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Bachelor King #4: Never Match Up a Canary with a Cat

By Chayanne2 All Rights Reserved ©

Humor / Romance

Chapter 1

What do I think of matchmaking? Personally, I'm against it 100%. I mean, I just don't think that regular people, or my case, intelligent non-human beings have the right to set up anyone with anyone else. No matter how desperate one or both are. I mean, I don't believe in fate or luck, but I do think that the only person that can actually set up two people is God.

It's just that sometimes people ignore it when He does or ruin everything with their silly little imperfections.

I happen to know that Dimetroodon and Larry are also against that. Well, Dimetroodon's never had much success when it comes to social relationships with girls. And Larry doesn't believe in romantic love. He does believe in friendship love, brotherly love, family love, godly love, but that's it. He's never had a crush on anyone.

Same thing with Rudy. Up until now, he's refuses to notice girls. And Tyrone…well, let's just say you won't see the school bully of your school dating anytime soon. I don't know what Lilia's opinion of it is. Since we've become just friends, I pretty much try to avoid the entire subject of love. Let me tell you, trying to be just friends with the Love of your Life is as hard as trying to throw yourself from a ceiling fan and land on your feet.

As for Kylie…well, like I said, she's a little rebellious. She believes in fate, destiny, and is, of course, obsessed with matchmaking. And with me. That's not really comforting. I mean, I appreciate that she thinks I'm so desirable, but…moving on.

Anyways, the trouble I've got is that Kathy and Patty are definitely all the go for matchmaking. Just let them meet a guy and a girl separately; they think they'll be perfect for each other, and wham! They'll set up dates, dinners, etc.

But you see that's my problem. I mean, I'm really thankful that I have a great sister like Kathy and a cousin like Patty, but when they start trying match up people…you better look out! The results will always be unpredictable, and often embarrassing and not-so-pretty. But they never give, up. No sir.

And…well, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start at the beginning. That's usually the best place to start.

The date was December 28. Of 2014. Don't remember which day of the week it was. Oh, yeah. It was Sunday. As I recall, it was mid-afternoon. I was at Arnold's. Eating with Kathy, Patty, Richard, Kenneth, Darla, and Lilia.

I think I was telling jokes or something. Yeah, I was. I was saying, "So, the guy walks into the bar and drops his head on the counter. And he tells the bartender, 'Give me a Scotch-n'-Soda.' And the bartender says, 'I can't serve you. You're so drunk; you can't lift your head.' And the drunk says, 'All right, then, give me a haircut.'"

We all burst out laughing. Then Lilia said, "Wow, Spiny, I never knew you were so funny!" I didn't blush only because we were in a group. I tried my best to say, "Thanks," in a friendly, non-romantic way. It was hard.

Then Darla said, "Oh, leave it up to Spiny. He's a great comedian. If he wasn't King, I think he'd be the head writer of a comedy show."

"Yeah, it'd mean that he could personally meet lots of celebrities," said Kathy.

"Um, sis, we already get to do that. Every so often, we have a Special Royal House Guest." That's something that's done occasionally. It's not really regular. Just when the opportunity presents itself. Last time it was back in July. I think it was Neymar, the Brazil soccer player. Because of the World Cup.

Back to the point. Anyways, I said, "And well, that's what happened. So, guys, what you going to do about the EOSs?"

Kenneth looked at me strange. "EOSs? What are those?"

"EOSs. You know, End of Semester. You know the exams to pass to the next semester."

"Oh, that! Well, I…"

"Oh, Spiny," Kathy said. "It's early to be thinking about that, don't you think?"

I stared him at her in disbelief. "Kathy, the exams are starting tomorrow."

She blinked, swiveled her eyes from side to side, and I could see pink starting to flush on her cheeks. "That's why I say that we should start studying."

We? Start? Well for her information, I was not about to start studying. I was finishing. I'd been studying for the past month and a half. But that's Kathy. She'll put off any kind of studying to make time for dates, parties, sleepovers, etc.

Come to think of it, just about all my friends are like that. Larry, Rudy, Darla, Kathy, Dimetroodon, Robert, and obviously, Kylie. She doesn't even study. She doesn't even cram for the night before.

Lilia studies. And she studies hard. And Patty does too. Anyway, that's not what we were talking about. What the heck were we talking about? Was it about sleepovers? Oh, yes. I personally like them. But not when the girls have slumber parties. Having five or six or seven girls in pajamas giggling and looking at me and dying to hear me sing while I'm reading or to simply look at my blue eyes is not my idea of fun. Furthermore…furthermore that's not what I was talking about.

And I just managed to once again embarrass myself. I tend to do that. Quite often and at the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people.

Anyways…well, we finished eating and started leaving to go home. We all said goodbye, and Patty, Kathy, and I got on our bikes and headed home. Boy was I exhausted. After a long week of schoolwork, and ruling a whole country almost singlehandedly, I was ready to rest and relax.

Robert was playing video games, though that wasn't new. Greeny was with the neighbor's kids playing. That wasn't new either. What was new was that I hadn't gotten any complaints from anyone.

Now, I've tried to raise my whole family the best way possible. But let's just say that having to be head of family at the age of 14 isn't what you might call an ideal situation.

Anyways, the minute we got to the Palace, I immediately went upstairs, put my coat away, took off my shoes, and plopped down on the bed. Phew!

I stayed there listening to music while I waited for dinner.

We were having meatloaf and mashed potatoes. I would've preferred to start with dessert. I'm not a big fan of meatloaf. But, of course, I'm not one to complain about foods. I mean, Kathy and Patty sure tire themselves out to help maintain the household.

Anyways, I went down to eat. I noticed that Robert's hair was a little…well, a lot messed up. And he had all his clothes wrinkled. It looked like he'd been in a scuffle. Obviously, I'm not one to jump to conclusions, but I decided to ask anyway.

"Hey, Rob. You feeling okay?"

He briefly looked at me. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why shouldn't I be?" He seemed a little, I don't know, uneasy.

"Well, I don't know," I answered. "I mean, your hair's a little wild and your clothes are wrinkled. Looks like you were in a scuffle."

He ate some meatloaf. "I wasn't in a scuffle."

A tense silence followed. O-kay. "Come on, Rob. Tell me, what happened?"

"Why do I have to tell you?!" And just like that, he stood up, walked out, grabbing his baseball and mitten on the way, and slammed the door.

Whoa! I looked at Kathy and Patty. "Could you please inform me what happened or do I have to wait when he tells my children in 9,600 years?"

Kathy cleared his throat. "Well, uh, I can't really tell. You see he made me promise me that I wouldn't tell. I gotta keep it."

I stared at her. "You mean it's possible for girls to keep secrets?!" She crossed her arms and looked at me sternly. "Spiny!"

I blinked. "Forget it. But, anyways, there can't be any secrets in this family. Especially not this family. If he's gotten into trouble with some gang or something, it's my responsibility to help him."

She sighed. Then she looked at Greeny and Patty. Then at me. "Can we go in the kitchen?"

Uh-oh. Anytime someone wants to see me in the kitchen, it means trouble. Well, once inside, she told me.

Turns out that Robert had been playing baseball by himself in the park. Then, out of nowhere about four or five girls appeared and tackled him. According to Kathy, he was just buried. I mean, they even tried to tear his clothes off. Well, he does need a new shirt.

Anyways, that's what happened and he was too embarrassed to tell me. "Well, what can I say?" I said. "Beauty in excess just seems to run in this family. I can't explain it."

Kathy snickered. "You know, it really burns me up every time I think about that."

"Why?"

"Because I just can't accept the fact that we really do have amazing good looks." Well, like I've said, humility doesn't always let you express yourself. I'm going to say something, but don't think I'm bragging or anything. Beauty runs deeply in our family.

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