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The ordinary story of Michael. . .whats-his-name.

By Chris Picreame All Rights Reserved ©

Drama / Romance

Yes my friend was gay, have you got a problem with that?

Why do people commit suicide? I know depression sucks I get it and maybe you think that you're better of dead where nothing can hurt you or maybe you think that no ones benefiting from you existing to count or whatever. But the truth of the fact is that there is always someone who will miss you, someone to cry when you're gone, someone who'll remember you for the rest of your life and Goddamn it I'm Justin's someone. It turns out Justin was gay but I don't care (I wouldn't have cared) even if it turned out he did have fantasies about me I wouldn't have cared because he was my friend and his life choices, his sexuality, his crushes nothing he could have said or done would make me think anything less of him because just when I was in the pit of despair he was the only person to offer me a hand and help me out. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't be here now, I would have necked myself months ago and I will be forever grateful to him for that. And do you know what stings even more than the stupid remarks of the kid I put in hospital, the wordless shrug of my father or even the five continuous hours of tears that I shed in hearing of the fate of my friend? It was the fact that after he was there for me I wasn't there for him. I was his friend and when he needed me the most I wasn't there for him. He saved me from killing myself and I couldn't even return the fucking favour. If I had just called him, or spoke to his parents about keeping in touch or I don't know done something. . .anything I could have saved him, I could have helped him. I could have been a real friend. But no, now I'm stuck on the very bus seat we first became friends, walking down the same footpaths we walked together during our suspension, sitting next to his empty seat in science, watching the same crappy action movies as we used to together all the while surrounded by memories of the one person in this life I would have given everything to save but still couldn't manage to. Yes he broke my heart in a way I didn't know existed, yes he lied and hid things from me in every moment of our friendship and yes my friend was gay, are you going to be a heartless prick and degrade the memory of my friend just for that? Being gay? I hope not because let me tell you something, just because your gay doesn't mean your not human. It doesn't mean you don't know love or loss. It doesn't mean you can't play sports or drink beer. It just means that you're an individual and that is abosuletly nothing to be ashamed about.

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