I grew up through adolescence and I also went through the whirlwind years of teenagehood. I’d lots and lots of friends, boyfriends and sexual girlfriends. I loved my girls. They loved me too or they seemed to. One mysterious thing about love is that you can never conclusively and emphatically say that someone loves you with all their heart. There’s no standard instrument that can measure the strength of love or lack thereof. I’d to believe or choose not to believe what these girl friends of mine confided in me about their undying love for a boyfriend like me. They also either had to or not to believe me.
I recall falling in love sexually for the umpteenth time when I was seventeen and doing my fourth form. Danai, a chocolate skinned, middle sized girl and with a full African butt had come to town from Bako communal lands in the Southern district. She’s a year my junior in age and had completed her Cambridge Ordinary level exams a year earlier than I. It’s love prima facie. I’d a strong weakness for dark skinned ladies. There’s an aura about such girls that I couldn’t explain nor resist. They simply excited me.
We instantly became love birds, pigeons. We’re quite an admirable pair. One of the reasons I kind of admired her for was that she cared so much about my studies. She’d insist that I finished my schooling first before I could think of messing around with her. She wanted me to be a principled person just as she claimed herself to be. She’s one of a number of girlfriends that I’d but she stood out tall in that she encouraged me to swot if I was to pass my finals and be someone in life. The rest of my girlfriends were only interested in me and my body. And I gave them.
Being a girl brought up in a typically strict traditional Vhitori way, she wouldn’t allow me to mess up with her body. It’s culturally taboo. I adamantly accepted her reservations but I must admit that it’s a thorn in my flesh. My ego felt injured. The more she distanced her body from mine the more I’d crave for her. At times I’d pester her and became a true nuisance but she’d take it all in her stride. She always would try to keep me at arm’s length and she seemed to have succeeded.
I craved to fondle her very much and I’d only try to do it forcefully but without success. She’s not the kind of girl who lay still and let the man do all the fumbling on her body. She’s quite different I must hasten to say.
Danai was beautiful. She knew pretty well how to groom herself. Her full round lips, her star bright teeth, her turgid breasts with their crease free and pointed nipples and white eyeballs stood out on her. Her hips and soft skin were quite a turn on. She’s garrulous and she could laugh heartily. I took that as a weakness on her and I thought such a free going girl would fall into a man’s trap easily. Affable as she’s, she’s never short of excuses and reasons each time I indicated to her that I desired intimacy. She’s a hard nut to crack. She couldn’t be convinced so easily.
My fourth form Cambridge final exam results finally came out at the end of January. I‘d passed with flying colours, nine distinctions and three credits, partially thanks to Danai’s encouragement. We’re both over the moon. What a better way of celebrating my academic victory than by sleeping with my sweetheart, Danai. Surely this time with all her joy she wouldn’t deny me entry into her panties, so I reasoned.
It’s on a Sunday in early February that I’d an appointment with her. It’s only a week after I’d celebrated my seventeenth birthday. She’s to come to our home, a three roomed cottage on the northern side of a suburban house belonging to the Gulabs, an Indian family. There’s a big orchard between it and the Indian’s mansion. On the other side of the cottage, there’s a huge garden with lush green vegetables of all kinds. My sister was a maid for the family and her husband was the garden boy. It’d been a day since my sister and her husband had left work for the rural areas, Buhera, on their annual two month long vacation from work. My parents lived in the countryside with my younger brother, Jobs.This was a spoilt little brat, a glutton of the highest order.He bed wetted with impunity and mother always forgave him for this misdeed. There's also my little sister, Zivo, a quiet but naughty little thing whose mood swings always made me sick!Lastly there's my nephew, Gary,a boy whom every mother would wish to have for a son. Unspoilt. The other siblings, six of them were older than I was and they’re working or studying in different parts of the country.
I’d unlimited freedom especially when my sister and husband were away.
When Danai arrived she looked more beautiful than I’d ever seen her before. She’s stunning. She’s wearing a white see-through sleeveless blouse with a scarlet lacy brassiere inside and a scarlet pleated skirt which went down to her knees. Around her neck, she’d a thin gold chain with matching earrings. Her short black hair had frozen curls. On her feet she wore white leather slippers with gold coloured edges and she’s tenderly holding a small scarlet purse. She held a little white umbrella with a scarlet ribbon on its edges.
She’s looking fresh and refreshed despite the fact she’d walked about three kilometres in the searing heat from the western suburbs where she stayed with the family of a retired Dutch Reformed Church Reverend and his family. She’s a member of the church whom the Reverend had invited to stay with as she looked for something worthwhile to do.
I hugged her and to my surprise she responded. Feeling her breasts on my chest made my racing heart get into overdrive. I felt loved and I thought she’s ready for anything that I’d intend doing with her that day.
We sat down and we discussed what I intended to do now that I’d passed my Cambridge exams. We’re sitting on the edge of the bed. I was wearing a pair of khaki shorts whose zipper was malfunctioning.I'd to constantly put my hand to it to ensure my undergarment wasn't visible to my visitor.
“I intend to go for Advanced level studies, dear,” I said as I squeezed the hem of her skirt,” I wish to do the Sciences, that is Mathematics, Biology and Chemistry so I could become a scientist someday, most probably a medical doctor, how is that?”
“Sciences?” She looked rather puzzled, “That combination is a killer, but I know you’re capable of handling anything. You can even kill a lion with your bare hands or take the moon down,” she said, at the same time winking at me. The woman had faith in her man! I felt macho.
“If I pass I intend to proceed to varsity and perhaps spend some years before I can think of pursuing a career,” I said, looking her straight in the eye. She shyly looked down a little, at the same time looking at me with the corners of her eyes.
“I hope you’ll not forget me when you’re among a sea of all those excitable girls in high school and at varsity,” she said looking at me straight in the eye this time. She wanted to see her message sinking right into me. I gulped it down.
When a woman speaks her fears of losing her man to some woman, she needs strong assurances.
“You know,” I said running my fingers on her necklace, “you’re the girl of my dreams. I can never forget you after you’ve made me pass. I owe it all to you and I feel quite indebted to you my darling. When the going was tough, you’re always there for me. You’ve been the wind beneath my wings.You gave me invaluable moral support, sweetheart.”
Danai silently and seriously looked at me and then said, “Thank you but I’ll only believe you when you start your ‘A’ level studies. If you forget about me I’ll simply know that you’re not meant for me in the first place and I’ll move on with my life. It’s only God who knows who my true man is. By the way to which school are you going for the ‘As’?”
“I haven’t made up my mind on which one yet but I’m sure it’s either going to be St Francis of Assisi near Nharira Service Centre or Makumbe Mission in Buhera district. I‘ve already been taken up by both High schools,”
“Hmm, good schools both they’re, I must say. If I were you however, I’d settle for Assist because one, the quality of tuition there is quite high as evidenced by their almost one hundred percent pass rates for both ‘O’ an ‘A’ level exams and two, it’s closer to Chivhu, your home town,” said Danai as she smiled at me.
“I was also thinking the same but I’ll have to hear what my parents have to say since they’re the ones who pay the fees,” I said as I squeezed her left hand index finger. She instantly but softly wrested her hand from my grip.
Danai had passed six subjects at ‘O’ level and her ambition was to go for nursing once she’d secured a place somewhere. She’d attended her secondary school at Hippo Valley Secondary and Dunuza Mission in the Southern district. I on the other hand had learnt at Liebenberg Secondary School, a top flight school in the town centre of Chivhu. It’s the most beautiful school in the district in terms of infrastructural design. Educational excellence was also very high and only second to St Francis of Assisi. It however did not offer ‘A’ level education then. Liebenberg Secondary had been a whites only school before independence in 1980.
We talked about several other issues and Danai was enjoying every minute of my company until I blurted out directly, ”Can I sleep with you today? I have a strong condom.”
“What! Hugh!” She looked astounded and embarrassed, “What kind of sleep are you talking about and what’s that condom thing which you just said?”
I’d touched her on the raw nerve. I had encroached onto crocodile infested waters.
“No, I mean eh...”I tried to do damage control.
“Shut up, Hugh, I mean shhh!”She was up on her feet and I remained seated.” We’re both still too young for that kind of silly talk.I don't like that stuff at all, you hear me?”
“But having sex with you really shows that I love you and that you love me too. Also sex is a .....”
“Sex? My foot! Nonsense! You’re talking idiocy,” She cut me off. She looked frightened.Annoyed.Incensed.
”You don’t really understand what you’re talking about, do you? We’re both still too young for sex; yes we are, aren’t we?”
I adamantly nodded my head. She cruised on.
”What’s there in sex to enjoy at our age? You’ve no respect for women, do you? Never say that to me or you won't see an inch of my butt here again. We can only talk of bedding each other, whatever that means when we get married as per our custom. After paying the bride price in the form of cattle, suits, groceries and cash to my family followed by a white wedding then we can sit as husband and wife and we can start talking about sex. In fact when it’s the right time we won’t even talk about it but we’ll actually do it. It’s still however a long way off my dear. That marriage won’t be today or tomorrow. You still have to go through your ‘A’ level and college. After getting a secure job can we then marry in all respects. Keep your naughty requests till then. Why do you want to play with our future so early and recklessly so?” She lectured to me.
“I meant to say...”I tried to explain.
“Listen to me,” she wouldn’t want to listen to my mumbo jumbo. ”I’m not in this relationship with you for sex but for company. If you’ve bedded your loose girlfriends before, that’s them but with me, forget it young man. If sex is your preoccupation I doubt you will get to varsity, someone would have eloped to you, and it won’t be me.”
“Sit down Danai,” I’d stood up trying to cool her down but at the same time pursuing my agenda and trying to convince her. “But I’ve a condom as I’m saying, for protection, so you won’t fall pregnant.”
It was like I’d poured kerosene onto the fire.
”I hate that word, condom? You’re such a dangerous person. Condom or no condom, sex before marriage is sinful and dirty. I’m not a whore. Surely you want me to begin my sexual life with a condom? Who’s taught you all this evil? You look and sound like an experienced cockerel, don’t you? When the right time comes for me to have sex I’ll do it without rubber because I’ll be doing it in marriage and for conception and pleasure. I love babies of course. Condoms are used by cheats and perverts who want to defile innocent girls. Condoms are for the promiscuous, those that dump their girlfriends after abusing them. I’m not a hooker, am I, Hugh?”
“Of course you’re not, Danai and you won't become one but I only want to show you how much I love you and I’ll not dump the woman whom I’ve invested so much love in.”
“You don’t love me at all, you don’t. Leave this sex subject and talk about other things which are of your age. Talk about books, your future dreams and life in general. If you’ve nothing better to say sleep, I’ll sing a lullaby for you until you begin to dribble and snore. Remember I stay with a reverend who preaches against sin each and every day. I don’t want to let him down and neither do I want to let myself down either.
For now just enjoy your wet dreams and never try to live those dreams. Subject closed.”
She closed the subject matter- of- factly. I could feel my manhood getting placid inside my pants, recoiling inwards like a tortoise on seeing a predator.
Before I’d met Danai I’d had several girlfriends,Ruvarashe, Phoebie, Shiela, Rufaro, Phenilia, Dadiso,Sharon and Mary. The list is endless. Most of them had been schoolgirls of course. I’d gone to bed with all of them but none had been a virgin, some boys had deflowered them before me. They were happy-go –girls.
I recall at one time seeing twelve form one girls from the same class when I was in form three at Liebenberg Secondary school. They’d even fought amongst themselves one day in front of the Headmaster’s office after they’d discovered that they’re all my girlfriends. The headmaster had summoned me and reproached me strongly. I felt very ashamed. I later that week summoned all those little girls and told them I didn’t care if they dumped me for I knew the whole form one class would fall for me. None of the twelve little things left me and they’re happy to have me. I was the centre of their universe.
Form one girls were easy prey to boys in the upper classes. I don’t remember genuinely loving any one of them. I was only interested in the statistics and playing with their feelings. Form one girls were like kapenta fish in the dark. When they see the flash light of the trawler they all rush in droves and get trapped in the net. I don’t know what they saw in the big boy like me.
I also had girlfriends in my class. Outside the school some of my girlfriends included dropouts in the street and housemaids. At one time I’d more than twenty girls on my Lovers’ List, all in the same small farming town. I was a player and I could manage them. There’re stars against each name. The one with the most stars was the most loved. Some had no stars at all like Getty and Faith. Getty was squint- eyed but very intelligent and Faith had halitosis but she’d a smile brighter than the full spring moon.
As time went on I managed to break into the ring of those girls who’re considered to be the crème dela crème of Liebenberg School. They’re in forms three and four. Typical of most teenagers I was naturally adventurous and taking a lot of risks. I was experimenting and I played silly love games with many of them. My principle though was education on top of all the pleasure. I was a hard worker in class part reason why girls fell for me like dominoes and also a hard player during the times I was free. I’d the philosophy, work hard, play hard and it worked pretty well. I wouldn’t risk impregnating some girl reason why I was expert with the condom. I knew that premarital sex was reprehensible and socially obnoxious but because of the hot blood racing in me all the time I’d to cool it off by indulging.