I Liked the Style
Style is a very subjective thing, but I gravitated toward how this author wrote. Being first person, he nailed the staccato nature of one's thoughts. He slowly let the story evolve while abruptly changing gears. He gave out necessary information when it was called for, but he also didn't shy away from exposition that painted an overall picture. This was a dark piece, describing a world I would never want to explore but is horrifically fun to visit.
Read the story now
What hurts this story might be the way Inkitt publishes their stories. It took me out of it to realize that character headings weren't simply two word paragraphs. The character's names, when switching perspectives, should probably be centered on the page, and probably would be if printed. The other thing I would adjust is the length of the chapters. While printed, I could earmark a character switch page, they seemed rather long on the screen.
Overall, I really enjoyed this author's work, recommend him, and wish them luck in the future.