Dub Wright

Wilmington, NC

Full time hack writer and exercise fanatic

Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

In the mist....a dragon

This story is one that might have been told by the voice of an elder story teller. The color of the descriptions and narration would make Savatore envious. And the voice of such writers as Miller and others comes through in the dialog. With work, this epic is publishable. Find a nit-picking editor after a good rewrite. A continuity flaw in the second chapter, a number of typos and a few minor mechanical errors are easily fixable. The abundance of descriptive prose can only be fixed by a wholesale examination of how the story should be told. The old "show me, don't tell me" saying is perhaps truest in this work. Some minor sub plots seemed to take over. The story bogs down with the lengthy philosophy discussions. Action speaks much stronger than the philosophical diatribe of characters. Watch word choices, be careful about common phases. Be ever so cautious introducing new primary characters late in the story. Not everyone needs a name. And, watch for redundant phases or words. An enjoyable read, think about tightening it up.

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Interesting but ....

The experience reading the story is best summed by saying - it wore me out. But, to start on a positive note. First, the descriptions were generally vivid and beautifully done, but tended to bend into purple prose. The bulk of generalized descriptions became tiring and held the plot down. The multi level plot seemed contrived with predictable ties - that said, a reader needed a scorecard to keep track of the characters. Most of the chapters after the mid point could have been broken into multiple chapters, the shear length of some chapters joined by splits was indicative of a poorly developed outline. Technical errors in speech tags and POV shifts were a definite distraction. A note: the use of native language is fine, but more than one or two words becomes a hinderance for the reader. A viable effort, that simply needs a lot of rewrite.

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