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MUSHROOM m i n d

By Steph Raymond All Rights Reserved ©

Other / Poetry

13/10/2007

13/10/2007

She was spiraling downward too fast to recognize her surroundings.

She was

a g i t a t e d

by the gaping black hole that seemed to be swallowing her up

limb by limb.

She was alone and she should be.

She felt all the ways she was unfit for this world and the people in it.

Unworthy of its crowned truths and hidden treasures.

Nothing but a small,

pathetic

and shameful

unearthly creature.

Especially since the darkness arrived.

She spent the night in internal turmoil, trying to control the fits and

s p a s m s

the darkness was causing inside of her.

when it finished,

Gemma was left in a disarrayed state of confusion and self-loathing.

Just as she was now.

Her cry came out in broken, panic-filled sobs and she was writing furiously in her sketch book. She dragged her pencil harshly along the paper, watching the words she wrote blend and blur together.

Ugly

Everybody hates you

stupid

bitch

She cried and wrote and could not think on what she wrote but she knew she had to get it out somehow.

Without realizing, she grabbed her pencil and stabbed it into her leg multiple times until it finally punctured a small hole, releasing fresh crimson coloured blood onto her floor.

She let the sting take over and began to

b r e a t h e

in a slow rhythm

that calmed the darkness.

In a sudden flash of false clarity, she came to the conclusion that the only way to fight the darkness, was to hurt herself.

Open me up

And dig through my wounds-

r e l e a s e

the poison

and the

fumes.

Make

s p a c e

there

in the doom-

to plant seeds

to grow

to heal,

to bloom.

29/10/2013

“This is perfect.”

Gemma felt transported into an entire different world here among the ruins and the changing leaves.

“I think so too.”

Caleb was smiling ear to ear.

She loved the way he looked against the fallen stone.

Rustic and beautiful.

The city had many hidden treasures, but this one was surely the most breathtaking.

The ruins were situated in what was now a very large park. They had passed a beautifully intricate fountain before descending the stone steps with led to the beauty that spilled before them.

Gemma could picture it now with plants hanging from the tops of the walls and windows of the great ruins, with fragrant flower petals adorning the isle that presented itself perfectly down the center.

Just on the other side lay a trail leading into one of the most beautiful woodland areas in the city, filled with trees of different hues and textures.

Caleb walks over to the nearest tree to shake the trunk, causing loose leaves to fall in a seductive dance all around them.

Time slowed then.

She watched the beautiful curve of his mouth while colors of red and yellow clashed together and broke apart in a series of hypnotic movements.

She could not decide if one leaf was in pursuit of the other,

or if it was simply a

l o v e a f f a i r

with the wind…

whatever this dance was,

it was spell-binding and colourful and made her feel more in love

with the man in front of her than ever before.

The moment she met Caleb she knew that they would be bound together for all of time,

whether marriage would be a factor or not did not concern her.

But she loved the idea of celebrating their love. It was their love, after all, that helped her in her journey of self-discovery.

Before she met Caleb, she had never been known.

And to finally be accepted as she is...

To finally be seen and heard

To feel the purity of unconditional love brought forth a warmth that adorned her soul-

to let her know that she no longer needs to be afraid of discovering herself.

This feeling...

Now she recognized it:

Something like standing on the edge of a cliff

with the wild ocean waves crashing beneath her.

Something like feeling the

s u n

on her naked skin and her bare feet atop the warm soil of the earth

after a long winter.

But, there’s something more...

Something takes root in her, or perhaps it just makes itself known.

She can feel it though,

like honey in the place of blood,

spreading itself slow and thick through her veins until she is full with it.

Heavy with the feeling of sweetness and nostalgia.

It invades her before it reveals her, and she realized, though she has not yet moved, she has found herself a place of belonging.

Her bones begin to settle, and her heartbeat

s l o w s ...

She read somewhere that the Buddhists say that when you meet your soulmate, you won’t experience the excitement of a racing heart and rushing blood. Rather, You feel quiet and calm. no agitation, no anxiety.

Like you are home.

She believed that.

She felt his skin and it was fire but it was her sanctuary.

When she recognized him, she didn’t know why at first.

He was so beautiful...

Being with him was like wrapping her skin inside a soft thicket, wild with leaves and rose petals.

The way they moved together felt like a forgotten dance from a thousand past lives.

They were waves in the ocean, coming together and collapsing into one another.

A wild r a i n s t o r m in the night.

A force of nature.

Star-crossed lovers whose bodies never met.

Greeting one another in these new forms felt strange and metamorphic.

Somehow through space and time and the wild ways of the universe,

they found each other.

And now everything could be okay.

“So it’s settled then? June 14th, Kylee as my maid of honour and Pete as your best man and that’s all we need.”

“All I need is you.” He kisses her sweetly, pouring fortune and youth on those who dared to behold them.

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