The ordinary story of Michael. . .whats-his-name.

By Chris Picreame All Rights Reserved ©

Drama / Romance

The science of stupid.

With my life finally going the right way I began to get a better grip of what I was doing wrong.
"I can smell the nerd on you from miles away man, you need to be more chill or else you'll never get rid of this rut." Justin says beside me.
"You cannot smell it on me." I retort my eyes narrowing. Can he? Is there some nerd detecting super power I haven't been told of?
"Well. . .I can't but they can." He replies.
"They?" I ask.
"They. Them. Jocks. Populars. Whatever you want to call them, they have inbuilt nerd dectors, its in their DNA." Justin explains and I wonder how crazy my new friend is.
"Yeah right." I dismiss laughing.
"Really? Well if they don't have a detector why don't you go talk to Paul Jenkins." He challenges a grin on his face.
"What are you crazy? I'll get killed." I hiss, maybe he's not my friend after all.
"Why not, if they can't sense that you're a nerd why don't you go talk to him?" Justin asks.
"Because I don't talk to people let alone the hulk of Duttin High." I reply probably a little too loudly.
"Why not? Because you know he can tell your a nerd and that's why you've got to hide from him, that's why you won't do it." Justin says so confidently I believe him, "The detectors in theirs and our sense of self preservation stops us from getting hurt too badly.".
The bus pulls up at the metre high, unmistakable brown fence.
"See you in science." Justin calls cheerfully as we step into the freezing cold fresh breath of air that greets us just outside the doors.
"See you in science!" I call a little to enthusiastically, its been a while since I've been looking forward to anything nonetheless anything related to school.
"So how do I turn the nerd scent off?" I ask Justin as we take our seats together in science.
"If I knew this we wouldn't be talking right now would I?" Justin replies laughing.
"Look I just need to turn it off or put it on hold for a while." I say.
"Who is it?" Justin asks.
"Who is what?" I reply confused.
"Your crush."
"I don't have a crush." I reply embarrassed, am I really that easy to read?
"Do I look stupid to you?" Justin replies.
"Well. . ." I begin.
"Don't answer that. So she's a popular?" Justin says not at all rattled by my attempt at humour on his expense.
"Yeah." I admit quietly.
"Then you have much to learn my friend." Justin replies.
And that's how I began studying 'the science of stupid' as we called it because most of our lessons were conducted in science and we were stupid. Figured out pretty well in our minds. The science was the most complicated branch I'd studied yet with many different sub-categories covering everything from how I walked, to what I wore, even what I ate was influenced by the science.
Although the science was our primary link Justin and I developed an unlikely friendship based on unlikely things such as celery and peanut butter, skittles and sit coms and other things that did or did not belong together in various degrees. The more we learnt about each other the better we liked each other.
"So how do I get my crush?" I ask on the bus.
"You need to hide your nerdiness." he replies casually.
"And how do I do that?"
"You become like them." he shrugs.
"Justin, I barely pass as a nerd how am I supposed to become popular?" I reply.
"You don't really need to become one so much as pretend to be like them." Justin explains as the bus pulls into his stop.
"I'll explain the rest Monday." he promises as he jumps off the steps and waves enthusiastically as the bus pulls off.
Smiling I wait for my stop knowing for the first time in a while I have an actual purpose to my life. As we round the last corner I see Elizabeth-Rose's white Hyundai pulls out of the driveway, oh that's right its a Friday night heaps of parties for the most popular girl at school.





"Okay so where were we Friday?" Justin asks as I sit down beside him on the old, uncomfortable bus seat.
"On the subject of how to get my crush to like me." I reply laughing, todays gunna be all right.
"Well the science has something to say about this." Justin say beginning the monologue I know from experience not to interrupt. Justin is a Shakespeare, he's a fighter with words, he's writes sonnets in his words and rhymes words that don't even rhyme. He's a speaker, so when he speaks you just let him, you don't interrupt him and you most definitely don't question him (until he's done). "For centuries. . ." he says creating a hyperbole that doesn't even exist, ". . .the nerdy teenage boy has been attracted to the hot (popular) teenage girl, do you know why this is?" he asks no one in particular, "Because they are protection. Once you get onto the arm of the Hotty you will never be worried or hassled or otherwise embarrassed until she breaks up with you which is usually a few minutes after she realises her mistake. To be with the Hotty is to be granted immunity and so even though you know you are going to end up trampled on the foot path beneath her Gucci heals which impaled your heart you still need to try to get in with her." he finishes articulating his dramatic speech by clutching at his chest.
"So how does the science suggest we deal with this?" I ask after the appropriate number of seconds passed.
"You must set yourself up for the most spectacular fail ever but make a passable attempt at getting her so that you give up on seeking her protection." he proclaims not quiet over his theatrics.
"You should be an actor when your older." I inform him and he mock bows.
"But I do really like her." I argue, why would I deliberate fail?
"Yes but she doesn't really like you and that's the problem." Justin replies as the bus pulls to a stop.
"And how do I get her to like me?"
"You need to make yourself famous."
"Hahaha yeah right." I scoff as the bell sounds.
"If your the most famous person in the school she'll have to go out with you." Justin argues, "Logic." he adds waving his hands as he strides off to roll call.
I'm left alone in the maze of monotony wondering how solid Justin's logic really is.

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