Noizchild

Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Great Potential

Hey there!

(I tried submitting a review earlier but I don't think it went through. Hopefully it works this time!)

I really enjoyed reading your story. It was fast-paced, thrilling, intense, and even heartbreaking at times. Your fight scenes were well written and kept me on the edge of my seat. I’d call this story a real page-turner, had I actually been able to turn the pages. Your characters seemed quite well thought out, and the development your Main Character underwent was both interesting and refreshing. In your story, you presented two opposing societies—the Novans and the ELA—but did not allow them to fall into either category of “Good” or “Bad”. You showed the pros and cons of both societies, but never claimed that either was better than the other. This reflects the reality that there isn’t always a decisive division between the “good guys” and the “bad guys”. Furthermore, by presenting your societies in such a way, you forced your protagonist to rebel against his place in society, not against society as a whole (as is often done). The protagonist doesn’t reject one society in favour of the other, nor does he choose to destroy either society. Instead, he chooses to take no part in any of it.

About midway through your Prologue, I noticed you made minor slip up in which you refer to the Archangel as Gabriel. This creates confusion in the context of the Prologue, as the character of Gabriel hasn’t been properly introduced. Furthermore, this mistake eliminates the surprise of the later reveal of Gabriel as the Archangel.

You also had many spelling and grammar errors littered throughout the story—to the point where they detract from the story’s overall enjoyableness. I’d recommend going through the chapters again and correcting these errors, or enlisting the help of a friend to help you with your editing.
Overall, this story has great potential. With a bit of work, I believe that this story can reach that potential. Keep improving your writing! You’re doing great!

--Rae W.

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