Complicated Feelings [BOOK ONE] ✔

By Chey All Rights Reserved ©

Drama / Other


“Religion leaves no room for human complexity.” - Daniel Radcliffe

| c l a r a |

At least it is Layne that just found out and not any of the others. ‘Why?’ you ask. It’s because I caught Layne cutting last year when he found out that he was bisexual, and that he liked Harriet. I actually forced him to stop, but I couldn’t even stop myself.

“How long has this been going on?” Layne asks.

“Since the incident,” I reply.

“Three years.”

“I can’t stop, Layne. I’ve tried everything.”

“How can you feel it?”

“”I can still feel in my left leg.”

“Why do you do this to yourself?”

“It takes away the pain I feel inside.”

“What causes the pain?”

I tense.

“Or who causes the pain?”

“Everyone. It’s just too hard.”

“What is?”

“Seeing everyone happy when I can never be happy with you all.”

Layne motions to the razor. “Give me one.”

I give him one from behind the sink.


He takes off his bracelets that hide his scars and slices his wrist open. He sighs and leans against the closed. I cut my leg and blood pours from the cut and down my leg. Layne adds three more cuts to his wrist before I take the razor from his hand.

“No more,” I tell him.

“Tell me when you do this again,” Layne sighs.

“Why should I?”

“I want to join you.”

“You’re welcome to join.”

He closes his eyes.

“Does Harriet know?”

“About me or you?”


“She might. She never asked me.”

Layne wraps a bandage around my leg and I get up. I flip the mat over and Layne stands up. I wash the blood off his wrist and wrap the bandage around his hand and wrist so Harriet can think that Layne cut himself in the kitchen.

Someone knocks on the door and Layne freezes. He takes one look at me before trying to clean up the blood on the floor. I throw the razors in the cupboard and wash out the sink. They knock on the door again and I open it, freezing instantly. Zeke.

“Let me in,” Zeke orders.

“Layne, it’ll heal,” I say. “You can-”

“He’s staying.”


He closes the door. “What really happened to your leg?”

“I told you. I slipped in the shower.”

“What happened to your hand, Layne?”

“I cut it while cooking,” Layne replies.

“What’s wrong with you, Zeke?” I ask.

“Why are you still cutting?” Zeke sighs.

Cutting?” Layne asks, disbelief colouring his voice. “I stopped last year.”

“Sure you did, Layne.”

“I did!”

“It’s not that easy, Layne!”

“No, but Clara helped me!”

“How? Tell me that and I may believe you!”

Lou shakes his head. “How can’t you trust me, Maybrick?”

Zeke fists his hair. “Maybe because you’ve lied about this before! Did you ever think about that?!”

“Did you ever think that your partners could hear you?!” I hiss. “Shut up!”

“What about you?” Zeke growls. “How do you explain the blood on your leg?”

“It’s Layne’s! I helped him clean the cut!”

“Sure you did.”

“What makes you say that?”

“How much blood did he lose from one cut?”

“Not that much.”

“How do you explain the amount of blood I’m standing in right now?”

Layne looks at the floor and his eyes go wide. I follow his gaze and there is a small pool of blood under Zeke’s feet. Oh shit. I look from the blood to Zeke and back. Zeke’s expression is one of sadness and anger.

“How do you explain it, Clara?” Zeke demands.

“Fine!” I half yell.


“We’re cutting! Is that what you wanted to hear?!”

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