John Dill

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Beautiful

And I was trying to forget it was Christmas. Brought tears to my eyes. You should take this one all the way through birth of the twins and let them be special messengers from heaven.

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Well Done

I liked this story. Captivating and moving. The ending took me by surprise. I would have liked it more if they had made the nasty Russian their bitch for a year and then slowly tortured it to death. The robots being more humane than the bitch Russian, being the reason I called him an it. I would like to hear from Scott to read my own works The Braxin King if he has time. https://www.inkitt.com/stories/scifi/173040/chapters/1

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Different

Very sweet reminiscence. Now it needs to be jiuiced up with some drama. Maybe the stranger who wrote the poem is a stalker...the school custodian. Or an older teacher. Or a boy who feels the same way about himself.

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Interesting ideas

Hi Jane,

I enjoyed your story from start to finish. Your storm at the front end was a good solid hook that drew me in. I must confess when I came to the first part of their unusual style of conversation I was thrown a bit off until I figured out what you were reaching for. Sometimes it is difficult enough just to think of exceptionally entertaining names or words to insert into a good story, but when you're reaching for an entirely different style of conversation...well...that's quite a reach, but you pulled it off well. I would only suggest you choose a specific title or name for each character and stick with it throughout, else you run the risk of confusing your reader. Other than that I enjoyed the mixture of emotions and you handled them well. Keep up the good work. Your creative stylishness will only improve the more you write. Now, right in the middle of all those emotional issues between Alexander and the brother you could toss in an intrusion from the storm. Nothing over the top just something that forces them to seek a resolution together and realize they have a few things in common besides their love for the same girl. Maybe a tree limb blows in through the window, or maybe even have Alexander use his skills with storms to silence this one down a notch. I'm just tossing around suggestions. I'm sure you've already thought of far more creative intrusions. Keep up the good work.
John Dill.

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Enjoyable Read

A most

pleasant story. One I'll not soon forget. Different and imaginative, very clever and easy to follow. Great job. Keep up th good writing.

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Inspiring

Where to begin. Truly inspiring writer. Moving and mesmerizing. Hope this world never becomes filled with revenge like that. Great read. I highly recommend this book to all. Covers many genres.

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Has Possibility

Then my alarm went off in my ear and I rolled over to realize I needed to rise and shine. First day of a new school year. Not that I couldn't be persuaded to stay home and write a book about that weird dream that just had me. Man, where did that come from? Probably first day of school jitters. I rolled out of bed anyway against my better judgement and was intending to go take my first day of school leak only as soon as my feet hit what I thought was the floor I found myself falling and falling and falling...I was flailing my arms wildly and beginning to roll around in mid air when suddenly the alarm I set to wake me early for my first day of school went off and I woke up and realized I had kicked all my blankets and pillows into the floor. I laid there a moment not sure if I should even blink an eye after that weird dream within a dream within a dream. but that damn alarm just would not shut up. I sighed and chuckled at myself for allowing something so silly upset me before I even woke up. Once I silenced the nerve monster I laid back down intending to take my time in rising when suddenly my girlfang started tingling and I knew something was wrong...

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Nice Read

This was a good easy read. I enjoyed the interaction between the characters and the plot was compelling. Keep up the good work.

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Quaint

I liked the story line. It had lots of potential. It would have been more consistent had the bad guys not been from among the colonies. Maybe people living on the planet, Hominids fighting for their survival against these travelers from another world. Under those conditions reluctance to kill would not realistically be an issue. Of course, I'm not a big fan of the Hollywood style endings. I hate it when the bad guys punish the innocent for two thirds of the movie then walk away with a few minor injuries. Or, even if they end up dead it's over too quickly and they don't suffer near the pain they inflicted on the innocent. Give me a plot where the bad guys really pay the price for their evil. I wouldn't be surprised if there isn't a group currently making preparations to vacate planet Earth even now. Asteroids on a collision course couldn't be kept a secret now. Maybe fifty years ago, but not today. Our planets decaying orbit around the Sun could be. The melting of our polar ice caps will create havoc with the tectonic plates. Flooding just a small portion of the environmental changes this planet will endure.

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Dammit

Where to begin. When I first starting reading this I wanted to skip ahead at each paragraph but was drawn back to read them all thoroughly...well, most of them. I'm not smart enough to find all the subtle nuances contained in each. But I found myself enraptured in the memories they evoked. It has been a long time since I read a true piece of art. Makes me jealous, really...but gives me something to strive towards as well. It would be a real shame if this didn't make it into print. I would lose hope...

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Clever

Time travel has been done to death but not like this. This was clever and imaginative and dramatic. I enjoyed immensely. This writer has a style very much like my own style of writing. Get to the point without dallying around. Flow was excellent, a few minor spelling and grammatical gaffs but nothing that took away from the entertainment value of the story. Excellent read. Maybe if the author gets bored she can give my book a shot: https://www.inkitt.com/stories/173040?preview=true The Braxin King Book One, or
https://www.inkitt.com/stories/178231?preview=true Braxin King Book Two

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