Read the story now
I enjoyed your story from start to finish. Your storm at the front end was a good solid hook that drew me in. I must confess when I came to the first part of their unusual style of conversation I was thrown a bit off until I figured out what you were reaching for. Sometimes it is difficult enough just to think of exceptionally entertaining names or words to insert into a good story, but when you're reaching for an entirely different style of conversation...well...that's quite a reach, but you pulled it off well. I would only suggest you choose a specific title or name for each character and stick with it throughout, else you run the risk of confusing your reader. Other than that I enjoyed the mixture of emotions and you handled them well. Keep up the good work. Your creative stylishness will only improve the more you write. Now, right in the middle of all those emotional issues between Alexander and the brother you could toss in an intrusion from the storm. Nothing over the top just something that forces them to seek a resolution together and realize they have a few things in common besides their love for the same girl. Maybe a tree limb blows in through the window, or maybe even have Alexander use his skills with storms to silence this one down a notch. I'm just tossing around suggestions. I'm sure you've already thought of far more creative intrusions. Keep up the good work.