family now-

a husband and child

and that was enough to make her hope.