lucneilis

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Acton packed opening

Very nice opening for a story. I like your ability to write action. The story is very Manga like which has good and bad points. The main character shouts out most of his back story to his enemy which when you are watching anime is fine but there is no need for it when you are writing you can have him think about his training instead of saying it out loud. I would have also liked to see a little more of the main characters interacting on the first evening. I know it slows the action down but if they are going to team up going forward you need to make sure they have a good basis for doing this. There are a few spelling mistakes which I'm sure you can correct on your next revision.

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An interesting start

You have a nice opening for a story. You have lots of potential but you are very early in the process to look for reviews. You need to do a lot of world building so the reader can understand what is happening in your characters world. I'm not sure what kind of sleep the father is going into and I don't know if the main characters abilities are only hers or if other people have this ability (If they are just hers I'm not sure why they would stop experimenting on her.) There are quiet a few spelling and Grammar mistakes ( I have the same issue and someone else on Inkitt recommended I down load an app which will read your story aloud and it is easy for you to pick up on the mistakes and fix them.) Keep going and once you get 2-3 more chapters people should be able to give you more useful advice.

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Posivive message

I liked your story it has a positive message about taking the good out of bad situations. There were some grammar issues. You mentioned getting a gift of a chess set and coins I don't understand what the coins are?

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Space Rats

Nice opening for a story. It is a little early for me to give you much of a review. You need to add a few more chapters so I can get a sense of your style and understand where your story line is going. From the opening I like the character Jason he seems to be someone you can work with and base a story around. Lots of issues to resolve. Roger was a little one dimensional but that can be fixed as the story goes on by filling in some background and motivation other than being the 'friend' character.

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Lights in the sky

Very good story. Nice mix of Sci-fi and humor. The story went at a good pace and kept me interested the whole way through.
I liked the main character, he was relatable and a real fish out of water in a new town which made for some very funny interactions with the towns people.
What I didn't like was that you gave a back story to most main characters except Crystal. This made it obvious who she was. If you removed the sheriffs back story it might have hidden this more.

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Nice short story

I enjoyed the story. You have a distinctive style which I enjoyed. The problem with short stories is it is very difficult to build your world without slowing the story. You kept the action flowing but it was difficult to imagine the planet and the distance between the cell and the ship. I would have liked the story to start a little earlier maybe on his decent to the planet surface so we could understand better what he was expecting verses what he got when he got off the ship.

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Half Orphan

Very interesting story and a nice look into another culture. Romance is not one of my usual genres but I enjoyed the story. You might want to work on the chemistry between your main characters. You also have some grammar issues.

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Short but sweet

I guess this is your version of an existing fable as I seem to remember a similar story from when I was younger. Nicely put together short story.

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