Alex sat across from her at the kitchen table in their parent’s home.
Gemma always looked forward to her conversations with her brother.
They shared kindred minds and did their very best to be a
l i g h t
for the other when they could see them sinking.
“What’s going on?”
Alex asked, sympathetic to her tears.
“It’s kind of embarrassing to talk about.”
“don’t be embarrassed,
There’s a good chance I’ll understand.”
Gemma nodded without lifting her head.
“Well you know I had my
“Well I guess I’m just having a hard time…
like not with the pills for once.
I’m just gradually having this
feeling of being brought back to earth.
It’s been so long since I experienced life this way.
But now, I’m just feeling confused.
Honestly I feel like I’m having an identity crisis,
and it’s hitting me hard.”
Alex narrowed his eyes in concern,
“Why? What did she say?”
Gemma took a deep breath,
“that my official diagnosis is bi-polar type 2
with bipolar psychosis.”
“What exactly is bi-polar psychosis?”
“Well…I only just researched it
after she diagnosed me.
And that’s why I’m having a hard time.
Because the symptoms are basically
anything and everything I’ve considered
Now I feel stupid because I read these things,
and logic now tells me it’s all in my head.
But even with the pills
I can feel it.
I can feel those things about myself.”
“What are the symptoms?”
Gemma pulls out her phone,
“Here, I’ll read some:
Grandiose delusions about being special,
or possessing special abilities,
like hearing voices, seeing ghosts…
there was a time I thought aliens were
in our room in Ottawa…
all the voices and experiences,
all of my recent spiritual transitions and messages…
is it all in my head?”
Stop. I really don’t like that.
I don’t want you to doubt yourself.
You are not the only one who knows those
things to be true. You can sense things people shut
themselves down to. Never doubt that.
And you know, yea maybe the term psychosis exists
because people felt the need to categorize something
they couldn’t understand, as crazy or unstable.”
She looked at him now,
“You think so?”
It’s like that video you sent me about
Van Gough. About the way he was accurately
able to paint fluid turbulence only
when he painted during psychotic episodes.
And this was years before fluid turbulence was even discovered,
because he was perceiving something in that state that
the unconscious eye cannot.”
Her brother had always been
wiser than his years;
and Gemma could feel
the truth in his words and decided to
b e l i e v e
in herself once and for all.
After all, she knew the mind to be as
complex a thing to grasp as the notion of God or the Universe.
Perhaps because the two are
h i g h e r
the closer to God
and the next stage of our