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MUSHROOM m i n d

By Steph Raymond All Rights Reserved ©

Other / Poetry

19/10/2014

19/10/2014

The ebony sky indicated that it was night, and Caleb was still at work.

She could feel everything

v i b r a t e

around her

and her very essence

being pulled apart like a lose thread spinning out of a knit sweater.

Soon, there would be nothing left of her but a worn out little piece of string.

It was too much.

Her thoughts spun her into madness and she needed something...

anything to help control the rise of the darkness.

It has been feasting more often, and Gemma could feel that it was hungrier than ever.

Hungry for blood.

Gemma nervously glanced around the room for the relief she knew was not there.

They could not afford food, let alone weed.

The thoughts started pouring in,

bouncing around under her skin,

taunting her for punishment.

She quickly ran downstairs to grab the last of her Vodka, hoping it could offer an escape from the chaos in her body and mind.

She locked herself in their private bathroom that she and Caleb had attached to their room and grabbed the pair of scissors that she hid under the sink. Without smoke she would have to fight the darkness the only other way she knew how.

When the

p a n i c

set in, she took her first swig of Vodka before

piercing the scissor blade along the skin of her leg.

It was the best way to calm the dark because it was the way she felt the most pain.

The pain she so rightly deserved.

She let the familiar sting wash over as she watched the half-healed wound open itself up to bleed once again.

She did this over and over until the bottle was empty.

Alcohol did not bring the relief that marijuana would normally.

In fact, it only helped to feed the darkness more.

She was panicked again.

Nothing was working.

She got up and began searching the cabinets until she found her prescription bottles.

Effexor and Lorazepam.

They could help silence the darkness once and for all.

She took a handful of pills from each bottle and swallowed them down, pouring the last bit of vodka leftover in the bottle.

It would end soon, but the panic still made her

r e s t l e s s .

She left the bathroom and began spinning mindless circles in her room,

frantically searching for something; though she had no clue what.

She soon found herself in her closet when she saw something flashing on the ground.

The name Kylee flashed in bright lights along the keychain that somehow made it into her things during her move.

Kylee.

Her true friend; they had formed a love in sisterhood that was pure.

No judgement.

Only support.

She missed her sister dearly.

She ran to her phone and dialled her number.

“Hello?”

“Kylee!”

Even in her jumbled state she could feel nothing but happiness when hearing her sister’s voice.

“Gem? What’s going on?”

Gemma broke down.

“I’m so sorry.”

She sobbed over and over,

“I’m such a bad person.”

“No you’re not Gemma.

You are wonderful.”

“No,” She cried, barely able to release the words,

“I’m not, you have no idea.

I’ve been stealing food.

I’m not nice.

I’m horrible.

I hate this so much.”

She broke down again and her sister began telling soothing words into the phone.

Gemma made her way back into the bathroom with her phone stuck to her ear, not saying anything, but listening intently to her sister, trying to hold on to her words…trying not to

s l i p a w a y .

The fog was taking over now, and she could feel herself getting sleepy…

“What’s going on?”

A voice had woken Gemma, she looked up to find herself passed out on the bathroom floor with the phone in her hand.

“Kylee…”

Gemma said sleepily.

Caleb leaned down beside Gemma and grabbed the phone.

“Hello?” He sighed,

“what happened? Did she say?”

Gemma tried to stay awake, to keep her focus on Caleb…

beautiful Caleb whose skin was nice and soft.

She wanted to touch that skin and wrap herself in it.

“Help me, help!” She cried,

leaning over the toilet.

Hysteria was present now, and now that Caleb was here she was afraid to die.

After all, how could she do this to him?

How could she ever hurt him this way?

I need to puke.”

She shoved the closest thing to her down her throat to activate her gag reflex.

It wouldn’t work.

Caleb had hung up the phone by now

and was frantically asking Gemma what had happened.

But she still could not see clearly.

“I need to get it out, I need to puke.”

It was clear that Caleb could not make sense of Gemma’s ramblings and he was worried.

“What’s happening Gemma,

do I need to call an ambulance?”

“Yes.”

He called it and then picked her up off of the ground to carry her downstairs and outside of the

house.

Finally, she could feel the bile rise from the pit of her stomach and out from her mouth just as the

ambulance pulled into the driveway.

She continued to throw up while Caleb spoke with the paramedics and said something about possible alcohol poisoning to them.

She could never remember what happened after, only that she woke up strapped to a stretcher in

the hallway of the hospital.

“What’s going on?”

Caleb seemed shocked to see her awake,

“you tell me.” He said.

“Get me out of here.”

“Gemma, you had a lot to drink.

We need a doctor to see you to make sure you’re okay.”

“I didn’t have that much to drink,

I’m not even drunk now.

Get. Me. Out.”

She still felt frantic and unsettled in her skin.

She pulled herself up while Caleb tried to calm her but it only aggravated Gemma further.

“Get me out of here.

I’ll tell you what happened

if you just get me out of here.”

Caleb got up to go talk to someone and came back with a man and a sheet of paper.

“You know you should really see a doctor.”

The man said.

“I don’t need to. I need to go home.”

His eyes narrowed,

“Well we can’t stop you, but I don’t advise it.”

He handed her the paper,

“If there really is no changing your mind,

you’ll need to sing this release form.”

She scribbled her name and walked out of the hospital as quickly as she could with Caleb on her tail.

“Gemma.”

He called to her but she didn’t stop walking until they reached the garden behind one of the buildings between the hospital and the way home.

She stopped between the trees and waited for him.

The air was cool with the fresh arrival of autumn, and Gemma let the

b r e e z e

wash over her like a cleansing rain.

“I took my pills.”

She said quietly into the night, hoping Caleb could hear her feeble voice.

“With the vodka. I couldn’t stop myself,

and I was alone.”

She began to cry and Caleb made his way in front of her.

It was hard to look into his eyes when she could see the tears forming there too.

“Gemma.”

He placed his hands firmly around her arms,

“You are never alone.”

His voice broke and he takes a minute to redeem himself,

“Gemma I can’t lose you.”

His tears matched her own,

“If there is no you then there is no me, okay?

I need you Gemma, I need you here with me.

And I am going to do all in my power to help you through this.”

He whipped the tears from his eyes before doing the same for her. They both chuckled nervously to each other.

I love you.” She whispered into his chest and he whispered it back into her hair before wrapping his arms around her and taking her home.

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