r e l i e f
I remember sitting outside
Alone In the Dark
Listening to the wind blow-
And the sound the trees made when it passed through them…
Emptying my mind to better hear
the story I was being told.
I remember sitting in a crowded room-
closing my eyes,
blocking out the voices
to better hear
the s i l e n c e .
Today I couldn’t quite quiet the sounds of the other voices on the bus…
or the ones in my head.
It’s my third week on the new medication, and I can feel myself slowly
d i s a p p e a r .
The medication is doing what my doctor said it would—
it slows my heart beat so that it doesn’t feel like it’s going to fall out of my chest with
every uncomfortable breath.
However, it is thus creating a disconnect between my mind and my body and I am too
a w a r e
of it all.
My body feels nothing.
It makes me feel inhuman…
My mind is not on par with my body
and it remains busy as ever telling me terrible things.
It’s a disconcerting feeling…
to have the flesh and spirit in complete disarray
and it makes me want to end it all.
Today I imagined my bus crashing into the transport in sight and thought
what a relief it would be.