Lauren Massuda

Fiction writer, book worm and movie/tv binge watcher

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Original vampire tale

I normally don't read vampire stories since Twilight nearly destroyed my intrigue in them, but this story--or should I say two stories--caught me by surprise since the blurb pulled me right in and when I got into the story I was engaged through out. The new vampire mythos here is a hundred times better than other origins I've read about, it's original but still has a sense of familiarity. The story of Asharru was the most interesting since the world building was so unique and the characters were fascinating. This is definitely a vampire story that deserves attention.

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A World of Disaffection

There's nothing much to say since it's just an excerpt so far, but it sounds interesting. I really liked the opening line: "In his last days, he woke from foreign dreams". Lots of stories start with a character waking up which can get old, but the opening was well done so I'll give it a pass. This is a bit of a nitpick, but I'm not crazy when writers don't give out names to their characters unless there's a reason, like the old man doesn't have a name coz he's supposed to represent the 'everyman' since he's the last person from Earth or something, but again that's just a nitpick. Overall it's interesting and I know it's just an excerpt, but I would've liked it go on a little longer so that we get more insight on the characters and the situation at hand.

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Dangerously Unusual

I'm not going to be too harsh since this is a work in progress and only has three chaps so far, but I do want to say that certain elements need to be looked upon while editing/moving forward like the dialogue and grammar. The dialogue felt unrealistic, especially when the professor talked to his students. If the criminal really was that dangerous he wouldn't be sending a student to interview him. As for grammar, there were some misspellings and too many exclamation/question marks, you just need one punctuation to end a sentence. I can't really say much about the story since there are only three chapters here, but right now it does sound interesting.

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Melons and Emeralds

The concept is interesting though I have to admit that it started slow and the lack of descriptions did make it hard to know where characters were and what they're doing sometimes. I liked that we got backstory on Kevin's past. I think I found his story more interesting than Devin's and wanted to know what happened after he was reunited with his mom and sis, especially since there's a large gap in between Kevin and Devin's stories. I understand that this is part one but I think a bit more, or at least hints of what happened to Kevin afterwards would've been nice. Overall though, the plot's interesting and does make a good lead in for a continuation.

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Unspoken Vows

This was a powerful story with a powerful narrative, my only issue is that I think it dragged on a bit long but that might just be me.

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King's Host-Book One

The world building is really well done, there was a lot of creativity and thought put into it, it read like an epic pretty much (I also appreciate that you put a glossary at the end) I did feel, however, it took a while for the plot to start, though it's better to take things slow in a fantasy rather than throw everything at the reader at once and overwhelm them. Another nitpick that I have is that a lot of your paragraphs are huge and should be broken up. Sometimes I wound up losing where I was and end up skimming a bit. Overall, this was a very imaginative tale that I can see published, great job!

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Burning Broken Chains: Rising Ashes

First I'd like to say that I really like your title, it's very catchy and makes you want to know what's the story about. The premise is interesting and so are the characters, however, I get a bit distracted by the grammatical mistakes strewn through out. I also feel like there's too much exposition going on, which makes the world building feel overwhelming. Creating your own world is tough and I applaud you for that, but you should take things slow since readers are not going to fully understand everything at once. Overall it's interesting so far and it makes me wonder what's going to happen next.

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Atoned

This is a very good start, I'm getting a Jane Austen feel to it. I love the descriptions, though I did notice that there were a couple of run on sentences as well as huge paragraphs that should be broken up. There were also a couple of words squished together so they need to be spaced out, but other than that the story's engaging with a likable protagonist and her interactions with the characters are interesting and fit with the time period. I'm curious to know what'll happen next, good job.

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The Young Foreigner

The story's interesting so far and the world you built is cool, though I feel like there's a bit too much exposition, especially at the beginning. We don't get much dialogue in the first few chapters and it's mostly telling, not showing, which you shouldn't do since it can bore readers. , It can be hard to create a world and telling us instead of showing might seem like the easy way out, but instead it'll just sound like reading a history book, so in order to show your readers what you want, do it through descriptions and keep dialogue short since doing large chunks of dialogue to explain things might not sound natural. Overall though, it's an interesting premise and does make me curious to know what'll happen next.

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Call of the Zodiac

First I want to say that I also love your title, it can be very hard to come up with a title and I think this is one of the best I've seen here. Your descriptions are very vivid, they pull me into the story right away, though sometimes I thought the descriptions did slow the story down a bit since there were so much of them, but I also add in a lot of descriptions in my work so I guess I shouldn't nitpick too much. Overall the descriptions are beautiful and create a great picture of every scene.

I liked the interactions between the characters and wish there was a bit more dialogue since the descriptions do seem to take over the scenes, but I do like how the plot is moving along and it makes you want to know what's going to happen next.

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The Emotions Game

This is an emotional story with a truly flawed but intriguing main character who you want to root for.

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The Smith's Son

Sorry for the late review, but good news is that I enjoyed reading your story. The world building was great, you have creative ideas that made it different from other fantasies I've read. The only nitpick I had was that at first I wasn't too crazy about Bradworth's character but fortunately he grew on me later so that's good. It's better to have an unlikable character that turns good than vice versa. Overall, this was an entertaining read.

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Alaric Swift

Sorry for the late review, but I'm happy to say that I really enjoyed your story. The world that you created was fun and intriguing, you have some great original ideas that makes it different from other fantasies. The characters were engaging and well developed and I especially liked following a young protagonist like Alaric through his quest. There were some grammatical mistakes here and there but nothing to be too worried about. Overall, great job!

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Finding Home

The concept of earth getting destroyed and civilization finding another place to live is interesting. The idea's been done before but all writers borrow things from others, nothing's 100% original. I like the character, Greia but feel that Neil is a bit flat, I think the scene where they first meet should be extended longer so we learn more about him since I don't feel much tension with Neil at the end of chap 8 due to not knowing him that well. Some things are also not too clear like I'm not getting a sense of how different Lush is from Earth, I think the first couple of chapters could use more world-building so we know how this planet is unlike our own. These are just some suggestions but again, the idea's good and each chapter is engaging.

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Whisper of the Silence

The premise is interesting so far and I'm curious to know how Clover got herself in that situation. The opening started off pretty well, though I do wonder if security guards would be at least suspicious with a group of men surrounding a girl like that, considering how strict airports are (especially in America, I assume this is set in the US but forgive me if I'm wrong) something like this would at least raise some eyebrows (also same with the crowd of fangirls charging in, there would also be security preventing them from causing mayhem) . This is also a bit of a nitpick but be sure to minimize your use of sentences that are in all caps since it should really only be used if someone's screaming at the top of their lungs and so it can be kind of overwhelming if there's a lot of that. Overall the premise is good and does make me wonder what's going to happen next.

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Valen

The characters were what really drew me into the story, they were intriguing and had great interactions with each other that felt relatable and wasn't forced. The plot was interesting, though I do have to admit that it was slow at parts, especially at the beginning, I didn't feel fully engaged until Ivan was hospitalized and wondered if the story could've started there, but that's just my opinion. The story is good overall and you have great ideas that kept me reading more, I think the only problem is how thing's are paced but again, that's probably just me.

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Seeing Scarlett

I don't normally read stories with vampires in them but this one was better than I expected.. Scarlett was a badass protagonist and her interactions with the other characters, especially Nick were great. I liked that her relationship with Nick was complicated and didn't feel predictable. I got worried at the beginning that Scarlett would instantly fall for him but I liked that she kept her guard up and pretty much stomped on all those cliches you see in vampire stories. There were a few grammatical mistakes but nothing to get too worried about. Overall, great job!

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The Shadow of Perfection

This isn't the kind of story I would usually read but it was enjoyable nonetheless. The plot and characters were interesting and it made me want to keep reading to know what was going to happen next. One nitpick that I have is that there are some big paragraphs that could be shortened since it does slow the story done a bit, but other than that good job!

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The Fire Seal

The story's good so far and Dialla's a very likable character to follow. I did find her comparing her magic world to Harry Potter's amusing, though I do have to agree with the other reviewers that you should try not to reference it too much. Fortunately you do have a lot of creative ideas that does stray from Harry Potter, I especially liked the Extended and how they come to be. There are a couple of grammatical mistakes here and there and some long paragraphs that can be broken up, but since this is a work in progress I won't be too critical on that. Overall the story's very interesting and makes you want to know what's going to happen next.

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Ironwood: Annaria in Fall

I have to admit that I'm not done reading yet, but I wanted to say that I'm really enjoying this so far and might actually like this better than the first one. The characters continue to develop well and the descriptions are still pleasing to read, but there's still an issue with really large paragraphs that either need to be broken up or shortened. But overall the plot continues to be intriguing and the series is definitely something fantasy fans should read.

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Ironwood

The world and characters that you created were interesting and I just love reading fantasies that have a a lot of lore behind them. However, I do have to admit that I didn't get fully invested into the story until the shield got stolen, I dunno I felt like perhaps the story should start with the shield being stolen or have more of a build up to it so we're immediately thrown into the action but that's just a suggestion. I also notice that there's a lot of exposition thrown in in huge paragraphs and I think some characters back stories could be broken up through out the story since it can be overwhelming if you introduce a bunch of characters and immediately gave a whole info dump on them. But overall the plot was entertaining and I look forward to reading the sequel.

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Interesting premise

The prologue was very engaging and really drew me in on what was going on, but during the second chapter I got a bit confused 'cause there were these long paragraphs of exposition thrown in at us that took me a while to fully grasp. This occurs several times in the story, "telling" instead of "showing" the readers what's going on can put people off so be careful of how you want your world to be laid out.. With that said, the plot and characters are interesting and I appreciate the lore you built surrounding the world you created, just be careful on how you execute it.

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Pleasant read

These were a lovely collection of poems, they were uplifting and inspiring. My favorite was probably "Autumn's Lesson" due to the descriptive imagery through out. The poems may all be short but they tell their messages well and they're a pleasant read overall.

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Great world building

I like the concept of people obligated to wear masks and their masks represent their class status. It's interesting and so are the characters, though I felt like Ink was more of an observer for a majority of the story until the last portion. Titular characters don't always have to be the focus, but I think he's an interesting enough character that should get more more screen time. I noticed that you ended quotes with unnecessary commas, for example: "Really?," she asked wide eyed. There doesn't need to be a comma there, a question mark is enough. This is noticeable through out the story so be careful on how you end dialogue. Overall the story's very creative and I enjoyed reading it.

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Entertaining read

The term Demon Dusted and what it means is very cool, it's also a pretty cool title for the story, definitely draws you in. The concept was interesting and the character's interactions were good, though I did find parts, especially the beginning, very exposition heavy and it took me a bit to really get into it because there was just a lot of explaining and events going a bit too fast. I think there needs to be a slower build up to who Myth is so there's some mystery around her and it'll get the readers more interested in reading more, but that's just a suggestion. Overall I thought this was good.

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Great world building

The world that you created was nicely developed with interesting characters, though I did find Hawk a bit bland compared to the other characters of the Pentad, I think it was because he seemed flawless in almost everything while the other kids had flaws but that's what made them more rounded. Nonetheless I enjoyed their interactions with each other and how they grew as a team. My main issue is that I thought the pacing of the first several chapters with all the training and getting the kids together was really slow and got repetitive at times, The Pentad don't get to Injhihato until much later and I think it could've happened earlier 'cause that's when we really get the plot going, but that might just be me. The story was really interesting regardless and I liked the lead up to the next book.

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It has potential

Since this story is taking part in the nano challenge I understand that this is a really rough draft but I do want to point out some issues. For one, there's a lack of narration as a majority of the extremely short chapters are overrun by dialogue, making it difficult to know who's talking and the fact that scenes happen so fast we don't get enough time to spend with the characters and their reactions to things. For example, one chapter ends when it's revealed that Amy's parents are dying, but next chapter her reaction to it is glossed over and the only response we get from it is "Yeah but they aren't my real parents." Even if she is adopted, that's pretty harsh to think of the people who raised you , I don't know if she's hiding her feelings or really feels indifferent because we don't know what she's feeling. Does she have a heaviness in her chest? Does she feel empty? All we got is that she agrees to go back to see them. We don't spend enough time in her head and that's important to do when you're writing in first person. The story does has potential though since the concept is interesting, but keep in mind that we need to spend more time with the characters so we get a better understanding of their actions and feelings, especially Amy. Good luck with the challenge!

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Good so far

Since this is a work in progress and there's only three chapters, there's nothing much to say, but what I've read so far is good. The premise is interesting and some of the descriptions like Madalyn's appearance was visually appealing. My only grip is that you should use dialogue tags since I got confused with who was saying what at times. Good luck with the rest of the story!

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Fine so far

As this is a work in progress I'm not going to be too critical on it. The plot's fine, the characters are interesting, my biggest gripe is the grammar/punctuation. But since this is a work in progress these mistakes are bound to occur at this stage, but while editing watch out for typos, proper punctuation usage and make sure that long paragraphs are broken up since sometimes I found myself lost when reading them.. Another thing is at the beginning, I think the event of Leo's village getting burnt happened too quickly, it'll be a good idea to spend some more time at the village so we get to know more of its inhabitants and the place that Leo grew up so that when the village does get burnt down, readers get more of a reaction of the incident. It's good that you want to move the plot along instead of dragging, but allow us to get to know the characters first since I didn't feel much from them at the start

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Inspiring premise

I admit that this isn't really my genre but I can tell there was a lot of passion put into this story. It's always nice when you can tell when an author is having fun with their plot and characters, they're not just writing for the sake of it, they want to share what they've written and inspire others. The plot was interesting, though I did find some of the dialogue a bit on the cheesy side at times, and there were some grammar issues here and there, but besides that it's a nice story to share.

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Great historical fiction

I enjoy reading historical fiction and this one's no exception. The characters were developed well, especially Lydia who had been strong-willed through out the story despite the tragedies in her life. She does whatever it takes to make a living and keep her sister happy, and it makes her a pretty admirable character. The story flowed well and I liked how it switches from present to past each chapter. There were some grammar mistakes as well as really long paragraphs that definitely needed to be broken up. Some of the paragraphs were so long that I ended up skimming a bit and so I was pulled away from the story at times. But overall, I did enjoy the story.

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A fun read

It took me awhile to get into the plot, but that might be because this isn't really my type of genre, but I still thought the premise was interesting. A snake being the main focus is pretty cool and something that I haven't read before. Writing in the perspective of an animal can be hard since it can turn out cheesy easily, but you did this well. I liked Rufus's character and your descriptions of whenever he kills/eats something is both imaginative and creepy. This was a fun read.

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Pulled me right in

The opening can be the hardest part to write since readers either decide to keep reading or drop it entirely, this opening pulled me right in and I couldn't stop reading. The descriptions were eye-catching and each chapter made me want to know what was going to happen next. There were some grammatical mistakes such as missing commas and periods within quotes which kind of bugged me, but the plot was very interesting so I didn't allow that to stop me. This was a very cool premise and I'm glad I checked it out.

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Very intriging

The story was very intriguing as it introduced familiar supernatural creatures like wizards, vampires and werewolves with a twist that didn't feel rehashed. I liked that you switched between the present and the past, it always felt consistent and never unnecessary. I also liked how the color crimson came to play, especially in the start and in the end. The characters were well developed and I liked the relationship between Matt and Erin, though I was kind of disappointed with how it ended but it was still a good story nonetheless.

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It's good but needs more

It's always fascinating to read about cultures that I don't have much knowledge about, so I enjoyed that part. But with romance being one of the main genres, I couldn't find chemistry between the two leads. We're told constantly that they love each other, but we're not shown why, which brings me to my second issue: 'telling' not 'showing' There is a lot of telling in this story, in order to avoid that the characters have to interact with each other more, especially Ash and Biju, and there needs to be more time to stay in one place because the story jumps from one place to another so quickly it gets a bit confusing, especially when there's a huge time jump like when Ash is pregnant and then has her kid right afterward. What happened in those months? What was Ama doing during that time? She refused to talk to Ash because she went off with Biju, but when Ash had the baby, Ama forgave her. The story does have potential, though, I liked the concept and if you develop the characters and their relationships more it would be really good.

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Good so far

This is a good start, the plot grabs you in the first chapter and makes you curious of what's going to happen next. The grammar did bug me at times so I recommend going back and fixing that before continuing forward with the story.

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Read through it in one sitting

Honestly I'm not much of a Science fiction fan, especially on stories about UFOs, but the plot and characters kept me hooked until the end, which is great because usually these kinds of stories would leave me bored but I read through it in one sitting and was left pretty satisfied!

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Isle of Elandia: Bloodline

There's not much to say right now since there's only three chapters, but it's pretty engaging so far. The descriptions are vivid and the characters interactions pop, especially when their dialogue helps to establish the world. My only criticism is that there's some awkward sentences here and there, but since this is a work in progress I won't be too nitpicky. Overall, it's a good start.

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Arise

Firstly I'd like to apologize for the late review, with that said I enjoyed your story. I especially liked that it was split to different POVs, it gives the story more depth and makes the characters feel multi-layered instead of just focusing on one. I will have to say that it took while to understand what was going since a lot was thrown at us at first like characters and new terminology, but after some chapters and getting to know the characters more, the story was able to flow better. Overall I thought this was a unique fantasy. .

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Fairly Fair Trades

Firstly I'd like to comment on the title, it's cute and clever and gives the story a whimsical vibe at first glance. The concept is interesting so far, but what stumps me is the setting. At first I thought it was going to take place sometime in the past, but immediately there's a mention of a commercial, cabs, and other modern things. It's cool to set this idea in modern times, but I'm not getting a sense of the world building besides that there are kingdoms and modern tech. I know kingdoms still exist today, but since magic exists here, how does it work in this setting? So far it sounds interesting, but I think you should slow down scenes so readers can get a better sense of the world that they're pulled into.

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A Fictitious Attribution

I enjoy a mystery that keeps me guessing and this story definitely kept me guessing on who the murderer was. When it was revealed I actually didn't know what to think as I'm unsure if I liked that twist or not. I won't spoil anything but I felt sort of empty afterwards. I enjoyed reading it nonetheless, It kept me engaged and I liked going back in forth to the past and present, it's just that ending....'damn" is really all I can say. Overall this was a very good mystery/ thriller that kept me hooked all the way through.

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The Casualty of Time

First I'd like to apologize for the late review, with that said I enjoyed reading your story, It reminded me of epics like the Iliad and the Odyssey, though I would have to agree with others that the POV is a bit confusing. I also thought that there was a lot of 'telling' instead of 'showing' I think some chapters should've had more dialogue since some chaps were nothing but descriptions, the descriptions were great though but sometimes it was a bit much. Though, I'm guilty of putting too much descriptions in my work so I guess I shouldn't nitpick 'bout it. Overall it was a good read.

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The Other In Us

I enjoy reading stories that take place in the past, especially during specific events, so this was a treat. The plot's engaging so far and it makes me curious to know what'll happen next. There are some grammatical mistakes here and there but nothing too big. Overall really good job so far.

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An Extractor's Choice

So far so good, the plot's engaging and it's paced well. I especially like the fight scenes and how descriptive they are. They can be difficult to pull off, but I think you did them well. My only issue is that sometimes it was hard to tell who was talking since there was a lack of dialogue tags, but overall good job.

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In The Gap

I haven't finished yet but I want to say, so far so good. What really pulls me in are the descriptions, I enjoyed how vivd some of the scenes are like the nightmares. I also like the dynamics between the characters and how realistic their interactions are. A couple of grammatical mistakes here and there, but overall really good job so far and I'll definitely keep reading.

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Inside My Soul

I apologize for the late review, but here it is. I really liked the concept of the story and how it was split to different POVs. The descriptions on the inner-workings of the soul were vivid and gave me a good sense of this unique setting you created. I thought that some of the dialogue came across as cheesy though, which took me out of the story a bit since other portions of the story are so dramatic, but overall it was enjoyable.

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The Tale of the King

The overall concept is very interesting and reminds me of Hunger Games, but it has a satirical tone to it, especially at the prologue. I think the story would be better if it took a more dramatic approach since the humor does take away the seriousness of the situation. We have a group of man fighting over these heirlooms and only one will survive, that's pretty dark, but I'm not getting tension from it. Unless you want to keep it humorous, that's fine. But another issue that's noted by others is the pacing, things are happening way too fast. We barely know anything about our main character William, what we do know is through telling and not showing, which is something that needs to be worked on. The concept is good regardless so don't let my criticisms stop you, just keep going.

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Bound by Duty

Since this is a work in progress I won't be too critical, however I do want to say that as someone who isn't really into werewolf stories, you should do more world-building and make clearer explanation in order to make the story understandable. I didn't understand what an Alpha's Absolute Will was until later on, I also got confused about the wolves being separate entities from their human selves. I also wasn't sure where and when this took place. I was thinking sometime in the past, but they have stores, TV and phones.
Again, i didn't want to be too critical, but it is important to establish the world better in order for readers (especially readers who know nothing of werewolves) to understand. better. Overall this story does have potential and it does make you wonder where the story's going to go.

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Allegory

The premise is interesting so far and so is the world building and characters, though, I also felt that the story's moving a bit too fast and we're not given a chance to take a break. I always do think it's better to have a fast-paced story than one that drags, but but it is good to be mindful of the pacing. Overall it's a good start, I like how this world is set up and it makes me curious to learn more about it.

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Taming the Dark

This isn't a story I would normally read, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. The characters were interesting, though it did take me a while to figure out who was who. I also felt that it took a while for the plot to get going, but when it did I was invested. Overall good job.

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The Road That Went Right

This was a fun read that I think everyone would like, especially children. It's an entertaining adventure story with good and relatable characters. Though, I think I would've liked it if the story was split into chapters since I did find myself losing track of where I was since it was so long. Also, be careful with how you space dialogue 'cause some of the characters' dialogue were in the same paragraph and made the reading a tad confusing. There are some other grammar mistakes here and there, but overall I enjoyed reading this story.

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Demonic Honor

The story's good so far and Damian sounds like an interesting character, At first it sounds like we're in an everyday setting, but it turns out we're not. I'd like to know how this world is different from our own besides the fact that there are demons around, so more descriptions of the place we're in would be beneficial so we know that there's a reason why this world isn't our own. Another suggestion is to perhaps slow down the pace, I feel like we're moving a bit too fast so I might suggest taking time knowing Damian's and his father's relationship more/what their lifestyle is like before we meet up with the other demons. Good luck with the rest of the story.

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Abyss Anthology

The premise is interesting and makes you wonder what's going to happen next, though I do wish that the chapters were a bit longer since I think they ended too soon, but that's just my opinion. I agree with other reviewers about the writing style and grammar, but overall I think you're off to a good start.

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Escape

I like how the plot starts off right away and it keeps picking up from there. Since this is a work in progress I'm not going to be too critical on the grammatical mistakes and the large chunks of paragraphs that need to be spliced, but be sure to carefully proofread since the missing punctuation and uncapitalized sentences can be glaring. Overall, the story does look promising and I wish you good luck as you continue writing.

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Skyreign

I could see this working as a video game or movie franchise, it's large in scope with great world building and a variety of different characters that all have great development through out. This is definitely great for scifi fans all around, it's easy to be drawn in and engaged in the worlds that the author uniquely created, though I do have to agree with one reviewer who said that it could've been split to maybe two books since a lot does happen that it could feel overwhelming. There are some grammatical mistakes here and there and some awkward sentences that I had to re-read a couple times, but overall it's a very creative scifi/fantasy that definitely takes you to a different reality.

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Welcome to Panchaea

This was an enjoyable adventure to go on. Kyle was a great protagonist to follow and his interactions with the other characters were great also. The premise and world building was creative and it was just overall a fun read.

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Time Keepers

This is an interesting concept with nice descriptions that brought scenes to life. Though I do agree with another reviewer that some paragraphs need to be broken up since they can slow the reader down but this is good so far.

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His name is Jake

The story's interesting but there are a lot of issues with grammar and writing style that it makes it hard to read. There are run on sentences, repetitions, misuse of punctuations, missing quotations, etc. The story's in first person POV but that can be forgotten because the main character is recalling events in detail that she wasn't present for like her mother and Jake at the garden. The story does have potential but it's best to go over the story a few more times again and possibly read it out loud to yourself like another reviewer suggested. Good luck!

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My Half Of The Universe

The story was darker than I anticipated but it was still intriguing. The characters were very realistic and the heavy subject matters were handled well. The first couple of chapters were a bit confusing since you were jumping around scenes too quickly but the pacing flowed better later on. Another thing is that you have these huge paragraphs that could either be shortened or broken up since that slowed the story down, especially when you went into the backstories of the characters. Other than that this was good, not something I would normally read but the characters, especially Aaron, is what kept me reading.

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The girl in the red cloak.

The plot is very interesting so far and I like the dynamic between Lucy and Maribel. Their dialogue was believable and their interactions are the strongest points in the story. Though I will have to say that the story did start slow, especially with the large chunks of paragraphs that needed to be shortened. It's easy to lose the reader when you throw in large paragraphs with no breaks, it can cause readers to skim over information and it can mess up the pace. But overall I like the concept and am curious what's going to happen next.

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Dead or Alive

The concept's really interesting and the character of Jon is a very sympathetic character that immediately draws the reader in. I also liked the Door Man character and thought his interactions with Jon were some of the best parts. You're great with dialogue, though there are a bunch of grammatical and punctuation through out, like sometimes there are way too many commas in a sentence and that could really the story down. I suggest reading the story out loud to yourself to see if that helps with pacing. Overall the concept is cool and was curious on what was going to happen through out.

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Has potential

The concept is interesting so far but the grammar and punctuation mistakes are pretty distracting and do take me away from the story There's misuse of tenses such as "met" and "meet", some quotations are upside down, and there are several instances of typos. I'm also confused about some things like the butler says "Couch-couch" to Elizabeth and I don't get what that means. Is it a nickname? I'm also confused on Nick's introduction and why Elizabeth doesn't question why he was a guest at the house. By how he acted he just came out as more creepy than attractive, and if this is the guy that Elizabeth falls for I think he needs to have more charm. This is also a small nitpick but no one really says "btw" unless they're texting or really close and Elizabeth and Tyler just met so it just seemed weird. There are a couple of other things but I think the story has potential and am curious to know more about the place that Elizabeth moved to.

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Good so far

A story about a hurricane and how it affects people is pretty relevant today considering the hurricane that hit Puerto Rico recently, I assume this is inspired by that event? Whether it is or isn't the plot sounds interesting, just be careful with some of the grammar and how you explain things because you do some "telling" instead of "showing" especially with the main charecter's feelings, he says that he's scared a few times but you need to show how. For example he could say "my heart was beating so fast that I swore it was going to collapse as the wind kept howling and the rain kept pounding" something like that so that the readers can feel the tension as well.

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Engaging so far

There's not much to say since it's only two chapters, but so far it sounds engaging and I'm curious to know what's going to happen next. The descriptions you use are visually appealing, especially the grandfather's house and the characters so far sound interesting, especially Nagisa. My only suggestion is to make sure you separate dialogue from paragraphs since sticking them in the middle can make the paragraph a bit clunky. Overall so far so good.

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Realistic

The story's realistic as it doesn't portray love as this perfect fairy tale, especially first love. Breaking up happens all the time and it really hurts, and I think you portrayed it and high school life very well here. The characters are relatable and act exactly like high schoolers. Even though some annoyed me, the annoyance comes from me being reminded of how obnoxious some people were back then, so this was definitely a story that brought me back to the past. I definitely felt for Par and liked how she grew through out.

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Realistic premise

This is a romance I don't normally read since it's pretty gloomy for the most part, but I suppose it speaks to reality in how not everything can go the way you want it, that people want to move on or some other obstacles occur. Life is complicated and can get depressing as it shows in this novel. It's not really my type of story since I prefer to escape reality than be reminded that it can suck sometimes, but I appreciate that you wrote this story that focuses on Dude's life and his obsession to find love. It's an interesting and realistic premise that I'm sure publishers would want to get their hands on.

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Engaging read

I was engaged from start to finish, the storyline was intriguing and the characters had great interactions with each other. I especially liked that we were in the perspective of someone so young, I like reading through the stories of young main characters, you get more emotionally attached to them, especially when they face dangerous obstacles. Hanu was a great main character to follow and this was an entertaining read.

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An improvement

The story is more focused here than it was in the prequel which is a great improvement. I liked how the characters continued to grow and what paths they took this time. I especially liked how Lillian's character developed the most, However, I keep seeing them as teenagers rather than 10 year olds, I know that it's pointed out that they've matured fast, especially the prince and it makes sense that he has to mature fast since he's preparing to be king, but I still think their ages can be upped a bit, maybe 13 or 14 if you still want them to be young. There's also still a problem with grammar, for example there has to be a comma instead of a period after someone says something, and there are other things like typos and tense changes.. There is good improvement in the story, but I think grammar is the biggest that needs to be worked on.

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Very cool concept

The world building of this story was creative and I liked how there was inspirations from folklore, such as the skinstealers which I found really creepy. The characters were fleshed out well and have great interactions with each other, especially Jin and Jae. I liked Olshar's character the most since he was so mysterious at the beginning but through out the story we learn a bit more about him, but not everything. There were some moments that slowed the story down as well as some grammatical mistakes, but besides that the plot was very interesting and I'm glad this is the start of a series.

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Great world building

I do love a fantasy with great world-building, I was very much invested in the politics and the characters, though I will admit that the story starts slow and felt it doesn't pick up until Elizabeth meets Nicky. There were also some moments in the middle that the story seemed to drag a bit, but that might just be me. I liked how Elizabeth's and Nicky's relationship developed and how they learned to love and respect each other in the end. I could see this being turned to a series since I'm curious to know what'll happen next with these characters and the world you created.

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Good fantasy epic

This read like an epic which I very much enjoy, the world building was cool and I liked how hair and eye color played a role . The fight scenes were nicely descriptive and the characters were investing, although I did find myself sympathizing more with Cassidy and Jimmy than Dominic despite that he's the main character and had been lied to his whole life. Perhaps there needed to be more interactions between Dominic and the people he grew up with in Gelbraun before he discovers his true heritage, as well as more of a build up to it so that the reveal is more tragic and readers are more conflicted of Dominic's decision of leaving and fighting against them. But that's just a suggestion.

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A good fantasy/romance

To be honest I was more interested in learning about Hleo much more than the high school drama, maybe 'cause I never liked high school and I just wanted to get to the fantastical elements of the story, lol. Besides the high school stuff, I found the story and the lore behind Hleo intriguing. I really liked how Hannah's art played a pivotal role in the plot instead of it just being one of her interests, The figures she drew being linked to people from the past was really cool, and the twist with the painting that showed the future was cleverly done as well. I guess my only gripe is that I kinda wished the reveal of Hleo came sooner since I felt the story was kind of dragging a bit before, but that might just be me. Nonetheless, I had a good time reading this.

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Good story about online dating

This story's relevant today since online dating is such a huge thing right now and there are a lot of people who fake their identities. I liked that this story went into that subject, but I was kind of hoping we would've focused more on Amy since she was pretty important in the first several chapters, but once it was revealed she was killed we moved to other cases.

I also felt that if Sammy Jo wasn't abducted, it wouldn't have made much difference to the story. The introduction started in what I assumed was the climax (since sometimes writers start at a pivotal point in the story to hook readers before getting back to the present), but it happened in the halfway point and was over in just a chapter, so I felt it was a bit anti-climatic. It was mentioned briefly later on, but that was it. How did that incident affect Sammy Jo? She appeared to be just fine afterwards which I find odd.

Overall, the story was fine, the message is good, I wasn't much of a fan of how the story was split into several more cases, but that's probably just me.

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Good long read

I'm not much of a fan of this genre so I couldn't get that invested in the story, but I did enjoy the characters and the writing. I thought the characters were intriguing, especially Caryssa. I couldn't relate to her struggles, but I wanted to know how she'll wind up in the end and so I was satisfied with the conclusion. I had a good time reading despite that the subject matter wasn't my thing, but it was still interesting regardless.

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Nicely written

I really loved the imagery you used through out the story, it was all visually stunning and I could imagine it as if I was there. However, the actual plot did feel choppy a bit as I had trouble following what was going on in some chapters., However, the great imagery through out was what supported this story. well. This definitely has potential to be great, just needs some more polishing,

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Another good dog story

Just like the first one, this is another good and emotional story about a woman and her dog. I liked that you introduced a new character and a new dog, it takes us on a new journey while also keeping things familiar for those who've read the first one. Though, I do kind of liked the first story a bit better (Boone was the sweetest, but Bennet does get points for attacking Drew, what a good boy!). I also thought the writing in the first story was more descriptive, but this was still enjoyable and I'm glad you wrote a second one!

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Very unique

I get a bit tired when I read something that I've seen over and over, but I found the plot very unique which was a breath of fresh air. In the fantasy genre especially it can be hard to stick to originality, but you were able to pull it off nicely. The characters were engaging and you get invested in their stories, and their stories got emotional at times. There are some hiccups in the grammar, and some paragraphs/descriptions go on a bit too long which slows things down a bit, but the story was great overall!

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A great thriller

The first chapter pulled me in right away, I always like it when a story gives a sneak peak of what's going to happen at the climax, it really makes you want to keep reading. The descriptions flowed nicely and the characters were engaging, Though, I think a couple more interactions with Courtney would've been nice so that her loss drives a much bigger impact to not just Jack, but to the readers as well. Besides that, I had a good time reading this story!

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Very engrossing

The story was very engrossing and kept me on edge through out. The suspense was well paced, it didn't feel like it was too slow or too abrupt, it was just right and that's what I like in a mystery. I haven't read such a good mystery in a while, good job!

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It has potential

The plot was interesting and I liked the themes,, however I found it a bit hard to get through with the excessive use of 'telling' and not 'showing' the audience what's going on, tons of repeatetive sentences and unrealistic dialogue. The story does have potiential and I think it would do really well if it had a couple more rewrites.

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A sweet summer read

This was such a sweet and emotional book to read. All the characters were written well and I especially liked the interactions between Sal and Megan, Their friendship was believable, but I think the best friendship here was between Sal and Boone. As a dog lover, I was happy whenever Boone showed up, He was such a good boy and his dialogue was adorable. After reading I definitely went to hug my dog. This was cute and I look forward to the next part!

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Good read for fantasy genre fans

As a fan of fantasy, I enjoyed this story. It was entertaining to read, but I think the biggest problem was its pacing. I felt like it dragged a bit too long and felt that some of the really short chapters or just some descriptions could've been taken out. But the characters and plot made me want to keep reading and so I did.

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Marie Rose: The Artic Rose

The story's interesting so far, though my main gripe is that we might be moving a bit too fast, I'd like to know a bit more of Marie Rose's and Adam's relationship before the accident since I don't really feel much between them. Marie Rose was mainly explaining the relationship but we're not shown much of it except for that quick exchange before the accident. Allow scenes to flow more smoothly instead of jumping to one event to another since it can confuse readers.. I also wonder if you really needed the hospital exploding, it felt kind of random, especially since Adam is already hospitalized so it doesn't really do anything except keep him out of the picture longer, that part also flew by really fast since we immediately skip to another scene and it's almost forgotten. Adam can still be in a coma since he got hit by a car, so you can just leave it at that. These are just some suggestions, I'm trying not to be harsh or anything and I apologize if I do, the story does sound interesting and it does make me curious to know what'll happen next. Just keep in mind on how you establish characters and pacing.

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