Benjamin Rosen

Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Honest reveiw

I think a few people were a bit harsh on giving such a low score on the grammar and punctuation's. In fact in this work entirely only a few stood out where I left feedback. The Author shows a professional level of writing and plot device that becomes evident as the story progresses. The amount of detail put into every little thing adds a sense of realism to the world that most new fantasy writers tend to neglect. There were a few moments where the author was too caught up in explaining every detail that it felt tedious at times. An example were the guards in the grove to the archbishops abode. It was interesting to learn of their capabilities but felt made the pacing feel a little clunky and irrelevant to the rest of the story. Just a personal nitpick of mine, the rest felt balanced and flowed effectively. Towards the end of the book it seems to pick up a bit and truly captivate the reader. The author has talent in this genre and it truly shows. Considering my feedback given via email at your leisure.

I wish you all the best in your work,

Benjamin Rosen

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Work in Progress

I am not 100% certain what direction this book will go based on these two chapters alone so take my criticism with a grain of salt. To begin, the plot of the story concerning evolved humans at war with each other is rather interesting. The creature in the depths gave off sort of an old god feel with room to elaborate. You can go in many different directions with this so have fun. The writing style however I was not a big fan of. Granted take what I say lightly since I do not know what your intentions are for this work. But If you are going to use a first person perspective be sure to ease the transition between the first person plural and singular (as in we verses me for example.) Be sure to understand the pros and cons of using this perspective and write accordingly. First person allows for a more intimate portrayal of the characters emotions that you don't see often. I would love to see how this story reads if you emphasized with this Xia character and bring out the colors of what she is truly feeling. Another bit of advice I would offer is show vs tell. When writing don;t simply say ( x happens ) instead say ( y is happening thus x happens.) Another example would be ( I swam away in fear hoping to survive the dire situation ) instead use ( I was so scared my legs began to go numb and my senses dreary as I swam away) small things like that bring the world to life and make the characters feel real. Last bit of advice I can offer is story pacing. I do not know your whole intentions for the book either short story or novel I would recommend expanding on the universe in general and give more intimate details. Do these little things and I think you have the working of a good book. Best of luck to you !

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Fun

Needs a few tweaks but for where it was going it held a solid plot. Could be a fun little children's book one day if you get some great illustrations. Holds a conveying message about doing as your told or suffer unbound consequences. If this book was on the shelf today and if i had a kid i would buy it. Overall well done fix some grammar and sentence structure and it will be awesome. And yes i upvoted it in case you comment asking me to.
Cheers!

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Interesting

Once you fix all the minor details such as grammar and opening the reader up to the world you will have an extraordinary book on your hands. The plot itself was admirable and not a typical cliche like you see in most sci-fi books. A few times however mostly the beginning it was hard to stay focused and motivated to read perhaps change things up for the reader? All in all well done hope to read more from you soon! Cheers!

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Well Done

I have never been a big fan of thrillers but your style had a sense of excitement that kept it from feeling dull. You made the characters somewhat relateable thus making the events that transpired feel realistic. You have a good piece here and I hope it goes far I voted for your novel in the contest as well. Keep the writing going be a pleasure to read more from you. Cheers !

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Exceptional

To be frank I don't often award perfect stars there is usually a small detail that nit picks at me. The plot worked effectively and wove the premise of a scifi into an emotional romance piece. It reads well nothing too crazy just humble descriptions and dialogue. I would state some more world building would be great but then again the ambiguous of it all adds to the tension. I did not noticed any grammar issues unless they were minor such as a missed comma here and there. The book was interesting I had to read it in three different goes however since this type of work is not my preference. I dont have much knowledge on scifi let alone romance so from what I could tell you have a good piece of work here. I would recommend this book to the romance crowd. Well Done!

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Nope

Nope Nope Nope . Just a whole lot of Nope. Do not read this for the love of god.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Good

Was a good read you have the workings of good writer. Found a few minor punctuation problems here and there however. The pacing was effective and you utilized the first person perspective as needed well done. The plot ties up cleanly and clearly with an overall descent ending. However the story felt too much like a historical lesson as it was written in perhaps an essay format. For a short story doing this style is understandable but can bore most readers when they want to get into a story right away. Granted that is personal preference so take that in mind everyone's taste is different.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Potential

To begin great work thus far with this piece it shows some good potential. I do not know your ultimate plans for your work here either a short story or a novel length but do take my critique with a grain of salt with that in mind. I will view your work as a novel in progress for the time being.

To start lets discuss the future of your work .Adventure books tend to run a length of 40k-70k words. While fantasy tends to run much higher nearing the 110k mark for the epics. Adventure tends to revolve around the now and present and its characters while fantasy ( though vague in some regard) still needs to give life to the world around it either magical realism, odd beasts or dystopian realms. Knowing this you should be sure to find a balance with your pacing. At the moment your work tends to read more with an action adventure tone with some slight humor ( if you choose to keep the prologue I know some love or hate them). If you wish to bring out the 'flavour' of your fantasy I recommend doing a little more world building as the story progresses. A simple ( X happened so Y is the norm) does not normally fly unless its such a minor detail.

In regards to the ratings you have a clever and unique plot that has some good directions. However the way you are pacing these events seems a bit rushed and the parts that deserve some meaning are overpassed with a simple one sentence when it deserves more. An example would be your character becoming upset he will miss his family. I as a reader was not captivated by his longing. The part where the game was being described could have used more emphasis. The part where everyone dies at the end of the game could be played on a bit harsher. Add some shock and awe if you don;t it ends up reading like another hunger games cliche. Be sure to separate yourself from that genre unless that was your intention.

The writing style itself aside form the pacing was fair. You would have scored higher if there was no prologue that gave a tongue and cheek sort of feel making the tone of the story not to be taken seriously. If your intention was to make a fun read centered for the young adult crowd keep this motive and run with it. If not consider some revisions.

I would like to come back and reread this when you are all done and I look forward to the plans you have for this piece. Leaving a chapter on a cliffhanger is effective way to keep readers drawn into the book. As I said don't take my review or critique too harshly since I do not know what your intentions are.

Wish you all the best, Cheers !

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Deadly Secrets Review

Deadly secrets is an intriguing tale depicting the events unfolding around the political intrigue. With the growing interest in climate change talking this subjectputs a sense of freshness in the topic in a more fictional sense that feels all too real. There were times throughout the book that I felt the pacing was a bit rushed and could have slowed down to explore potential avenues with the characters. A good example was when you delved into the realm of the Wrothgar fella and his phone call. This was enticing and gave the reader a different perspective. Small things like this truly made your work shine. While reading your work I truly got the sense of a spy thriller in some regard perhaps a little adventure with all the key points they seems to travel to. Your depictions of these regions for example were effective and further progressed the story to add a sense of a larger theme. You as an author did an excellent job in showing us the readers instead of telling. I could sense the dread or feel the damp air when reading your work. Your words explaining each event seemed to carefully draw on the story even more. Though this is not the genre of book I tend to read, I would still recommend this for those interested in the thriller/mystery genre.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Enjoyable

I enjoyed what you wrote here and impressed by your articulate use of words to describe the events. In the span on a short story a lot needs to be included without feeling bloated or weighed down with fluff and no plot or lesson. Or vice versa all plot and no painting the picture. You excelled at balancing these two almost perfectly. I am not a huge fan of your style, A few parts felt a bit rushed and could have used an extra paragraph here or there to convey what you wanted the reader to understand.. or perhaps not understand? Was a great read so take my reading interest with a grain of salt. As far as the philosophy of the story goes I thoroughly found it thoughtful. There is a saying that everything truly does have a beginning and ending, you brought it full circle with "the life of a garbage man in dull". This not only cleverly depicts the story but adds an artistic prose you do not see often. All in all this is a great read and I loo forward to reading other short stories by you. Keep up the good work.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Review

Upon reading this it was rather enticing and fun. However I can not tell if adding a random "people get married" in there distracts from the main point of the poem. Though I think you trying to involve a response to the sage man in the poem. I think due to the length it should not be in there or at the very least towards the end. Such as explaining what the sage man did then include the consequence (them getting married).

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Reveiw

I think you should consider looking into a more decorative way in explaining the fireworks. This is no regard bad, but it also did not captivate the reader or immerse it, or leave a message to ponder.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Interesting

I had a hard time interpreting this story in all respects. Also the style, did you mean to write a more prose style poem if so the idea was rather interesting. Exploring the mind of Marcus as he inhabits a forest. The speed of how quick events transpired and would jump to one or the other made one believe that main character was a child. If that was your intention well done. If this is not prose poetry I unfortunately cant give a constructive criticism since I have not seen anything like this.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Pleasing

There a few liners in this that sounds truly pleasing. The inspiration you got from that E-Book clearly shows. It is amazing what we can do with the directed motivation.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Reveiw

I enjoyed this poem for the most part. The view on dancing and and indulging in it can be quite exquisite. Good portrayal and time put into this.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Aspirational

Big words in a small message. Poetry can lay claim to such beauty in words and you proved this true with this piece. Well done keep up the good work.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Intruiging

This is the type of book I would recommend reading twice to understand all the interesting nook and crannies that fill the chapters. If i recall there was some interesting metaphorical foreshadowing going on which was pleasing. As a fantasy novel it hit the nail into the board meeting all the criteria and then some. Dominick is a good name for such a heroic type of character. Though I feel his character was snarky in some regard, however it still felt like i was reading about a true individual. The combat that lavished this tale was enticing and orchestrated efficiently without vying away from the main story. Like most works published here, there were a few phrases that could be reworded. Using the third person limited POV worked effectively here. I use that format a lot and find it effective when getting plot and action across to the reader. It reads more professionally and your experience clearly shows. I have not come across publish worthy content here but your's is defiantly up there. I hope your work goes far if not this book then your other work.

P.S. Have you considered witting romance? you have written some interesting emotional parts that would make a good sell point to most. Especially since that is where the market is at it seems. Look forward to more of your work keep it going !

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Intriguing

Fascinating explanation on weaving and casting a spell. What gives most books from what I read a sense of magical realism is when said magic is explained. A good author who did this well was Paolini from the Eragon series (though I think he over did it to some extent). The introduction of what I assume is a grimoire falling into the hands of a love struck student (or perhaps love struck stalker ha!). Crochet a whole new cat had me smiling there. This ease of tension of using magic that affect attraction is normally negative but you made it seem light hearted. Perhaps prepping reasoning for the main character to use it on their lover despite what the letter concluded?

Though this is just a letter to said love interest and we do not know much about the story. I can guess there will be some sort of short story arc explaining the events leading up to this letter? I am curious where you will go with this. I am not a fan of rating a story so prematurely since things can change. Such further as writing style, dialogue and so on makes it is hard to project where this story will go. It looks promising however and you seemed to put some thought and effort into this. I am not one for romance, yet the premise of magical realism seems intriguing to that type of audience. I hope you incorporate both effectively.

Good work Mr. Hugh George Callaway, I look forward to more on this story.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Diamond in the rough

For a work progress there is for sure potential to be had. Going over the positives on this work concerning the characters, the reader will be immersed into a plethora of a revolving cast. Put simple the MC (Nana) will come upon multiple encounters with different characters keeping the situation fresh and new. Works concerning the story itself can be drawn up simply as an evolving coming of age story with side events included here and there. Picture it if you will a series of short stories told in a fictional novel setting. Potential concerning this story can develop very well but the author needs to be wary of a clear concise direction so as not to confuse their reader base.

Going over the negatives of this I would like to first point out a some grammar errors that can be addressed once this project has been finished from the rough draft phase. Secondly I as an unbiased reader I found the style and tone of your writing to lack a certain depth. You have the emotional and well being of character covered; however the reader is left curious and rather frustrated in some chapters where certain scenes could have been depicted better. Some combat scenes (on the side note) was orchestrated well but felt rather short in some areas as if they were rushed. Lastly I would recommend researching better avenues to use the first person. As an author the over extensive use of I can feel repetitive regardless of the fact a sentence may require referring to the MC. There were times where you broke from the first person and left the reader confused as to the current situation and who was talking. ( narrator mc other?) If you wish to continue using a first person perspective in a recommend picking up "A clockwork Orange". I have not read it but it is written in a rather first person perspective that you may find useful to better your own work.

The Author put obvious handwork and dedication since the work itself was over 300+ pages. I would rate this as an above average story (for its type) once it has been polished. Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading it again once it is fully completed.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Well Done

First off.... Poor Richard, You really put him through hell. jokes aside i went into this story being slightly unimpressed and sort of haphazardly reading it. However as time went on as you try and to understand where hes at, and why these atrocious events are happening you begin to depict some theories. I was not a fan of your writing style but i fell in love with the plot and story. I am sure others will love how this book reads so don't take my opinion on it to heart. Some grammar errors but that's with everyone here no point in harping over it. My favorite part was when Catherine ate the fingers off the girl and neck.... I was a bit astonished and freaked out honestly. The ending was spot on and kind of a mind trip. If you can please explain the ending to me or how you envisioned it to be portrayed to the reader. It feels like a horrid place of purgatory but i could be wrong. Anyway great job ! 5/5 in my eyes. Oh if you can please leave a quick review on one of my works i appreciate it . Cheers !

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

I like it

Hey there Malcolm! i am glad you decided to run with this story, pry even more glad you kept the name Raft. Was a bit nostalgic for me in that regard hahah. Everything looks good but i find this story probably getting a lil stale as time goes on. Or perhaps not, Only time will tell depending on how you decide to take the story either short or novel length. I like how the jokes don't feel too repetitive the whole shit part of the joke you keep it fresh...pun intended. But you write comedy/humor i notice so i am sure you know what you are doing. Other than where the story might go Id say this looks great.. Only stickler for me was that he made earth, which gives the impression of a God and not a god. ( little g ) . Unless that was the intent then interesting choice, good to get some religious folk riled up over it hahaha. The humor style is not my taste but i can appreciate the style and see a good following for it down the road. Pry an age group thing perhaps who knows. If ya find time to review one of my works let me know even a chapter read is beneficial. Right well i hope this review was enough to sate your appetite you writing monster you ! haha have a good one stay safe if your in the florida/ texas area

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Well done

The message you wanted to send was clear and concise but it felt too rushed. For more emotionally blunt individuals like myself it would require a tad bit more detail. I think an extra 400 words of details and reliability between the read and writer will help this along. I dont see this as a standalone obviously but maybe a book of motivation or proverbs with this mixed in. Anyway good job keep up the good writing.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Potential

the biggest stickler for me was the pacing of the story and how it transferred from a first person perspective into a 3rd hybrid perspective within a chapter. I do love anime do not get me wrong but it does feel like a cliche story about revenge. However it is refreshing to see a your main character has distinct emotions that most authors tend to neglect. I could not put my finger on the girl but she was written up decently enough, the typical damsel in distress catch. Be good to see her play a larger role down the road if you have not planned for it. Aside from your structure and grammar the plot has promise and potential in the making but it is all on how you plan it out. Don't be afraid to get descriptive either. I was wanting a better explanation about his werewolf fur when it absorbs magic or something along those lines. The vampire section at the end felt a little rushed as a side note but was clever enough for the most part. The ideas are there man and you got some potential run with it and see where it goes I am rooting for ya man.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Average

To begin with i enjoyed your writing style and i didn't notice too many grammar errors that made it unreadable. Explanation of scenes and character development seems alright not amazing but it held its weight. But as for most action writers, romance is not their strong suit and tends to come off cheesy. if they force it into the story. I am not a huge fan of gi-joe or resident evil but from what i took out of it, seemed like a fun concept that you obviously put time and effort into and should be applauded for. Good stepping stone for future work.. keep writing and things will get easier. Not a bad story but not a good one. 3/ 5 stars

Read the story now
Writers Write Participant
Writers Write Maker of Progress
Writers Write Leaderboard Lion
Writers Write High-Fiver
Writers Write 10K Distance Writer
Writers Write Halftime Hero
Writers Write Writing Jedi

About Us:

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered book publisher, offering an online community for talented authors and book lovers. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books you love the most based on crowd wisdom.