Daniel

Riverside

Got born - Grew Up - Went Bad - Got Busted - Reformed - Grew Old - Went Bad Again - Glory!!!

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Enticed

Your series "Masters of the Earth: The Dawn of Time" Is off to a good start. It looks like it will be a real interesting journey. The first few paragraphs seem a bit awkward and needs a little work. Soon into the read the story seems to "grow legs and take off". By the end of what you have so far it definitely has me enticed and wanting to go on reading and experiencing the journey. Specifics. And this is just my opinion. the "hope with an honest answer" seems like it should be "hope for". "Expect/expected"? The line "with that thought in mind is a bit unclear. The thought of "black on white"? Not sure why that would "dislodge direction and normality"? You probably already caught some of this and the rest might be just me. A little rework on the beginning and this would be nearly flawless. Definitely a good read and the beginning of an enticing series. Really want to continue the journey when you get further along.

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Very Enticing

This story "A Half Orphan" Encompasses the clash between the modern world and old traditions and values superbly. The effects upon multiple characters who are all caught in apparently hopeless and soul wrenching delimas by trying to do the right thing from their prospective and culture engulfs the reader with anticipation as to how it will all end. The reader comes to understand and care about each one and the problems they face. The main character is especially endearing and special. Great plot and great story. A very nice job of portraying a different culture and immersing the reader into that world. I enjoyed this very much. I must agree that it needs some editing and occasionally the flow is interrupted by the grammatical and structural errors. Nice job!

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Overall Rating
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Grammar Punctuation

Enticed

At the start I didn't think it was going to be very good. How wrong I was. As I read it pulled me in and enticed me into reading the rest. Very imaginative and mysterious. I like it.

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Well Done - Liked It

Seriously I don't think I can compete with the elaborate reviews already posted. I can say that this story is captivating and full of potential for a movie and possibly lead to a couple more. Animal rights people and environmentalists should especially like this one. It is in a sense a "clean up dodge" theme in a much more interesting setting with a fascinating hero and characters. The readers get that satisfied sense of relief they crave when the bad guys are taken out by Rufus. Overall good reading, good plot and execution. Good Job.

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